Friday, February 28, 2014

Two Light Hearted Fools, A God And A Grammar Nazi Today At My Sea!

That is quite the title today. It could be some weird bar joke gone astray. But then at my sea everything is strange, especially with these two fools so far out on the range.

A spirit guide,
With such pride.
It can talk,
Or rather squawk.

Wow, it's a bald headed man.
A flash in the pan.
Drazin the mook,
With the first name, Duke.

That guy is everywhere.
He won't leave my lair.
Even Donkey Kong.
This is so wrong.

A Grammar Nazi too.
Good thing his library can't view.
He may get upset.
That could be a safe bet.

But at least he makes the kids happy.
Unless Grammar makes them sappy.
He even tries his hand at math.
Will the two light hearted fools escape his wrath?

So there you are. Drazin has entered another sand bar. I guess he has a thing for the spirit world. Grammar Nazi's toes may be curled. Not in a good way, if he ever sees this display. He may even get crass. But so fun for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dinosaurs Are Back After Escaping An Alien Shack!

The cat thought what the heck, may as well add another to the deck. Two in one month you say? Bah, that is quite okay. So comes another book from me, this time on a dinosaur spree.

You see, dinosaurs were taken away.
They did not go extinct at our bay.
The aliens collected them up,
And treated them like a pup.

They put them in a zoo,
For all other aliens to view.
Even little Dino Kazoo,
And the rest of his crew.

But they escaped and came back,
Just wanting to have fun and not attack.
Hence the rebirth,
As they returned to Earth.

But the Freaky Aliens couldn't have that.
The dinos were not allowed to scat.
So they came to take them back,
Ready to go on the attack.

Who knows if they will get away,
Or if the aliens will make them pay.
I guess we shall see,
With another book hanging from my tree.

Click here to have a peer.

There we are, that adds another to our sand bar. This one has close to fifty reviews already too. Sure works for our zoo. The cat will hide though if they ever pass because they would eat my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Getting Rhetorical Today At My Bay!

Don't you love it when they ask questions to you and then don't want you to answer on cue? That is less work for you. But then along come a few that have no idea at all as they give the rhetorical questions a call. They actually want you to answer each one. They must have gave the dunce cap a run.

Does a bear crap in the woods?
Depends if it walks into hoods.
Are you kidding me?
Nope, they'll crap on your knee.

Is the sky blue?
Nope, grey today at my zoo.
Is the sun hot?
Go touch a stove pot.

Did you really just say that?
Yes, I am a mean cat.
Does the cat rhyme?
All the friggin time.

Does the government screw you over?
Faster than a leg humping rover.
Have you no shame?
Nope, Pat's to blame.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Go find one and watch you should.
Do bunnies hump?
Just watch for the bump.

Does a tattletale tattle?
Even to cattle.
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
None if the man is Peter Pan.

Do you expect me to go along with that?
Who cares, I'm a cat.
Isn't that nice?
Yep, you and your lice.

Can pigs fly?
Sure, put them on an airplane and send it into the sky.
How many times have I said that?
53, but I'm not counting at my mat.

Are you serious?
Yep, you are delirious.
Why did you get out of bed?
Same thought was going through my head.

Does a phone ring?
Not if it is on vibrate, ding a ling.
Is Santa fat?
Big enough to squash you flat.

Rhetorical many can be but some fail to see, they want an answer I guess. So I confess. Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to and such responses won't come due. Otherwise such things will come to pass from my always little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A dVerse Time With This Chime!

So today for dVerse we go have a look at the calendar at each nook. Yeah they did it months ago. So did I, it just took months to show. Lets see what comes to pass when it is looked at by my little rhyming ass.

What's in a date?
Increased interest rate?
Inflation at its best.
Bi-weekly your guest.

What's in a day?
The sky is grey?
The sun is shining.
People are whining.

What's in a year?
Death comes near?
The seasons change,
Or simply rearrange.

What's in a date?
Could it be fate?
You missed the truck.
Fate or luck?

What's in a day?
9-5 on display?
A traffic jam or three.
Those sure annoy me.

What's in a year?
Something to fear?
Bones begin to crack.
A hypochondriac attack?

What's in a date?
Some pearly gate?
Sights of a drunk?
Make my day, punk?

What's in a day?
Another food tray?
Some little breeze,
Causing fingers to freeze.

What's in a year?
An ever growing rear?
Around goes the sphere,
As you stay in first gear.

What's in time?
A lemon or lime?
Always on the go.
While life eats crow.

And there we are for today. I went all out there at my bay. Too many questions for you? Sometimes I do that at my zoo. So sit back and stare or clean up cat hair. I will let the later pass as only a little comes off my daily little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Cat Continues To Thrive At Five!

So today the cat turns five at his bay. But I still look young I say. You humans ask all the time how to stay young. I will help you out so you don't go pop a lung.

 First you need to be aware.
Have to watch all at your lair.
Don't be afraid to give an evil glare.
Or just sit there and stare.

Then get your exercise.
Fight or chase flies.
Fighting is more fun.
Just watch Cassie run.

