Friday, March 6, 2015

Plans Aren't Nixed For It Is Fixed!

So you need a quick fix? There are many tricks. Some are great, some are bad. But each show a creative trait at many a pad. Sadly all of these have been done as the cat pokes fun.

Car hood won't stay down,
As you drive across town?
Put suspenders on it.
You'll sure be a hit.

Your car has no AC?
You can fix that easy.
Roll down the window and stick one in.
Instant AC and instant win.

Bench legs are broke?
No need to choke.
Shove a paint can or two under it.
It can easily be used to sit.

Street light fell off?
No need to scoff.
Duct tape it to the post.
Still works from coast to coast.

Parking garage column begins to crack.
It won't fall down with a clackity clack.
Wrap it in bubble wrap.
That will stop it from being a death trap.

Can't find a way to get the AC hose outside?
Throw away that thing they call pride.
Just shove it right through the window.
Who needs glass anyway to show?

Your poor mailbox broke?
Just follow another bloke.
Wrap it in duct tape from head to toe.
Does it have a toe? Damned if I know.

A hose under the hood snapped?
Don't go to a dealership and get trapped.
Get a pringle can and tape it on the end.
I wonder if that is a growing trend?

Got a boat and a gate?
Smash the gate to no hate.
Then run the boat right in.
Sit back and consider it a win.

House falling apart?
Don't get a heavy heart.
Just put up plywood all around it.
Your neighbors are sure to find you a hit.

There you are at your sand bar. Now you can be like these folks and their fixes that came due. Warning, they may not work correctly for you. But I guess the redneck way is worth a try, just don't poke out an eye. Yep, all of these have come to pass by you human class. I may get better advice from a singing bass. It all sure beats my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

106 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Previously had not shuddered
      But now the field's getting crowded
      Happened to be lurking
      To see if luck is in!

      Hank

      Delete
    2. A good lurk
      Top is the perk
      Scare away blue
      That is what you have to do lol

      Delete
    3. Blue was off to work
      On my way like Captain Kirk
      Hank is running the show
      Number one, no Blue in tow
      Cat! Hank isn't scary
      Unlike you he isn't hairy
      I will be back when Hank's not looking
      Or when his breakfast eggs are cooking
      Yippee for you
      You stole my shoe
      Filled it with um.... goo
      I know it's true

      Delete
    4. Goo to the brim
      It is grim
      Off to work you say
      Likely excuse at your bay
      Sneak in when he is cooking will you
      That is rude at your zoo

      Delete
    5. Off to work and stuck in line
      Needed a drink but had no wine
      That's a grim as it could get
      A traffic line and no bottle pet
      Wait I never drink and drive
      But I do jump and dive
      I will be back
      When Hank's preparing a snack!

      Delete
    6. Do you swim and eat?
      That might leave you beat
      Or maybe on a beach
      With a bottle in reach

      Delete
    7. Swim, eat, eat swim
      Make a bit of money and skim, skim

      Delete
    8. Skim the dough
      The mob will get you though

      Delete
  2. Hank's back on top!
    I'm not into cheap fixes. Do it right or just buy a new one.
    And I knew duct tape would be in there somewhere. It's the answer to everything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alex
      These days can't be sure
      Cannot relax
      Always the fear!

      Hank

      Delete
    2. Yep, if it breaks I chuck it in the trash
      Go buy a new one in a flash
      Unless it is a car or something like that
      Duct tape, not really, works for the cat

      Delete
  3. "So you need a quick fix?"
    Think of something neat
    Even temporary
    Very necessary
    Off your back in a nick

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A temporary one
      Can save a ton
      Allow one to run
      Before a fix is done

      Delete
  4. You really have turned into a redneck 'cause you are sayin' something is broke instead of broken. LOVE IT!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol Damn, I'm a redneck for that?
      I'll have to fix my broke redneck closet and hide back in it, stat

      Delete
    2. I was thinkin' the exact same thing
      Redneck Cat goes ding-a-ling

      Delete
    3. Bah, broke or broken
      Same old token

      Delete
    4. Now all you need is a honey baked ham
      Still beats being a member of Wham

      Delete
    5. Whammy's cause dread
      They hit you on the head

      Delete
  5. Little van glove box is broke
    The cost to fix could cause a stroke
    I fixed it, yahoo...
    With tube of super glue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Super glue does the trick
      But does the glove box still click

      Delete
    2. It clicks
      all the same tricks
      hooray for me
      you see.

