Thursday, February 5, 2015

A Little How To Between Me And You!

You see them here and there, you see them everywhere. There is a how to guide on this and that. Now some may be where it is at, giving wise advice and such. But then there are those that are out to lunch by much.

How to build a house.
Go ahead, mighty mouse.
Step by step by yourself.
In 50 years you'll put up the final shelf.

How to fix a car.
My, you will go far.
Turns out you weren't in the know,
As you caused the engine to blow.

How to get a date.
Damn, need help with a mate?
Getting a date is as easy as can be,
A good one, not so easy.

How to be a great cook.
Is this Gloria's nook?
If not, you are screwed.
Sorry, not really, to be rude.

How to win at the lottery.
Better off taking up pottery.
With odds like 1 in 516,000,000 taking place,
You are better off giving your dough to mime face.

How to make money.
Another that is funny.
You spent money on a guide to make money,
See the irony there, honey?

How to build a robot.
You might find a nice plot.
But Skynet you won't make,
If in a how to guide you have to partake.

How to get fit.
Are you dumb at your pit?
It is called exercise.
Damn, with one word the cat is wise.

How to train a cat.
Pffft like you can do that.
We do what we want to do.
Just flush your money down the loo.

How to speak to God.
My, the brains of a cod.
Maybe you do the hokey pokey and shake it all about.
Hmmm doing that naked could make any being shout.

The cat is through with his run on the how to. Any how to guides you find useful at your sea? Are you going to admit the dumb ones to me? The cat promises to not get too crass. Yeah, I wouldn't believe my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

93 comments:

  1. You see them here and there, you see them everywhere
    The Cat gives good instructions showing them that it cares
    Giving great 'how to'
    Discards the blues
    The contention is that one gets the best with nothing to spare!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing at all
      At one's hall
      As most you know
      High and low

      Delete
  2. The how to train a cat book needs to come with a guide for patience and another one for applying first aid.
    How to lose weight - eat less, exercise more. There, I just saved somebody ten bucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah first aid is needed indeed
      As they will scratch away at ones feed
      Easy peasy as can be
      But people are lazy

      Delete
  3. Many places sell plans to make a thing-a-ma-jig
    Books can even tell you just how to grow a fig
    A over B nail it to C lefty loosey all to D
    It's still a mess I must confess, the craziest thing to see

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When they go to Z
      It can really be a sight to see
      Hook this to that
      Bah, just let it be eaten by the cat

      Delete
  4. How To Rhyme
    Should be your next book chime!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That I could do
      But it would go on forever at my zoo

      Delete
  5. A nation a of show-me-how-to do this or that. We are gullible.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I want to improve
    My ability to groove...
    Instead of a bookish monkey see - monkey do,
    I'll just practice with a friend, or two!
    =D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is the way
      Practice makes perfect they say

      Delete
  7. If something's wrong w/the car and someone says, 'let me look under the hood,' it always makes me instantly nervous. I don't want anyone tinkering around 'just to see' if this is what's wrong...that's what certified mechanics are for... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah because then they screw it up even more
      And you are charged extra by the mechanic at your shore

      Delete
    2. Right! And it's no skin off their nose... they're not paying the fees. ;)

      Delete
    3. Nope, so have to beware
      Unless we want to pay an extra fare

      Delete
  8. How to meow like a cat/I guess you would say that's old hat/how to bark like a dog/What? You want me to learn a foreign language now? asks the hog. :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The hog could do it
      But he'd rather roll in umm shit

      Delete
  9. The one to train a cat
    is just wasting money at your sea
    everyone knows a cat will do what he wants to do
    and do it freely and mightily

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, money flushed away
      Because a cat will never do what you say
      Unless it wants too
      Or food is coming due

      Delete
  10. Some interesting "how tos" out there. I'm always a little shy at the presumption that I know better than everyone else about anything. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure there are a few things you know more
      Always something at every shore

      Delete
  11. The money one is one of the most idiotic out there. The only one getting rich is the one who made the scheme or wrote the book

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is the way
      Maybe I should write one at my bay

      Delete
  12. Those lottery scams are so bad they are funny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That they are
      As odds aren't dropped, if at all, by far

      Delete
  13. So, you're saying I'm not winning the lottery?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well you might
      But not by a book that took flight

      Delete
  14. Send the $ to the first person on the list
    and you will receive $$$$$ multiplied gift
    old kids game some still playing for fun
    now game's grown in the scam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scams by a ton
      Since the internet began its run

      Delete
  15. Lol @ how to win the lottery. I think I really would rather take up pottery. Did you ever watch 19 kids and counting??? They gave their kids a hammer and really did build their own house. Eep!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least you will learn something over wasting dough
      AS the lottery is most likely a no go
      Well some kids are fine with a hammer
      I was and didn't stammer

      Delete
  16. Wouldn't we all love to win the lottery?? Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure would be nice
      Buy anything no matter the price

      Delete
  17. How to win at the lottery - pick the right numbers! Duh. That was easy.

