Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A Little Cheer Or Maybe Fear!

The cat hasn't gone the limerick mile in quite a while. So what the hell. I'll ring that bell. It may be swell or prove I need a padded cell. Either way, the cat shall play.

He was jolly and fat,
With a red cotton hat.
His face all aglow,
Enjoying the show,
Until they reached for a bat.

Rudolph was ready.
His fat rather thready.
But he awaited his due,
By a happy elf crew.
His final piece eaten by Elf Eddy.

Santa visited the naughty,
Their track record spotty.
He wanted a thrill,
But forget his pill,
So couldn't beam up Scottie.

Some fat guy was drunk,
And he climbed in a trunk.
The lid slammed down,
As he drove across town,
Squashed when the car was turned to junk.

Santa struck a pose,
And put his finger to his nose.
With a twinkle in each eye,
You could tell he was high.
That and he was wearing no clothes.

Christmas brings toys,
To the good girls and boys.
But I want an auto,
Or a winning ticket from the lotto.
The rest is background noise.

Upon on careful inspection,
Santa made a projection.
The earth held too many,
And he couldn't ignore any.
So he gifted all a yearly supply of protection.

The kids were having a fit,
Tearing presents where they sit.
When along came the pup,
Who had not given up.
Finding his gift of Santa shit.

The cat is through. Got any at your zoo? I could go on all day. But then that may cause dismay. Plus the cat may get on the naughty list. Wait. I think I'm already there unless I was missed. Oh well, what the hell. I said it twice. How nice. Maybe I'll get a new singing bass? That wouldn't impress my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

73 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I wouldn't mind a winning lottery ticket
      I'd be so happy I'd sing like a cricket

      Delete
    2. Sing Truedessa sing
      You are deserving

      Hank

      Delete
    3. In on time
      Winning ticket not a crime

      Delete
    4. That she was
      hank lose his buzz

      Delete
  2. Santa always wears clothes and he would never be high!!! Are you looking to fill your stocking with coal this year? ! Smh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Living in your own little saintly world
      While santa's out getting his toes curled lol

      Delete
  3. You could tell he was high - finally, someone points out the obvious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never escapes the cat
      Obvious where we are at

      Delete
  4. There was an old elf name of Santa
    Who loved to indulge late in bantah
    Got him fired from his job
    And the kiddies did sob
    His replacement was named Canta Franta Panta

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A mouth full for all
      Not merry or decking a hall
      So instead they spit
      The name they split
      Now Cafrapa is at the mall

      Delete
  5. Sounds like a Twilight Zone version of 'Twas the night before Christmas'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol the cat can go into the zone
      Crazy voices at the tone

      Delete
  6. Now if the whole world were drinking what you are we'd all find this the new before bed on Christmas Eve tale. :) Pass the grog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must be something in the water here
      Hey, at least the cat brings cheer

      Delete
  7. A Little Cheer Or Maybe Fear!
    Limericks is the right answer
    Hank does find
    It saves time
    It conveniently is less bother

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Limericks do work
      As they can be a perk

      Delete
  8. Jolly Old Saint Nick
    Better not come with a stick
    I will chase him away up a tree
    and then he might have to pee
    and with that I would say ick

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pee down a tree
      A mess for thee
      But can't let him fiddle
      Extending his middle
      So the pee must fly free

      Delete
  9. Now I have an image of Santa to remember.
    I'll think of your poem every December.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha always there in your mind
      Thanks to my rhyming behind

      Delete
  10. Those limericks are terrific. That was great and sure made me laugh. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad they were fun
      As I went on a limerick run

      Delete
  11. Santa striking a pose with no clothes is not an image I want to see!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol no jolly fat guys for you
      There at your zoo

      Delete
  12. No cookies for Santa this year

    ReplyDelete
  13. A winning lottery ticket sounds good until you find out how much you won.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, $2 whole bucks
      Then you curse the umm flucks

      Delete
  14. I'll take the car or lottery ticket. And I think the cat is definitely on the naughty list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A fine place to be for the cat
      We are okay with that

      Delete
  15. I never figured out why Santa keeps picking his nose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A booger forever stuck up there
      Has to be hard to get at his lair

      Delete
  16. Me thinks the cat is on to the red man,
    Calling him out instead of being blind fan,
    The concept of Santa is definitely weird,
    We welcome a robber in his pajamas and beard?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, come on in
      Twinkle and sin
      That's okay
      You're jolly the whole way

      Delete
  17. Te fattest elf on a shelf
    Is playing with himself.
    There's no need to see
    What he's got for me.
    Yippee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A yippee for you
      With nothing in view

      Delete
  18. orlin N cassie

    we guess nowz knot de time... ore...seezon...ta menshun:

    ther once waz a dood named tucker ~~~~~~~~

    ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That be cause some to run
      As they pucker up at such fun

      Delete
  19. Ha. Definitely a new take on Christmas Eve:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am thinking the cat is already on the naughty list, but this close to Christmas it could go either way.
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On that list he is
      With his rhyming biz

      Delete
  21. LOL! Nothing is safe from the Cat!
    Not sure Santa will arrive where you're at!
    Unless that right jolly old elf recalls
    the laughter you inspire in many halls!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He might come for a view
      But then fall in our litter loo

      Delete
  22. All cats should be on the naughty list
    If you get my gist
    The dog says so
    And she would know.

    Arf, says the dog
    Totally agog
    At your blog

    Gary, Gary, quite contrary...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well they don't comply
      Not even to a jolly fat guy

      Delete
  23. There was a singing bass in the auction trash not long ago.
    I could have sent it to Orlin for a Christmas gift glow!
    haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha we had one a long time ago
      Got lost somewhere along the way though

      Delete
  24. Santa's a freak
    He now makes me shriek!
    I was hoping for a new Tonka Truck
    But stay out my house, you red-suited, fat "fu-uuuuu-dge"!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would the truck be life size?
      He could park it outdoors and stay out so no one dies

      Delete
  25. Auto or lotto would surely be nice
    Until then unbelievably, a bike shall suffice :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A bike you say?
      Boo, too much work at my bay lol

      Delete
  26. To long away from limericks for me
    Not sure I can still compose one at my sea
    I'll give it a try
    Without knowing why
    And see just how foolish my rhyming can be

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha it worked out
      Fine after your limerick drought

      Delete
  27. Santa with no clothes, picking his nose, should be beat with a rubber hose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whacked upside the head
      Until he is good and dead

      Delete
  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  29. A Santa in the nude
    Might be rather lewd
    But if his joys
    Brought me toys
    I wouldn't think him rude

    ReplyDelete
  30. I have seen some pretty disgusting Santa's in my day. No wonder some kids are scared of them.

    ReplyDelete