But don't play fair.
Screw that at your lair.
Attack and don't be kind.
Whack your foe in the behind.

Or bite them too,
When they can't see you.
They never know where you will attack.
Just watch out for their return whack.

And don't eat that GMO crap.
Blow that off the map.
Just eat some yummy grass.
Works for my little rhyming ass.

Get lots of toys.
They bring joys.
Making you play.
Keeping you young at your bay.

And stretch every day.
On back the chair you can lay.
Just stretch those arms.
You won't raise any crazy alarms.

And don't forget the side stretch.
If those toys you have to fetch,
You will need to be in shape.
You don't want to be round like a grape.

And eat some yummy fish.
They are quite the tasty dish.
That stuffing is the best.
It just gives me such zest.

But most of all,
Don't be afraid to try new places at your hall.
Fit within the cracks.
Good for what ails backs.

So there you are, tips from my bar. Now you can stay as spry as me. Well maybe not Manzi or Betsy. They could be too far over the hill. Ooops, out that sorta did spill. Now I will go eat a huge mass that is sure delight my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

What Is It You Do At Your Zoo?

The other day, actually when this runs it will be a while ago at my bay, the cat was asked what he did. To which he just blinked an eyelid. I guess they wanted to know the experience so I let it flow.

I rhyme off my rear.
But I usually say ass, dear.
I hop here and there,
Visiting many a lair.

I travel the Earth,
Seeing things of worth.
Some not so much.
Some things I'd never touch.

I do videos too.
A couple of light hearted fools in view.
Plus things involving ass,
Like sand, a puppet and mini me come to pass.

Write some more and then some more,
Here at my crazy shore.
Fend off old one eyes.
Maybe even kill some flies.

Entertain the kiddos too,
With a book or twenty at my zoo.
Some even star little old me,
I'm as grand as can be.

What? You tweet at your hut?
To 100 people in a rut?
Wow, my 62,000 look insane,
Compared to your slow poke lane.

Did you give me the stink eye?
You asked there umm guy.
I'll even rhyme about this.
A post you might not want to miss.

See, I told you so.
Did you see it at my show?
Don't be afraid,
Numb Tongue is the one with Raid.

Did I mention such people hang around?
A gawker is even found.
Along with a ninja wannabe,
And a halloween nazi at my sea.

Why are you backing away?
You don't like what I say?
How rude are you?
Did I mention I host Whoopdi Friggin Doo?

That is one way to scare them from my bay. Won't ask that question once again near my den. I suppose it can confuse as old one eye I abuse. Did they expect me to just say I eat grass? Better things to do with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Future Is Back At My Shack!

The cat got that time travel device working again here at our den. Of course the damn thing only told me the news in title form. I guess that is the norm. So away we go giving you the news of the future at my show.

2165: Oldest Person In The World Dies
I guess they had one too many pies?
Didn't even say their name.
The future is kinda lame.

3034: New Aliens Have Landed
Are they right or left handed?
Do they even have eyes?
I wonder if they are wise.

2016: Google Drive Helps Drunks
Put them in trunks.
Then no problem at all,
Drive them to their hall.

2050: Cubs Win The World Series
Puts an end to theories,
That they will never win.
Place a bet at your bin.

3666: Aliens Blow Us To Bits
Better hide when 666 hits.
I'll be long past dead though.
But at least future generations will know.

2063: Sailing Is Now Outlawed
Are we supposed to applaud?
I guess too much pollution in the sea,
They are just trying to protect thee.

2098: First Contact With Alien Life
You mean you actually talked to your wife?
Wow, what a great writer indeed.
I can't wait for another 85 years to come so I can read.

2154: Plants Mutate Into Killer Herbs
Better watch out if you live in the burbs.
They may strangle you.
Destroy all plants at your zoo.

2762: More People Live In Space Than On Earth
How much is a space house worth?
I'd rather stay here.
Being stuck in space I fear.

2953: Earth 4 Is Open For Everyone
What happened to the first three that spun?
I bet they went boom.
Thanks for the doom and gloom.

There you go, now you have lots to look forward to at your show. Might want to duck and cover though if you plan to live to be 2000 years old you know. Nasty aliens will come to pass. Keep them away from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 21, 2014

When You Are Bored Do You Hoard?

Get ready for an It's Rhyme Time Edition of Hoarders! We have no borders. We will go anywhere to show you a hoarding lair. So what if we had to peep. We will just blame that on that Tom creep.

We went to a certain house,
There was not even a mouse.
But there were books by the ton.
None from Pat, so we knocked them over and away we did run.

Another house nearby,
Was owned by a guy.
Can't you tell?
A box hoarder isn't swell.

We stopped by Betsy's too.
 It seems her kitty crowd grew.
We figured we might get lost there,
Plus we already have plenty of cat hair.

75 tons of clothes,
Sure can cause woes.
Who the heck hoards all of that?
We quickly decided to scat.

We also stopped by Mary's place.
We quickly got a frown on our face.
Each mutt tried to sniff our butt.
Who knew she had such a hoarding hut?

