Thursday, January 31, 2013

Ideas From The Cat To Squash All Flat!

It is coming up on pilot season and the cat will add in a little rhyme for no reason. For there is too much crap on TV. Like that junk they call reality. Pffffft to any of that crap. That needs to take a big dirt nap. Of course some big holes must be dug for a big loser thug. Oops, did I offend? Good, stick your stupid reality tv trend. Now on with the show before I get into another reality flow.

A show about a cop,
Whose pants just drop.
He could be arresting a perp,
And they drop as easy as a burp.

A doctor with a fascination with a certain part.
That surely isn't the heart.
He always has to sitck his hand,
Up such an open gland.

A lawyer with a moral code.
Pffft that is a load.
Could never say that is reality tv,
So I guess it works for me.

An alien with a human toe,
When he is upset his toe will glow.
Of course he can't afford shoes,
So the toe will make the news.

A firefighter that puts out flyers.
He will even squeal the trucks tires.
He will haul up to a wall,
And spray away the flyers announcing a dance at the local disco hall.

A vet will go into a bar.
Now she helps drunks near and far.
Giving them a snip snip,
Without the need for an ER trip.

An apple meets a grape.
It turns into a great big apple ape.
Now it tries to escape each man,
Who is an apple eating fan.

A hooker pretends to lie,
With each and every guy.
Then chops off their thing.
This time they need to give the ER a ring.

A scary cyclops that is blue,
Will be on screens near you.
But it won't last long,
As all thinks she looks like a scary ding dong.

A cat can rhyme.
He beats up on a mime.
Trots all over the earth.
His viking women, of which he chews her fat, gives birth.

And so there are a ton that I could give a run. But then Disney might steal from my show and claim they created the alien with the toe that can glow. Such evil corporate greed stealing from my feed. My viking woman lass will sit on them for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

It's Season Three With Little Old Me!

The cat has said time and time again at his den, that he did not expect this to last and now season one and two are in the past. Season one was a bit behind season two. For season two never missed a day at my zoo. 366 straight, thanks to the leap year fate. So what is to come in season three? Who knows, surely not me.

I can say,
That with each display,
There will be a rhyme,
And I'll draw closer to my 1000th chime.

But other than that,
I'll still be a random cat.
Of course lots of fun
Will surely be spun.

A movie post or ten,
Will grace my den.
A whoopdi friggen doo,
Will surely come to your view.

Of course there will be more than one,
Making fun of all who come here a ton.
dVerse will get a shout too,
Unless Brian burns down his zoo.

Tarsier Man and Drazin will play,
Causing the cat dismay.
An awful mime will probably get a word,
As they are very absurd.

There will surely be a picture show,
As many tend to be at the discretion of my flow.
Nonsense will arise,
Maybe a post or two showing I can be wise.

And hopefully tons of books,
Will come to get looks.
Of course a rant or fifty,
Will come and be nifty.

Then of course Flappy may show.
I hate her you know.
The nuts will come with their chime,
That gives me a search engine rhyme.

So I guess in the end,
It is an easy trend,
To guess what may come,
From my little rhyming bum.

At least for 25% of the year.
The rest may strike fear.
Like a zombie foot post.
All is fair game to this host.

So now on with season three. I don't want to bore thee. Oh and readers beware, nothing is off limits at my lair. Or at least almost nothing I suppose. The cat will not talk about clothes. Then again that may work and give me a smirk. I guess we shall just have to wait and see what comes to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A dVerse Chant Or Maybe Rant!

So dVerse and a rant. Not sure I have done both at the same time at my plant. Of course I probably did as the cat likes to once in a while flip his lid. Now away we go, not picking on anyone particular with my flow. Yeah, there are a few. That deserve a big screw you.

See something of worth,
An idea gives birth.
Wouldn't that be grand,
To show across the land.

But of course comes the rift,
As through the crap you sift.
Ending up with some,
That don't seem to talk out their bum.

Yet then comes the kicker,
The lights begin to flicker.
Putting you through such crap,
You never knew why you begun the lap.

Of course it will get done.
Maybe if you hold up a gun.
Other than that they are slack,
As they cause more flack.

Saying they will do,
Something that is just not true.
Instead like a cow they chew,
Having simply no friggin clue.

Then it comes to pass,
That they are nothing but another ass.
Which further goes to prove,
If you want things to move,

Better off doing them yourself.
Even fixing that shelf.
Only way you know it will get done,
When the cows come under your sun.

Eating their own regurgitation,
And having no acceleration.
Just a simple backwards flow,
Another ass in a row.

A two faced mask,
About any task.
So keep your wits,
For the cows are the pits.

Throw an apple at their head.
Or get all tippy and cause them dread.
For they will lie in the grass,
Proving they are just another lazy ass.

Now wasn't that grand? Those numb nuts the cat can't stand. Say they do it and then they do not. I guess they suffer from brain rot. Or just such human woes. Out their ears each brain cell blows. That would explain the look of a bass as they annoy my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Wonders Are Found All Around!

The cat has searched high and low to bring you the greatest wonders of the world at his show. You have not seen such things before. I bet you will be astonished at your shore. There is a thing here that isn't a wonder to behold. They are all worth more than gold.


First you have this amazing creation,
It must cause all elation.
Water in a bottle.
Doesn't that make your heart beat full throttle?


Wow, paper with numbers and dates.
This had to be created by the Fates.
How can this be done?
Look at how easy those number run.


This is a pride and joy.
It is more than a scratch toy.
Can you believe you can sit on it?
It even causes a Happy Days reference at my pit.

All the way up to twelve.
This wonder they just have to shelve.
I mean it is beyond great.
Humans know when they are late.


A thing that can open and close.
This has to curl your toes.
You can go into a whole other room.
It's more wondrous than a magic mushroom.


Wow, glass that can make light.
This is such a sight.
You can't top that.
I hear it can be screwed into a human or rat.


A round piece of glass.
This tickles my rhyming ass.
It keeps the food off the floor.
Hmm maybe it's not so wondrous at my shore.


It lets you see.
And be a busy bee.
This is just such a marvel to look upon.
It even shines through the dawn.

Now you humans have to be over the moon.
You no longer have to relate to the baboon.
A little round piece of soap,
It's even more amazing on a rope.


And the best of the bunch,
Not because of their crunch.
But because of their use.
They can hold things that come out my caboose.

Now aren't you all wondered out? Come now, don't pout. I know not many of you have such things. They are only shown in wondrous wings. But maybe one day they will come to one and all. You may even get a window in your wall. I am through my wondrous pass. Don't go wondering about my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Bond, Coke Bond And Beyond!

So dVerse wants all to go all marketing in the media at their show. Of course with a movie mention that got the cat's attention. So let's see what the cat can recall for thee. Some blatant advertising can be fun to at least let a rhyme be spun.

Here's 20 million bucks,
To fool the dumb ducks.
Bond now drinks coke,
So all will follow that bloke.

Look! Jack Bauer is captured by the Chinese.
We get to see it on a DVD set tease.
Damn, rescued with a shiny brand new car.
Toyota's ability sure does extend far.

Tweedle dee and tweedle dum,
Act away while chewing some gum.
It's extra minty flavor,
Is sure to beat that life saver.

Time to track down the bad guy.
We will do it on the first try,
With our brand new Windows eight.
Come now, take the bait.

