Friday, July 31, 2015

It Has To Be Said To Hurt The Head?

The cat was told the other day that something was at play. What it was they were proud to say but that was not all at their bay. Nope, not one bit. They sounded like a human twit.

It goes without saying.
They kept replaying.
They said it five times,
Worse than brain dead mimes.

Then they yapped away,
About that which they shouldn't say.
They sure liked to yap to.
But that is a familiar trait in more than a few.

So let's play their game.
The cat can't remain tame.
It goes without saying.
I have to have to cause a little dismaying.

It goes without saying that they sky is there.
Wow, you didn't know that at your lair?
Err ummm It goes without saying you are nuts,
If you never knew the sky was above huts.

It goes without saying water is wet.
My, aren't I a clever pet?
It goes without saying if you think it is dry,
You are one screwed up girl or guy.

It goes without saying that air is there.
Although maybe some should avoid it at their lair.
It goes without saying that should be true,
If you think there is no air around you.

It goes without saying fire is hot.
What? Is that too much of a thought?
It goes without saying if you think not,
You may very well suffer from brain rot.

It goes without saying a door can open.
What? You sat around and started mopin?
It goes without saying if you thought you were stuck,
In the brains department someone passed the buck.

It goes without saying a light gives light.
No bump in the dark to give you a fright.
It goes without saying if you think a light scary,
Your brain may have got swapped out with a cherry.

It goes without saying the cat will rhyme.
To not do that would be a crime.
It goes without saying if you come looking for math,
You may end up out in the bird bath.

It goes without saying that I am through. But did I really need to tell you? Do you use that stupid saying at your sea? It goes without saying you might not want to tell me. The cat will hold that for a later sass. But It goes without saying from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

A Little Bad At Our Pad!

The cat was asked a while ago to do a rhyme that was all about a bad cat chime. You know, the things cats do that are not liked by you. That is as easy as can be. But just so you know, there is nothing bad about me. I hear those sighs and I just roll my eyes.

A bad cat trip,
Is about to come due.
I'll let it rip,
Hopefully cats don't curse my zoo.

Bad task number one,
Hair up a human nose.
To do that is fun,
As there she blows.

Bad task number two,
Can get a bit smelly.
Let a crap come due,
Right in front of their telly.

Bad task number three,
Can also concern the TV.
But also a Christmas tree,
Everything is knocked over by a kitty.

Bad task number four,
Sure can get things done.
Let the liter take the tour,
Spread it around so it's stepped on by everyone.

Bad task number five,
If a human won't wake.
Run, jump and dive,
And a scratch you can make.

Bad task number six,
Is oh so easy to all.
Watch them tumble like a ton of bricks,
As you trip them when they go down the hall.

Bad task number seven,
Is sure a yummy one.
Cats can easily be in heaven,
Chewing on food from chicken to bun.

Bad task number eight,
Sure is a doozy,
This one they all hate,
And some even get woozy.

What is it you ask?
It could wake the dead.
With the final bad cat task,
You just pee on their head in bed.

I think I got most. Any more you know at your coast? Thankfully we have never had to do the final one to Pat. He would not take that. We'd get locked away in a closet at our bay. That would just be rude. So in other ways we give him attitude. If cats don't like that I spilled the beans to human screens, take it up with the singing bass. He egged on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A Little Bit Of Fake In Which To Partake!

Seen it here and there at many a lair. Whether that is Twitter or Blogger there is always a hogger. They don't hog this or that, they hog a spotlight like a gnat. They flutter around the light saying something above everything in sight.

That is great!
I so can relate.
What was it again?
I missed it at my den.

Wow, you too?
It happened at my zoo.
What happened though?
I just want to know.

I've done that.
It's where it is at.
At what I have to ask?
I may have hit the flask.

I did that the other day.
What are the chances at play?
What was it you did?
I don't want to miss a bid.

I know that is fun.
I already gave it a run.
Can you tell me what it was?
I may have heard wrong buzz.

That is so new.
I've tried it too.
Did it really come due?
Can yoou tell me how new?

I did that last night.
It really took flight.
Where did I fly?
Don't give me the eye.

Found that out yesterday.
My, that won't cause dismay.
Or will it?
Will it a bit?

Man, that is so cool.
I did it back in school.
It was in school, right?
Come into the light.

I'm the best at that.
I have a high stat.
What was that?
Can I ask a cat?