Next was just this!
This did not cause bliss.
 A hoarder who hoards this,
Needs to burn it down and hiss.

Stuff animals galore,
Were hoarded away at this shore.
That is quite the pile.
I bet they can stretch a mile.

More and more books.
Gave them all quick looks,
And none of Pat's once again,
So we burned down this den.

Stopped by Mary Kirkland's place.
It gave us a happy face.
Snacks on the go,
The cat's belly hung low.

This worked for our OCD.
It was all neat and tidy.
Don't you just want to knock them down?
But you might make that hoarder frown.

So there was our hoarders display for today as we investigated each bay. Who could the others be? We won't tell at our sea. The clothes may be the ninja wannabe though. His naked clones are scary after all as they stand in a row. At least no one hoarded singing bass as that would surely annoy my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

A Crime Wave For The Brave!

So after the dumb criminal act the cat hears many bloggers made a pact. They wanted to show all how it was done and then retire some place with sand and sun.

There they were outside a bank,
Folklore the getway driver with a full tank.
With her big fancy redneck horn,
All would get out of the way and go look at porn.

Brian gawked the situation over.
He pretended he was some crazy rover.
Betsy sent in an army of cats,
Who gave fleas to all the banker dingbats.

Optimistic bored the passerbys to death,
Yapping until he was out of breath.
Terry and Manzi gave the rest worms,
Many humans got what one may call the squirms.

Alex used chopsticks to pick the lock.
It worked, which left many in shock.
Mary waited in the bushes,
Just in case her dogs had to bite tushes.

Truedessa sadly let one get away,
And they called the cops to join the fray.
She was too busy waiting for the moon.
More fixated than a bad saturday morning cartoon.

The beer guys had a plan.
One in which they were the only fan.
They got drunk and made puke puddles in the road.
So the cops would slip while they took their money load.

But when the cops showed up,
Old one eye walked out and scared even the police pup.
They all peeled over in disgust.
So the heist was not a bust.

Rosey used her learned mail skills,
She directed everyone taking the bills.
Theresa thought what a great giveaway.
Yes, we know the Halloween Nazi isn't all okay.

They piled into their stolen bus.
Folklore then let out some cuss.
She hit her horn and away they went.
She even told a mime to get bent.

I hear they got away.
To some nice sunny Timbuktu like bay.
Sadly pesos don't go very far.
But at least they can rest at a sunny sand bar.

See, there is a crime for thee. Wasn't it so not dumb? Hmm well they did not leave a bread crumb. So there was no fail that landed them in jail. I guess that is a pass. That is as much as it gets from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Dumb Return To Feel The Burn!

A double dose today as the cat is guesting at another bay!

The cat figured it was time to do another chime on dumb crime. I wonder if there will be a mime? These criminals are really in their prime. The criminal underworld ladder the are ready to climb. The cat is gonna drop a dime with this little rhyme.

Fast food is oh so great.
After $120 robbery is your fate.
These criminals went and got some grease,
Then posted on Instagram their fleece.

If a squirrel in a store won't stop.
Just call a nearby cop.
He will scare the critter away.
Shooting to scare it and cause dismay.

A guy walks into a gun store with a bat.
He wants to steal a gun stat.
The owner pulls out a gun of his own.
This guy gets a big dunce cone.

A dumb criminal to take the cake,
A fake ID she couldn't make.
So she gave a stolen ID to a waitress to buy a drink.
Except it was the waitresses stolen ID, landing her in the clink.

Some fun thieves are so broke,
They couldn't hire a getaway bloke.
So they used a donkey to carry their stash.
Now they are having a jailhouse bash.

A couple of thieves couldn't afford a mask.
So what did they use you ask?
Permanent marker on their face.
When stopped by the cops they got a nice cell space.

A thief was good and caught.
So he ran away and forgot his plot.
He did it in the light of day.
So when he was found he thought burglary charges were only for a night display.

A man walks into a bank.
He gives his finger a yank.
Look I have a gun.
Then his finger falls out and he shows everyone.

Another with a nice fake finger gun,
Flagged down a motorist and said what he wanted done.
He wanted to go to nearby bank machines, quick.
But the dummy withdrew from his own account some slick.

The best of all was a man,
Who was no flash in the pan.
Mask, gun, rental car, check!
Wearing work uniform with name tag = no full deck.

They seem to get dumber year after year. You humans are something to fear. The cop technically was not a criminal though. He just wanted that squirrel to go. Too bad, so sad a firing was had. These guys must have sniffed more than grass, so so sad to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

They Provide With dVerse Pride!

There are those with names that allow you to call and play games, Verizon and Bell think they are swell. They give you a fee and laugh to the bank with glee. Bill you up the wazoo with pride but they surely provide.

Leave a message at the tone.
If you paid for one of your own.
If not, sorry is all we say.
Call back again another day.

That is if your minutes are there.
If not, we really don't care.
Just sit and wait a while.
Hey, at least you don't have to turn a dial.