Geico saving you 15% or more,
Wait! State Farm is something of lore.
No! Liberty Mutual takes the cake,
This guy, that guy, their info is fake.

Come to subway,
The Buy More has it on display.
Along with Happy Gilmore.
Come now, feel free to explore.

No time to play?
Let Fed Ex take your cares away.
I mean it worked for Hanks,
Wilson too gives a big thanks.

Sit with Mac and Me.
McDonald's will sure thank thee.
An alien who likes fast food.
That is some great attitude.

I'm not lyin,
As pizza hut is what you are spyin'
Just because my lying is an invention,
Does not mean they don't deserve a mention.

Now just Transform-er away,
With plenty of GM on display.
At least they go boom,
For their blatant advertising doom.

Did you get them all as I went almost full movie at my hall? Could not resist the insurance stuff, as each is better, or so they huff. If anyone real drinks coke or any other crap because of some fake famous chap, that makes the cat sad. You humans are more gullible than a two year old lass or lad. But it must work as they advertise in mass, which is simply ignored by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

It Is Rude And Very Crude!

So the cat will play a little game matching the good and the bad of food fame. For with all the crap that came due he has learned a thing or two. Some are not that pretty might scare an old bitty.

By now many know,
That pringle cans are used for waste at my show.
But what you may not of heard,
Is the "light" is absurd.

Yeah, less fat for you.
But you know what is true?
The light pringles cause anal leakage when eaten.
Yummy, that fact can't be beaten.

Oh and rice is so great.
All should eat it on their plate.
Whoops, aresnic content is high.
So go ahead and answer your black stomach cry.

Pesticides are here and there,
All over your lair.
From corn to grapes,
You may be better off eating those old cassette tapes.

Oh and then there is the trans fat,
Which is in tons at your mat.
That stuff is oh so bad,
According to some scientific lass or lad.

Then there is this,
Then there is that.
None causes bliss,
You just get fat.

But flip it around,
And look what is found.
This study says the opposite thing,
Another let's a cancellation fling.

So besides the obvious anal leakage stuff.
Who really knows with their huff.
All one can do,
Is eat what works for you.

The cat has easily surmised this day,
That each and every single solitary bay,
Are different in every way,
With what they can eat on their food tray.

Miracle diet or eating this many times,
Is crap and worse than mimes.
No such thing!
That these idiots fling.

What works for one,
Does not work for another under the same sun.
They just want to keep the blinders on.
So all will fall for their con.

Obviously there is bad,
That should not be had.
But no such thing as good,
For each and every hood.

That was the cat's rant for today. Sorry for the anal leakage display. That isn't something I wanted to know. So I figured I'd share at my show. But the next time you see anything saying this is good and this bad and this is that and this is this. Print it off and on it take a piss. That is the worth of it. Food guides are worth about as much as spit. Actually that is worth more at my grass for the cat can use it to clean his little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Stretching My Skill For An A To Z Thrill!

Before I get on with today's post, it occured to me some did not know Tarsier Man at my coast. So here is a visual on display for the post of yesterday. Oh and he has a theme song too HERE in case you wish to hear, a cheat rhyme, oh dear.



So in a little over two months away many from blogland will go the a to z way. Not my ABC's of rhyme time, although I am sure that will get a chime. It is where you post almost every day, heck I do that anyway. But for some it could be rough. What is the point of this huff? While the cat saw a video contest there and decided once more to go all theme at my lair. I even got to play Scrabble as I blare. So stop and stare.



Now was that not grand?
Damn, the cat is good in his land.
Even promoting away,
For the A to Z bay.

The only hard thing for the cat,
Get your mind out of the gutter at your mat,
Is deciding what word to use,
When I rhyme and abuse.

Did I mention I was already done?
Damn, fun to brag away under my sun.
Yes, I know what you are thinking too,
There is no O in Xanadu.

I don't get movies wrong,
But for this little song,
It was done,
Because under my sun,

The cat doesn't care,
As the other U was eaten at our lair.
Or maybe just misplaced somewhere,
So don't let that ruffle your hair.

Now I am done,
With my bragging fun.
Play it once more,
It deserves an encore.

After all that strange guy at the end,
Has a nice message to send.
At least he is not a mime,
That would truly be a crime.

So are you going to go all A to Z at your sea? Or is it too much work for thee? Plus for some it is hard to buzz around like a bee. Oh and it may constrict the ideas of thee. But save those for May at your sea. Which are the posts now coming to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

A Whole Crew Go After The Nut With No Clue!

It seems plenty of you humans are upset. I hear he recently blew up a jet. But then he needed that gas to help a little old lady who was out of it and stuck at an impasse. I guess we shall see what becomes of this nut who always bothers me.

Tarsier Man was on patrol.
But a kid interrupted his stroll.
He thought an autograph was wanted,
Instead, the kid just taunted.

"You've got big ears,
You sniff rears.
Those eyes,
Are as beady as a flies."

The kid laughed and ran away.
This left Tarsier Man in disarray.
Then he turned to find,
A whole herd of human kind.

They were coming with weapons galore,
Shouting they'd send him back to that jungle shore,
In many more pieces than when he came.
Tarsier Man found he had lost his fame.

He tried to sing his tune.
But they hit him in the head with a spoon.
He took off as they grew closer to him,
Finding that things were getting grim.

Tarsier Man could not understand.
He had saved many across the land.
Plus all always liked his tune.
Now they treated him like a trash stealing raccoon.

They chased him through the night,
Until finally he took flight.
His ears expanded once more,
And through the air he surely did soar.

They flapped like Dumbo,
Those things turned rather jumbo.
Now he had his popping eyes,
His theme song cries,

He stretching ears,
And they now had flapping gears.
This would be so cool,
If all weren't trying to kill him with a garden tool.

That is when he saw the news,
It seems he was set up for stopping the blues.
A concert had been stopped,
And the blues had been dropped.

It wasn't allowed any more,
And they all blamed him for no blues encore.
He had been set up.
It had to be the owner of that pup.

He had hated Tarsier Man,
And was not a fan.
But that is when he saw a clue,
As he flew over the set of Whoopdi Friggin Doo.

The Mailman had everyone at gun point.
He was going postal on the joint.
How did he get out of jail?
Tarsier Man figured it had to be bail.

He swooped down through the window,
Shouting to all below,
His dumb little tune,
Some women started to swoon.

The Mailman laughed with glee,
Not noticing Robbie Raisin was letting the world see,
As he went on the typical bad guy rant,
Revealing all at the Whoopdi Friggin Doo plant.

Tarsier Man popped one eye,
And away it did fly.
It went right in the gun barrel hole,
And plugged up The Mailman's goal.

He then made his Dumbo ears go,
And they continued to grow.
They gave The Mailman a hand,
Meaning he was clapped with jumbo ears, live, in front of the land.

The cops came in and took him away.
He once more swore revenge one day.
Then Robbie Raisin addressed all,
As Tarsier Man flew away sounding his theme song call.

He was a hero once more,
Never again would people show him the door.
And now he can fly,
Through the night sounding his battle cry.

Damn, the cat was hoping he would get strung up. Or at least relieved on by a butt sniffing pup. Now he can flap some big ears and fly along with popping each eye. Next he'll gain super speed through passing gas. That can already be done by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hit The Decks For It's Real People, Real Sex!