Don't you love when they retort and pretend they have done it at their court? Then ask later something that lets you know nothing but BS is what they blow. Humans are stranger than a singing bass. So says my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

A Ruin For You Today In View!

The cat heard something the other day that made me think you humans are crazy in a while other way. That way is not good. It's no wonder so many of you are misunderstood. What was it? Stick with me for a bit.

A remake is coming,
Sadly, a familiar humming.
But we've been there done that.
No need to be a remake cat.

Then comes the whine.
Been done by the feline.
Why do we need such crap?
No originality across the map.

Hollywood for you.
Remakes make me blue.
And there is loads more,
But I don't wish to bore.

The one that stuck out,
As they continued to pout,
Or be an online tough guy,
Those are worse than a house fly,

Was as stupid as stupid can be.
May as well go hang in a tree.
More brains in a monkey.
Plus they could fit in if they smell funky.

Alright, I will now tell.
No need to raise any hell.
"They are ruining my childhood"
Sadly, that can't be misunderstood.

Idiot humans far and wide,
Who in that saying take pride,
Are as dumb as a stump.
So don't be a chump.

Don't ever say that.
Adhere to the cat.
For it is false as false can be,
And stupid to boot between you and me.

Actually between the whole Internet,
As it was typed out by this pet.
Whoopsy, sorry stupid humans everywhere.
Not sorry, as the cat doesn't care.

A remake, reboot, re-this, re-that,
Usually lean toward the very sucky stat.
But they will NOT ruin your childhood at all.
For it is over, done, finished and you had a ball.

Do you get the cat? Are you one that whines like that? They only way a remake or anything can ruin your childhood is if you go back in time and undo the good. Other than that it won't ruin it even if the remake is shit. Now I am done with my ranting pass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 27, 2015

A Big Production With A Big Reduction!

So the cat has been working on this a while. The biggest thing we ever done when turning the YouTube dial. It was fun to do. May do more than a few. It even has commercials at our zoo. Pat had to get in there too.



The first ever episode of Whose Hairball Is It Anyway, starring Orlin the savannah cat, Cassie the tabby cat, and Mini Me the puppet who longs for no hand up his ass. With your host, Boney.

Activities played are, Stuff from a Drawer, Let's Make A Litter and Play That Movie.

Look for big prizes, big money, big death on some other show. But watch ours while you search for that.

Cassie and I play along,
With that Boney ding dong.
Mini Me comes out to play.
Has a hand up his ass that he likes to say.

We put on a show.
The budget is low, low, low.
Hey, we can't afford a set.
Plus, I'm not a take direction pet.

Pat wants to add dogs to the next one.
Not sure I want the butt sniffing fun.
Guests can come from far and wide.
Hell, may even turn the book tide.

With commercials for the books,
Could help if I get looks.
Or maybe some will skip.
Hope it is a fun trip.

It is a FULL episode though.
So longer than normal at my show.
And no hairballs actually are seen.
But Whose Hairball is it Anyway isn't so clean.

Watch it at your sea? What did you think of the production by me? If you can call a bare bones production that. Hey, works for the cat. Hopefully I can get a few thousand views on this one. That would sure be fun. Mainly to try and sell books from the looks. A cat has to eat to get gas. So feed my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Why Oh Why Has To Fly!

The why of things is on task today. I could go on forever in a day about this at my bay. But I will keep it normal length for all. The cat doesn't want to have you here all day at his hall. You may spread germs around. My ocd doesn't like when they are found.

The why of it all.
Asked from wall to hall.
From ceiling to floor.
Why backwards at my shore?

I wanted to leave you reeling.
Who needs floor to ceiling.
So why watch a sport?
Just a ball on a curt.

Or a ball in a hole.
Wow, they scored a goal.
Whoopdi friggin doo.
Damn, now they scored two.

What overpaid weenies can do.
Why do you play Clue?
To find the place it occurred?
So time gets blurred?

To amuse an elf?
To stop the game from collecting dust on the shelf?
Why do you even indulge me?
I am obviously crazy.

Are you crazy too?
Is that why you come to my zoo?
Why drink and kill your liver?
Do you like to make it shiver?

Why not drink and save your liver?
Are you some sort of wannabe giver?
Why eat all day and get fat?
Why not eat and stay skinny as a cat?

Why go to work for pay?
Why not lie in a garbage bay?
Why work out at all?
Why are you tall?