Texts you ask?
In them you can bask.
But we will charge for each one.
Feel free to have many spun.

Reach out and touch.
Go talk much.
Even if they are far away.
Show the love at your bay.

Forget the extra fee.
Let your blabber fly free.
It doesn't rack up fast.
That is a thing of the past.

What? You calling me a liar?
I suppose my pants are on fire.
But your wallet feels the burn,
As we ding you at every turn.

And never fear,
You can find each blog cheer.
Just log on the Internet.
If your data purchase has been met.

If not, buy some.
No need to be glum.
Then if you go over,
We charge you up the rear of even rover.

But if you want.
You can forget our taunt.
Don't worry your pretty little head.
We will still charge you a processing fee while you're in bed.

What? Forget the hype.
Don't use that thing called Skype.
Free isn't what it is cracked up to be.
Stick with me and my fee.

The cat just had to have a little fun with the cell phone companies under the sun. A fee for this and a fee for that, they are worse than a gnat. Even worse than a singing bass. Glad none are needed by my dVerse little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 17, 2014

And Now Round Nineteen Makes A Scene!

Here we are once more as the nuts from search engines get another encore. This time they are crazier than ever with their search endeavor. Many are wordy too as they search and find my zoo.

...circus was visiting little... town

Dots and all. The bearded lady must have been giving Morse Code a call.

ass crack snowman
snowman butt
mooning snowman
free mooning snowman
mooning snowmn
snowman ass
ass of a snowman
ass = snowman

Damn! They come each year. These snowman fetish people I really fear. Wouldn't it be cold? How can things stay bold?

man made things that try to pull feet from head

Wow! That is a feat some how. Anyone else raise their eyebrow?

Sneaky forms that get you to take it up the

Up the what? Something that rhymes with hut? Or are you the feet head guy? Come now, don't lie.

Tired of trash in the trash

So do you keep a trash stash for a trash bash?

Man humping sheep

Ummm okay. Go away!

Tag your it you little turd now fly to the moon

That is just rude. Such a mean name calling dude. I'll give you a moon and maybe death by spoon.

Can people really find alien life in the sky on a dark night

Grab your tinfoil hat and look for a bat. It could glow and then you'd have an alien show.

I bet it was the one armed man

He's already in the can. but nice to see a Fugitive fan.

My mommy won't let me go out and play in the snow

And you found my show? I won't help, I hate snow.

And the winner of today with this search engine batch on display, is quite the nut and has less brains than a mutt.

Time the one thing I control better than gas

Okay, what do you make of that one on display? The cat needs to talk about something else I think as the gassy keep finding my rink. Maybe I should just show zombie toes each day at my bay? Or just pretty pictures of grass. I still think these nuts will find my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Showing The Love As She Swirls Above!

So dVerse is on the lovey dovey trend. I think they are around the bend. But the cat will just nod and agree. It is so much more fun being mean at my sea. The cat does love a thing or two. So he can share with you.

She wants me to fetch,
To prove shes a catch.
So I give chase,
From place to place.

I want that embrace.
Puts a smile on my face.
Her short dark hair,
Just looks so rare.

That eagle like end,
On which I depend,
Allows her to fly.
The cat is one lucky guy.

She is short and sleek,
And likes to rub my cheek.
She's only covered a bit,
Sometimes I just can't take it.

She slowly sways before me,
Letting herself fly free,
Soaring like a bird,
I hold onto her every word.

The way she makes me bend,
I love it to no end.
I get a little pep,
Added to each step.

My eyes never leave her.
She sure makes me purr.
Sometimes at night,
I stare at her beautiful sight.

Under the covers I chase,
As she leaves a trace.
Between the sheets she plays,
I could stay there for days.

A little kinky it can be,
But that is fine by me.
I still give chase,
At a more steady pace.

Even in the bathtub,
I give her a love rub.
But don't sit and blubber,
We protect with rubber.

Oh how I love her so. My mouse that chirps on a string can really glow. I chase her here, there and everywhere. What? You thought it was something else at my lair? Such dirty minded people here. Can't I give my mouse on a string a cheer? She is such a regal lass and brings much fun to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

It's Not Too Late! You Can Get A Commercialized Date!

So you spent the commercialized day alone? No one dialed your phone? I guess the guy in the diaper neglected you. Never fear, I'll help you out at my zoo. Here are some picks to perk up some ummm errr wicks.

I'll change your diaper baby
No way, not even a maybe.
Click here to enlarge your gift.
You're already so large, you clearly aren't swift.

Con u luv me today?
I don't think so at my bay.
I want roses damn it!
Hmm direct, just a bit.

Move over, momma is ready for you.
You belong in a zoo.
Lets help cupids arruw along.
Sorry, you spelled it wrong.

From me to you
Nothing! Indian giver at your zoo.
My sis said you'd love me
She lied, sorry!

I share my roys
No way hosa, not into boys.
I'm ready for doody.
Smells like roses or fruity?

I'll be your fair fary.
Only one I or things get hairy?
Scroll down for more details.
If I scroll down will I find umm tails?