The cat rarely pays attention to that DM stuff over at the Twitter way. But I thought it would be fun to put some on display. I mean people have such wise things to say each and every day.

Real People, Real Sex.
But they don't tell the specs.
Wanna feck?
My aren't you, who's 5000 miles away, a schmuck.

Buy it right now!
Holy cow!
Buy it today!
Is that all you have to say?

People are talking about you.
The cat is used to such things coming due.
Exclusive photos, so cool.
No one wants to see you in your undies, fool.

What on earth do you think they are doing on this video?
After the underwear guy, I really don't want to know.
Go to blank for free gifts and tips.
Hmmm charging you up the ass didn't come from our lips.

You're invited to join a private beta launch now!
Some how I don't think it is such a private vow.
Check us out!
If I don't will you pout?

Someone is making up a horrible blog about you.
All I can say is whoopdi friggin doo.
They got you on.
Well I got them by leaving a present on their lawn.

Take a look, let me know what you think.
I think you don't look good in pink.
Magic Submitter!
I bet the bathtub is bitter.

Just what exactly have you been doing inside this video?
Did you catch me cleaning myself down below?
Really???
Hmmm did someone cop a feely?

Top stories today!
Hmm I never gave you any to display.
Donate to a great cause.
Like getting rid of those zombie foot claws?

Over $20,000,000 cash out already.
My aren't you giving money away steady.
Claim your share!
Those who don't like monopoly money, beware.

And there are so many more,
That you robot humans send to my shore.
How can such wonderful things come from your brain?
You robots must be so smart you are insane.

The cat just had to poke fun at the robots that run, with their fake human faces over at the Twitter DM races. Then there are the beggars and flat out no shame humans too. The cat will just flush them down the loo. But first I'll give them some gas and it will surely be the smelly kind that comes from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Get Your Kicks With A dVerse Fix!

So many may curse with this dVerse, having to go through such crap to see the so called smart chap. But most times it is just a pain or makes more pains rain. For your viewing pleasure comes another ABC's of Rhyme Time where things we measure. Like the wait at the doctor's office gate.

A is for ass which had no hurt.
But a chair of low class made that inert.
B brings on the back with new pains.
Chairs sure cause flack but the doctor gains.

C is for cut which has occurred.
Stuck in a rut you thought your name was the word.
D is for dick which is hopefully fine.
But your with the sick in one big line.

E relates to ear which you should plug.
All those noises you hear might make you bug.
F is for fracture of your dear old brain.
Ailments you manufacture while going insane.

G you know will be good and that is all.
They simply should write that chime on the wall.
H is for humor of which there is none.
Growing a tumor would be more fun.

I is for imagination which is clearly lacking.
Same old narration as the golf game can't be slacking.
J fills the joints with much aggravation.
Reviewing the points all wish them damnation.

K is for kids letting loose their snot.
Should create lids or get them a big pot.
L is for lip which is in a quiver.
The infected hip will surely affect your liver.

M is for more that keep filing in.
Germs sure explore this death pit bin.
N is for nippy because of the A/C.
They don't want you lippy and more sick means more money.

O is for oops which all say.
When their nose droops and they spit snot your way.
P is for prick because you're still there.
Be rather slick so the kids can't hear you swear.

Q is for quarter which you need more.
Time is running shorter a parking ticket will be on your door.
R brings a rattle to your poor knees.
Now you have to battle trying not to sneeze.

S continues to shrink the ever filling room.
Try not to blink or germs will bring doom.
T is for tippy like you are drunk.
A little less lippy but blaming this punk.

U is for ulcer which you now have within.
Poor Mr. Sulser is also committing a sin.
V is for vague which you will hear.
But in case it's the plague be prepared to show your rear.

W is for work which you are missing.
At least there is the perk of a little ass kissing.
X brings xenophobia into play.
Followed by claustrophobia ruining your day.

Y is for yellow the state of your complexion.
At least some jello will come with your rump injection.
Z is for zipper which is up good and tight.
That dick is sure chipper as your name finally takes flight.

There we go, another ABC show has come due. Sadly a lot is true. Get more germs just sitting there than you ever would at any fair. Nasty as nasty can be, glad the cat just has to deal with a flea. Maybe if they added some laughing gas it might make it better for all and my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Ignores All Of You!

Robbie Raisin is back and no longer will you all cause me flack. For my new sound guy is, Bob. He did not fail like the rest of you vying for the job. Now Whoopdi Friggin Doo is national as well. So you can all simply go to tell. That is right! Go to Tell a Tale Town on this very night. Whoops! That has already been done. But doesn't it still sound like fun?

This just in at Whoopdi Friggin Doo's news bin:

Old One Eye tried plastic surgery for a second eye. Sadly it made her look like a guy. One with a plastic face mind you. Boy, the things one eyed people do.

A certain Petsy is going back to form. For at her zoo meowing is the norm. So she got some ant spray and caused each feline a numb tongue for the day. Someone needs to call the SPCA and send them her way.

Irish Air is full of just that, hot air! What? You were already aware? Damn, no good news about that lass. As she sends out everything like a certain cat passes gas.

After months of deliberation from his gawking. The Gawker is now up and walking, with a brand spankin' new pair of superhero underwear. The Power Puff Girls count, right? Whoops, you didn't hear that from my site.

A certain Daydreamertoo was caught selling spotted dick. At first cops thought she was pimping out women to trick. Then they chowed down on some too. Coppers like spotted dick, who knew?

It seems a dog named Schultz caught a house on fire. Things turned rather dire when he lit his own crap on fire. I guess now he's a dog for hire?

Somewhere out there Waffles is one his 54th Twitter account. That is quite the amount. When asked why so many he simply said, "It's because users keep asking me to wed." Wow, that is some issue. Give me a moment while I go get a tissue.

It seems there is an Adam without an Eve out there. But she ate apples so he must beware. Anyway, he got his tongue twisted when converting English to Japanese. A knotted tongue must make women weak in the knees.

Close by a thinking cap caught on fire. What is it today? Pyromaniacs for hire? I guess when a thought came, something that would bring fame, that light bulb was too bright and burnt the thinking cap on sight.

While Just Keepin' It Real Folks some woman slipped on egg yolks. I guess she ended up with egg on her face and egg in every other place. She was a human egg roll. She was an omelet that took a stroll. This story is sure egging me on. But I will stop before an exeggcute decides to spawn.

Wow, putting crazy cat ladies to shame comes a resident named Mary who is growing in fame. It seems she has an increasing number of dogs at her lair. She puts on a circus and charges a fare. Can't fault entrepreneurs I guess. Just watch where you step, they don't bury their mess.

Now I hope you enjoyed this national news update from Whoopdi Friggin Doo, where we didn't even need to use any of you. Hmm maybe we did go to Tell a Tale Town. But come now don't frown. Just because you believed us and are a sucker, doesn't mean that egg roller isn't a mighty fine clucker. Oh I kill myself. This is Robbie Raisin signing off with Bob the underpaid elf.

***************************************

The cat thought he would let the news flow. Wow, some of the things that people try to hide at their show. Of course it could be all a tale and feel free to send Robbie Raisin your hate mail. Just search out Whoopdi Friggin Doo. Where? I don't have a clue. You can go ask the singing bass he may tell you more than my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A Bohlingaringding Attack Here At My Shack!