Why are you short?
Why build a snow fort?
To watch it melt the next day?
Why am I asking that in summer at my bay?

It rhymed, okay?
Why isn't it May?
Why is May before June?
Why is night after noon?

The cat is through making you think. Or maybe just confusing you at our rink. Why am I still blithering on? Has this become a why con? At least it isn't a bunch of dudes singing YMCA. You've got that going for you at my bay. Not sure why that came to pass. But I'll why away with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

A Snack Attack That Sure Doesn't Lack!

So the cat was watching humans once more. You are rather amusing from shore to shore. Not in a good way. So don't go all peacock at your bay. Meaning preening. Should we do some screening? Bah, who needs that. Let's just chew the fat.

There is a word,
That many find,
To be absurd,
And so unkind.

There is a thing,
That many do.
They hear a ding,
And grab two.

The word is snack.
The meaning is lost.
But many still attack,
And maybe accost.

Nope, not another,
At least I hope.
If they cannibilized your brother,
I really hope they used soap.

They eat a meal.
A meal for a snack.
They find it a great deal,
And forget any flack.

They do it twice a day,
Sometimes even three.
But oh the dismay,
Now they can float in the sea.

But it can't be the snack.
Nope, not making me fat.
That is just whack.
Snacks are where it's at.

A snack is so nice.
It is easy as can be.
Buy things at a cheap price,
Or maybe even free.

The snack is all mine.
That snack can't be beat.
I still have hours before I dine,
So I need a snack so I don't deplete.

My snack is the size of meal,
But who really cares.
Snacks are the real deal,
You can even get them at fairs.

Yep, you humans have lost the meaning of snack. It is not a full fledged meal attack. Nope, it is something little to eat. Like something you'd call a treat. Not handfuls of everything you can shove in your yap. Do you fall into the snack = meal trap? If so, sorry for the sass. Err, umm, not really from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Lips Curled In A Plastic World!

The cat had this pop in and just went with it. Not everything needs a reason for a rhyming fit. But of course it needs a rhyme. The whole no rhyme or reason saying is a crime.

Take your time.
Not in your prime.
No need for eyes of lime,
Or some face of slime.

Lie back and dream.
Trust in the team.
A nip and tuck,
Brings lips of a duck.

A cut and slash,
Gives you a skin rash.
A peck and poke,
Makes your face look broke.

Just trust in the team.
Live the American dream.
With any sort of luck,
It just takes a nip and tuck.

Become a floatation device.
Hey, there's room for mice.
Could make things jiggle,
As they run around and wiggle.

Have to look like that.
Can fix it, stat.
Just a nip and tuck.
Face hit by a truck.

Looks like botox dung,
But the dung is young.
Face frozen in summer,
Going with bummer.

Fat from another place,
Fills each empty space.
Adding the much needed.
So you begged and pleaded.

For more than a buck,
Quack like a duck.
Float in the ocean,
No matter the motion.

Freeze in the heat,
To your own beat.
And as an added treat,
Scare everyone you meet.

I guess a plastic face made the cat's mind race. So out came that. So scary they are to the cat. If I want a plastic toy to bring me joy, I'll go buy a five dollar ninja turtle figurine. A much nicer looking scene. The cat had fun giving sass from his non plastic little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Would You Switch To Get Rich?

So the cat saw this question the other day as he was out and about at his bay and thought it would be fun. It is worth a run. We shall see what is really inside thee. Of course you could lie to me.

Would you rather be,
In life's great spree,
Honest and poor,
Broke as can be at your shore,

Or dishonest and rich,
With enough dough to make many itch?
Maybe a mix and match,
If you can get away with a batch?

Depends on the extent?
A little dishonest won't make anyone bent.
Politicians do it every day.
So why not you say.

Could make up for it in the end.
Fine some good charities and send.
Unless you stick to the greed.
Then you may become another weed.

So what is it?
Dishonest a bit?
As long as you get rich,
A little that can go off without a hitch.

But is that a slippery slope?
Would one be a dope?
Got away with it once,
So tries again like a dunce.

Wanting more and more.
So dishonesty they explore.
Down the rabbit hole.
Goodbye honest soul.

Or stay honest and be poor?
Be something of lore.
Hobo with a Shotgun.
Yeah, sadly I gave that movie a run.

So what will it be?
Any answer at your sea?
Did you have to think?
Afraid to put it to ink?

