Thursday, March 5, 2015

Costly Mistake But Fun To Partake!

There are many ways to send a resume at your bay. The cat has seen a few doozies on display. Yeah, don't use doozy if you want to win. Such words will get in thrown in the trash bin.

Resume is sent.
It has to make a dent.
It was done so well.
Oops, you can't spell.

I'm intrested in here more about that.
My, your IQ must be rather flat.
The refuse place won't even take you.
Hopefully welfare will do.

This will get your hired.
You will never get fired.
Enough dough to fill your tummy,
You include a letter from mommy.

Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.
Damn, a step up from stallions?
I guess you believe in population control.
Watch out Chinese and Italians when out for a stroll.

Next be sure and give all a thrill.
Even those who need a little blue pill.
Say you know about the bees and the birds,
And can persuade people sexually with your words.

Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse.
Damn, couldn't make it around the course?
Poor horse got lots of attention at least.
I hope you were nice to the beast.

Skills: attention to detail, strong work ethic, team player, attention to detail.
Hmmm that is one big epic attention fail.
Maybe it was just an off day?
Maybe a little ADD at play?

Summer work: Took care of elderly and vegetable people.
Are the veggie people in the shape of a steeple?
That would mean they are carrot like.
Maybe the broccoli ones took a hike?

And if you want to be a drama queen.
There is no need to make a scene.
Make it such an interesting display,
Write it, act 1, act 2, like a play.

Finally, if you want a resume with heft,
Go ahead and explain your theft.
You may have stole a pig.
But it was a small pig, the size of a twig.

Does anyone think any of that is a good idea to use? Damn, if so the cat may abuse. At least the blunders are fun to peruse and they can surely amuse. Maybe one day I'll do a resume all in rhyme. I'm sure I'll be hired in no time. Pffft yeah I'd probably get sass. Thankfully no need for that from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

91 comments:

  1. HELLO CAT! Guess who's back in town
    Wearing a Bora crown
    It's your favorite goo, mister Blue
    How do you do?
    Any chance we'll find my kangaroo shoe?
    "Gee, Blue, you came back for real
    Signed, sealed and delivered that deal!"
    You said it, Debzzz, like the man of steel
    No not the re-imagined reboot
    That was such a hoot
    Great movie my foot
    Hello, Hank!
    The one and only Poetry Tank
    Well, what do you know...
    We're all in the Kitty Cat show
    Gloria complaining
    But the sun is shining... it ain't raining
    What do you mean I said it again?
    Calling me lazy in my little blue den?
    Cat, what do you mean I cut n' paste?
    Don't you know I can type with haste?
    Lethal Weapon Style never too old for this um... spit
    It must be a PC reboot not saying, you know, shit
    Oh it's a wonderful day to fly to that Bora Beach
    And it's a wonderful day when you're out of bleach
    And it's a wonderful day when it's... a bit out of reach
    Anyone joining the number one Bora Teach?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Blue, number one
      under the cat's morning sun
      sure hope he doesn't come undone
      who can halt a rhyme once it has begun
      reading your words made me laugh what fun
      Anyone joining at the bora beach
      tell me what would you teach
      how far would your lessons reach
      as long as you don't preach
      I'll listen to your speech
      as I bite into a juicy peach
      on sand white as bleach

      can't wait to read the cat's retort
      at his mystic seaport...haha

      Delete
    2. What would I teach... I'll send you an email
      Wouldn't want The Cat to go and wail
      I don't mean that in a jazzy way
      Well, I don't today
      One thing I know... The Cat wil retort and then some too
      And I will be raising him a Scooby Doooooo

      Delete
    3. Look at you go
      With a copy and paste show
      Plus a copy of yesterday
      Remake hell at your bay
      The cat will give you the ban
      For being a remake flash in the pan
      Or would that be a reboot?
      Maybe it is if you're a newt
      Or a flute that can't toot
      Or a pirate with no loot
      Or a ball with no air
      Or a cat with no hair
      Or a scooby with no doo
      Or a blue with no grumpy goo
      Maybe Gloria will throw you a pie
      Right in that big white eye
      I bet she could hit
      That would be the umm spit
      Your eyes are white and wide
      In that a redneck may take pride
      Easier to see your shoe
      That got flushed down the loo
      Did it fit or get fitted
      Flushed after someone umm shitted
      Maybe Suza will attack
      For your #1 copy and paste attack
      Hank will foil your plan
      Becoming a copy and paste fan
      You will Die Hard one day
      If you watch 5 death will come faster that way
      Rather shoot one's self in the head
      Be less boring being dead
      Unless like Lethal Weapon you go boom
      That could cause doom
      TP flying threw the air
      Getting it in that spiky hair
      How rude would that be?
      Look what you are doing to me?
      Making me type this all out
      When the cat could be eating trout
      Or maybe scratching in the litterbox
      Fishing at the docks?
      Putting holes in socks
      Whacking a dog's buttock
      I'll leave that to you
      To decide if true
      What can I do
      But chew on your shoe
      At half passed two
      Near a zoo
      With a kangaroo
      That can moo
      It is all true
      Rare as slimer goo
      Or that marshmallow man
      Into the frying pan
      Out of the fire
      You calling the cat a liar?
      I'll slash your tire
      Things may become dire
      Now I am through
      Things to do
      Like eat that shoe
      Two by two
      Or three by three
      An insect is thee?