Werk on your skills cry babies.
Do you have a form of rabies?
Life could be best with me.
My ears may bleed at my sea.

Top pick on my twitter feed.
I bet you help all in need.
Not a good time for me but oh well.
Yourself you really can sell.

Don't message me if you are old, hairy, shy, double dipper
What if it is still umm chipper?
Clothes make me feel naked.
Bet your brain suffered from bake it.

Swim in the waters with me.
Sorry, too cold at our sea.
Baby, its bold outside.
Shouldn't bold be cause for pride?

So there you go. I can forward them to your show. Just ask the cat and you could have a lover of doody there in no time flat. Some even share roys, I hear they are lifelike toys. You could have a lass of a whole other class all thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Time To Sway At Your Commercialized Bay!

Love is in the air at many a lair...for a can make it more nice. A guy in a diaper with a bow is surely in the know. Sit back and stick your rump in the air, you may find someone to care. Or someone with a butt fetish I suppose. They may think it smells like a rose. But I digress as once more I attack the commercialized mess.

Search out a man,
Not a flash in the pan,
But a true guy,
That looks rather spry.

He'll be in underwear,
Ready to make a pair.
Stick up your ass,
To find your lad or lass.

Unless it's diaper change time,
Then make due with a mime.
He may be too full of crap,
To take a lovers lap.

Then where will you turn?
Such desire continues to burn.
You need a mate,
One that doesn't deflate.

One who's a looker,
Nope, not a hooker.
This isn't the day,
For hourly pay.

Instead you need,
Absolutely need, at your feed,
A box of this and that,
Looks like it came out the rear of the cat.

A flower or ten,
Heck, break out the pen.
Sign a big old check,
Spread flowers across the deck.

Don't forget the card.
It isn't hard.
So many, I know.
Just grab six or so.

Now you are ready,
To look good and steady.
Just stick out you arm,
This stuff works like a charm.

Trust us we say.
You'll have a great day.
On this very special date,
Cupid's arrow is your fate.

Pffft as usual at my sea. They can take their day and stick it up their corporate rear with glee. Just like crummy New Year's day, there is no big wowing magic when Valentine's is on display. Should do things waaaay more than once a year not just when commercialized idiots give you ads to see and hear. I could be more crass but today I'm trying to be a more loveable little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Whoopdi Friggin Doo Because Of Two!

Robbie Raisn here. Come on in and have no fear. Today we help two conquer just that. Or who prove their brains are flat. I guess we shall have to see as we help the beer guys climb down from their tree.

So beer guys let us help, tell us your greatest fear with a little yelp.

"I find that the problem with mannequin hands, aside from unsatisfactory nose pickings, are the unsettling and aggressive nature of their hand jobs."

Wow! You fear mannaquin hands that give aggressive hand jobs. Maybe you should hand them old corn cobs? But that is just my advice. I am sure Alex has something with more spice.

Are you ready, man??? Because trust me - that many will make you INSANE!!!

Okay, apparently many mannequin hands will make you a crazy sex nut. Manzanita, stand up and speak proud at your hut.

Let's dance a jig with a thousand ghosts

Getting a thrill from a thousands ghosts is for another day. Brian, come and join the fray.

you drop it daily, which makes it all the more crazy

Wow, the beer guys do it daily you say? Folklore, make such an image go away.

WHOO HOO way to go at your zoo!!!

Add another quirk to the redneck. She likes cheering a mannequin hand job trek. Truedessa shed some light on this mannequin bliss.

I'm a loon
singing my songs about the moon
all, that action below making me swoon

Damn, the beer guys have mannequin loving groupies piling up.  Humbird prove you know more than a pup.

what the power you use
to get out of 'caboose' ?

First hands below and now around. The beer guys and their mannequin love is profound. Betsy for the win, help explain this sin.

I was an an auction all day!

Aren't you over that excuse yet? Optimistic, is your answer set?

I can hear Tony the Tiger saying greeaaattt

Frosted Flakes will never be looked at the same again. Sherry, beat out all these men.

Be careful of the scary duckbill. I've heard she's dangerous!

This is not the place to toot your own horn. Anne, say how this fetish was born.

Your snip snip doesn't stop you from sucking the fat of your Viking Woman.

No need to talk about your fetish with the cat. Elsie, are you smarter than a gnat?

At my next feature show
I better at least have a bow

Hmmmm so you are a feature at the mannequin show? That I did not need to know. Gloria can you explain this strange bliss?

If Im bury but I participate

Buried and still get a mannequin thrill. I think I feel ill. Claudia can you shed some light on this fright?

you never know who comes through the door next makes it all the more fun.

I suppose that keeps it fresh. Do the mannequins wear mesh? Susan Gourley with a slash care to join the bash?

It's fun to watch after I read,
I think those nuts had a little weed.

So you are just a watcher you say? Theresa make this go away.

I feel special when I get included in one

Another groupie in the click. Mary Kirkland what is your pick?

I saw a lot of familiar faces in that video 

Too busy watching mannequin porn. DWei how was this born?

