Saturday, February 28, 2015

Another Flap Of Her Trap!

So it seems Flappy has to come around once a year to annoy my little rhyming rear. Well she annoys Pat, but just hearing of it annoys the cat. Damn woman never shuts the hell up. I'd rather take a butt sniffing pup. At least I could swat them and not get into trouble. If you ever hear her, get out of there on the double.

"Hi, long time no talk. I wanted to book a room for a night. My group has a special meeting coming up. I want to book a room for the night."

Yes, she repeats like a broken record day or night. The dingbat just needs to take a one way mission to Mars flight.

"What? You don't do that anymore? But I need to book a room for the night. We have a special group meeting and I need to book a room for the night."

Ever deal with such a nitwit? Can you believe she isn't a two year old having a fit? More like sixty or so with enough make up on to make a car glow.

"But can't you still book a room? I need to book a room. Just one night is all I need. I really need to book a room. We have a special meeting coming up. I need to book a room."

A flat no and away she still will go. Pat, thought about saying yes and then saying got you or something. But then she'd never stop her ring.

"But I need to book a room. Can you go see if the room is open? I need to book a room. I can check back later. I really need to book a room."

Nope, cannibals have the room. They would bring you doom and gloom. Hey, it was the first thing that popped in. Yeah, I really said cannibals at my bin.

"I don't appreciate your tone. I really need to book a room and you are mocking me. I really need that room. But if you don't want to get it for me, I'll go find another room."

Fine by me, Pat said with glee. He then heard a huff and puff on the phone and expected a dial tone.

"I really need to book that room. Are you sure you can't book that room? It is just for one...."

And Pat went click. Shoved the phone down some slick. At least she wasted a few minutes of the work day. The only positive thing that came his way. Do these people ever take a hint? Maybe their brain is shaded in some sort of dufus tint? The cat is glad she never gives him sass or he wouldn't be such a nice little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Start With That And You'll Go Splat!

So the other day well out and about the cat saw some nice trout. Whoops, just a human with a fish face. That is one conversation starter in which not to embrace. Which lead the cat to this, conversation starters to miss.

Does this look like I stepped in crap?
Lift your shoe and show the chap.
Yeah, won't get anywhere.
Might get a wtf stare.

Would you know where I can find a moose?
Better off asking a goose.
Unless looking for a chocolate one.
Then they may not want to run.

My ass is really itchy, can you see why?
They'd peel over and die.
Plus you may go to jail.
It would be an epic fail.

So, what kind of toilet paper do you use?
The cat will eat it no matter the tp fuse.
But with this you would lose,
Although it could amuse.

My cat scratched my butt, want to see?
Again, you'd get no glee.
May go back to jail.
Jail house rock you may wail.

I think my diaper needs changing.
You may get some rearranging.
Could make it to the front of the line.
But no one would find you divine.

Do you think my trunk could fit something person sized?
The police may next be advised.
You sure like the clink.
Something special about such a rink?

Do you know you are breathing air?
Somehow I think no one will care.
You might get another wtf glare.
Or a pat on top your hair.

Then the tried and true,
Hey, how are you?
Fine and that is it.
Yep, better off saving your spit.

And the worst of the worst,
With your conversation burst.
One that leads you nowhere, I bet,
Hi, I have a blog on the internet.

Have you heard any crazy ones at play? I tried to keep it pg at my bay. But many do give a wtf look when you say you have a blog nook. Find that funny when it comes to pass, and nice that it gives blog fodder to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

A Common Trait In Real Estate!

So the cat has been around the block, and by around I mean like a world wide walk, when it comes to matters of real estate. Moved 16 times so far to date. Isn't it fun to see what they say to try and get you into a new bay?

Great lakeside view!
Even some grass to chew.
The lake = a cow pond.
Maybe there is a lake in the great beyond?

Situated in a unique place.
Such a unique embrace.
High traffic and lots of smog.
That is sure one unique bog.

Security cameras everywhere.
Means it is such a great lair.
It has a high crime rate.
But forget that and take the bait.

Even has a shed!
Wow, can that really be said?
Oopsy, no garage at all.
Enjoy the shed, have a ball.

A great view!
My, it has two.
Each a big hole in the wall.
View, weather, bugs and all.

Unlimited potential is had!
This will be a great new pad.
There will always be something to fix.
Your wallet will take its licks.

Priced for immediate sale!
So come and hit the trail.
Something is about to break.
So come, buy and that burden, take.

Oozing with charm!
Sound the alarm.
The place is damp.
No need for a magic lamp.

A fixer upper!
Better off living in dishes of tupper.
Means you'll have to tear it down,
And build a new one in town.

On a very private lot.
Means to nowhere near you can trot.
It will also be hard to find.
But it is still one of a kind.

Any you have come across you wish to add? They sure try and pull a fast one when people are looking for a pad. Descriptions are sometimes full of crap. It is good most aren't a sap. So run if a place smells like rotten gas, just trust my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Really Make You Look With Their Hook!

Ever go all play on words at your bay? I'm sure you have once or twice with what you say. The cat has done it a time or two. This time let's look at some that are advertised in our view.

Satisfy your speed tooth.
Hey, no need for a dentist booth.
Although you may end up in traction,
For your speeding reaction.

F nd the m ss ng p ece
Maybe they hid it in Greece?
Did you spy it?
Use that eye a bit.

Now arriving fair fares.
Might get stares.
Is there such a thing as a fair fare?
Yeah, like bigfoot they are rare.

It'll blow your mind.
Beats gas out the behind.
Could go all gutter too.
But that may turn some blue.

Shift happens!
Between rappins?
I can't shift.
So won't go swift.

