Thursday, December 11, 2014

Things You Can Say Around The Holiday!

So the cat is back once more with things you can say at his shore. This one is things you can say about Santa Claus, that you can't say about your partner without them bringing out the claws.

That was quite the ho-ing.
Maybe a midnight showing,
With you strung up.
Can't blame that on the pup.

That is one small candy cane.
May give an ego pain.
No gift for you,
Will surely come due.

Come sit on my lap.
May get you a slap.
Or even the clap.
Or thrown in jail like a sap.

Want to trim my tree?
Oh into the gutter sea.
Where did you go?
Not high but low?

The gift that keeps on giving.
May not leave you living.
If it is an std.
Hey, at least it's free.

Your tummy shakes like a bowl full of jelly.
You may end up rather smelly,
As in dead in the ground,
And never ever be found.

That suit really brings out your chubby cheeks.
Could get a few eeks.
Or maybe a slap upside the head.
Don't think you'll end up dead.

Want to pet my reindeer?
Could get an oh dear.
Or maybe one will come near.
And nibble your umm ear.

I left this carrot out all night.
Could leave one with a fright.
Especially if you used paint.
The seer may faint.

The chimney is very dirty.
Things won't get flirty.
A kick may come due.
Unless you have a dirty chimney too.

And there you are. Now you know at your bar to reference Santa Claus or out could come the bear paws. Any other ones you would add? Feel free to do so at my pad. Now I will go pass a little gas out my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

95 comments:

  1. "This one is things you can say about Santa Claus"
    Still very risky if you are just looking for applause
    Perhaps just may be for once a year
    But still no excuse to cause him fear
    Say lots of things nice that everyone will endorse

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice can go a along way
      But with naughty you can play

      Delete
  2. Want to deck the halls? That one might be a bit much as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that can make one stutter
      As you go to the gutter

      Delete
  3. Up and down the chimney tall
    Santa goes without a fall
    Sprayed with soot and dirt and grime
    But in his work it ain't no crime
    From presents would you get the ban
    If you called Santa a "dirty old man?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol guess I'm screwed
      As the cat is rude

      Delete
  4. This is FUNNY!!!! At this time in my life, when my eleven year old granddaughter looked to me to confirm there is a Santa, I realized how creepy it all is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha even santa can be creepy if one thinks to hard
      Poor guy invades many a yard

      Delete
  5. I love this!! especially The chimney is really dirty!! por Santa!

    Well we always say "poor Santa" when you see these men with their red clothes and here is summer and we have 32° some days (please convert) and the kids happy asking stuff! OMY!
    In everywhere: malls, streests, stores you can see Santas!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol santa gets the brunt of it
      That would not be a hit
      That hot in a santa suit
      I'd rather go play with a newt

      Delete
    2. Did she say she likes dirty chimneys?

      Delete
    3. I think so
      But what do I know

      Delete
  6. Hahaha. Santa likes to smoke his pipe. He sure won't have a gripe. Here in my state, we can leave legal weed on the plate. Then he'll really fly high across the midnight sky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha he'll be as high as a kite
      As he flies through the night

      Delete
    2. haha...i'm in for a little flight... just saying...
      oy...

      Delete
    3. lol oh what kind of flight
      Hidden away at night?

      Delete
  7. There are certain kinds of gifts
    That only gives people the shifts
    Keep them far from me
    I don't want them at my sea

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha don't want a naughty one
      It could be fun?

      Delete
  8. If you say them nicely, you may get something nice

    ReplyDelete
  9. Better watch where that carrot gets stuck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah some places are a no go
      Could cause many a woe

      Delete
  10. Lol! This reminds me a song z100 plays every year for us on christmas eve.... its a christmas angel singing the song from the top of a tree "who put the bush up my tush tush tush, who put the twig up my slama dama ding dong" hahahahababa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha poor angel has it rough
      Things shoved up all in her umm stuff

      Delete
    2. Lol and the song starts with the sounds of a struggle, a grunt, and then a pop! Haha

      Delete
    3. haha oh what goes through ones head
      Sure she's not waiting in bed

      Delete
  11. I can see The Hubby asking me if I'd like to pet his reindeer. I could also see him saying "Hey baby, I've got a package for you" The man would even tie a ribbon round it, just to get me to pull on it.

    If I asked him "Would you like to trim my tree?" He'd be all over me like white on rice. And if I told him "I've been a bad girl" that would lead to quite a romp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha never hurts to have a little fun
      A ribbon would be funny when done
      Te naughty list is grand
      All across the land

      Delete
    2. Oh, how I love Ann's way of thinking
      Some expressions are romantically brinking
      Better than novels or R-rated movies
      Send those ideas to my hubby, please!

