Saturday, May 31, 2014

Dumb Criminal 101 Is Back For More Fun!

There are just so many out there that the cat has so much ammo at his lair. They come near and far as they try to rob things like a bar. But the dumber they are the easier they are to catch by train, plane or car.

A guy tried to rob a liquor store.
Tried to climb out through the roof to explore.
Fell on his butt three times.
Third time gave up, sat down, smoked and waited for cop chimes.

A lady decides to rob a bank.
But she doesn't want a tank.
She was just drunk on mouth wash,
And wanted to buy more of the slosh.

Car gets stolen with a car phone.
Cops call and say they want to buy it at the tone.
Thief meets up to sell,
Now he has a nice comfy cell.

A guy thinks it was grand,
To impersonate a cop and shake a hand.
Except he does so to a real cop.
Ended up in quite the flop.

Can't get a ride home?
No need to walk or roam.
Just steal an ambulance that is near by.
That won't be hard to spot from the sky.

A guy sets trash cans on fire,
States he was not a liar.
He was just trying to keep warm.
In 115 F weather there could be a snow storm?

Stab your friend in the rear.
Then give a happy cheer.
Even if they choke,
Go with the defense that it was just a joke.

Not enough money in the til?
Tie up the clerk and wait for it to fill.
Just work the desk yourself,
Sadly you may end up on a jail house shelf.

Cops knew they had the right guy,
In each coin machine theft cry,
When he paid $400 in quarters for bail.
Sadly, not a tall tale.

Suck back a single malt,
And prepare to assault.
A Taco Bell Burrito does the trick.
Yep, you still can end up behind a wall of brick.

There we are for today, another bunch of dumb criminals on display. Maybe they will wise up one day? Yeah, that is highly unlikely at any bay. They just keep adding to the mass and giving ammo to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

80 comments:

  1. Dumb criminals can have their day
    Any time at all it's all theirs to play
    They act smart
    But just little parts
    Invariably they ended up having to pay

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They get their due
      For stupidity shining through

      Delete
  2. I am glad that some of these criminals are this dumb
    To the handcuffs, they shall succumb
    Though there are some smart criminals who get away with things
    Eventually they'll have their due, and they won't live like kings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The smart ones get out well they are ahead
      Or just bribe and make people end up dead

      Delete
  3. These are all nuts! And someone stole an ambulance???

    I laughed at the coins for bail. Silly guy. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the idiot stole an ambulance indeed
      Brain must have one too many a weed

      Delete
  4. i love hearing hte dumb crook news on the radio in the mornings,
    ah i guess if you are going to mess, you might have little sense
    to begin with but the situ that some get themselves into
    is pretty hilarious...had one here locally that dropped his cell
    at the scene and they called him to return it and he came

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao what a moron there
      I guess he thought his phone was rare

      Delete
  5. Haha these were rather funny this morning
    hmm, wonder if they got off with a warning
    if you're gonna do the crime use your head
    or you might just find yourself in a cell bed
    The crooks will always try and find a way
    but, if they are caught they will have to pay
    and that would not make for such a good day...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, they will get caught
      If the plan isn't thought
      Every angle they must be aware
      Or off to a jail cell lair
      But good thing they are dumb
      Easier to catch and then some

      Delete
  6. Now tell me my good friend Pat
    Do you speak in rhyme like that
    To communicate in rhyme
    Must take up lots of your time
    I see you at Betsy's every night
    And have a smile as you both write!

    . . . and I'm an ex ambulance man!
    Who stole my ambulance???? Give it back!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used wrong blogger address - here it is!

      Delete
    2. Two blog addresses you have at your sea?
      Greedy a bit are thee?
      And it is easy to do
      Here at my zoo
      When I get stuck
      Or outta luck
      I just give the cat a call
      Then he comes up with something on the wall

      Delete
    3. I didn't think it was quite frugal
      To use an address from my google
      Then you really wouldn'y know
      At which blod address to go!

      I see you have them all well trained
      For normal talking is refrained!!

      I'm just on your blog about to sign up
      Cheers to you, I've raised my cup!


      ROFL
      Love it!

      Delete
    4. Yeah there are a few
      Who have more then two
      Seen some with ten
      Like wtf at my den
      Which one do I click
      Close my eyes and take a pick?

      They sure come and aren't conflicted
      Rhyming and becoming addicted
      Here every day
      Many on display

      Thanks for the sign up too
      Followed back at your zoo

      Delete
  7. My dad had one of those old car phones. Back in the early 90s, that was mind-blowing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah they were quite the thing
      Now they are pointless to give a ring

      Delete
  8. Smooth criminals
    these are not
    brains they have
    not one jot.