Tree wise men.
Do you have a hen?
Could be a partridge in a pear tree.
That would bring kiddies glee.

Cheap enough to say Phuket I'll go.
A cheat swearing show.
Well I'll be a bleepin bleep.
They are just bleepin cheap.

Fish & Sip.
Don't give lip.
You get a drink and not a chip.
Saves on added weight to your hip.

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Piss off the PTA and PC is safe bets.
Who knew a video game controller could be so fun.
No wonder to the store so many run.

And if you need a drink,
After this at my rink.
No need to fill your cup,
Just wine me up.

Do the play on words annoy or bring you joy? Some can be rather fun, but others are eye roll worthy to give a run. They must work though as many a time they are given a go. Maybe the fish place chopped up that singing bass. The would be fine by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Still Getting In My Licks Here At Six!

So the cat is still alive and kicking and his heels surely still are clicking. Nothing can stop little old me as I run around and meow with glee. Not even turning six. I will still be up to the same old tricks.

I will still hide under the bed,
But maybe stick out my head.
Unless you are really scary,
Then I'll be as hidden as the tooth fairy.

I will still stare at Cass.
She is one mean lass.
But I will still stare.
She gets annoyed with my glare.

See, I can get her going.
A fight will be showing.
I have to keep her in shape.
So she doesn't get as round as a grape.

I will still flop how I like.
Snip snip made things take a hike.
So I can flop without a care,
Nothing hurts anymore down there.

I will still hog the sink.
Water doesn't bring me to the brink.
I'll just shake off and go.
I may even shake water on a foe.

I will still kill the TP.
That white stuff has nothing on me.
It will get taken down the hall.
With it, I'll have a ball.

I will still hog the bed.
No room for Pat's head.
He can sleep on the floor.
It isn't so bad at our shore.

I will still go upon high,
To see what I can spy.
Then I may jump on your head.
Yep, that is what I said.

And I will still claim Pat's ass,
Even if he let's loose gas.
He won't be getting up.
I can be just as annoying as a pup.

Well I won't ever be this small again.
So you got me there at my den.
But I can still fit in small places,
And with long legs it's always off to the races.

And the cat's sixth birthday is now through. He'll always be here to rhyme too. That is for sure at our sea. Can't let withdrawal set in for all of thee. So ends another birthday pass from my six year old little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Euphemism's Are Here, Oh Dear!

The cat had fun with the last swearing, or would that be profanity, post. So now he figured why not go all euphemism at our coast. I bet you have one or ten that you use at your den.

Want to swear,
But can't at your lair?
The kiddies might hear?
Some stick up their butt types near?

Well everything is ducky,
Just use it's horse pucky.
And if you have something else to say,
Wait until later, what the hay.

Need to flip off a trucker?
Just use mothersmucker.
Wish such a hole you weren't diggin?
Just use good old friggin.

Whoopdi friggin doo is better though.
But that much you know.
You could then be peeved off.
Sounds like #1 and a wig got in a scoff.

Dang it could then come due.
That dam sure misses you.
Fiddle sticks I spelled it wrong.
Dams everywhere will dang me strong.

Dag Nabit I sound like a rabbit.
That would become a bad habit.
Or would that just be drat?
Heck, I'll just go with strat.

Then blankty blank sure works.
Bleepity bleep has some perks.
Bologna seems to have its say.
Maybe with some bullspit added to the fray?

Arse is easy to do.
Been used at my zoo.
Which brings a perk as well.
Depends on where you dwell.

A bloody wanker can work.
In many places they may think it a perk.
Just like arsemonger and the rest,
As long as they can't pass the overseas test.

Son of a gun is easy,
If not rather cheesy.
Can you be a son of a gun?
$@^%# I am now done.

Any you use at your sea that were missed by me? I could go on forever but that would be such a long endeavor. Plus I might work up so much gas sitting here. That may not be good for my rear. So on any more I will take a bleeping pass and I'll never bleep out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Look At Me! I Won, Yippeee!

That big flashy, not so secret, meeting of plastic surgery anonymous is on tonight. Whoops, it is still called the Oscars at every hall? Damn, I spoiled the inside name. Plastic surgeons everywhere now have me to blame.

Step on down,
With a plastic crown,
A million dollar this or that,
To hide away the fat.

No need to be shy,
Just bat an eye.
The eye lashes are fake too?
Damn, about fake you.

But fake is not the partake,
Of this rhyme I make.
Fake is fake as can be.
Fake is easy to see.

They think fake is not?
Maybe all the fake gave them eye rot?
Hail plastic surgeons everywhere,
They can give them all a blurry stare.

Oh yes, off the fake.
For that is a piece of cake.
Even better is the win.
Nothing like it at any bin.

If old farts vote for you,
You win a golden statue.
But the shine isn't the best part,
Now you have a naked man to take to heart.

No porno films allowed,
With this uptight crowd.
So instead the win is porn.
A naked man on your shelf is born.

But damn, this day in age,
Even that isn't all the rage.
I just got a trophy for coming in 110th place.
Oh that sure put a smile on my face.

Everyone gets a medal as well.
So many on my shelf it's swell.
No need to work at all.
Just look at my trophy wall.

From 110th place to 65th place.
Doesn't it make your heart race?
All you got is a naked man for winning.
Now who is the one sinning?

Awards are a dime a dozen now a days. All you have to do is make it through the maze. Whether 110th place or first, you will still get an award even if you are the worst. So yippeee for you. I suppose at least you don't, hopefully, have a plastic view.  Don't you love the award system that came to pass? I just won 50 awards for sitting on my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Buck The Trend Of Borrow And Lend!