That's insane. 

I agree. Remembering Grace, can you remember at your sea?

You should probably take my name out of the drawing. I can't take the stress.

Drawing for mannequins now? That could get a meow. Robyn what is taking place? Don't be afriad to show your face.

Encore. Encore.
I'm looking forward to
1000 more.

Another groupie for the mannequin ways. Rosey, what is the answer to this craze?

Dead skin cell droppings is not a pretty thought

Whalla! It has been found. The beer guys get hand jobs from mannequins because plastic leaves no dead skin cells around. Rosey is so smart for a bit of an old fart. Oops, did I say that. Now I send you back to the cat.


That was Robbie Raisin not me. Rosey, don't blame me. So the beer guys have been explained. I hope their mannequins are well trained. At least they always have an on call lass. Still very weird to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Another Time With A Spotlight Rhyme!

So movies and Rhyme Time ABC. May as well combine the two at my sea. Heck why not? Could make a good plot. The movie triva abc killer. Could be the next big thriller.

A is for Alien that big drooly thing.
It was not mammalian but its tongue could cling.
B gets some Bad News Bears who play ball.
They need to climb some stairs like at old one eye's hall.

C is for Con Air which was a bad thought.
Shouldn't it dawn on a pair about some evil plot?
D is for Duma that big spotted cat.
Evan a puma would sure love that.

E is for Elf the shower peeper.
Off the shelf he can be quite the creeper.
F is for Flipper that sea faring thing.
Get me a clipper and I'll have lunch at my wing.

G is for Go, it just popped in.
Search high and low in the used bin.
H goes for Harry and The Henderson crew.
He may seem scary with his very full hairdo.

I is for Indiana Jones, except that last one.
Bury the fourth with bones, a whole friggin ton.
J is for Jimmy Hollywood the pathetic loon.
He never understood he did not live in a cartoon.

K jumps into Karate Kid action with a wax on.
You might end up in traction is wax off is a con.
L makes you a Lethal Weapon by the light of day.
Just watched where you're steppin at night, okay?

M is for Mannequin one and not number two.
The first was fun the second was poo.
N is for New Kids and their carnival plight.
Kids flip their lids and bring a big fight.

O is for Open Range and lots of cows.
I think cows are strange, prefer one who meows.
P goes to Point of No Return which is near.
But none I will spurn today with my rhyming rear.

Q is for Quiz Show and its trivia stuff.
Those not in the know end up in a huff.
R brings a Roger Rabbit with his craze.
It's a bad habit to see birds when in a daze.

S is a Short Circuit but its alive.
Just figure out how to work it and you'll survive.
T is a Top Gun with a need for speed.
Look, some video game fun decided to take seed.

U is for Unstoppable times two, each a load of crap.
Burn either one at your zoo if they enter your map
V brings Varsity Blues and another ball.
But that isn't news as they give plays a call

W brings a Weekend at Bernies and a dead smell.
Those monopoly tourneys can really raise hell.
X dances to a Xanadu that is quite a miss.
But such news isn't new over its rainbow bliss.

Y features Yes Man and its yes ways.
A flash in the pan compared to the no craze.
Z is for Zapped, up goes the skirt.
Sure won't be trapped and easy to flirt.

Now I am done my two in one. Hope it was fun. But if a movie trivia abc killer comes to your door, don't blame my shore. But if you must you can Scream and shout something crass before you die at my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A Little dVerse From Kind Of Hum!

Today for dVerse we are going to see the junk senders names that email me. We already went down the junk road a time or two. But we never made the names come due. So away we go as a from hum will show.

It's Gadgets and Gear.
Might want to protect your rear.
Then we have Canadadrives.
I bet it saves lives.

If not they can use -SUPPORT-
Warning! You might end up in court.
There is always though.
Those gadgets could come in handy you know.

Stealth Attraction will show you the way.
Learn to be sneaky at your bay.
Oh my! It's Watches Online!
Not where I got mine.

VipStockReports just for you.
I'm so special I get two.
Strategies of Deduction.
Use a gadget that has suction?

Proactiv Special Offer just for me!
I am so lucky at my sea.
Job Support is hounding the cat.
I don't work, so scat!

Free Par-tay is on today!
Come join the par-tay fray.
University of Phoenix wants me too.
That is so far from my zoo.

LivingSocial is just not me.
I like being a hermit and living care free. is after the cat as well.
Do I look old and senile where I dwell?

Live Cam wants me to look.
Sorry, not taking the hook.
My Real Income Online!
Fake, even to this feline.

Pharmacy is open for all.
Viagra seems to be the only thing on their wall.
Female Seduction is at play.
Come use suction better at our bay.

Self Improvement is just what I need.
I have too much gas at my feed.
And the worst junk of all,
Facebook wants me to post on their wall.

Most of these names tend to be dirty, flirty or rich. What happen to from Bob, Fred or Mitch? Whoever named these people needs to be spayed. They also need a name trade. Now I will go work on getting that gas out of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Two Nuts And Me With A Prober On A Spree!