So way back on post 500 at my sea those Bohlingaringdings came here to bother me. Of course they bother spell check too. But who cares about what Google thinks at any zoo. But dVerse wanted foreign language for today. So I will let the Bohlingaringdings have their say.

Come on down,
To Bohlingaringding town.
You will never have cause to frown,
Time to show the language that won us the state crown

Repeat, repeat, repeat,
For it is so neat.
Join the Bohlingaringding beat,
Clap your hands and stomp your feet.

With a Bohlingaringding here,
And a Bohlingaringding there,
Stuperhingalingdings surely come near,
While Burgningalingdings just don`t care.

The Triplingatingtings have no hair.
The Froplingalinglings eat with class,
The Gliporlingaringtings can blare,
With Draglinghingatings adding sass.

Hum, hum, hum,
Wiggle your nose to your bum.
Join the Bohlingaringding beat,
Clap your hands and stomp your feet.

There are Toplinglonghingtings too.
Along with Croplinglonghingtings nearby.
Those two mate near the zoo,
Creating Tocroplinglonghingtings that cry.

Add a little nanny Griplingtinghings,
And the Blinglinglongdings will play,
Their big tringalingslongs and sing,
Making the Enterlinglongringtings enjoy their day.

Twist, twist, twist,
From your tongue to your wrist.
Join the Bohlingaringding beat,
Clap your hands and stomp your feet.

Now give it a repeat,
Playing your tringalingslongs on your seat.
Enterlinglongringtings, Griplingtinghings, Froplingalinglings,
And of course Bohlingaringdings would love to here you sing.

Now you know each class,
In the Bohlingaringding mass,
Don`t forget when you see us all.
Bohlingaringdings like humans on the ball.

Was that not fun? Are you confused under my sun? I think they just like to hit buttons and see what comes out. I bet they just like to make humans shout. Those Bohlingaringdings are sure quite the pain when they come in mass. They can also be a pain in my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Want To Swing On A Star? Of Course That Depends On What You Are!

This song rhymes all the way through. So of course a rendition I had to do. Surprised it took me this long to give a go. So high time I gave it a run at my show. As you will swing on a star unless an animal you are, then you may not get very far. Could even end up covered in tar. But on with the show and hopefully you aren't any, at least fully, of the animals below. Especially not the last because his craziness is vast.

Would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Or would you rather be a duck.

A duck is an animal that likes to swim,
He keeps his legs incredibly trim.
When gambling his brains seem lacking,
As he falls for a hunters quacking.
So if you like to push your luck,
You may grow up to be a duck.

Or would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Or would you rather be a platypus.

A platypus is an animal with many features,
It watches life from the bleachers.
Once in a while dropping its bill,
As it seeks out a thrill.
So if you hate spat rumpus,
You may grow up to be a platypus.

Or would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Or would you rather be a camel.

A camel is an animal that likes to spit.
Rides it tends to permit.
He rides over the bumps,
Providing safety in his humps.
So if you're a red blooded mammal,
You may grow up to be a camel.

Or would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Or would you rather be a kangaroo.

A kangaroo is an animal that likes to hop,
Keeping its young locked away like a cop.
He tends to grouch,
If they try and leave the pouch.
So if the restrictions ensue,
You may grow up to be a kangaroo.

Or would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Or would you rather be the cat.

The cat is an animal that can rhyme,
With each and every chime.
Can easily go on the attack,
Or show off his bush with a crack.
So if you have an inkling for rat,
You may grow up to be a cat.

Would you like to swing on a star,
Carry moon beams home in a jar.
And be better off than you are.
Not coming across as too bizarre.
Like a wall singing bass,
Or even my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 18, 2013

And From My Zoo, The HUGE Moron Award Goes To?

So the cat hates that award stuff as those rules just make me want to moon in the buff. Wait! I already do that, as I flop on the mat. Anyway, I really have to give one today and you know they are oh so special at my bay. I am giving it to to MORONS at the Canadian Government. For they surely earned it under their tent. Particularly those in Human Resources and Skill Development too, I would not want to offend the whole friggin crew.

I am a big entity that people can supposedly trust,
So it is common sense security is a must.
That means stuff like enryption for data and such.
 Even if it does cost a little too much.

But instead I am a big entity that is a moron.
Smarter grass blades growing out on the lawn.
I will just pocket the extra cash.
Forgetting about that security trash.

I will store the data of 583,000 Student Loan guys and gals,
On some little drive while I drink with my pals.
I won't even encrypt the thing,
I will just leave it tucked away at my wing.

I won't even put a tracker in it,
Pfft I won't even back up such shit.
I mean it's only a thief's delight,
Once they catch it in their sight.

But no one would steal that.
I mean a ten pound drive is heavier than a door mat.
One would hurt themself lifting the thing,
So it is safe tucked behind the door at my wing.

OOPSY! Is all I can say,
When it goes missing at our bay.
Now 583,000 social security numbers and other info,
Are out there for a thief to use at their show.

Meaning you could be royally screwed.
I'm so sorry, dude.
We will take better care now.
Next time we'll go get a guard cow.

What is that you ask?
No, I would never try and hide it away or cover it with a mask.
Just because we waited two months to tell you all,
That your info was stolen from our hall,

Does not mean we aren't on top of it.
I mean who really gives a shit?
It's only some number that a thief could ruin your life with and such.
That shouldn't bother you too much.

And besides we have directed officials so it won't happen again.
Doesn't that make you all snug at your den?
One of the biggest breaches in history goes down,
And an oopsy is all we can say with a fake frown.

Thankfully Pat was not one of the 583,000 that got stolen, misplaced or whatever. My aren't those idiots clever? Who does that? Saving such data on a moveable drive with no encryption what so ever at their mat? Plug it in and poof, all the data is there. They deserve the moron reward at their lair. A monkey even knows that. But they just tip their hat and give a big oopsy pretty much and that is that. I hope they get their asses sued off at their mat. Then the oopsy will be on those idiots big time. So ends my ranting rhyme. Can you picture smart grass? It would still be eaten by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

For The 8th Attack Comes A Creepy Crack?

The cat is here to once more give the kiddies cheer. No, there are no pictures of my little rhyming rear. That sadly may be less creepy I fear. For creepy and crack? What do you think at your shack? Wait! I probably don't want to know. God only knows the search engine hits I'll get having a creepy crack in the title of a post at my show. But enough with the ranting, warning, viewing him may cause your eyes to start slanting.

So last Valentine's Day,
The cat had a scary guy in a diaper on display.
Then Blabber got it through her head,
That he was creepy and would cause her dread.

So Creepy Cupid was born,
And the cat had to honk such a horn.
Add to that Pat and the Cracks,
And you get the crack attacks.

Oh this sounds so bad,
It could be a tad.
But with Creepy Cupid on display,
Pat and the Cracks rocking out at his bay,

A giant squid about,
Some big bossman giving a shout,
And poor old Squat,
Things will surely amuse a lot.

So without further delay,
The 8th children's book from by bay,
Is now all hot to trot.
It is Squat The Robot?







Does that not look grand?
Or maybe a tad into scary land.
The kiddies will sure find it fun,
With Creepy Cupid and Cracks under my sun.

Oh and if you give it a view,
Don't forget to review.
Yeah sort of a cheat rhyme,
I do them once in a while so it's not a crime.

