Monday, May 25, 2015

More News You Can't Use!

The cat went into a trance and did a little dance. Or was that they other way around? Either way, some more headlines were found. Did you think I was through? I have to bring future news to you.

2019: The Blue Guy farts and causes a riot.
Damn, a fart like that means he needs a better diet.
2034: Marvel announces phase 6.
Old man Iron Man plays pick up sticks.

2054: Blabber still has tons of shampoo.
I guess one bottle will never do.
2073: Fish walk out of the sea.
Yeah, they walk right out and greet thee.

2036: A meteor brings little green beans.
Damn, alien beans must make scenes.
2048: Coconuts fall from the sky.
Those aliens are giving food a try.

2037: Lottery commission admits the lottery is rigged.
I knew things were re-jigged.
3038: The Earth gets renamed to Ground.
My, that is just oh so profound.

6069: Apes rule Ground.
They let cats stick around.
2222: Many marry on Feb. 22 at 22 hours 22 minutes and 22 seconds in the night.
Damn, the crazies humans and their long headlines that take flight.

5555: Robots kill many humans through love.
I guess they squash them when landing from above?
2026: The Walking Dead is still on.
Those zombies sure can spawn.

2029: Betsy stubs her toe.
I guess the news wanted everyone to know?
2030: Chips go in every humans head.
Pffft put a chip in me and you'll end up dead.

2043: Flying cars still aren't real.
That is good with all the nuts behind the wheel.
2057: Stargate SG1 comes back.
Must be a redo or a geriatric pack.

2038: A dam breaks and floods a town.
More info? Like where it went down?
2039: Name of flooded town found.
And still screwing us around.

2067: Americans are too fat to even run for cancer.
I guess they missed their calling as a sofa dancer?
2047: The Oxford Dictionary adds 500 new words to it.
Damn, do you think there is another way to say umm shit?

Bah, the cat isn't full of that. I just ducked down and left Pat some scat. Ready to live on Ground? That has to impress a hound. Some strange headlines you humans create. Some have an awful fate. There is stubbing a toe and some lethal gas. I am glad it does not happen to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

99 comments:

  1. Testing reboot.... 1....2....
    Scooby Doo....
    Blue suede shoe...

    HELLO CAT!
    What's up at your bay?
    You reckon this is gonna be a fun day?
    It just might
    Where's your kite?
    Hey, where's Hank The Poetry Tank?
    Is he on his way to the bank?
    Well I'm a-keeping this one short
    Got papers to grade...
    Such a sport!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Enjoy the grading
      As a's and b's your trading
      Unable to snore
      There at your shore

      Delete
    2. Let's ski!
      In the place to be!

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Good morning Hank!
      Guess who's back in town?

      Delete
    2. Nice seeing you too,
      Blue!

      Hank

      Delete
    3. Back to fight
      The #1 flight

      Delete
    4. Unless I continue my snore
      Loud like a boar

      Delete
    5. A snore to shake the walls
      Heard down many halls

      Delete
  3. I think a lot of Americans are too fat to run now...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that is true
      Roll over on the couch more than a few

      Delete
    2. Couch?
      What couch?
      Did anyone say couch?

      Delete
    3. You have couch on the brain
      There at your lane

      Delete
  4. 500 words is a lot. I wonder if that's a full-time job... being a dictionary word puter-er. Maybe puter-er could even be a word. :_

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Puter--er could be given a go
      Bholingaringding is one I know

      Delete
  5. The future is enticing. Think I'll stay here!! MOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol stay under the bed
      and rest your head

      Delete
  6. "More News You Can't Use!'
    They are there just as a ruse
    Good to ponder
    As they go under
    Else many get utterly confused

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could leave one confused
      And a little abused

      Delete
  7. Fish walking out of water, I guess no need to go fishing any more. Adventurous future it seems, but without flying cars!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flying cars would suck
      People can't drive now, car or truck

      Delete
  8. I'm still waiting for pigs to fly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Put them on a plane
      Poof, they fly down the lane

      Delete
  9. Jeepers, what the future will bring
    I hope it has a little zing
    Fatter Americans? They will burst
    Everywhere worms, they are cursed
    Coconuts bouncing from the sky
    Gather up and make coconut pie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A bouncing American came to play
      But they bounced the wrong way
      Ended up in the sea
      Mistaken for a whale, whoopsy

      Delete
  10. Writing about farts is an art
    That can't be mastered when you start
    It takes years to complete the learning
    But sadly you'll be yearning
    For offensive smells to appear
    Because then inspiration is near.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn those farts
      Can get them at wal-marts
      So unless they go under
      Farts you can plunder

      Delete
  11. This reminds me of reading this line in some stupid magazine in 2000

    2012: Meteor destroys most life on Earth

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol yep, idiots who publish that
      Cause the only earth ending scare by saying things will go splat

      Delete
  12. I never did trust those blue guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are scary
      They aren't even hairy

      Delete
  13. 2030: Chips go in every humans head.

    Maybe that's why we're too damn fat to run? Stuffing too many chips in our heads? (ba dum TISH!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha one chip away from a vast wasteland...

      Delete
    2. lmao were they regular or crunchy ones
      Maybe pringles by the tons?

