Tuesday, January 27, 2015

It's Such A Great Sign It Must Be Divine!

So the cat hasn't picked on Astrology yet after all these years, I guess I didn't want to bring them ummm simple humans to tears, but what the heck, time for astrology to hit the deck. Poor Manzi may forsake me after this rhyming spree.

Oh look at that,
It says you will lose fat,
And win some money.
And I'm the Easter Bunny.

Pffft indeed, to such nonsense.
Some humans are really really dense.
Let's see a mix and match,
And be so diluted in answers that we apply to the whole batch.

Oh but it isn't diluted at all.
It just can't be specific at any hall.
And why can't it be specific for you?
Because you are a non believer and don't moo.

Why do you need astrology though,
When you have fortune cookies to give a go?
Wait, wait , wait, for $9.99 a minute it can give you your fate.
Damn, I'd like to go into that racket, mate.

I'd be a rich cat.
I'll prove my skills, stat!
Just you wait and see.
This will apply to all of thee.

Today you will learn to fly.
You will go up upon high.
You will live and let live.
You will learn to forgive.

Then oopsy, you will die.
But no one will cry.
That is the end.
The bill I will send.

Did I mention you fly for 10 seconds or so?
You go from high to low.
Then ummm crash, boom, bang!
The pooper scooper people come and scoop you up, dang.

I should work on those details at my sea.
Oh but wait! Those aren't needed for astrology.
I just have to be ambiguous and say things you'll love.
So go ahead, and float like a dove.

You'll at least have a bit of fun,
Before you life is all but done.
You'll hit something more empty than your head.
Then you and the cement will both be dead.

Think the cat has a future in charging $9.99 a minute for a call? No? Damn, back to the drawing board at my hall. I guess I'll have to hunt down bigfoot or the Easter Bunny, snap a pic and sell it for money. Hey, at least I have a clear goal with no ambiguous crap coming to pass. Score one for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

74 comments:

  1. "You'll hit something more empty than your head"
    Something worrying and need not be left for dead
    For making a call
    One need not stall
    Just do your own thing talk sensibly with no dread

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No dread is good
      Forget the wood
      That and ones head
      Are hollow with such dread

      Delete
  2. I think the cat does have a future. Snarky predictions with a furry twist.
    Daily horoscopes are so dumb...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, I'll have to get my line up and running
      Then I can start my snarky shunning

      Delete
  3. Cat's sealed his own fate, I'm afraid it's too late
    You mocked Taurus the bull the Moon there this date
    Today Venus of love enters Pisces the fish
    Not a good time to disbelieve in a wish
    But Mercury is retrograde for the first time this year
    You'll repeat your mistakes and then cry in your beer
    It's all in Aquarius who rules the airwaves
    Don't anger the gods or they make you their slaves
    You have till February eleven to repent of your woe
    At nine-fifty-seven there begins a new show

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dam, I'm screwed
      I'll get their attitude
      As the cat tells the gods to get bent
      He will never repent
      But if all else fails
      Cassie and I will release some gas and lift our tails

      Delete
  4. Like the fortune cookies...I just take the good and ignore the bad if I come across one. :) :) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha best way to be
      No bad needed for thee

      Delete
  5. Never put much faith in things from the stars
    Seemed like you read one, you read them all
    The pretty much said the same across the board
    You were either doing really well, or they prepared you for a fall.

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that is all that are
      Same old crap spun a different way at every sand bar

      Delete
  6. The cat can do anything. People will believe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I'll get that line
      Then I can be a rich feline

      Delete
  7. I agree with Peaches!!! I'd pay $9.99 a min to hear a rhyming cat read my future. Hahahaha

    I agree with you that the astrology predictions are bologna, but I do believe that people get personality traits from their signs. Look up a Leo and you will agree that I'm a typical Leo. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha but I could rhyme all day
      And take all of your pay

      Con man wannabe is all they are
      Better off getting your future from a drunk at a bar
      As for personality traits they are vague too
      Enough to work on those at any zoo

      Delete
  8. I myself am a Leo
    Which means we have a lot in common you know.
    Although cats always make me sneeze...
    Hand me a tissue please!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sneezing from a cat
      Can a cat do that?