      Delete
    4. This was just as good as your post
      I liked Scooby without Doo the most

      Delete
    5. haha Blue got me going
      With his copy and paste showing

      Delete
    6. Yes, Suza might attack
      You never know when or where
      Out from the bushes she will leap
      And give all a mighty scare

      Delete
    7. You're a peeper in the bushes
      Do you sit and stare at tushes

      Delete
  2. Took care of the vegetable people? Those poor turnips need help you know.
    And just how does one renovate a horse? Shouldn't take that long to put shoes on one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose they have feelings too
      Maybe they have to shovel horse poo

      Delete
  3. To renovate a horse
    Um I took a speling coarse
    I luv working har
    Like a prate in a jar
    Meow my hobby is a cat
    So I'm quite felinistic on my mat
    Hey I'm creative with words too
    Please give me the job of replacement kangaroo shoe
    What a resume needs to be typed... I can't use my pen?
    What how what now how did that happen and when?
    No envelope or enveloppe or envellop
    I'm no spelling bee so I might as well stop

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha - well Blue you are in rare form
      as you step up on the platform
      a flowing mighty word storm..haha

      a prate in a jar, might not go far...
      but, I'll leave you a har, har har

      Delete
    2. Rare but never square
      As I rhyme my kitty rhymes with flair
      Great Post
      From coast to coast
      Everybody have some toast

      Delete
    3. Whut? That isn't enugh
      Thin things are ruff?
      What can or will or can you doo?
      Do you get a private loo?
      Is that a know?
      Way to go
      Now your a private in the private space
      Is Mars among the space race?
      Can't you fiddle me in
      That fiddling could be a sin
      Fiddle me this, fiddle me that
      Whose gonna diddle a dingbat?
      What was that?
      You're shoo is fat?
      So it doesn't fit?
      What's up with that shit

      Delete
  4. When I started working, you basically talked your way into a job. Now, it is a complicated interview with thoughtful provoking questions which I am a big zero at. Good thing I am retired. Old dog could learn a new trick but doesn't have to this time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would be ice to talk your way in
      That I'd take at my bin
      Not all this rigamarole crap
      Now across the map

      Delete
  5. A resume means I want a job, I think
    Would it get me away from the kitchen sink?
    Does it mean no more garden tools
    Then follow all those thousand rules
    It doesn't sound like my kinda day
    At home I think I'd rather stay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Home is much better indeed
      But when dough is in need
      Out many have to go
      Searching high and low

      Delete
  6. Cat this made me laugh out loud
    maybe, they don't really want a job
    as their thoughts float in a cloud
    thinking of ways to hustle and rob

    It would be fun to see you do a resume
    in rhyme..I'd read it anytime...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. vegetable people - is that like Mr. Potato Head?

      Delete
    2. I should fudge one for fun
      Send it to everyone
      Then I'll get in the worst ever pile
      Or would that be a file?
      Maybe Mr. Potato Head was taking care of
      Scrubbing him up with Dove

      Delete
  7. 'Vegetable People?' Sheesh. You've got some real doozies on that list. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol some needed to edit a bit
      But at least they let me have fun with it

      Delete
  8. "Costly Mistake But Fun To Partake!"
    Resume reflective of one and not to fake
    Serious business
    Must be honest
    Credibility of one's standing is at stake

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have to be serious indeed
      Or the boot will take seed

      Delete
  9. I'd rather be 'Linked In'
    With a pink pin
    Than try to forge a career
    With that kind of excrement smear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linked in and up
      Avoid the smear of a pup
      That gets on your shoe
      And it is rather ewww

      Delete
  10. I've been working so long
    that some companies on my resume are no longer there
    so if I were to find a new job
    would anyone really care?

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think they would
      As some are also gone in my hood

      Delete
  11. Some people might say it's the way you speak/ some others will you have to be more meek/there are other who will point at your attire/whilst I just say, be always ready to fire! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fire is the word on their tongue
      As they treat all like dung
      They love that crap
      Like to throw dung at many a chap

      Delete
  12. If a person can't proofread their resume at least
    Then they'll continue to be a part of the jobless beast

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, stuck jobless they will be
      Or have to go work at sea

      Delete
  13. Resume? That's for work stuff...count me out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We would agree
      But food is needed at our sea

      Delete
  14. Last time I tried to renovate a horse he kicked me right in the skull and turned me into a vegetable person. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was that in act 1 or act 2?
      Hopefully it was act two so the audience didn't have to watch a drooling you

      Delete
  15. Veggies need some help along the way to

    ReplyDelete
  16. Writing it like a play may get you noticed, but not in a good way