The cat is a hog when it comes to things anyway here at our bay. I steal from Cassie and Pat. Everything I want is owned by the cat. If I don't want it though, you can give it a go.

Can I borrow that?
Just annoys the cat.
Hell friggin no.
Now away you should go.

Oh lend it to me.
Sure, here's some cat pee.
That is all you need.
Now go away at top speed.

But why? They say.
After told to go away.
Like no is such a bad thing.
Damn leechers feel the sting.

The answer is easy.
It may not be very pleasy.
Yeah, made up a word.
I know, how absurd.

But if you want it,
Don't hiss and spit.
You damn well go buy it.
Then you won't have a fit.

Leave the cat be,
As you'll get nothing from me.
What is mine, is mine.
I'm such a greedy feline.

But borrow and lending,
Just leads to offending.
Yeah, you can borrow this,
Hope it brings you bliss.

9 months later you still have it.
But ohhhh it's only been a bit.
Yeah, friggin right.
See the borrowing plight?

So people can curl their lip,
Or wiggle their hip,
But they won't get nothing from me.
Go spend their own money.

If the cat doesn't want it though.
They can have it and go.
But that's not borrowing or lending.
Get the message that I'm sending?

Are you a borrower and/or lender at your sea? Did you get offended by little old me? Yeah, I doubt that, as I'm such a loveable cat. Now I am pushing my luck. At least I don't quack like a duck. Now I am done with today's sass and off I go with my non-borrowing or lending little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Care To Meat And Unethically Eat?

So the other day the cat over heard an argument being had. Yeah, they always make good blog fodder for my pad. One of them was quite mad but both thought they were rad.

You eat meat?
That you must delete.
How can you do that?
You are a dingbat.

You can't eat meat.
Not even as a treat.
Have to be vegan like me.
You just have to be.

No eating meat allowed.
How can you stand proud.
You eat a living thing.
Hear the song I sing.

You can't eat meat.
Not to beat the heat.
Not to full your tummy,
Even if it is yummy.

You just can't.
Not even an ant.
They may not be filling,
But eating them is just as chilling.

And why can't you?
Because it is just eww.
And there is more than that.
It will make you fat.

You can't eat meat.
Not even as a treat.
Be like me today.
Go vegan, I say.

It is better for you.
So says I at your zoo.
I command you not to eat meat.
Take meat and hit delete.

Not only is it oh so bad,
And you make me not glad,
But it is bad for you.
Oops, I said that, but it is true.

Oh and guess what?
Neither should a cat or mutt.
It is unethical for anyone or thing to eat meat.
Have some broccoli as a treat.

Well it may not have rhymed like that, but you get the jest of this dingbat. Is it unethical you think? What next? Unethical to grab water and drink? Nut cases like that who think one thing is good for every single person on Earth, can spout words, but a pile of crap is what they are worth. Morons seem to be everywhere to give some sass. Well off I go with my unethical, meat eating, little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Whoopdi Friggin Doo Is In Charge Of You!

Robbie Raisin here and all better run in fear. I will have my say and make you all play. Yep, you will have to play my game. Whoopdi Friggin Doo is never tame.

Manzanita you first, I will make you go as you are old and may burst. What will you do to clean the whoopdi friggin doo scene?

A little porn at early morn
Makes the day bright without a scorn

Well, I think that would get rather dirty. Rosey, with customers how will you get flirty?

Anyone else thinking Frederick's of Hollywood on that last one? bwuahhaa

I suppose that would do. Theresa, will you stand guard at Whoopdi Friggin Doo?

I know a few in real life and want to punch them in the mouth every time I see them. 

That will keep a safe set. Betsy, will you take care of every pet?

Just makes you want to cross the line when someone says you can't.

So just say no and away you go. Got it!  Fundy Blue, will you clean up audience spit?

this post made me feel like I was in a straight jacket and having trouble breathing

Umm so in the loony bin? Adam, will you do it my way and pass work in?

I always hated "their special way" when people transfer it to work and their your boss

Damn, how rude. Suza, will you show our patrons attitude?

So what if I told you
I was a Nigerian Princess
And needed a small investment
Would you give me your business?

High and mighty you say? That works any day. Humbird can you keep up or fall behind like a pup?

Even if he wrote months ahead
he always finds the food for your head.

Feeding us and ahead, check!  Truedessa, can you amuse from our ship deck?

even if I wear mismatched socks
I would gladly dance with a bear

Yeah, that would amuse and maybe confuse. Alex, will you fix a fuse?

I'd say there is more than one way to skin a cat, but that would be really wrong here

I said fuse, not cat. Hank, can you do better than that?

Without a break # 43
Progressing slowly!

I suppose you could count our money. Gloria, will you make the honey?

Well you always surprise me (in many ways) creepy dolls? Uh?

Is that a yes? Brian, will you be our lawyer or something like it I guess?

definitely you should read the fine print or you might get bent on a deal

Hmm I suppose that will do. Al, has a question for you.

For the money I pay
Don't wanna go THAT way.

Hmmm oh so wrong. Betty, ready to sing our theme song?

Oh the power of advertising
it catches a few
with promises of things
that are rarely true

Is that a yes as well? Tabbies of Trout Towne, will you spell?

the cats orlin cassie & their dad Pat ...
yes their books have crossed our mat
we have really enjoyed each & every one
so sit down & read coz they are quite fun !

That is a no. Mary Kirkland, anything to add below?

Yeah because drunk airline passengers seems like a great idea

See, such confusing cats. Mary, will you clean our floor mats?

Holy cow!

So enthusiastic for such a thing. Keith, ready to clean the garbage out and sing?