      Delete
  14. Hmm Feb 22 is a good day for me
    it's a grand number at my sea
    I wonder in 2222 how the world will be
    as I won't be around to see
    so now I'm pondering drinking tea
    back to the future to find the key
    hmm..aliens came down and stole a coconut tree
    what they didn't want to pay the export fee
    hope they took some fleas itching there with glee
    will the world be free from dirt and debris
    hope a good day is had by thee...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doubt there will be no dirt and debris
      Although that my ocd would want to sea
      The 2222 one though
      I bet will come to be high and low
      We'll all be good and dead
      So that one won't be fed

      Delete
  15. I don't think I ever want flying cars to be real

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah that would suck
      Especially idiots in a big truck

      Delete
  16. Knowing my age I might just still be alive
    to see the blue guy let one rip
    the other news things that will be happening
    could be an interesting trip

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting it may be
      Need time travel for all to see

      Delete
  17. Marvel will probably make it to phase ten before the reboot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A reboot will come some day
      Hopefully a century away

      Delete
  18. Yes flying cars would be extra scary.. Don't want to see that. Imagine the traffic jams in the sky. Have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, and the nuts flying into houses and such
      Flying cars would be too much

      Delete
  19. This was great!

    "Old man Iron Man plays pick up sticks." Tee-hee! Marvel just keeps on dishing out more and more Iron Man movies, don't they?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, they sure put him in everything
      RDJ has to afford his bling

      Delete
  20. I think the machines will take over before the apes. I don't know if it will take that many centuries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The machines will go Skynet one day
      Serve us right at our bay

      Delete
  21. Love the vision of Iron Man picking up sticks. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saving the world one stick at a time
      What a way to stop crime

      Delete
  22. I think it'll be like on Wall-E...where we're all moving around on vehicles so we don't have to walk and drinking food out of straws because we're too lazy to eat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that may very well be the way
      As the lazy collect their pay

      Delete
  23. Poor Betsy, stubbing a toe can really hurt. I know a few years ago when I pretty severely stubbed mine.

    I think your 6069 headline is a bit of a stretch considering how far away it is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bah, the cat can go far ahead in time
      Stubbed toes hurt and one gives a swear chime

      Delete
  24. Zombies spanning - okay, yuck!
    But you're probably right! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol you just never know
      How things shall go

      Delete
  25. Oxford Dictionary keeps going strong?
    Wow that's just so wrong.
    The Urban Dictionary is prime.
    I hope it stands the test of time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Urban may become the norm
      As many screw with the form

      Delete
  26. Poor Blue Guy...one of my friends calls farts...ass tornadoes. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol a whirl from the ass
      Caused by a little gas

      Delete
  27. I believe that if we could motorize our beds so we don't even have to walk to our cars, we would. Look at how many people walk around in their pajamas outside now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, lazy is surely the way
      People will do it come what may

      Delete
  28. It's the year 2525.
    This is no jive.
    With no other selection.
    Bill Clinton XXXV runs for re-election.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But which Bill Clinton XXXV is it?
      I hear XXXIV got around more than a bit

      Delete
  29. I think the apes should let the cats rule.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cats would do a better job of it
      Apes can back up a bit

      Delete
    2. Meow!
      A cat beats a cow
      Or an ape
      Like a grape

      Delete
  30. Thanks for a glimpse into the future. It's rather spooky, that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not one we want to find
      As it may not be kind

      Delete
  31. What....The Blue Guy farts and causes a riot?
    Would they be loud or sneaky and quiet?
    Will there be a lottery won as well?
    Or will my life just go to hell?
    Say it ain't so
    At your show

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol maybe they pay you to go away
      And not to fart again another day?

      Delete
    2. Sounds like a plan to me
      Scooby Dooweee
      How much are they willing to pay
      On a sunny non-farty day?

      Delete
    3. Drive up the price
      With things that don't smell nice

      Delete
  32. Imagine how crowded the skies would get with flying cars. Not good news for birds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, not good news for most
      People crashing into the coast

      Delete
  33. should we start calling you nostrapat, nostrahatt, or nostrapathatphat?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That last one may get wordy at my sea
      That first or second works for me

      Delete
  34. I like your point about flying cars ;)

    ReplyDelete
  35. You are ruining my vision of the future if aliens make coconuts and green beans fall from the sky. I was sure hoping for vanilla milkshakes. But I guess milkshakes don't have much of a message.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, plus milkshakes can spill
      So aliens won't give humans their fill

      Delete
  36. Hmm. The movie The Fifth Element cured me of flying cars! Fun sci-fi Pat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that would fix that
      No flying cars wanted by the cat

      Delete
  37. I'm kind of glad I won't be around for most of that! Sounds like not a lot of great things to come in the future!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, stuck in crap
      All across the future map

      Delete
  38. New words added every year
    dictionaries larger than a fat man's rear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol soon won't be able to swing it
      When one has a fit

      Delete
  39. I'll be 68 when I stub my toe?
    Oh, now that will cause me some woe.
    It could break at that age due to weak bones
    and I might be too old to let out a groan.
    Going to buy steel reinforced toe boots
    hahaha... They'll get some hoots
    but maybe I can escape that fate
    of stubbing a toe at my gate.
    haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol now that you know
      You can watch out for your toe
      Those boots would sure work
      Might also be a perk
      No stubbing ever again
      There at your den

      Delete
  40. I can read the future just fine
    Don't need a prediction online
    If I wash my car, it will rain
    And if it rains, I will feel pain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I just wait for rain
      Works at my lane

      Delete
  41. Lethal gas
    Or stubbing a toe
    I guess there are
    Far worse ways to go

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah death on a loo
      Would be worse at ones zoo

      Delete
  42. There are a LOT of fat Americans. That is because they eat so much junk food.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, fat as can be
      On their junk food spree

      Delete