Friday, February 27, 2015

Start With That And You'll Go Splat!

So the other day well out and about the cat saw some nice trout. Whoops, just a human with a fish face. That is one conversation starter in which not to embrace. Which lead the cat to this, conversation starters to miss.

Does this look like I stepped in crap?
Lift your shoe and show the chap.
Yeah, won't get anywhere.
Might get a wtf stare.

Would you know where I can find a moose?
Better off asking a goose.
Unless looking for a chocolate one.
Then they may not want to run.

My ass is really itchy, can you see why?
They'd peel over and die.
Plus you may go to jail.
It would be an epic fail.

So, what kind of toilet paper do you use?
The cat will eat it no matter the tp fuse.
But with this you would lose,
Although it could amuse.

My cat scratched my butt, want to see?
Again, you'd get no glee.
May go back to jail.
Jail house rock you may wail.

I think my diaper needs changing.
You may get some rearranging.
Could make it to the front of the line.
But no one would find you divine.

Do you think my trunk could fit something person sized?
The police may next be advised.
You sure like the clink.
Something special about such a rink?

Do you know you are breathing air?
Somehow I think no one will care.
You might get another wtf glare.
Or a pat on top your hair.

Then the tried and true,
Hey, how are you?
Fine and that is it.
Yep, better off saving your spit.

And the worst of the worst,
With your conversation burst.
One that leads you nowhere, I bet,
Hi, I have a blog on the internet.

Have you heard any crazy ones at play? I tried to keep it pg at my bay. But many do give a wtf look when you say you have a blog nook. Find that funny when it comes to pass, and nice that it gives blog fodder to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

78 comments:

  1. "Start With That And You'll Go Splat!"
    Conversation piece that just falls flat
    Can well keep going
    If there is a following
    It is not easy to keep it on the mat

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have to jump about
      Twist and shout
      Say this or that
      Or go splat

      Delete
  2. Lol @ the fish face joke. I never understood duck face selfies either. Hahaha

    Conversation starters can be difficult. Hi, I have a blog sounds like an awful one. People might be afraid that they will be written about on the internet. Then again, they probably would be. Haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol they are kind of weird
      Even worse when one does it who has a beard
      Yeah, they would be written about
      So best to not let that out

      Delete
  3. My what a big nose you got
    Says the boy to the hottest of the lot
    Why I ought to give you a pop?
    You look like you ought to push a mop.
    Says the hottest of the lot.

    Says the boy to the hottest of the lot
    My heart you have got
    For your golden curled mop
    Which can't be topped
    For which the hottest of the lot
    Smiled
    While
    And thought with guile

    I leave you with a cliffhanger.
    I've told my family I would not write about them. I could but I would have to exaggerate or make stuff up. No one does anything exciting but eat too many potato chips None of them have ever read my blog. This includes my friends .
    But all of them have big noses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What happened after
      They go hang from a rafter? lol
      Nit write about them you say
      Suppose that keeps things civil at your bay
      I have and will
      But they read my blog nil
      So the cat is safe from a shout
      Can let anything I want out

      Delete
  4. What kind of tp do you use
    that would surely seduce (haha)
    better to say you know Zeus
    or you have a talking moose

    Hi, Please don't fret
    i have a blog on the internet
    better off saying I drive a corvette
    or just flew in on your private jet...
    might get tangled up in regret..
    as some money they hope to get..

    Have a great day at your bay...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah you could get screwed
      And end up with attitude
      When you don't have the car
      seduction won't get very far

      Delete
  5. I really enjoy when some numb nut starts a conversation with "you have a nice ass". Uh yea, ya just know there's lots of brain power goin' on there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully that tends not to swing my way
      So I avoid the numb nuts on display haha

      Delete
  6. Ha - someone's itchy ass is TMI
    but I suppose if one has nothing to say
    it's words that open someone's eye!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will get you a slap or wtf look
      Maybe even a Dr. visit at your nook lol

      Delete
  7. Do you know you are breathing air? Had no idea. Do you like bread? I've got French loaf...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No idea at all
      Damn at your hall
      Wasn't the french loaf one a joke by some guy
      Can't quite place the comedian on the first try

      Delete
    2. That's the one
      That gave it a run

      Delete
  8. I don't hear much
    but maybe I don't get out much
    which can be a good thing
    to be out of touch

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes it is a good thing
      To avoid such a convo ring

      Delete
  9. Are you related to H&R ? It often starts like this
    I should pop em in the nose but I'm afraid I'd miss
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
    Ever ride a camel? You must

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha or you could hit
      And then they'd spit
      Nasty germs your way
      Plus a sue happy fray