Well this solution is rather, um, shitty
But i must admit, it's quite witty  

Another yes that we'll take. Snowcatcher, ready to make a snowflake?

Now I know what I should have done
With the raccoon poop left under my sun

I guess not. Stephanie Faris, ready to make the crowd hot?

My husband does that in the car.

Hmmm err umm okay. Anne, can you keep all in play?

The Pumpkin Man of Doom  

A nice threat I suppose. Marg, will you keep us on our toes?

Also I have Netflix deal so I will see if I can get some of them like that

World wide fame. Brian the cat, what is your final claim?

Maybe I will try to Count Dracula!

Halloween is over. Next time I'll ask rover. And there you have your jobs, or lack there of. I hope your new career at Whoopdi Friggin Doo you love.


Good luck working at whoopdi friggin doo, it is not something the cat would want to do. But you may all have fun or just turn around and run. So ends this latest whoopdi friggin doo pass from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A dVerse Note Floats My Boat!

Well since Claudia and the Gawker have flown to coup over at the dVerse loop, the cat figured he would have to give the latest one a go. I had to rearrange some posts, tough work, I know. First blog post I have written in a month and a half as well. What? Are you damning the cat to hell? You just may when I am through as I have a future note for you.

Dear little rhyming ass,
Much has come to pass.
Much you can guess.
The world is still a mess.

So just sit back and read,
And then tell those in need.
The future is so fun.
2096 should be told to everyone.

We had another war,
Wait, make that three.
All because the rich want more,
But that isn't news to thee.

The "cure" for cancer is close.
It is said to be oh so near.
But still using the chemo dose,
And raking in billions every year.

Police Academy 25 just came out.
They are surely a big hit.
In this one they solve the case of missing trout.
It does drag on quite a bit.

95% of TV is reality crap.
That happened thanks to some smuck.
He created a way across the world wide map,
For all to make shows who are down on their luck.

The world has a brand new dish.
So stalk up on some chicken, quick!
I am not even talking mercury filled fish.
75% of our protein comes from eating bugs, sick!

Everyone is chipped at birth,
Except for maybe the rich.
You can opt out if you have worth.
Otherwise you are the NSA's bitch.

And the worst part of all,
Is something you see now.
Humans are getting dumber as each generation takes a fall,
You could be hard pressed to find a dumber cow.

So don't worry about much.
Just watch what you touch.
2096 still has lots of germs,
Oh, and Shit Grabbed is just one of many new terms.

So there was the letter from me to me. My, what I can do at my sea. I think I'll build a time machine and go into the past. It may be better than watching reality TV with every person as a cast. Are you ready for such a future to come to pass? See, I told you that you would be cursing my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Round Thirty One Continues The Crazy Fun!

They will never run out it seems as the search engine crazies find me in teams. But it gives the cat some fun, even if there is always at least a very strange one. Heck, they are all strange. Maybe they are in need of some spare change?

butt naked nasty giraffe

So giraffes wear clothes? Damn, a naked one must suffer woes.

do red pandas eat bamboo

I would assume so. But damned if I know.

monkey picking its bum

And flicking it at you. That will turn you brown and blue.

sea of holes

Do I wanna know? I vote, hell no!

ass sore watermelon

A watermelon has an ass? Damn, must give off fruity gas.

killer mimes

They are after you. Whatever will you do?

pamela anderson smoking hot

Maybe, but if she gives a sneeze you may catch a disease.

pictures to see when your high

Great, the dope heads are here. Everyone give the brain cell killer a cheer.

clap your hands stomp your feet nod 

That like walking and chewing gum at the same time? Be one tough chime.

what doesn't kill you gives you xp grum

Does this look like a video game? Enjoy your xp all the same.

ugly long haired mutt

Sorry, just a cat. So take your mutt and scat.

stores made of bricks yipee

So wood stores or whatever are hated by thee? Yippeee for umm me.

Still lost in the maze, help

Your phone doesn't have GPS on it? That is some tough umm spit.

bum tucks and tummy expansions

A bit backwards there. But enjoy at your lair.

And the final one for this time proves ghosts really are able to commit a crime. At the very least violate you. That is if it is true. Personally I think they are a nut. But judge for yourself at your hut.

A ghost is haunting my ass

Maybe they did not mean literally ass with that pass? That would be kind of hard to go when blocked by a specter mass. Call the Ghostbusters to your sea, maybe they will be able to suck it out of thee. Maybe you just have a bad case of gas? It sure beats my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Cassie And The Wild Cat Are Back Up To Bat!

Another book starring little old me and old Cassie. She thinks she is so classy. The bug is back as well. I'd eat that where I dwell. But we will pretend not. Also a few other past characters join the plot.

A relaxing Cassie and I,
Bother that Cook guy.
He gives us a snack.
Then we come under attack.

It's a ghost named Boo.
He's lost his backyard zoo.
A ghost getting lost?
Maybe it's brains were tossed?

We want to make him fry.
He seemed like one scary guy.
But is he very scary?
I knew he wasn't hairy.

Then come more.
A big mutt encore.
A baboon one as well.
Those balloons he likes to sell.

Away we roam.
Cassie hates leaving home.
But will we win?
Or will nature, a ghost, a mutt or the bug do us in?

Yeah, nothing can do us in. So I guess we may win. Take it for a spin and see how. The book won't meow. Of course you can pretend it does. That could add to any buzz. And so another book starring me and Cass has come to pass. I guess I can share the spotlight with that lass. She is good company for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

A Little Thanks Up The Ranks!

So the cat noticed something the other day, actually a while ago now at my bay, you just can't say thanks and move on. Whether you mean it or not as you shout it from the front lawn.

Thanks for this,
Thanks for the bliss.
Thanks and thanks.
Screw the banks.