      Delete
  9. they have some good writers working the astrology bin
    almost as much fun as the fortune cookie writers
    but then again they all are 'in bed' --- and everything
    is written so that it can apply...relatively easy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, make it written so it works with ease
      And one can apply to their life if they so please

      Delete
  10. Think what you might, but it is a bit fun
    to read those things under my sun..
    and I do enjoy those Fortune Cookies
    I might share one with a Wookie
    I am not paying to have them read
    as I would rather dream at my feed
    I might pay to hear a talking Cat
    call me, let's have a nice chat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A talking cat
      Homeward bound did that
      But having fun or poking fun
      That is all the cat will do with an astrology run

      Delete
  11. ahah, I think that's what they basically do- just have about five different fortunes that they keep saying to people. lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, repeat the same with new words
      A thesaurus comes in handy for those turds

      Delete
  12. Personally, I would invest in some Celtic-carved bones to tell the future. I hear they are pretty accurate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can they tell me the loot numbers at my sea?
      If so I'll make an investment in three

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Positive to everything
      At each and every wing

      Delete
  14. But they can tell you when you are sleeping, they can tell when your awake. Wrong fairy tale?

    ReplyDelete
  15. oy - i once had a colleague at work who - before important decissions - she consulted her astrologer - dunno what she had to pay for his bad advise....ugh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Money down the drain
      Better off playing chicken with a train

      Delete
  16. Funny story. When I was in high school I took an elective class that I 'thought' had said Astrology. It actually said, "Astronomy". Not such a fun class but I still got a B in it. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol well a B isn't bad
      Too bad no fun was had

      Delete
  17. I think such things give people something to look forward to, especially if the predictions are vague and open-ended.Candy for the brain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candy it is indeed
      As long as they don't truly believe it will take seed

      Delete
  18. Back when I was a wee bit less gray
    I wrote horoscopes for the high school at my bay
    That tells you something about astrology
    When it comes from someone as naive as me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha just proved the point
      Here at my joint

      Delete
  19. Astrology has always scared me, though I don't believe in it.
    I don't think it helps anyone except the astrologer who has
    more money to bank after reading the stars for those who believe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, one big scam
      Pay them money to hold back the so called dam

      Delete
  20. Well, sometimes a person just needs a little harmless hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing wrong with a little hope
      As long as one is not a dope

      Delete
  21. Are you saying that little horoscope I read in the newspaper this morning isn't true? The world is full of lies. Maybe if you drop your price to 1.99.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could be saying that
      But if you believe call this psychic cat

      Delete
  22. orlin & cassie....sew....we asked de eight ball bout yur few chure with this & it said best stix with...eeennee, meenee, minee & moe.... ore rock paper scizzorz, N ya noe de eight ball never liez !! ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eeennee meeenee mineee moe
      Works great for our show

      Delete
  23. "Every newspaper in America, with very few exceptions, has a daily astrology column. Astrology is bunk. Astrology is fraud. How many of them even have a weekly science column? Why that disproportion?" -Carl Sagan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People are sheep
      You write it, they leap

      Delete
  24. Now, I like fortune cookies. They taste good and give you something to talk about:)

    ReplyDelete
  25. You've reminded me of a situation I got myself into when I was younger involving a so-called astrologist who could grant me three wishes. I'll blog about it one day.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Don't bother reading them but if they say its all good and fine, I'm okay ~

    And I can't believe people making decisions based on these stuff, geez ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah decisions on such crap
      Makes for one strange chap

      Delete
  27. Hey, I did see the Easter Bunny the other day. He must be vacationing here for the winter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, catch a picture of him
      Make sure the lights don't dim

      Delete
  28. Do those hotlines make any money anymore? I assumed they went bye-bye in the era of the Internet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there are still a few
      Like the sex ones that come due

      Delete
  29. The fortunes are so vague, they could be applied to pretty much any aspect of your life. My sister is one of the dummies who used to read them daily and get excited when she thought she was going to have a great day because of what her horoscope said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha well at least she got joy
      Out of their horoscope ploy

      Delete
  30. Used to read them for fun
    Haven't in quite a while
    Did you know Big Foot IS the Easter Bunny
    Yeah, it might cramp your style

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, well two for one
      Double the money run

      Delete
  31. What a bunch of bunk.
    A bad horoscope could leave you in a funk!

    ReplyDelete
  32. There is definitely scope for horror there!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I haven't read my fortune in a long time. I one time went to a fortune teller that sucked. What a rip off

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol big time rip off indeed
      As they all are about the greed

      Delete