    At least none
    got away
    to steal again
    another day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they got their due
      Them and their crew
      Bet they wore the dunce cap too
      Some people just have no clue

      Delete
  9. The one with the car phone and the guy who ran the register to make more money were my favorites.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha he sure was an entrepreneur thief
      But then caused many grief

      Delete
  10. Ya just gotta love those stupid ones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easy to catch
      Can just tell fido to go fetch

      Delete
  11. oh my... i think as a police officer you can tell hundreds of weird stories... loved the first one...one has to know when to give up ...ha.. and honestly.. no Taco Bell Burritos for me... there's this small place just outside san diego and they make the world-best home made shrimps burritos...honestly... smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha never been near there
      And yeah they must be able to tell many a story at their lair

      Delete
  12. This made me laugh, Pat! Especially the thief who stole the ambulance. Ha, not invisible at all. But certainly a speedy getaway car. Smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah could sure speed away
      Even flash some lights on display

      Delete
  13. I was smiling at the coin machine thief as I have used that machine to change my coins to bills ~ Hope you are having a good weekend ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah kind of a dumb move indeed
      As all the coins came to seed

      Delete
  14. We had one here that broke into a church
    but was caught in just a few days
    seems he posted on his FB page
    a selfie of him in the act, silly, wouldn't you say?

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is silly indeed
      Of brain cells he is in need

      Delete
  15. Hah. Funny thieves. At least while they're not at my house. :-0
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is true
      As long as they stay away from my zoo

      Delete
  16. Stealing an ambulance would save one time
    It could be really one neat crime
    If you need the ER and you're sick
    Start siren full blast and any road you can pick
    ``````````````````````````````
    Hahahaha fun post...You and the cats have a sunny week-end

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah you could just go go go
      And get anywhere you want with it in tow

      Delete
  17. Better a dumb criminal than a savvy criminal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, dumb ones are easy to find
      Than the savvy kind

      Delete
  18. Don't have to go too far for crime sight
    Who broke the little penguin on my site?

    But in general enjoy the warm day
    at my/your bay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A little penguin broke
      Have to get that bloke

      Delete
  19. Wow those are bonehead of the year candidates right there

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be tough to choose the winner
      May have to use a random spinner

      Delete
  20. Replies
    1. Glad I can get a smile
      With the dumb criminal 101 mile

      Delete
  21. Well the till guy was inventive at least

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stuck to the scene of the crime
      Struck down in his prime

      Delete
  22. What a hoot. I liked the pay for bail with quarters the best:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah dumb one there
      Brains cells have to be rare

      Delete
  23. Silly criminals
    Seeking thrills
    Once, they stole a canoe
    What next did they do
    Went back for the paddles
    Their stupidity swells
    Waiting were the police oh well,
    From a canoe to a cell



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha dumb is the only word
      For those with a smaller brain than a bird

      Delete
  24. Hahahaha - that's a whole lotta dumb! Thanks for the laugh Pat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dumb by the truck load
      With their criminal mode

      Delete
  25. I'm reading it and thinking, no way, but then, I think about the dumb things I do, and I'm NOT a criminal, so...
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha compare yourself you say
      Geez that must cause dismay

      Delete
  26. Just where would we be without a cat in Hatt's rhyme tree? Loved the noir.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Stealing an ambulance? Why not a Brinks truck?
    At least at the same time, you'd make a few bucks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha guess whatever is handy
      They found dandy

      Delete
  28. Ha! This made me smile! it's the intelligent criminals that are harder to catch - and I wonder why they don't use their amazing brains for legitimate work...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I guess the smart ones are lazy
      And want a quick buck or a tad crazy

      Delete
  29. The smart ones are few and far between

    ReplyDelete
  30. I think the ambulance thief wins today.
    I guess he just wanted a fast getaway.
    Too bad that he'll find himself stuck in a cell.
    Probably thinking, Awe, dammit to hell!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha should have a stole a fire truck
      Then he'd get know where and just go umm duck

      Delete
  31. A topic right up my alley.

    Stupid criminals are universal. Though we have loads here in the States, I have found great examples of dumb from all over the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll have to look farther away
      To see if I can't find more dumb at my bay

      Delete
  32. stupid is as stupid does... ~

    ReplyDelete
  33. Replies
    1. That it does indeed
      Many with brain cells in need

      Delete
  34. Criminals are pretty dumb to be commiting a crime and think they will get away with it anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well there are some who do
      Just they tend to be voted in by me and you

      Delete