Now go add book eight,
To your gate.
Find out Squat's fate,
Doesn't that question mark make you irate?

What did you think I would stop as I get the Honk of Zagonk to the 10,000 copies sold crop? Not a chance at my sea, as I still have a good fifty. The next a new superhero will be born as well, even though many will damn him to hell. The first sequel comes after that. It stars once more me and Cassie cat. Plus six more in the pipeline, proving I'm an unstoppable feline. At least until after these ones come due, then that may be the end of them at my zoo. Until then more will come to pass from my ever so childish little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Gonna Take The Bait And Add These To Your Plate?

So the cat has to do a movie one as that always has to be done under my sun. Can't let that go for a good long while as the cat can rant a mile. Anyway, why not let you know the up and coming near your bay. Unless they get postponed or some crap like that. If they do, don't blame the cat.

Things may get scary,
With a remake of Carrie.
Remake is a scary word,
As 99.99% of them are absurd.

The Last Stand will come,
Showing off Arnold's saggy bum.
Along with a World War Z,
Once more it's the attack of the zombie.

Grown Ups 2,
Just leaves me with an eww.
Rather watch the Smurfs 2,
Then that no longer funny crew.

But there is Scary Movie 5.
That stupid series is still alive.
I wish Jack the Giant Killer,
Would end such crappy filler.

Maybe Oz The Great and Powerful could blow the crap away.
He does have a big face on display.
Then that very crappy Robocop remake,
Might go drown in a lake.

The Lone Ranger,
Will be way more stranger.
Wolverine 2 being a sequel though,
Might make it worth a show.

Of course Superman comes back,
On the ever so boring boyscout attack.
With a Thor 2 as well,
Off to some mythical hell.

Then there is the drunk,
Ironman 3 in some funk.
Speaking of which,
The Hangover 3 is back to flip the switch.

I wonder if they'll carbon copy another one.
The Hobbit 2 will give a run.
Stretching it to three,
So more dough can be raked it at their sea.

Then of course GI Joe 2,
The first simply blew.
So don't hold out hope.
Jack Ryan may make one swing from a rope.

The End of the World will come.
A little late with that hum.
300 the sequel, prequel, whatever thing,
Will surely be worth a ring.

Star Trek 2 will come for each nerd.
Sorry, I meant Trekkies, nerd is absurd.
Red 2 is also coming,
Might be or might not be mind numbing.

Die Hard 5 is ready to go.
Anything beats the 4th show.
Even Marry Poppins porn.
Goes good with pop corn.

Then there is Fast and the Furious 6.
Once more cars can do tricks.
Seven is also all but a guaranteed fate.
And that is the cat's upcoming movie slate.

There you go, now you know many that will show. They all seem to have a number beside them too. Shows the oh so great work of the lazy Hollywood crew. But beats a prequel or some remake hell. Even though a few of those are there and they aren't swell. Of course many more will come to pass but most I saw were even more horrible and worth being ignored by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

A dVerse Help With A Prompt Yelp!

So over at dVerse they prompt here and there. Actually prompts are found every friggin where. The cat just has to chime in and help out each bin. I mean you have to run out sometime. But to do so would be a crime. Let the cat help out with this prompting shout.

It's prompt day,
You are stuck at your bay.
You don't know what to say.
While pull up a tray.

It's as easy as can be,
Go with things that are three.
Head, foot, hand.
How do they work together at your land?

Or what do you say,
When no words are at play?
See, just used your no words funk,
To make a prompt go kerplunk.

Variations of words are fun,
But these have be done.
Time to get to the weird and whacky,
Some might be crude or tacky.

Make your own holiday.
Name your own bay.
What zombie part is on you?
Foot or something more eww.

Things to break and make a wish,
Something better than a dish.
Submarine art.
Things you pull in a cart.

Yeah, all pull one.
Carrying things under their sun.
The opposite of this,
Would be something not to miss.

Swipe a name,
That of fame,
Something like Thumper,
Take out or add a letter getting Humper.

Things that won't staple.
Like an apple and a maple.
Bones you wish you had.
Even if the humorous is rad.

What shouldn't you pet?
That would be the best yet.
I may have to give that a run.
Times to run that are fun.

Is there such a time?
I guess when you see a scary mime.
Things to mime and not say.
Another scary display.

Damn, the cat just let's the ideas roll.
I should charge a toll.
Or at least a fee.
Or maybe just make it cost money.

Those last three are all the same you say? Pffft, no they are each a different way. The cat just screwed with your head. Another prompt that could be said. Screw with a head. Although saying it out of context might bring dread. But only to a so called prim and proper lad or lass. Surely never to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 14, 2013

OH MY GOD! I Need To Throw Up My Cod!

So the cat has not written a new post in almost a month at his sea. I bet it was not guessed by thee. Being 90 ahead, now 68, is grand. For Pat has to rest his arm/hand. But ideas are still written down, up to another 100 ready for my town. Anyway with that out of the way, there is no friggin way I could not put this on display. The cat is still shaking his head. Warning the next few images may cause you dread.

So there is a stalker,
Who is also a gawker.
He can also draw,
Unlike me and my paw.

Pat opened his mail the other day,
And holy shit is what he had to say.
For there was a pic,
That was rather slick.

After he was through laughing a bit,
That is when the cat started to spit.
The last one is just oh so wrong.
Pat never ever should have said anything about the zebra thong!

So without further adieu,
Here is an unvieling for you.
I know, I come out of resting for this?
But that bod could give some bliss.



Now where does the cat even begin?
This is just too easy to win.
From the man boobs to the hairy pits,
These will surely get some coffee spits.

Want to play with the zebra though?
hahaha Pat should think twice what he wants to show.
Bah what the hell,
Maybe I should use it on a new banner to scare to scaries away from my cell.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Sorry if coffee got spit to and fro. But Pat just had to share, as he stood there either oh so tacky or bare. The cat could not resist. Well worth typing out with my left wrist. Now I have to go throw up some more bass as I pass some gas from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Down To Hell For A Spell!

Let's see what the cat can do as he weaves this tale in rhyme, as always, for all to view. Should be interesting to see if it can be done. But of course most anything can be done under my sun. So away we go and it's on with the show.

Two Canadians sit all blue,
Their igloos side by side.
Too cold to achoo,
So they take a death ride.

Down to hell they go,
Not really caring why.
The lava sure did flow,
Fire was set to the sky.

The devil trotted up,
Asking about their clothes.
He offered them a booze cup,
They declared they were still froze.

The devil had to fix that.
He couldn't lose his reputation.
So he warmed Hell's mat.
Saying they would suffer in damnation.

The two Canadians refused,
To take off their winter clothes.
The devil felt abused,
Threatening to fry them like crows.

They both stood freezing in place,
So the devil added more heat,
Watching as their teeth chattered at a steady pace.
He would not admit defeat.

These two Canadians were through.
They could not win,
This was no igloo.
He would cause them pain for their sin.

He put them through the ringer,
Causing every kind of woe,
Even hit them with a stinger,
From their head to toe.

He even burned their clothes,
Causing them more pain.
Only adding to their woes,
They were still aboard the cold train.

In a a final act,
As his desperation grew,
Some cold he would attract,
To completely freeze these two.

