Friday, December 13, 2013

I Will Get You Smart At Some Point At My Cart!

Some more facts of holiday acts. Those used last year are the same and a repeat would just be lame. Plus Al Penwasser is not my name. So I won't play the repeat game. Was that a dig? Oops, it was not too big. So away we go with new ones at my show.

Santa really does have powers,
He also had plenty of bowers.
Odin is one precursor it is said.
Piss him off and it's off with your head.

Apples were the earliest known decorations on the tree.
Does that really surprise thee?
I mean just cut down an apple tree.
Poof, all done at your sea.

The first Christmas card was invented in 1843.
Wow, had to take a genius for such a spree.
That must have been hard to invent.
Sarcasm, don't get bent.

White Christmas by Irving Berlin,
Sounds like a real win.
Estimated to be the best selling single of all time.
And only one month a year it is given a chime.

The first printed reference to a Christmas tree,
Came long long ago, yep older than Betsy.
Way back in 1531.
Oops, digging a bigger hole under my sun.

Christmas stockings came in a round about way,
From the hookers back in the day.
A wealthy Bishop stopped three from joining such a crew,
By climbing down their chimney and letting gold come due.

Speaking of which,
This could make you twitch.
Santa was not always so jolly.
He was depicted with a birch rod, that would punish and stick it to umm Holly.

The Puritans down below,
Meaning the U.S. show,
Banned it years ago,
And you had to pay five schillings if it were to show.

Oklahoma was the last state to declare,
Christmas a holiday affair.
I guess they wanted to bring up the rear.
Santa's birch rod caused them fear.

Mistletoe does more than get you a kiss.
Druids believed it brought another kind of bliss.
Healing diseases and other stuff.
But when it means "little dung twig" passing that off may be rough.

There you go, you are now smarter at your show. Or at least filled with useless crap. Maybe you could spread little dung twigs across the map? No you say? That is okay. Plenty will come to pass from my ever so factual little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

74 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Third #1
      Maintain the fun

      Hank

      Delete
    2. Tried today, but overslept so there you are no. 1...

      Delete
    3. Hank has 3
      But Truedessa is after thee

      Delete
  2. WTH is up with Oklahoma not being so jolly?
    Guess they didn't like mistletoe and holly.
    Glad to see hookers gave up their stockings for the big day
    They sure know how to go All The Way!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The hookers knew they had it good
      As the gold filled their hood

      Delete
  3. What the heck was wrong with Oklahoma?
    First Christmas tree an apple tree. Nice! And very true. Of course that's one Christmas tree we should've never tried taking ornaments off the branches...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess they wanted to be last
      To join the christmas cast
      Yeah one that should have stayed on
      No snakes allowed on the lawn

      Delete
  4. Wow, I am so much smarter now
    thanks to the rhyming cat..meow
    White Christmas was a big hit
    still great, it just doesn't quit
    here's one you don't want to miss
    did you say mistletoe, for a kiss

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddVZOK_9UUI

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat can make you smart
      Who knew at his cart
      Mistletoe hung about
      May not end in a pout
      haha nice cartoon version too
      The reindeer can sing at their zoo

      Delete
  5. so what was up with oklahoma? maybe they didnt want santa dropping into the joint with a birch branch and beating the shitznit out of bad kids---he better watch it, i thik you can get jailed now for spanking...and maybe sued for discrimination for not gifting every child regardless...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah maybe they were against that
      Thinking he was really a demon at their mat
      Jailed for a spank
      Or shoved off the plank
      And sad but true
      Sure we'd hear the word sue

      Delete
  6. Nice history of Christmas rhyming here
    Looking into the origins of holiday cheer
    Didn't realize the Christmas Tree was 500 years old
    I guess that's when someone first cut one down in the cold

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And drug the thing home
      Maybe they need it fr a dome
      To hid under it
      Or fill the fire pit

      Delete
  7. This is a really christmassy post:))
    indeed I dont know what happens with Oklahoma!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oklahoma is out on the range
      I guess they are just strange

      Delete
  8. I laughed at this all Pat though I have to say if Betsy is considered old I hope I look that young when I'm old. Loving all the festive posts right now, Christmas is coming in 12 days holy cow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha suck up you are
      Yep only 12 days, not that far