      Delete
    3. Well done
      With your super glue run

      Delete
    4. My heart once broke so I tried some glue
      Then I lost my shoe and I went boo hoo hoo

      Delete
    5. All the way home?
      Or did you first roam

      Delete
  6. I have seen car trunks
    tied down with some rope
    as you view all their junk
    so, rope brings some hope

    haha duct tape is in for a win
    this made me laugh and grin
    are you showing the redneck within

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, and I've seen them too
      Here at my zoo
      The rope didn't work though
      And out their junk did flow
      Redneck side
      I hide with pride

      Delete
  7. What can I say? I come from the deep South where all things jerry-rigged springs eternal. Lol, I've seen tape used in amazing ways and sometimes it works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just never know what will work
      Can try before to the repair shop you lurk

      Delete
  8. "If it ain't broke don't fix it," just let it drag along
    Maybe it's just half broke, keep singing on your song
    AC on the old truck, kaput since two- o-o-nine
    Is it time for Cat's quick fix to make everything most fine

    How about the plywood one, my house is falling down
    It does have it's advantages when you don't live in town
    If your porch falls down and seven dogs it kills
    That's the redneck creed, you know you're in the hills

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Falling down, around and through
      There at your zoo
      The AC on my old car broke
      Was left broke by this bloke
      Poor dogs better steer clear
      Redneck porches can cause fear

      Delete
  9. The thought of duct tape
    Makes me wince and gape.
    'If it's worth doing, do it right'
    My Dad spoke true, though you think it trite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if it isn't worth doing?
      Then the duct tape won't go shooing

      Delete
  10. jerry Rigging at its worst
    Each idea is going to burst!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably at the worst time
      And they'll think it a crime

      Delete
  11. If you want to see botch jobs or things falling apart
    The best place to go is in Mumbai or Gujarat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But that is so far away
      Airfare there would take all our pay

      Delete
  12. When I was attending college I drove a VW Bug. Loved that car. Wish I still had it. It had no air conditioning. We took vacations in it, and rolled down the windows. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Windows can work just fine indeed
      As long as you can go fast to get the air you need

      Delete
  13. I must say, I'm a fan of duct tape, colorful please.

    As a kiddo, I slept in an upstairs room that was 100 on most summer nights. Don't remember it really bothering me that much. But since I'm used to air conditioning now, even 70 degrees makes me think I'm heat stroking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, 100 would really drive me up the wall
      AC I need now at my hall

      Delete
  14. Have you been watching the reality show Extreme Cheapskates???? Many of these tips are done on there. .. hahahaha

    P.S. I knew the cat secretly watched reality TV!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never ever watch that crap
      More fun to go take a nap haha

      Delete
  15. I don't want to be driving behind one of those cars!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, pass it fast
      Make it a thing of the past

      Delete
  16. Bubble wrap on a cracked column??????????????????????????????? Yes that did deserve all of those 'are you serious?!?' question marks. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol what, bubble wrap isn't strong enough to hold it?
      You had to have a ???????????????? fit lol

      Delete
  17. We are real big on duct tape here in the South!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seems to work everywhere
      Duct tape with flair

      Delete
  18. Duct tape can fix anything and make it last. Pringle can is a new thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah surprised to see that
      Pringle cans here were only used to hold scat

      Delete
  19. Some things just need to be thrown out and never fixed again

    ReplyDelete
  20. It is amazing what duct tape can do
    and it comes in so many colors
    it can virtually fix anything you mentioned here
    way better than any other!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah can get the some done
      Colors abound for everyone

      Delete
  21. Never been allowed to drive, mind you if I did Heaven help the roads here in the UK. Good one Pat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not driving would stink
      Bring me to the brink

      Delete
  22. Yup Duct tape is just the best. Sure fixes just everything. Not so sure about the street lamp though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah might not do that at all
      Unless duct tape is bright at ones hall

      Delete
  23. Ha ha, these are quite fun
    a pringle to fix a hose
    wouldn't help a ton
    but I suppose it is okay to try
    but if that doesn't work
    try a hot-cross bun!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That may not work though
      Would melt when the car began to go

      Delete
  24. Open up your mouth ans swallow a bee
    That's what they call instant AC
    A bit of duct tape would come in handy
    Shut their mouths and steal their candy
    Hey! My X-mast tree is dying
    So what if it's March... I ain't lying
    My neighbors don't think I'm a hit
    Calling the cops on the butts on which they sit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calling the cops do you
      Ratting out humpers at your zoo
      How rude is that
      A x-mas tree still at your mat
      Ready for next year?
      With some chrismas-y cheer

      Delete
    2. It's a fact plus it is true
      Would I ever lie to you?