Whoops, that's not thanks.
Scratch that from the ranks.
You'll thank me later.
Also avoid a gator.

Double thanks for me.
Get it at my sea?
No thank you?
Thankfully more will come due.

Thanks a lot.
A thankful plot.
Thanks a million.
Why not a billion?

Thanks a ton.
Was a ton done?
Thanks for everything.
Easy summation ring.

Have it now?
Thankfully, wow.
Didn't take you long.
So sing along.

Thanks with extra thanks.
That a movie with Tom Hanks?
I thank you a whole lot.
My, aren't you hot to trot.

Have I thanked you today?
Yes, now go away.
I have to thank you again.
As bad as an old thanking hen.

Thanks with a hand shake.
Pffft OCD says go jump in a lake.
Everyone here thanks you.
So that means more than two?

Can't you just say it one way,
Instead of an exaggeration at your bay?
I made fun so are you crying?
No? Thanks for trying.

Do you add extra to thanks? Are you one of the super duper thanks ranks? Thanks for telling me. I need to thank thee. How much more can I thank you? Can I get a thankful clue? I will stop my thankful sass. Thanks for reading another post from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Love Is In The Air And It's Smell Is Rare!

Back we are to the yearly post when greeting cards and flower companies strike it rich from coast to coast. Meanwhile many fall for the magic day, thinking it will make everything a okay!

Love is in the air,
Show one you care.
Buy, buy, buy.
They will go oh me oh my.

You will really win their heart.
Just go out and fill your cart.
Throw everything in.
Their heart you want to win.

Don't skimp on quality at all.
They can tell at their hall.
Let your credit card out,
So love can fly about.

You need a card.
You need to flower the yard.
Don't forget the house too.
Flowers everywhere must come due.

This day will be oh so magic.
Forget everything that is tragic.
Divorce lawyers will no longer be in need.
Just celebrate this day at your feed.

All will be right with the world.
Forever your toes will be curled.
So says this day.
So shop away.

The day even has a mascot.
He is so cute by a whole lot.
He flies around all flabby.
His aim isn't too shabby.

Then he hits you with an arrow.
Maybe he wants your bone marrow?
Did I mention he wears nothing at all?
Oh yeah, there is a diaper on call.

He can work 24/7 to keep love alive.
He will make it survive.
The only monkey wrench,
May be his diaper stench.

Love is in the air.
It's smell is rare.
Breathe it all back.
This oh so special day will bring everything back.

Pffffft is all the cat can say. But you knew that by now at my bay. Pfffft to any magic crap. Pffft to every Hallmark chap. One whole day does nothing magic at all. But go ahead and believe the Valentine's day writing on every wall. The cat will now go pass some gas out my pffft-ing little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Let's Join In At My Bin!

So today the cat is going to help you out. Although you may end up sitting there with a pout. I can't help what you are. Don't go blaming my sand bar. Anyway, so away we go with a quiz show.

Are you old?
Are you dead?
Do you have a bald head?
Then you are a walrus at club med.

Do you like food?
Are you rude?
Do you spit?
Then you are a thing that flushes umm shit.

Do you date?
Do you mate?
Do you cry?
Then you are a newt with a glass eye.

Can you run?
Are you a nun?
Are you confused?
You are a mime that is abused.

Are you in shape?
Is your head like a grape?
Did you answer that?
Wow, you are a plump rat.

Would you save the girl?
Would you take a truck for a whirl?
Would you jump off a bridge?
You are a goat on a ridge.

Who do you like more?
Do you snore?
Do you have money?
Congrats, you just look funny.

Would you jump?
Would you hump?
Would you sneeze?
Wow, you're a leaf in the breeze.

Will you stay?
Will you play?
Will you bite?
You're a Barney night light.

Can you sing?
Ready for a fling?
Do you like spring?
Congrats, you are this, that or the other thing.

Did you answer the cat's quizzes correct? Can you stand erect? Wow, you are a human and not some stupid thing in a quiz. That must really want to make you go take a whiz. I know, I know, you have another quiz to do at your show. Wowee, you may find out you're a singing bass. That is so impressive to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Scoop That Poop!

So we figured it was time we were on display in another way. The It's Rhyme Time video was done years ago. So why not have a little update to show? Haven't changed much at our sea but Cassie stole my tp. Just wait and see. That mean old Cassie.

Some days some tasks,
Go getting missed by you.
But we are there to
Make sure you always clean our poo.

There's no litter box too big, no litter box too small,
When you smell it whether you're short or tall,

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.

Your nose never fails,
Once our business is through.
So keep your end of the transaction that came due

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.

We'll flick litter all over,
Down the hall and on the wall,
And you are the one that has to clean it all.

Bend and scoop,
Clean that box
Bend and scoop,
Or we'll pee on your socks.

Are you a scooper at your sea? You know that will impress me. Hey, beats a dirty diaper or a shovel for a dog. But the stink may give you brain fog. Still you better scoop in mass. So says my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Would You Embrace This Strange Place?

So the cat has found another place for you to travel to. Warning, you may not come back to your zoo. So pack a big bag just in case. Today Hoia Baciu Forest in Romania we embrace.

 Hoia Baciu Forest is the place to be.
It is the Bermuda Triangle of Romania you see.
There all kinds of things taking place.
They even get visitors from outer space.

Supposedly much has occurred there.
Exaggeration may be at play by more than a hair,
But so many things seem to be said,
That it does leave thoughts in your head.

UFOs have been spotted a ton.
They fly through the air when out goes the sun.
There they fly and zoom,
Bringing forth doom and gloom.