      Delete
  9. Useless trivia, that I love
    Let's get smarter with a shove
    Mistletoe is really poison
    Hang it higher than a berry boysen
    So kids won't eat it then and die
    They used to hang it to the sky
    It's also cures in homeopathic
    Works better than the allopathic
    But why they kiss beneath the twig
    And swap spit who gives a fig
    Tis Christmas and it sets the mood
    Enjoy the kiss, don't be crude

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha depends on who
      The kiss is coming due
      If they are scary in view
      I'd rather run for the loo

      Delete
  10. Nice rhymes and I loved how informative the verses were :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Informative I can be
      Sometimes at my sea

      Delete
  11. I like the idea of hanging apples on a tree! I think my dogs would like it too. Chomp, chomp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they'd be long gone
      Better off out on the lawn

      Delete
  12. "Little dung twigs?" How... err... unappetizing.

    "Older than Betsy?" Ouch. Better get ready to duck. She's ageless!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah doesn't make you want to kiss
      hahaha I'll move fast so she will miss

      Delete
  13. Christmas has been a federal holiday here since 1870
    I guess that's older than your Aunt Betty.
    But Christmas trees have been around much long than that
    with Germany starting a tradition like that.
    And yeah, I'm feeling kinda old today...
    older than wood...older than clay.
    Better have some more coffee
    but I'd rather nap like a kitty.
    lol....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a great aunt Betty I think
      Not sure if she is still alive and in the pink lol
      See I had my psychic powers at play
      When i wrote this back in the day
      Napping has many perks
      Maybe you could hire some kitty clerks

      Delete
  14. Some interesting thoughts here
    many of which I had no idea!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I ha very little clue
      Until I searched at my zoo

      Delete
  15. I fell much smarter after reading this,
    Learning whereby came this Christmas bliss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat making all smart
      Can't say that about walmart

      Delete
  16. Pat, your cat is so smart
    Revealing facts from the ages of dark! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat thinks so
      As his facts are all aglow

      Delete
  17. Well I do feel a little smarter now that I have stopped by here. Thanks for jogging my brain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully you didn't run out of gas
      And the jog didn't knock you on your ass lol

      Delete
  18. Who said old dogs can't learn new tricks? The mom learned lots of new stuff here today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha telling her she is a dog?
      Hope she doesn't like a brown log

      Delete
  19. How interesting! Apples make sense. Oklahoma not so much. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the first does indeed
      Second not so much at any feed

      Delete
  20. Wow! Now I think I know everything there is to know about Christmas. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I could help out
      Wit my fact shout

      Delete
  21. orlin N cassie...but now we iz smarter bout useless crap sew de crap dinna end up bee use less at all if we iz smart enuff ta think bout it !!
    :)

    hay, enjoy de week oh end !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smart enough the think
      Already there at your rink

      Delete
  22. I never knew many of those. Oklahoma must have been run by old crows

    ReplyDelete
  23. All things Christmas and lots of facts
    The Cat shows clearly info we lack
    It's smart
    Good start
    Not bad having to know all the crap

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the crap in ones head
      Can sure cause dread

      Delete
  24. Who knew about these things?? Cool facts today. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Facts that are cool
      I have a whole pool

      Delete
  25. That was fun and quite a family tree!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quite the family tree indeed
      Must have planted many a umm seed

      Delete
  26. Ah, apples...
    They - underrated!
    Yam-yam...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Underrated as decorating stuff
      People just want the fluff

      Delete
  27. Santa's birch rod...well now there's three words I've never seen together before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah go to the gutter
      And one may stutter

      Delete
  28. I like the idea of a pre decorated apple tree. Though I'm sure the apples wouldn't make it to Christmas at my house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they'd be long gone here
      The cats would end them I fear

      Delete
  29. Didn't know these facts you shared
    all very interesting ones
    however I would have dreaded
    a Santa with a birch rod!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would be scary
      Things would sure get hairy

      Delete
  30. the puritans were a mean bunch

    they never invited non-believers to lunch

    ReplyDelete
  31. Apples were the first decorations? I guess its good it is only a month can you imagine what they would smell like if those apples just hung on our tree all year long?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah be as nasty as can be
      All over your sea

      Delete
  32. Hey Pat; love the new (to me) blog header. Have a good holiday season.

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
  33. I love learning useless facts!
    The Christmas stocking thing though, was, um, quite shocking!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha a bit of a shock
      But that much gold would rock

      Delete