      Delete
    3. Have and will
      Lies have their fill lol

      Delete
  25. The redneck's guiding principle: If something shouldn't move and it does, fix it with duct tape; if it should move and doesn't, use WD-40.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must work out though
      As many use it high and low

      Delete
  26. Duck tape rocks
    can fix bad talks

    Don't fight -
    duck tape apply
    to the mouth-
    have a pause...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A pause and maybe applause
      Duct tape stopped the cause

      Delete
  27. A fix may be quick
    and done in the nick
    of time before dine
    and rhyme on a dime.

    Okay, I know.... That made no sense at all. Back to the ol' drawyhin' board for me. MOUSES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well no sense works too
      Here at our zoo
      Even with a missing we
      Let it fly free

      Delete
  28. Maybe if I added a "we" before dine in the third line....

    ReplyDelete
  29. Such great solutions, cat! You are a genius!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wasn't be
      Just saw online at my sea

      Delete
  30. Such great solutions, cat! You are a genius!

    ReplyDelete
  31. As far as I'm concerned duct tape can fix just about anything! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  32. duct tape fixes everything
    even that AC broken window
    so invest heavily in that magic
    tape, now in assorted colors so you
    dont look like a silver sci fi reject...
    get wnough to paint the house
    just dont --- cover the door
    toss in a pringle can and you need no
    mailbox either, unless of course
    you are already using it
    in the car.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol now that would be interesting to see
      A duct taped house from me
      Hmmm I'd be tempted if I had a crappy house
      Tape it so much it could be got in by a mouse

      Delete
  33. orlin N cassie....

    ya mite get sum grate add vize frum a singing bass but due KNOT trust a big mouth bass...bass terd bass will tell yur sekritz ta de next bass N de next thing ya noe salmon iz swappin storeez with bearz.....faaaaaaaaaa....

    N heerz two a flagfish N false cat shark kinda week oh end ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll remember to take the batteries out
      Before any secrets I shout

      Delete
  34. All it takes is a little creativity and anything broken can be fixed. Great tips. And funny too. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most every time
      Without costing a dime

      Delete
  35. I'm a fan of duct tape, too
    And I like it in the color blue
    I've been know to fix insane
    To keep my budget from too much pain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Budget is the name of the game
      Have to keep it tame

      Delete
  36. a quick fix you say
    doesn't work at your bay
    so put the duct tape away :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Packing tape is more sticky
      So it isn't as tricky

      Delete
  37. Thank God for duct tape, I say! And now you can get it in all sorts of colors and patterns! Have a good one, Pat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All colors of the rainbow can come due
      Matching everything for you

      Delete
  38. I saw some guy duct tape a Doritos bag in place of his broken tail light. It's crazy the things people will come up with for quick fixes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I suppose that could be shiny
      But the fine if caught may not be tiny

      Delete
  39. Bubble wrap
    Around a garage pole
    You’ve got to be kidding
    Would leave a huge hole
    Some people are crazy
    Brains aren’t their goal
    Thinking is taxing
    For many a troll

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Live under a bridge
      Charging a fee
      Or jump off a ridge
      And leave us be

      Delete
  40. Amazing what quick fixes some will try

    ReplyDelete
  41. My mailbox broke kinda, where the flap would not stay closed especially during wind. So I got some thin magnets and works like new.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Magnets was a good idea indeed
      There at your feed

      Delete
  42. Duct Tape works wonders just ask the guy from the Red/Green show:)

    ReplyDelete
  43. I am wondering what we are going to have to fix in our house once we get back from Vegas. I am hoping the heat stayed on, pipes didn't freeze and the roof didn't cave in from all the snow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully nothing broke
      That might make on choke

      Delete