      Delete
    3. lmao getting dirty and flirty here
      Fine by my rhyming rear

      Delete
  12. Well, it tis the jolly to be seasoned!

    ReplyDelete
  13. My Hubs is out hunting for reindeer today. I don't eat the stuff... but he does.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't say I'd want to eat it
      Not one bit

      Delete
  14. Santa giving the people clap? Oh my, say it isn't so!! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol stuck it somewhere bad
      At his north pole pad

      Delete
  15. Oh Pat, such a naughty cat, when not sitting on a mat, or not chasing a rat.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for a great laugh this morning! Have a good one!

    ReplyDelete
  17. My little cat
    her name is Lu
    She has no manners
    and belongs in a zoo.
    When Christmas comes 'round
    the glass balls she does break
    until they're replaced
    with plastic and fake.

    VR Barkowski

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plastic are easier to abuse
      But they sure can still amuse

      Delete
  18. It isn't often you find Santa and STD so close together in any document. Good job for breaking the ice, so to speak.

    I'm curious what you're going to replace 'later all' with once we're officially in winter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You shall see
      It is the same every year from me

      Delete
  19. haha, i love the gutter bit! so clever with the way you word things. I always have to read twice to get the full gist of it! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha a double look
      May be in need some days at my nook

      Delete
  20. One thing you forgot
    you mischievous dog.
    What every man's got:
    a festive Yule Log.

    Calling you a dog.
    Imagine that.
    For that I should be flogged.
    For you are a cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha hopefully it is clean
      With no burn
      For it won't be serene
      If a disease comes in turn

      Delete
  21. If someone told me he left his carrot out all night, I'd smack him in the face and run the other way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao but would you look
      At the carrot crook

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Always good to entertain
      Here at my rhyming lane

      Delete
  23. orlin N cassie...we R in enuff trubull round heer with de food serviss bitch...oopz...we meen gurl....with out pizzin off de dood in red two.... sew we wont add any thing.....two day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha don't want a two for one
      Under your sun

      Delete
  24. For us, I think it is the song that keeps giving. With every song sung, my girls keep it going and going. A jolly time of year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Going and going can bring joy
      Or stuck in the head it may annoy

      Delete
  25. An acquaintance said his little girl told him she wanted to go see the ho ho ho.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol that could go the wrong way
      But we know what kids say

      Delete
  26. I wouldn't have thought of any of those are dirty, but now I do. Thanks. lol

    ReplyDelete
  27. How did Santa visit me with no chimney at the house?

    sneaked through the door like a mouse?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe he can go through walls
      To deck your halls

      Delete
  28. This was my favorite:
    Come sit on my lap.
    May get you a slap.
    Or even the clap.
    Or thrown in jail like a sap.
    Ha!! (or ho, ho, ho!)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yep if it wasn't Christmas time
    come sit on my lap would not be good to say
    it might land you a slap on the face
    or be taken away

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The time of year
      Can bring fear or cheer

      Delete
  30. Definitely a lot of things can be said this time of year that can't be said at other times!
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, can say now
      With other times it would wow

      Delete
  31. I think this is the time of year you really could dress up as Santa and run around and tell all those ho ho ho's what you really think of them ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha hide behind santa's beard
      santa may then be feared

      Delete
  32. My youngest sat on Santa's lap once this year, and then told me quietly after that he's too old for that now. He's now sitting beside Santa instead. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha getting to that age
      When lap sitting isn't all the rage

      Delete
  33. "Your tummy shakes like a bowl full of jelly" sounds like fighting words to me! Santa might even consider that saying "Naughty not nice!" Very cute, Pat!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah that will get you a kick
      If that one is your pick

      Delete
  34. Come lick the candy cane,
    Would surely leave you maimed,
    And leave it to Jolly old St. Nick,
    To fill your stockings with big rubber d----s
    :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I bet some would
      Maybe santa is just miss understood

      Delete
  35. I don't mind to invite the cat
    to sit on my lap
    Come sit and we greet
    Just cat,not Pat Hatt
    although sweet :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha the cat may purr
      And leave some fur

      Delete
  36. I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
    That might give me pause
    If Santa began to get frisky
    And do something risky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah mommy might enjoy
      But not the kids for such a ploy

      Delete
  37. Pet my reindeer...lol.....Maybe the zebra thong will be replaced this year?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol supposedly going to get me good this year
      So we'll see what comes to be at my side of the sphere

      Delete
  38. I never cheer
    When reindeer nibble my ear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about elsewhere
      That raise your neck hair? lol

      Delete
    2. They can go and nibble my shoe
      If they can find it, Scooby Doo!

      Delete
    3. Get a shoe snack
      Fiber it may lack

      Delete