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, may end up on Broadway
      But doubt it at my bay

      Delete
  17. I've always been the one to write the resumes. Hired it done once, what a waste, best way to get a job these days is via personal reference. Like they say it all in who you know not what you know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, who you know will get you far
      I know none at my sand bar lol

      Delete
  18. i was reviewing resumes once for a childrens pastor position...and it said " fun with farm animals, and baloons" instant reject, not sure if that guy could pass the background check

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is an instant fail
      Poor farm animals must wail

      Delete
  19. ha - i think the world would be a funnier place if all the resumes were written in rhymes...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sure would be fun
      Maybe I'll give it a run

      Delete
  20. I challenge the rhyme tummy and mommy. If Italian Salmon didn't cut it, then this certainly doesn't. You cheated, Cat!!!!!!!

    Ug!!! I am convinced that the only people whose resumes get read, are the ones who know someone in the company. Sad truth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha Italian and Salmon do not rhyme what so ever
      Sorry, you are never going to pass that endeavor
      Mommy and tummy don't rhyme if you say it right
      But I say it mummy at my site
      Then it works
      True, who you know brings perks

      Delete
  21. I love this section:

    "You include a letter from mommy.

    Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.
    Damn, a step up from stallions?"

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah no dog food maker
      Being a human baker

      Delete
  22. Are these actual resume's? I have seen some bad ones myself but these would be quite funny. They have no hope at landing a job...sad sad sad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, no hope at all
      And yeah, supposedly real ones that took a fall

      Delete
  23. The job of drama queen is open? I'll go post my resume on Facebook for that!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well you might win
      Throw in a little sin

      Delete
  24. I still find typos in my resume
    It's decades old, I must say
    Well, I've updated it, but you know what I mean
    Heck, I'm with Liz. I'll apply for Drama Queen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah you just have a lot to put on there
      From all the experience at your lair

      Delete
  25. orlin N cassie....

    vegetable peepulz !! ???

    musta watched soylent green two manee times huh !!


    N we get complaintz bout R spellin !!

    ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You show them up
      Must have be written by a pup

      Delete
  26. A resume in rhyme? That I'd like to see!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Resumes aren't easy. Thankfully this is one thing that I don't have to worry about any more. Smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That will be nice one day
      When that I can say

      Delete
  28. I've seen some pretty funny resumes online.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah they show a bunch
      Many are out to lunch

      Delete
  29. I remember in college in a resume preparation class, they were laughing at a TV reporter who sent a resume that said, "Proudly Presenting" at the top. I thought that was creative for that industry, but apparently that's a no-no.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes creative doesn't get you far at all
      They like them vague and overall blah at every hall

      Delete
  30. I've been creative once or twice
    And landed jobs pretty nice
    But I've also seen a resume or two
    That makes me want to say, "Go shoo!
    My favorite application anecdote
    Was the guy who once wrote
    A big fat YES instead
    Of the "Sex: ____M ____F" it said

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao that guy had to be high
      Or braincells did die
      Hopefully he at least put yes in the right spot
      Female he clearly was not

      Delete
  31. Glad I'm beyond needed to do a resume. The spelling and wrong words could mean an interview never happens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that is all it would take
      And the resume would get thrown in a lake

      Delete
  32. I haven't made a resume for years, ha ~ That ending made me smile ~

    Keep warm Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Warm as can be
      And yeah been a while for me

      Delete
  33. My IQ feels a little flat
    here at my mat
    it's fine - I'll go ask cat
    to help me make it scat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can scat with ease
      It's a breeze
      Use QI in scrabble
      Then in higher points you dabble

      Delete
  34. Such a horrendous talent pool
    They need to hurry back to school.
    Though the one who renovated his horse,
    Should ask his cow wife for a divorce.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do they give divorces for cows?
      May raise a few legal eyebrows

      Delete
  35. I read this on a dreary Friday morn,
    Made me feel less forlorn.
    When I read a poem from Pat.
    Such a talent! I raise my hat.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I help others with their C.V.s
    And finished a friend's just the other day
    And found out when he wrote me last night
    That he landed the job at his bay!

    I have also received many more
    That are quite incredible to read
    All over the map with style and spelling
    Would never hire them, no matter the need

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, look at you do
      The CV expert in the know
      A job being a job lander
      Life couldn't be grander

      Delete
  37. This is so funny, Pat! Resumes, how I hated writing them! With any luck, I won't have to do another in this lifetime! At least they're easier to write than CVs which Canadian employers seem to love ~ at least they did the last time I looked for work in Canada! Take care at your lair!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, Canada still loves those things
      Wants them at every employer wings

      Delete
  38. I always loved going over job applications. I should have photocopied the ones that were a real riot! That would have made great blog fodder ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha could have got lots of use out of each one
      As you gave them a blog run

      Delete
  39. I would like to see your resume all in rhyme... better yet... I would like to see the person reading it, figure it out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah that would be fun to watch
      Might drive them right to the scotch

      Delete