For the cat it is simple as can be.
Depends on the situation for me.
If it's screwing over a bank or something like that.
Then I could care less at my blog mat.

I guess there is a breaking point for everyone, or a line for when things will be done. Hurting no one at all I could be a dishonest cat to bring on riches stat. But other than that, no way. I'll stick with the 9-5 slave bay. So what about you? Easy answer come due? I know too much thinking and little sass today from my poor little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Have A Drink From The Sink!

So are you a nasty sink drinker? Have the fluoride heads got you hook, line and sinker? My you humans make a nice fish. If I reel you in do I get to make a wish? I want a pot of gold. Waiting, waiting, nope, that's cold.

Drink from the sink,
Find the missing link.
It tickles you pink,
The germ ridden rink.

Liquified chlorine went into you.
That is so tasty at your zoo.
Next time you're at the swimming pool,
Take a drink and don't be a fool.

Aluminum sulphate.
A fine fate.
Suck it back.
Go all tin man at your shack.

Calcium hydroxide.
Quite the ride.
Prepare for something great.
Another added trait.

Sodium silicofluoride,
Will change the tide.
It will help your body rot,
Or seize up like a robot.

Fluorosilicic acid,
Drained from Lake Placid.
Those gators won't like that.
They may squash you flat.

Enough with the big names,
Let's add fuel to the flames,
That go on within,
There at your sink drinking bin.

The show stopper,
Have some copper,
And as a topper,
Have a mercury hopper.

Pesticides may give way.
Yummy, I say.
Arsenic is grand.
Poison from feet to hand.

Hormones are there,
Such a fun affair.
The just fly wild,
And so help your growing child.

Don't you just want to take a tasty drink of tap water now? I mean that stuff in that can really make you wow. I suppose it's better to be a fluoride head than get some bacteria and be right away dead. But I bet that stuff causes more than gas. It needs to be filtered for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Spam Free, Spam Like Me!

Thankfully with anonymous comments off at my sea spammers mostly leave me be. But there are a few that get through. They are pretty determined spammers at my zoo. Blogger catches most, still annoying at ones coast. So let's have fun with a spammer run.

"Your site is great, here's mine!"
Said many a time to the feline.
Like I believe anything that is said by you.
Hit you with a hammer until your finger turns blue.

"Such great information, my product can do just that."
Wow, Viagra is useful to a cat?
I talk about hairballs and they bring Viagra?
Will that make things flow like Niagara?

"I have a great reward for you."
Yep, and I've got two.
Are you ready for them to come due?
Ones an f and the other is a u.

"What I saw today made me think of this."
Yep, again with the Viagra bliss.
Maybe they are trying to tell Pat something?
Can't tell me as I'm snip snip with nothing to cling.

"Dogs and cat supplies at a cheap rate."
Great, I'll get a crate.
Then I'll lock you in.
Push you in the river for the win.

"Fountain of youth has been found."
And I'm a blue three legged hound.
Pffft take you rat feces pill and shove it.
Maybe you'll choke on it, just a bit.

"Diet wonders like the stars."
What? You mean throwing up outside cars?
Not eating anything at all?
Or maybe giving liposuction a call?

"My battle against gloal warming."
It must have been storming.
You can't even spell.
Maybe stick to search engine hell.

"I love your site, it's just like mine."
Again, pfffft says the feline.
But I may click it one day,
When I'm out of scat at my bay.

"Followed you, follow me here!"
Kiss my little rhyming rear.
If that is all you can say.
Pfffft is the best you'll get on a good day.

I kept a few of the dirty spammers off. Their language could make any scoff. Many get caught thankfully. I think one should pitch them all in the sea. But then they just have a program that posts to 10,000 blogs at once anyway. Yep, they do that for pay. Maybe fill their computer with gas. Then all can watch it explode all thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Round Thirty Six With More Crazies In The Mix!

So we are back, as you know at my shack. But I like to say it anyway even if I am back every day. Now the search engine crazies are here and some really get mouthy today as they draw near.

close the gates you must close the gates walk slowly

So no dogs allowed? The mailman may be proud.

draw a pat and write about it. it's....it can...and.....it can.....