Said to be a place that can send and receive,
As in you step in and this Earth you may leave.
A portal to another dimension of sorts.
I wonder if they play any sports?

Or maybe other realities could come due.
There is a difference between the two.
Not sure any of that is true.
But a story did come in view.

A 5 year old girl got lost in there,
She came out 5 years later unaware.
The same clothes on her back.
Maybe a wardrobe the aliens lack?

The demon eyes were said to be seen.
They glow and bounce like a jumping bean.
What is a jumping bean anyway?
Beats me at my bay.

Ghosts haunt the place.
Poltergeists even embrace.
Creatures of all types come to stay.
I guess they just can't get away.

No Bigfoot though.
That would top the show.
Bigfoot needs to go there.
He would make the ghosts choke on his hair.

People have come out though.
They had rashes and were sick from head to toe.
No idea why they got such a thing.
Oh and electronics also don't work or ring.

Now don't you want to hop a plane and go there? You will surely enjoy such a scare. No way you say? You are no fun at your bay. Go meet and greet an alien and get probed. Maybe they'll be kind enough to let you get disrobed. The ghosts may not have such class. Don't forget to report back, if you make it out alive, to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

What Comes To You As You View?

So Pat is working on some secret project thing and it does not have a rhyming ring. Yeah, he is doing another non rhyming book. How dare he at our nook. So he is trying to get the cover right and figured he'd let all see the one he got now at my site. Using the rhyming cat, I will have to scratch him for that.

As you can see,
The idea has to do with him, me and Cassie.
At least in a round about way.
Fully though, he can't say.

All four versions will be used.
I sure look amused.
But how can all four be used you ask?
Ahh, that is part of the task.

The title will obviously go on the TV screen.
Nice and easily and clean.
That was my goal there.
So left space to spare.

Main thing though.
What do you think when they show?
Do you think kids book?
As it is far far far away from that at my nook.

Do you think comic strip?
As that may be hip.
But not it at all.
Hopefully humorous though at my hall.

Do you think it is a cat book?
 As that isn't true at my nook.
Maybe done through cat's eyes though.
As we know cats are in the know.

Think it is crappy?
Wants to make you take a umm nappy?
Cassie can sure smile.
I guess she doesn't think everything is vile.

Just checking what is the first thought.
Then I'll see if it goes with the plot.
For if it is rhyme or entirely cats,
Those sure aren't the going for stats.

Blink and look,
Let me know at my nook.
For this could work,
Unless it isn't a perk.

This one will be way way way out there,
Different from much I have done at my lair.
Well at least from each book,
May still have perspectives seen at my nook.

So thoughts at your sea? Let them fly to me. Then we'll get back to regularly scheduled ranting with ease. Doing that is a breeze. Let the thoughts flow in mass as that works fine by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Stay Out Of Trouble And Avoid The Rubble!

So we are back with more things you can say here at my bay. The cat wants to help you out so you stay out of trouble and don't get buried in a pile of rubble. This time it is things you can say about a movie, but which your partner won't find groovy.

That one really blew.
You won't get a screw.
All the best moments were in the trailer.
You may become a wailer.

Maybe the sequel will impress more.
Watch out for that encore.
Not as good as the one that came before.
Ouch, run for the door.

The end credits can't come fast enough.
You may lose some of your umm stuff.
That one sucked so bad.
May lose your lips at your pad.

Logic left the building with that one.
May get a kick to the bun.
A great thrill ride until the end.
That you surely may want to amend.

Halfway through I got bored.
You may end up floored.
That was quite the flashback to happier times.
You may get kicked out with the mimes.

That was one horrible ride.
You may go out with the tide.
I never want to see that again.
You will get sent to the dog pen.

That was not worth the price of admission.
So ends any and all ambition.
I was ready to leave at the intermission.
May want to leave that as an omission.

That was one big turd.
May never again utter a word.
I wish I had the screener.
Things may sure get meaner.

Where can I get the special edition?
Get ready for a bad transition.
All special effects and no meat.
Run away down the street.

That was shorter than I expected.
You may get neglected.
Wow, that really dragged.
You just may get red flagged.

The cat could go on forever but he thinks he has helped you out enough with this endeavor. Got any you can add? Don't want people getting beat up by their partners at their pad. Or maybe they are into such a pass? No need to share that with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

They Like To Pile In To The Jail Bin!

The dumb criminals are back for another go around at my shack. I could do a post every day for a year on these nuts. There are that many dumb ones in ruts. But that is no surprise at all. Plus it would be too restrictive anyway at a my hall.

There was a pair,
Who didn't forget underwear.
Sadly, they left their phone on though.
And butt dialed 911 on the go.

One guy was running away,
Not wanting to pay.
It looked like he was well ahead,
Oopsy, ran right into a parked cop car, such dread.

Another sure could run,
Took off after the deed was done.
He ran towards the sliding door,
Used the wrong side and glass in his head decided to explore.

One guy decided to rob a convenience store.
He thought it would be easy at such a shore.
He went to hop the desk and get to the cash.
Steel chair to the head ended his bash.

One tried to run away,
But dropped the loot he stole with much on display.
His saggy pants fell as he ran.
He fell proving to be a flash in the pan.

Criminals hiding out,
Believed a great shout.
Free beer for all.
Gave their address, oopsy, down they fall.

Mask, check!
Ready to make all hit the deck.
Get ready for the greatest criminal ever chants.
Easy to find, as he was wearing clown pants.

A game can come in handy too.
A cop entered a broken into zoo.
Said Marco as he went inside.
Polo was returned with such pride.

A guy comes to rob a place.
The ski mask is covering his face.
But it wasn't on great.
So takes it off, redoes it, camera takes the bait.