The tempurate of Hell,
Dropped as cold as ice.
The two laughed in their cell,
For the devil had paid the price.

He found nothing funny,
And threatened them once more.
Saying he'd fry them like a bunny,
If they didn't stop their encore.

They continued laughing quite a bit,
Finally revealing their plan,
As they continued to sit,
Ever the merry fan.

We need no four leaf clover,
So our wives can mourn,
For Hell has frozen over,
Meaning in our next life we'll be kings of porn.

So there we go, they tricked the devil at Hell's show. With ice and fire things may turn dire but use your mind and a saying can get you out of a bind. Or something like that if you were to land at Hell's doormat. Hopefully a next life does come to pass or it will all be for not and that would be funny to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Some Candy That Isn't Dandy!

Don't you love lazy ass humans at your sea? The following expression is hated by me. Those that think they are the cat's meow. I'm sure there are many around you know that take such a bow. It is truly sad when a cat knows how to bury their crap while you humans leave things out like a sap.

It's the lazy human day.
Come and join the fray.
Wait! That would take work.
Which is not a perk.

I guess you can't join.
It would be like a kick to the groin.
Being snip snip,
That isn't just a bad trip.

A garbage can is handy.
That is all fine and dandy.
The wrapper of your candy,
Must be too sandy.

For oh no.
It must have a radioactive glow.
After you shove it in your gut,
Adding weight to your already oversized butt,

You can't touch it once more.
You are just a candy whore.
That is a whole other story though.
So we won't go there at my show.

Instead we are back,
On the lazy ass attack.
Yes, you are a yapper.
Look at that oh so heavy wrapper.

Maybe you went blind.
Wouldn't surprise my behind.
Or have no mind,
That is still being too kind.

Yes, flick your hair,
You scary old mare.
Lick your fingers too,
Which is just so eww.

Prepare for your big adventure.
Re-positioning your chair is a mighty hard venture.
And what makes it worse,
As you hold onto your overgrown suitcase of a purse,

Now the garbage can,
Of which you clearly aren't a fan.
Is right in your face.
Brains you do not embrace.

Off you trot,
Thinking your are hot.
Leaving your wrapper there,
Still playing with your granny hair.

Left your paper cup too.
But that is such an important hairdo.
Yeah, you wiggle your fat ass.
I hope that candy gives you gas.

The cat just had to have fun with the lazy humans under his sun. The trash is two feet away. But they still let it stay, too busy worrying about their appearance and such. Which all of any beauty store still wouldn't help much. But the cat doesn't judge if you give the garbage a nudge. If not you are a lazy old coot and I still hope the candy makes you toot. My that was some fun sass that came from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Can't Think? Don't Hit The Brink!

So you can't think what to write? You are sitting there day and night but it just does not work. I guess the cat can leave you with a smirk. So far I have yet to run out of ideas and such. Sometimes I just have way too much. But I will not brag for some may gag. Anyway, here is a trick or ten at your bay.

Take a look at your feet.
Do they look neat?
There you go.
Describe them at your show.

Watch your pet,
And you can bet.
That they will do something,
That will stir a write at your wing.

If not just cheat.
Don't suffer defeat.
Take a pic and post it up.
Easy as can be for your writing hiccup.

Open a news page.
Find something that sparks rage.
Then that is that.
Channel it at your mat.

Or pick two words,
Could be sung by birds.
Anything from "holy crap" to "giggity bop"
They will surely make your brain hop.

Spurt out some facts,
Of some random acts.
Knowledge is always good.
Although you can't help those that are as dumb as wood.

But there you go.
That whole line could make 50 posts show.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumb hairdo of Trump.

Dump at the Trump was taken.
Even if old one eye was fakin'
It was her goof,
That there was no solid proof.

Could rant about how to get proof.
Or what comes from a leaky roof.
See, pull a rhyme from your ass,
And things will amass.

Already gave myself ten ideas with this post.
Maybe I should take a break to the coast.
What would I need to take?
Another post that could make.

Damn, I'm on a roll.
What you see as you take a stroll.
Complain about the bridge toll.
Yap about a lofty goal.

All and all it isn't so hard.
Just look out at the yard.
An idea will spark,
So your mind will no longer go dark.

Isn't the cat just so helpful today? I guess once in a while I can be at my bay. Yeah, I will never let the Trump thing go, unless actual evidence starts to show. Anyway, there is your lesson for today class. It also allowed for another rambling from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Oh What Fun To Have Dough By The Ton!

So the cat was jumping here and there going about each blog lair. Then all of a sudden one or two did not work. After reading the error message the cat could do nothing but smirk. Error 502 basically is Google giving you a big screw you. For it said refresh in 30 seconds or so. Other than that, what's wrong we don't know. I guess billions can't buy you good help these days. Maybe it's trillions that pays?

Google has set the bar,
For all near and far.
With the Error 502,
Giving all a big screw you.

I can't wait for it to catch on.
Then many things will dawn.
It will be all the craze.
As you humans are all in a haze.

Umm yes sir about your car.
You can't drive it very far.
I can't say what's wrong.
It just won't last too long.

Yeah, your money is all gone.
Sorry, I'm just a pawn.
You will just have to make due.
I can't help you.

That guy shot you in the face?
Wow, that is one awful looking brace.
Sorry, there is nothing we can do.
I mean all he did was shoot you.

Look your house is burning down.
We drove clear across town.
We got to honk our horn.
Sorry, we have to look at our porn.

You've got one long named disease.
It even makes you sneeze.
Just let me pull my hand from your ass.
Wasn't that thrilling lass?

That is a ton of stuff,
Your grocery bill must be rough.
Sorry, I can't ring you through.
I have too many things to do.

Isn't it fun to sue?
I have sued a few.
You were hit by a truck?
Well we will get a mighty fine buck.

And so the craze will be so fun.
Google must be proud of what they spun.
All will bow down to their might,
Except for lawyers, their greed still takes flight.

Last year it was error 503 and now 502 has come due at my sea. Still no idea what happened to the other 501 but Google always keeps things fun. It just proves that the billionaire class have their head up a mass, which would make it hard to pass gas. Unlike my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

You What? Are You In A Rut?

So the cat tried to explain to a dumb human at his lane how blogging works. It resulted in a lot of smirks. For they were such a dunce things got asked more than once. They just could not comprehend and it sent them right around the bend. Or rather a Facebook update, "I think my bum is getting big." Wow, how could I top that. Don't need to go through that again so I'll be a helpful cat.

This is what a I meant.
Hopefully it will make a dent.
You head is pretty thick,
It might take a brick.

But never fear,
Turn your rear.
And then away it will bounce,
You have gained more than an ounce.

Bloggers take pictures for no reason,
Of themselves or the season.
Or of the floor,
It could be dusty at their shore.

They make no money,
Which is rather funny.
Probably do more work than they do at work.
Or blog work at work which is a perk.

That might send you for a spin.
Or lead you to the gin.
You have few brain cells left though.
Might want to suck it back slow.

Opinions on everything abounds.
Pics of cats and hounds.
Learning is never done.
As new things are spun.

Then there are those,
That for God only knows,
Believe their own hype.
Thinking all is right that they type.

Kind of like you,
They have no clue.
But whoopdi friggin doo.
Hop away like a kangaroo.

And if that wasn't enough.
You can comment on the stuff.
That can get rough.
But you can do it in the buff.