    (Enjoying the hell out of A Not So New World - woo hoo!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol easy as can be
      But some need a real big math theory
      Glad it is grand
      Once the origin story is out of the way things sure get more out of hand

      Delete
  18. LOL. Love the date one! I always teased that it was easy enough to go to a bar and pick someone up...as easily as the communicable disease they're probably carrying!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol yep easy as can be
      To spread the STD

      Delete
  19. Glad I'm not playing the dating game any more! It was hard finding good ones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the dating game can suck
      Leaving one crap outta luck

      Delete
  20. Glad I'm not playing the dating game any more! It was hard finding good ones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Twice once more
      Mouse broke at your shore

      Delete
  21. How to speak to God?
    Sheesh, what's next?
    Only an ignorant clod
    doesn't know God texts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must be quite the charge
      To get a text that large

      Delete
  22. How to give a cat a pill? Just don't or you'll be sorry. Love the lottery one and thank god dating is done

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat will take your arm
      And cause a little harm

      Delete
  23. How to train a cat
    harder than a dog
    they can't fetch a ball
    or go out on a jog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, just run around
      And annoy the hound

      Delete
  24. How to is often easier than want to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That it is
      Excuse for the want to biz

      Delete
  25. The losing weight one cracks me up. Here's the magic secret, and I'll give it to you for free. Diet and Exercise. It's really that simple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, just as easy as that
      No magic pill to get rid of fat

      Delete
  26. i never tried to train a cat but to teach cows to talk...well... it was hopeless..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol what it did not work?
      A talking cow would be a perk

      Delete
  27. I have to buy the Dummies versions of all the how-to guides. And sometimes when I'm trying to understand a really technical concept, I'll look up the Wikipedia page because usually there it's put in layman's terms!!! I'm writing about tractor-trailer trucks right now for a client and I have to look a lot of it up on Wikipedia because I don't even know the difference between a drop-trailer and a flatbed trailer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah wikipedia can sure help out
      Not sure I'd know what the difference is either that is about

      Delete
  28. orlin N cassie...can ya tell uz wear ta get a guide on:

    stoooopid a tee....

    coz a parent lee ...a cordin de two de food gurl....everee one at her place oh employ haz red it, but her....

    thanx ♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are they acting it out to a tee?
      That has to be creepy

      Delete
  29. Let me show you how to make
    A lacy crocheted snowflake...
    That's how it starts, a how-to guide
    And then on the coat tails the unlearned ride

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That one you could do
      Easily at your zoo

      Delete
  30. Will you write a "How to..." Book?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fiction I'll stick too
      But one day it could come due

      Delete
  31. You're right, getting a good date is hard

    a lot of crazies and people who eat a lot of lard

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That there are
      Crazies and lard eaters near and far

      Delete
  32. I love your line "A good one, not so easy" :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. How to fix a car, bring it to a mechanic
    of course the bill might make you panic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, break the bank
      Won't even be able to fill a gas tank

      Delete
  34. Hmm ... How to be a cat
    no one knows how to teach that!

    ReplyDelete
  35. You amaze me how you come up with such excellent verses day after day.
    Another one to your collection.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Sounding a little bit cynical cat
    No learning new things here at your mat
    I agree some people overstretch
    Still they never make me retch

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Learning new things is fine
      But much is better off being learned from a feline

      Delete
  37. I would be interested in how to win the lottery!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pick the numbers that are right
      Wow, I just made a book at my site lol

      Delete
  38. heard the other day that is was more likely to get hit by a car on your way to get the lottery ticket than it was to actually win it...ha...everyone has a how to...or thinks they do...and what works for them will surely work for you...then again we would then all be winners...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would rather not test those odds at my sea
      And yep, if it were true all would win with glee

      Delete
  39. Prayer is easy to do when you realize God is our heavenly father. Not your boss or a celebrity. Just speak from the heart. Aw yes the how to books...or how not to do anything but get bored trying to read it. To each his own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha but the how to books would have you believe more
      And yeah, they do make me snore

      Delete
  40. What about how to disappear
    Or how to fly
    Or how to walk on water
    These I would buy

    ReplyDelete
  41. Gloria's nook.... where's that blueberry pie?
    Making me high
    Wanna fly
    Hi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gloria has quite the nook
      As she can cook

      Delete
    2. She said: "I miss you Blue!...
      Where are you?"
      I swear it's true
      But I was trying to find this shoe

      Delete
    3. Searching in your wall?
      That the real reason for the facelift at your hall

      Delete