And the best one of all.
This guy tried to rob a family's hall.
But a big epic fail took seed.
Police were already inside taking statements about another deed.

Doesn't it make you feel grand that these idiots are caught with little fuss across the land? That last guy should have at least looked into the window or maybe notice the cars with sirens that can glow. So ends this dumb criminal pass. You humans truly don't impress my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

I Called It With This Fit!

Would it not be grand to live by the rules of kids across the land? It would be much easier I suppose and cause a few less woes. Or maybe not. I guess we shall explore this plot.

The front seat is there.
With one simple declare,
"I called it!"
Can't even have a fit.

It was called.
You can be appalled.
But you have to sit in the back,
After such an I called it attack.

What can you do,
With this at your zoo?
Much I bet.
Just follow the pet.

Lottery prize is grand.
All buy tickets across the land.
But no need for you.
You called it first at your zoo.

So you win.
Everyone thinks it is a sin.
You then stand in line.
Pfft this law is divine.

You called the first spot.
Move ahead a whole lot.
Even the DMV,
Can't stop thee.

Want that job?
Can't give it to Bob,
Because you called it.
All applicants have a fit.

But you called the thing.
Corner office at your wing.
But why stop there?
Call the presidency at your lair.

Save money on campaign crap.
You called it first on the map.
It is now all yours.
Go on world tours.

See how that works?
Doesn't I called it have such perks?
It should be a new law.
No one will come after you with a hacksaw.

What? You don't agree with me? The front seat is all it works for at ones sea? Damn, I guess I will have to buy a ticket. After all people may picket. Hank just called #1 at my grass. I guess that works too for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 6, 2015

When Well Meaning Hate Is Your Fate!

So the cat has a few and I am sure you do as well at your zoo. There are those people that are nice enough to thee but you still want to shove them in the sea. So how do you handle well meaning people you hate? Stuff them in a dog crate?

There they come.
The rather dumb.
The rather annoying.
Hate you aren't enjoying.

But along comes hate.
Thanks to some trait.
They just irk you,
And they haven't got a clue.

So what to do?
Say what's true?
That is one way.
But may ruin their day.

Instead pass gas.
They will forget any sass.
Stick your finger up your nose.
Yeah, that would cause everyone woes.

Talk to a stranger.
That could bring danger.
Walk faster the other way?
Get some exercise, come what may.

Spit when you talk.
That will end their squawk.
A little spittle on their face,
And away they would race.

Be a close talker.
They'd then be a walker.
Have bad breath too.
Could scare away a few.

Pretend to be germy.
That could make some squirmy.
Pretend the phone rang,
But on you they still might hang.

Tell them your cat is waiting.
That won't get any hating.
Or maybe you have a date.
Say the date hates their hate worthy trait.

Or just ask them to borrow money.
They won't find that funny.
They will be long gone rather quick.
See, you can get rid of them slick.

There you are class, now you can scare them away in mass. Any good tips to scare away well meaning people you hate? The truth is too easy a fate. The non well meaning people you hate is another story. With them you can just get gory. You can then use more than gas, unless yours is toxic like that from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

A Little How To Between Me And You!

You see them here and there, you see them everywhere. There is a how to guide on this and that. Now some may be where it is at, giving wise advice and such. But then there are those that are out to lunch by much.

How to build a house.
Go ahead, mighty mouse.
Step by step by yourself.
In 50 years you'll put up the final shelf.

How to fix a car.
My, you will go far.
Turns out you weren't in the know,
As you caused the engine to blow.

How to get a date.
Damn, need help with a mate?
Getting a date is as easy as can be,
A good one, not so easy.

How to be a great cook.
Is this Gloria's nook?
If not, you are screwed.
Sorry, not really, to be rude.

How to win at the lottery.
Better off taking up pottery.
With odds like 1 in 516,000,000 taking place,
You are better off giving your dough to mime face.

How to make money.
Another that is funny.
You spent money on a guide to make money,
See the irony there, honey?

How to build a robot.
You might find a nice plot.
But Skynet you won't make,
If in a how to guide you have to partake.

How to get fit.
Are you dumb at your pit?
It is called exercise.
Damn, with one word the cat is wise.

How to train a cat.
Pffft like you can do that.
We do what we want to do.
Just flush your money down the loo.

How to speak to God.
My, the brains of a cod.
Maybe you do the hokey pokey and shake it all about.
Hmmm doing that naked could make any being shout.

The cat is through with his run on the how to. Any how to guides you find useful at your sea? Are you going to admit the dumb ones to me? The cat promises to not get too crass. Yeah, I wouldn't believe my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Still Insecure You Say? I'll Make That Go Away!

So the cat has a sure fire way to cure any insecurity you have today, unless you are very very old like Manzi though, and in diapers, unlike Manzi, at your show. If that is the case stop now, your diaper rash may get offended by today's meow. Then what do I care? Read away at my lair.

Raise your head high.
Look to the sky.
No insecurity is had.
Just be nice and glad.

What? Still mad?
Still oh so sad?
Still in a rut?
I bring you a butt!

A tummy hanging over.
The love of every rover.
Then wings of a gnat.
Did I mention the fat?

Even if just maybe,
The fat is baby,
Fat is fat.
Let's move on from that.

Droppings that slide,
Creating an incoming tide,
But brown and not blue.
Bigger than pigeon dropping too.

A rash that will itch,
Like one rolled in a ditch,
And caught some nasty disease.
Also a smell with the breeze.

Are you getting me?
Now be happy.
Still not there?
One more thing at my lair.

That isn't rain.
Not fuel from a plane.
Remember the rule of yellow,
Don't let it touch you bright or mellow.