So back we are and this time there is no video at my sand bar, but the two light hearted fools are on display. I think some probing alien is about to have a very bad day.

 The fools stared at the moon,
While I ran around like a loon.
They have nothing on me,
I went on a tp tearing spree.

They were staring away,
When lunch came my way.
Too bad Truedessa got in its path,
I wanted to drown it in the bird bath.

Of course Pat could not let her get away,
One fool doesn't have the same ring I say.
So he called a big cat.
My, that must have some huge scat.

 Then came the probe guy.
He liked to fly high.
Those long things go up your bum.
They make all rather glum.

But just in case he misses,
He doesn't want any hisses.
So he has a pet unicorn.
That horn makes probing be born.

But Truedessa would have none of that.
That made me a happy cat.
She rode the deadly alien probe.
Hopefully she has underwear on under that robe.

The alien was ticked off.
No one got probed and was told to cough.
He brought out ray guns.
The prober had tons.

Truedessa let loose a sparkly fart.
She really took it to heart.
Yeah, women do that,
You can't fool the cat.

She killed the alien with her stink,
Then along we did slink.
We slid down a moon beam.
Wait! Was this all a strange dream?

Find out the truth by clicking here and seeing book 26 from my little rhyming rear.

Aliens, moon beams and giant cats in the sky. Not sure I could dream that if I try. All comes from the voices in my head. Now the cat needs to go rest in bed. That alien had probes in mass. I am glad he never got near my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

What I See Told to Thee!

So over at dVerse they want all to jot down a scene from their day. Do I look like the gawker at my bay? A mohawk on the cat, I wonder what animal rights groups would make of that? Anyway, since the cat and Pat are hiding away after the creepy old guy across the bay, we went a little different way.

World is black.
A static attack.
Nothing to view.
Universe and you.

Breath crawls,
Breaking walls.
Thoughts are faint,
Drying oil paint.

Scene from within,
Circular light spin.
Dark vortex calls,
Expanding mystic halls.

Flashes of age,
Ripped from the page.
Clouds of light,
Breaking from night.

Images cluttered,
Static fluttered,
Unable to hone,
Message not known.

Outsourced control,
Ever translating scroll.
Index from reach,
Mind able to teach.

Stars form clutter.
Twinkle and flutter.
Constellations of you,
Sew lines and brew.

Eyes wide yet shut.
State yells cut.
Traveler's return,
Insight equaling earn.

Twenty minutes gone,
A five minute con?
Universal truth,
Just beneath the tooth.

Spotted cat trotting,
Over time allotting.
Night becomes day,
Thoughts again at play.

There you are. There was a previous day's scene at our bar. Technically it was all in Pat's head as after he put the hour and a half yoga workout to bed, he tried some of that meditation stuff. Clearing one's head is not so rough. The cat was even quiet for such a pass. I guess I just wanted to be a nice little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Board The Bus Of Blow Jobs R Us!

Okay, this may get a little strange today at my bay. But the following is a true story told in all its not so glory. You have been warned at my sea. So now is your chance to flee.

So the other night,
Pat got a letter at our old site.
He was told he could come get it,
Instead of that return to sender bit.

So he went to the old place,
To see why it going there was still the case.
It was just some credit on a bill.
One that already happened at my hill.

Nothing new there.
Still hate our old lair.
But one of the old guys is still there,
Wife in the hospital and unaware.

Was lonely and wanted to chat,
Said okay as he was always nice to Pat.
Plus I could do Betsy's act of kindness thing.
Betsy, I am going to put a curse on your wing.

For up we went and sat down,
That is when Pat entered crazy town.
After the usual chit chat crap,
Pat was propositioned by the old chap.

"Every been with a man?"
I guess of a man he was also a fan.
Nothing wrong with that mind you,
If that is your thing at your zoo.

Of course Pat said no.
Then he went on at his show.
"I saw you naked through your window,
You have a great body you know."

Yeah, he really went there.
I guess my broken body is a nice affair.
Before this I figured people see me naked, what do I care?
Everything is the same one way or another down there.

But then came the kicker,
I guess he likes to be a licker.
Offered me $40 to give me a blow job.
Maybe he got tired of corn on the cob?

And did I mention is age,
As his hormones rage?
Over 70 or so,
Easily at his show.

And that is why I avoid people at my show. No more acts of kindness or walking naked near the window. So what do you think? Should Pat set up by the sink and charge $40 for people to give him blow jobs each day? Could get some thrills and some pay. Mind you it was not done in a, that, creepy a way. He just hoped Pat would be up for experimenting with such a display. Yes, it is all a true pass. Damn, the crazies, offline and online, keep finding my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Details Matter As You Climb The Ladder!

Do you mind the details at your work sea? If one is had of course by thee. But we have all had one a time or two, unless you were born rich, then just screw you.

Walk on in,
To your work bin.
There is lots of hate,
For this 9 to 5 fate.

It is so vile,
But slap on a smile.
It is time for 8 hours,
Of ass kissing showers.