So in summation,
I will turn to the easy listening station.
For the final duration,
Of this narration.

Blogging leads to,
Many things that come due.
Like time sucking, random pictures taking, sights you may rather not want to see, learning on a daily basis, the odd troll or whiner taking a stroll, all have some type of quirk, the weirdos surely lurk and of course the need for attention.
Now aren't you glad I gave your growing bum a mention?

Now wasn't that a helpful post? So when the crazies come and visit this host. Maybe they will spread it around and no more dunce humans will be found. Yeah, that is pretty much wishful thinking. To find a dunce just watch their rapid blinking. Another helpful tip has come to pass. I'm just such a helpful little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I Suppose In A Way It's A dVerse Display!

So let's confuse a bit or at least cause a mind fit. For the cat is going to let the voices in his head have a chat while I go chase down a juicy rat. They can be rather dVerse and one may even be a bit perverse. But that is just the way it goes when each voice shows.

Watch out I bite.
Worse than an itchy mite.
I'm the biting knight.
So stay away from my work site.

You let loose a byte?
Scare some it just might.
Although I doubt it even at night.
Unless they catch your scary self in sight.

Stop that, you!
I'll turn you blue.
It will come due.
I'll beat you too.

So you're talking to the letter U?
Is that how the wind blew?
The things some people do.
I bet you can't even count past two.

Your life is at stake.
Your back I will break.
I will make you die.
And you'll never know why.

You want to fry me a steak,
And fix my car brake?
Sorry, I don't like tye dye.
What is it with you and letters like Y?

I thought you knew,
That this crap was through?
But if your mind is in lieu,
I'll beat sense in you with my shoe.

I'm getting something new?
A baseball I already threw.
And I don't need a new loo.
But I will never shoo.

One day the stars will align,
And I will make you whine.
Crushing you like a flea
And sending you out to sea.

Now with math and a line?
Don't get cheap on the wine.
Or that could make me flee.
Yes, I know I'm a sight to see.

You better pray,
For I'm going to slay,
You like a little pea.
If you don't let me be.

Yeah I know mice are prey.
You're boarding Santa's sleigh?
Actually I do have to pee,
So away I buzz like a bee.

The cat is now back to go on the rhyming attack. What is this? Looks like the voices are in bliss. Having such fun back and forth at my sea. Damn, they really broke the dam and were something to see. Hey! I'm doing it too. Maybe that little bit of hay was what made it come due. A drink I really need or maybe some bread I should knead? Oh cat food has a good buy. I guess I'll have to go shopping and say goodbye. Did you see what came to pass? If not, feel free to curse my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Another Way To Suck Dough From Your Bay!

So that dreaded time will come soon enough when you do your taxes in the buff. Not sure which is more scary. Thank God the cat is hairy. But what could you get taxed on this year? There could be many a things that you don't know about, I hear.

There is a pee tax.
Wait! Now it is lax.
The 1st century is where it took place.
As people would tax pee at a steady pace.

For it was used to clean,
Each and every scene.
Due to high ammonia content.
I hope they at least had a vent.

It must suck to be a witch.
They may curse those officials and make them itch.
For now somewhere out there,
People are taxed for being witches at their lair.

How would you know?
Do they have a witchy glow?
I would fear a curse,
Let the witches keep the coins in their purse.

Wig powder has a big tax,
So if you want to relax,
And strap on that wig,
Be prepared to pay big.

Do you have a tattoo?
One of a zoo?
Maybe some barbed wire,
Or your love for Oscar Meyer.

A tattoo dedicated to a whiner.
I hope you aren't a hand signer.
Either way taxed you are,
For displaying one at your bar.

Here is a great one.
God is so fun.
A Catholic tax is so cool.
God must really rule.

For if you don't pay,
You are kicked out of the fray.
I guess the bible must have missed that part.
"All shall take taxes to heart."

Want to go on a ride?
In the air you glide,
On your hot air balloon.
While the tax man sings a tune.

And now for the best.
It beats all the rest.
For it is a tax,
That reached the max.

The Soul Tax has come due.
It is charged to each and every one of you.
I wonder if cats count too?
But then what? Tax a kangaroo?

Did I forget to mention,
That this little tax detention,
Was done in 1718?
That Peter the Great was sure mean.

Why are they always great?
Is it their taxing fate?
Cat the great?
Pfft that is too low a fate.

So there we go some fun before the tax show. Even though it is a month or two away. I figured I'd get you in the mood at my bay. Glad I can make you grumble but you do not want to rumble. For the cat has hidden in the grass, pringle cans full of stuff that comes out of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Take Stock With A Gawk!

So the cat pulled a gawker and had a ball watching what took place at a selling hall. One of those back and forth things, I hid in the wings. I guess cats were not allowed. Pfft like I really wanted to be near this dirty human crowd.

Going once, going twice,
This is a great price.
Find it here, find it there,
You can't get this anywhere.

Not too high, not too low,
Look at this thing glow.
From the hip give a tip,
Open your wallet and let it drip.

That is great, that is grand,
Too bad it is a little bland.
But never fear, just come near,
I will pay you something my dear.

A wonderful deal, a wonderful charge,
You can't get this price on any barge.
Across the seas, across the lands,
I'm the only one who'll take it off your hands.

Give me your trust, I'll give you some cash,
It is so much better than throwing it in the trash.
See it my way, see it your way,
Help yourself with money in your tray.

The best decision, the best choice.
Now take your cash and rejoice.
Go on now, go on home,
I'll save you the trouble of selling this gnome.

Come on, come all,
This thing is ten feet tall.
Grab a chair, have a stare,
This item is so rare.

Flip your lid, give a bid.
Tell your daddy, kid.
Don't pass it up, don't pass it by.
This item will surely fly.

Great choice mister, what a great buy.
Who cares if your wallet went dry.
You now have this, you now have that.
My you look fine in that hat.

I have no guilt, I have no shame,
This is all part of the game.
So I swindled, so I cheated,
I never said they had to be defeated.

With my profit, with my gain,
I just let the money rain.
Sorry mister, sorry miss,
These are fair prices and your offer brings no bliss.

Worse than car salesmen I will say. At least you know you are going to get screwed at that bay. It is just plain rude to not know it and get screwed. At least a drink could be bought first. Was interesting watching such a burst. The cat was through with their selling sass and perked up his tail, walking away giving them his little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Ambidexterity I Can Claim. That Just Adds To My Fame.

So with Pat and the whole arm thing at our wing. We learned to use a different hand or paw for when I had to dig in the litter box sand. Was a pain in the rump to do. But away we went at our zoo. As of now we can go back and forth with ease. It comes in handy when scratching fleas. Sure it will go away if we go back to our natural state. But as of now we have ambidexterity, so don't hate.

The computer mouse can flip flop.
Can even swab a mop.
Something like swab the deck I suppose.
Which the clean floor shows.

Typing with one hand either way,
Is a slow and endless display.
But it got done,
As we typed a ton.

The joystick was tough,
No, no gutter things like in the buff.
The video game that was,
Wouldn't want to start a gutter buzz.

Pringle cans were dandy,
Two hands can come in handy.
Can shovel in food with both hands too.
Makes it faster to get through.

Although indigestion is a bitch.
But I can handle that glitch.
Just pass some gas,
Can also use the other hand to wipe our ass.