      Delete
  10. "How was school today?" "Fine."
    "What'd you to today?" "Regular Stuff." *sigh* the dreaded 'fine' and 'regular stuff.' ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao but that sums it up nicely indeed
      Regular stuff beats the principals office for some bad deed

      Delete
  11. Ha! Kind of smelly around here today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would get you in
      Or run away in sin

      Delete
  12. Yep, sometimes we all step in it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easier to get off though
      Then the you know

      Delete
  13. So, what kind of toilet paper do you use?

    ones that are soft

    ReplyDelete
  14. We love to rip up the toilet paper. That is the cats around here. Lots of interesting thoughts. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So fun to rip and shred
      Making sure that tp is dead

      Delete
  15. You gotta watch what the cats say.
    You gotta watch them when they play.
    Toilet paper seems to be their favorite toy.
    And who gets to clean them up, oh joy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, a favorite thing
      To roll and fling
      And even eat
      For a treat

      Delete
  16. Avoiding such openings is a good thing

    ReplyDelete
  17. How about 'Hey, wanna buy my book?'
    My favorite was about the trunk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol that will scare them away
      As then they have to pay

      Delete
  18. How about "do you like what's in my pocket?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That may get you a slap
      Right to the trap

      Delete
  19. Nice blog header picture and nice way to start the post.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Loved this Pat brought a rare smile to my face.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I bet riding a moose
    Would give you an itchy ass
    And as Orlin's eaten the TP
    It could get very crass

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would suck
      Be shit outta luck

      Delete
  22. One of the stupidest ways for a woman to open a conversation: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

    Stupidest for a man: "When's your baby due?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol both won't end well
      Many could get damned to hell

      Delete
  23. Well there's a list of things not to say.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi, I have a blog on the internet.
    Will you be my pet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would get you shot
      Or kicked a whole lot

      Delete
  25. orlin n cassie...

    fellow toy let paper chewerz !!!

    we find de two ply ta bee kinda ...much...sum times... { tho frank lee we haz knot had two ply in de houz in a wee while }

    coz if sheet onez knot lined up rite with sheet two...it getz kinda diffa cult ta hold both pieces in de mouth...

    N like who wants toy let paper hangin outta ther mouth huh...

    heerz two a popeye catalufa kinda week oh end ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah hanging out is a bad way
      Causes quite the dismay
      Need to chew and yank
      Make that tp walk the plank

      Delete
  26. Thankfully, I haven't heard any weird ones lately. It's probably because everyone is too cold to go out. Wait until summer rolls around. I'm sure I'd be able to add a lot to the list then!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The weather keeps them away
      On plus to winter at our bay

      Delete
  27. Yes, saying "I blog" induces fear
    It's not the thing one wants to hear
    One makes a face that's rather queer
    As if they'd rather wipe my rear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. damn, could get a rear wiper that way
      Never again with tp will you play
      Just bend and let it go
      Then ass wipe will blow

      Delete
  28. "Nice perfume," once heard on the train
    Nice try, I said, I can't take the blame
    Allergies keep me
    Perfume-free
    "How old are you?" one kid said
    Too old for you, Fred
    "Got a boyfriend?" another asked so bold
    Happily married, him I told
    I guess I should be glad
    I might attract a lad
    But more fun to tell each young snot
    Grin and bear it; a cougar I'm not!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol young ones on the cougar hunt
      As the openings they punt
      But then you don't know if you don't ask
      Dating can be such a task

      Delete
  29. while vs. well.
    what the hell.
    You make me laugh
    with that first line gaff.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a blog chime
      and everything rhymes
      might get the second weird look
      as you talk about your online nook!

      Delete
    2. Bah, a well and a while
      Is my screw up style
      Been there done that
      Many a time by the cat

      Yep, get a head turn
      As they want to run the more they learn

      Delete
  30. I don't suppose,
    "Is there something in my nose?"
    Leaves you smelling like a rose.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that would make some run
      As boogers or nose hair are no fun

      Delete
  31. fine is probably my least favorite response
    it the bs of the conversation dance, and you dont even need
    to chance a look at the shoot, cause it is surely doo....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha fine people let fly
      I've done it with a sigh
      Some people you just want to run from
      As they pretend to be your chum

      Delete
  32. I buy cheap TP. Used to get the expensive stuff, but it's too fluffy and thick and the boys always plug the pipes with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao damn, that is a pain in the butt
      Literally I bet at your hut

      Delete
  33. Is this all about the Kardashiasses? Fish looks, diaper changing and all that makes me think of something less classy than good toilet paper...and that would be them:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it would sure fit
      As they are full of umm spit

      Delete