Such nice shoes,
Did you hear the news?
Those are so great.
I can't relate.

But I still know their great.
Great is their fate.
My fate is great.
Great and no hate.

Damn, where was I?
Did you just choke on a fly?
After all that great,
It was like repeat is your fate.

What a great idea you had.
Let me get a pen and pad.
I'll write it all for you.
There at your zoo.

You won't have to do work.
Isn't that a perk?
I'll kiss your ass,
Err umm do work in mass.

Never mind my drool,
Everything is cool.
Don't be a fool,
I'll pick your kids up from school.

Then you can take that spit,
And shine your shoes a bit.
So helpful am I.
Way better than that other guy.

Now do I get my raise?
Yes! Ass kissing pays.
What! You just said no?
Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

Is that you? I hope not at your zoo. Seen plenty far and wide. They cross far far far into the great divide. Surprised they don't run into a wall while darkened by their ass kissing call. But I guess they are used to such a mass, just keep them away from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

An Optimistic Existentialist Thinks He Rules Against Two Light Hearted Fools!

Well it seems those two light hearted fools sure need some travel tools. Maybe a compass would help out. For they seem more lost than a brainless trout. But they are back once more at my shack.

Narrator guy has enough.
He tries to get rough.
He wants this done,
So he can go have fun.

But instead of Bora Bora's shore,
He sends them to a place of lore.
I mean just a regular place.
But I put that just in case.

It is Gloria's house.
She is oh so close,
To getting out of the sand.
I bet then life would be grand.

Sadly, they leave here there.
They are quite the nasty pair.
Then along the way,
They meet Optimistic Existentialist who wants to play.

That big long name,
Makes some weird claim.
It's really a wind up toy?
I wonder if it brings people joy.

Wow, Optimistic Existentialist in spandex is so scary some how. Although from some one like worm killers he may get a meow. Then again if he is just a toy it may be some weird ploy. Who really knows as he died in the grass. I will not dwell on it with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

What Not To Do At Your Zoo!

What to do has been done a time or ten at my den. Now for today we will go the other way. Just because I want to as if the cat does it any other way at his zoo.

The cat insecure?
Pfft I just endure.
The cat makes it through.
Just use whoopdi friggin doo.

Don't take to heart,
The hatred of an old fart.
Get a bad review,
Whoopdi friggin doo.

Don't feel bad,
If the writing pisses one off a tad.
If it turns them blue,
Whoopdi friggin doo.

Need a break,
Feel free to take.
Don't write for a day or two,
Whoopdi friggin doo.

Brain says you suck,
You're crap outta luck.
Actually it swears at you,
But whoopdi friggin doo.

People don't get it,
Your writerly fit.
Say right on cue,
Whoopdi friggin doo.

Think you are done,
But have to edit a ton.
It will be better to view,
So whoopdi friggin doo.

The house is a mess,
While you play character chess.
Hire a cleaning crew,
Or just go whoopdi friggin doo.

Stuck in a rut.
Dog sniffs your butt?
Try something new.
Give the old a whoopdi friggin doo.

Is it engrained in your head?
Can I put this to bed?
If not, here's your final clue,
Just give a whoopdi friggin doo.

There we go the cat is done with today's whoopdi friggin doo show. No matter who you are at every single sand bar, you can't please everyone. So don't try and just give whoopdi friggin doo a run. So say it in mass with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Some dVerse Questions From Beyond At My Pond!

This nut is truly dVerse as he and his hologram future self can really make the cat curse. Yep, The Beyonder is back on his question attack. Here we go again as we try to get rid of him at our den.

Why is it called take out when it is brought in?
Has to be took out to be brought in, I win.
Why are all creations in the box called Jack?
Jack likes to wear disguises and go on the attack.

What happens if you lose a lost and found box?
I guess you won't ever get back your lost socks.
Why is it called lipstick if it always comes off?
I guess stuck on fish scales makes some scoff.

What is the opposite of opposite?
You are asking for a drop and hit.
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
I bet he does without fail.

If you stole a pen from the bank would it be a bank robbery in progress?
I hope the pen explodes and leaves you in one big mess.
What do you call a female daddy long legs?
A daddy long legs that begs?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Both give your doorbell a ring?
What do you say when you are told you're in denial but your not?
I guess you can't say a whole lot.

Do pigs pull ham strings?
Ask one with wings.
Why do you need a group for self help?
So they can slap you when you yelp.

Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
Maybe just one in need of a tan.
How can one hear themselves think?
I guess they have a brain link.

Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?
Maybe so you'll give two a run.
Why is it called a building when it is already built?
Because it is crappy and starts to wilt.

What is the difference between a novel and a book?
One sounds better and makes people look.
Why do they call someone late if they died early?
So no one in the family gets squirrely.

Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale?
Not according to the flyers in the mail.
Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?
To crush you into toe jam.

With that he sighed and went away. I don't think he got any answers he wanted today. But plenty of questions he sure gave before he went back to his future cave. Any good answers you can give at my grass? Feel free to leave them for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.