See, poof, insecurity gone,
All thanks to my lawn.
What it is still there?
Sigh, fine I'll spell it out so you are aware.

As insecure as you may be,
At least you aren't something else at your sea.
Like a fluttering ancient child,
With a diaper that never gets changed, extra fat, an ass rash, creating rain, creating slimy snow and running wild.

See, now you are no longer insecure. Doesn't that just have such an allure? Cupid must be a tough gig indeed. Always on the go even when a loo is in need. At least you aren't that. Now no need to be insecure about any other scat. If you find that coming to pass, watch out for a bombshell mass. You have been warned class by my ever so secure little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Cursing Is Wrong, So Says Donkey Kong!

What do you think is up today? Do you think I'm going to bleep it with everything I say? Bleeping bleep you may cry. I don't want to bleeping bleep you under my sky. But that is not where it is going. You humans once again just can't make up your mind with this showing.

That was a curse.
That is so perverse.
That is such a bad word.
Why did you flip me the bird?

I put a spell on you?
That just won't do.
You cursed not me.
I never cursed thee.

Was that a cuss?
Why kick up a fuss?
A cuss is just fine.
A cuss from the spine.

Arch your back and cuss,
Just don't drip puss.
A bastardized version of the word.
Bah, don't be bleeping absurd.

What was with the profanity?
You have some sort of vanity.
You bleeped all day long.
What? Is profanity wrong?

I sound like a snob?
The profanity mob?
You are a bleep.
See, my profanity is deep.

You do some kind of swearing.
I don't care if you are caring.
Bleep you too.
A bleepin bleep without a clue.

See, my swearing is fine.
On swearing we can dine.
With a bleep here and there.
I swear without a care.

Don't start cursing.
The cuss you are rehearsing?
Such profanity in your skit.
This swearing stuff is full of shit.

Bippity bobbity boo,
I just cursed you.
A little cuss slipped out.
My profanity just made you shout.

You humans sure have a lot of weird ways to say swearing. Is putting a curse on a swearer daring? Let me know how that one goes and if some sort of puss cuss flows. Profanity is fun to say. But who wants to say something with "fani" in it at their bay? If you want to say fanny with your swearing pass, just go with something like that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 2, 2015

A Not So Humane World Is At Play Here Today!

Back we are once more to the non rhymes at our shore. The cat sure doesn't like that. I guess something crawled up the butt of Pat. He has to do non rhymes ones once again too. Then again it could just be he can type fine with one arm now at our zoo. The cat will stick with the butt thing. Now here is another at our wing.

The fifth book in the "A Not So __ World" series. Last we saw of Jeremiah and Orlin(yep, it stars me, yippeee) they were thrown far from home as the White House exploded and scattered them and their friends all across the globe. To make matters worse, the two sides of Earth collided and now the Nothing are free to kill the human race. With all manner of creature coming forth, from zombies to sludge monsters to vampires, as the true form of each Nothing takes shape, their chances of getting home look bleak.

But Jeremiah and Orlin are determined to get Lucifier out of his wife's body and free Trudy once and for all from his grasp. Even if that means going through every last Nothing and Hera herself. They will stop at nothing to reunite their family back at Zeus Mountain and take their world back.

Armed with super powers, thanks to musical inclined nanities running through their veins, Jeremiah and Orlin traverse all sorts of danger as they put the pieces of their life back together. From Puck's cave to an alternate reality, they will go anywhere to do what has to be done. Join their quest as old friends return, new enemies are created and their journey to reunite their family continues.

The version of me has super powers in the book.
That sure makes it worth a look.
Nanites that respond to music is the way.
Of course I can do it by purring come what may.

The silly human can't do it without a tune.
What do you expect from a baboon?
Drazin is even in there as well.
That guy really needs to go to Hell.

Lucifer is back.
Hera is on the attack.
A strat and flibo will bend your ear.
Even heroes from the first 3 books are near.

All crammed into one.
Did I mention my super powered fun?
The cat is the real star.
With me, this will go far.

All ready to join on in to see if the good guys win? Frank likes to play with a rotten head. That just makes it has to be read. He talks to the rotten mass. Yeah, it disturbs my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

A Little Luck? What The Duck!

If there was ever a word thrown around that needs to get stuffed in the lost and found and never found, that would be luck! People use it when they win and when they suck.

Poor poor me.
I am just not lucky.
I am so sad.
Why is no luck had?

Because you sit on your ass,
And let it grow in mass,
Never lifting a finger,
Hoping luck will linger.

Oh no a mirror broke.
I think I might choke.
It is such bad luck.
I'd rather be hit by a hockey puck.

Then comes that frame of mind,
Again head up the behind.
Everything that happens is because of the mirror,
Maybe because they can no longer see clearer?

They are so lucky.
I wish to be their rubber ducky.
I want some of their luck.
Then I'd get many a buck.

Pfft they worked and got there,
Took the time at their lair.
Fortunate, maybe.
But luck had nothing to do with it at their sea.

I just have no luck.
I may as well get hit by a truck.
Goodbye life,
Luck won't even bring me a wife.

Well you had the same luck after and before,
The truck at your shore.
Just too dumb to wise up.
Need to take lessons from a pup.

I am feeling lucky today.
I will bet all my pay.
I will surely win.
Oopsy, broke at my bin.

Such a feeling is all in your head.
Yep, that is what I said.
Luck is a figment of your mind,
Or more to the point, something you pull out of your behind.

There we are a lucky rant at my bar. Unless born rich as you scream at high pitch, then luck is a load of crap. A word made up by a sap. But the cat could be wrong with his luck sass that came to pass. That lucky horseshoe may not be a bad case of gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.