Hmm too much info there?
Pfft never bother with that at our lair.
Can even throw with the other hand,
Still a bit girlie though and rather bland.

Will have to work on that,
Try having four paws like the cat.
Can write with the other too,
That was the toughest to do.

But then again,
Here at our den.
You can't read Pat's writing from either one.
Yeah, it is that bad by a ton.

Only thing worse is his drawing,
Or maybe my toe gnawing.
I'm an equal opportunist there too.
I'll bite all the toes in my view.

The TV remote was easy.
So was using that hand when he got sneezy.
The hammer swinging was an interesting event.
But it got done and the nail never even got bent.

Guess that just shows,
That when the strat flows,
You can either swim up river,
Get drunk and screw your liver,

Or simply adapt a bit.
To still get out your rhyming fit.
Or whatever else that comes due,
Just have to get creative at your zoo.

And also have someone around who has a clue, sadly in that department you mostly have to rely on you. But if you want something done right, you know how that goes day or night. Be glad when the crap has come to pass. Sorry for the image of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Don't Sniff Glue. Obvious, But True!

Don't you just love the cat's great title today? I mean it is just so well thought out at my bay. I can't imagine a better title that could come due. I am just so great at my zoo. The title king I should be called at my wing. Let's see what else I can make. Titles I can sure bake.

Snow is coming!
It is winter so that should be what you're humming.
Coffee is good.
That can't be misunderstood.

Teeth must be brushed.
Thinking that up must have left your brain crushed.
Kids cost money.
Just gets some bees and feed them honey.

Dogs need walks.
That was amazing, must be the air holes in your socks.
Gas is high.
Such an old cry.

Drugs are bad.
How many have you had?
Guns can kill.
Better go and do up my will.

Junk food adds weight.
Even if you eat it off a plate?
Cat's rule.
We knew that, fool.

Sell your home.
Then where would you roam?
Two for one.
That could lead to lots of fun.

People need to shower.
I know you humans have the power.
Flowers grow in the ground.
My, you are very profound.

Trash goes to the dump.
Does your head have a lump?
A chair is where you sit.
Even when you need to shit?

The light turns off and on.
Wow, I bet you are a blast when mowing the lawn.
A phone makes calls.
They'll be whispering that one in the halls.

The cat is through.
Lost a brain cell or two.
I am done.
That was fun.

Did you like the drone? Even talked about the phone. Pffft what a silly sap. The cat likes to flap. A title should be more. Then the same old same old encore. So it will confuse the dumb human masses. Maybe they will get off their asses and learn a thing or two. I know that is wishingful thinking at my zoo. I pass gas. I am crass. I like sass. I will not become a droning little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Once More Orange Eejits Give An Encore!

They came back to my sea just to bother little old me. But I pulled the green stuff from their head and now they are bald but still cause me dread. The little orange men err umm things won't shut up. They are worse than a butt sniffing pup.

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

What do you get went hitting the gas?
A flattened mass and a puddle of ass.
Was saving time worth such a run?
Now your time is officially done.
I don't like the smell of it.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
With a little patience you won't be hit by a car.
You won't get turned to goo,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

Drinking is fine to do every now and then.
It allows you to hook up with women or men.
But too much and you are a drunk,
Stuck in line with your smelly funk.
Something like an outhouse.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Take a bath and you will go far.
You will smell less like a zoo,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo


Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

Why bothering committing a crime,
When you have the sense of a grocery store mime?
Posting your act on Facebook and Twitter,
Leaves you getting caught and makes more Internet litter.
Yours could fill a landfill.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Sadly your brains can't fill a toy car.
You will never get a clue,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Wasn't that just annoying as annoying can be? They are beyond crazy. They need to go back to their homeland in space and leave my place, never to return. Or next time their face may feel a burn. Yeah, it would be something that I pass from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Year Of The Excuse Has Bad Mojo Juice!

Another interview of Pat over at this mat!

The cat was thinking the other day. Yeah, I do that occasionally at my bay. That all of those umm crazy people out there who think 13 is bad luck at their lair, must really be in a bind. They could be wishing the Mayan thing really did blow away their behind. For now they are stuck in a year where 13 is always near.

What will I do?
What can I say?
It can't be true.
Who can I pay?

My foot aches,
The TV broke,
There are earthquakes,
I'm going to choke.

Where can I go?
Where will I hide?
I will spend dough,
To get to the other side.

My car rusted,
The roof leaks,
The microwave busted,
Oil poisoned the creeks.

Why little old me?
Why has this come?
Watch out for that tree.
I think I need some rum.

My fingers itch.
American Idol is through.
My neighbors a witch.
The dog ate my shoe.

Who can stop this?
Who can bring peace?
Something is amiss,
I'm wearing tye dye fleece.

The light bulb blew,
My shirt caught fire.
I felt an achoo,
I got pricked on a briar.

How will I last?
How will I live?
Get over fast,
There's nothing I won't give.

Hide in my house,
Hide in my room.
Look there's a mouse.
That surely spells doom.

I guess there is a perk to believing such things that would make most smirk. At least you can blame every woe from tye dye shirt to stubbing your toe, on the year. Although that would get to be quite the mundane cheer. Hopefully none are this absurd and just flip the thirteen the bird. For too soon another year will pass and all will be older, including my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A dVerse New Year Is Kicked Into Gear!

So the happy new year cries will come and go. At least by tomorrow they won't be found high and low. How many times can you say it before all you want to do is spit? Probably won't even be able to do that as you will lose any saliva in your mouth after saying it 1000 times at your mat. What a way to kick in the new year. No saliva and my little rhyming rear. A HUGE pfffft to those dumb resolutions too. You can take those and shove them up your gazoo. No magic is found by pretending to wait for this oh so special day at your mound. If you want to do it, do it. Don't wait for new years to hit. But that was last years flow, now on with the dVerse show.

The new year has rung,
The same old song has been sung.
Acting all proud,
Cheering in a crowd.

Pretending for a day,
That things change at your bay,
Then back to the norm,
As you are true to form.

Instead of that,
Listen to the cat,
Shove the day,
It's just like any other at your bay.

You want to promote change,
Do something strange.
That is the way to be.
Like jumping naked in the sea.

Hypothermia might set in,
That will sure change things at your bin.
A good polar bear dip,
Would be quite the trip.

Get on the people of Walmart site.
Leave all with a fright.
If your belly fat can smirk,
That is just a perk.

Dig a moat around your house.
It will surely keep away a mouse.
Then you can pretend you have a castle.
I bet salesmen won't hassle.

Get yourself a friend,
One who will be there until the end.
Just don't let a pin drop,
Or your new friend may pop.

Grab a rat burger and chow down.
Go to town with a Pokemon champion crown.
Let your fly hang low.
Make a collage out of each leftover Christmas bow.

Then slap it up for all to see.
Of course make it creepy.
Halloween and Christmas in one.
That just has to be done.

The cat has many more,
But he doesn't want to keep you all day at his shore.
After all you have a resolution to get to.
Until tomorrow when you claim it wasn't true.

But still happy new year to all,
May it be better at your hall.
Or at least the same,
I won't tell about your blow up dame.

There we go the first of the new year, written back in October by my little rhyming rear. Damn, I am good. Talking about the new year two months in advance at my hood. I was also a bit crass which is always enjoyed by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.