You want to draw Pat? Umm err ... may ... be scary when done with ...that.

snowman with pants dropped showing crack

The wrong time of year unless in the arctic I fear.

mike recommends his guests special dishes in the evening

Really, wtf is that about? I think you were searching for Gloria and he cook out.

hermoprodite biggest boobs hard porn

Umm disappointed you were. Unless you get thrilled by cat fur.

makes me want to hide

Yeah, I'll hide with you. Some scaries love my zoo.

yes its kinky wieny and dinky

You you admit to it? Maybe call it Blinky and you'll be a rhyming hit.

animated snow man jerking off

You get a thrill from ice? Blinky may pay the hypothermia price.

itsrhymetime pat hatt

Searching for Pat and not me? Well screw thee.

what the cat can do?

The cat can eat,
To his own beat.
The cat can shit,
And watch you step in it.

why do cats like mouse burgers

Umm err are you that dumb? Why do humans suck their thumb?

ass rhyming

I have gas
In my little rhyming ass.
The gas will pass,
Out my little rhyming ass.

i am not sure. it seems to me, the bird remember the rhyme at all

A bird can't remember a rhyme? Pffft it won't when the cat eats it in its prime.

what's going on in this pic? reply if you know what it is - a random winner will get a pdn dvd!

Rosey, are you trying to giveaway things here? Geez, and not even telling my little rhyming rear.

And now for your viewing pleasure something that no one can measure. It is so big your eyes may burst. So first go and quench your thirst. Are you ready for it? Here is the winner of this fit.

big heads stuck in big things like giant tiger

Umm err okay. You may not have your head any longer to umm play. Fight with a tiger and neither head will survive. You won't get out alive. What is that? Not dirty you are trying to tell the cat? I suppose could be a Giant Tiger clerk who is being a big headed jerk. But what is with the big head thing? Have you stuck your big head lately in anything? Wait, that may offend a singing bass. So no need to tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Magic Is Here, So Shed A Tear!

The cat declares this magic day. Let's all go with it I say. Get everything ready to go. Magic day is about to show. What, you don't believe me? Let's go on a magic day spree.

It's a magic day.
Just because, okay?
There is no reason.
There is no season.

It's just magic.
Is that tragic?
Well poo on you,
If yes came due.

Now where was I?
Oh yes, let the magic fly.
There will be sales by the ton.
Quick, elbow, stab, run.

You have to get two for one.
Your credit card needs to be done.
As in topped off.
Hey, don't scoff.

You need everyone together.
Forget the bad weather.
You all NEED to be there.
Even if you just sit and stare.

Spend money on each other.
Sister, mother, brother.
Oh yeah, dead uncle Ralph too.
He may need a new shoe.

Buy, buy, buy.
Hassle the $8 an hour guy.
That is what they are there for.
It's a magic day at your shore.

Go out and eat.
Get a tasty treat.
Spend $100 a plate.
It's a magic date.

Spend and enjoy.
There is no ploy.
Time together is swell,
No matter where you dwell.

You have to come as one.
It just must always be done.
It's a magic day.
Because I say so, okay?

See, the cat just proved you can do all the crap they want you to do on any day at your zoo. Oh no! I ruined the facade touted high and low. Damn, how rude of me. You mean you can't just get together on Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, etc. at ones sea? You can do that any time? Bah, that's just a crime. Let's wait for our magic day to come to pass. Pffffft says my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

A dVerse Philosophy Of What At My Hut!

Been a while since I went the dVerse trail. I figured I don't want to have a Gawker sized fail. Can't be gone forever. Hmm, 5 months is forever an endeavor. What, it's not? Damn, there goes my plot.

Why I do what I do?
Umm, isn't that clear to you?
I'm a crazy nut.
At least I don't sniff a butt.

The voices in my head,
Have to always be fed.
If not I'll go into a rubber room.
Maybe become Dr. Doom?

Yeah, the accent would give me away.
Don't want to wear all that metal at my bay.
Could get rust.
That would be a bust.

Still here asking why?
Okay, I'll give it a try.
I'm a crazy nut.
Whoops, said that at my hut.

Am I on repeat like Al?
Maybe I pissed off HAL.
My computer may eat me.
Hey, it eats time at my sea.

That is philosophical, right?
It won't literally bite.
But it takes a bite out of life.
Hell, a computer can even find you a wife.

Although it may get scary.
She could turn out hairy.
In which case she could be a he.
I'll just leave that be.

Or maybe I won't.
You know I don't.
See? You know a lot.
I don't need to spoil the plot.

The plot of me.
I hang from a tree.
Maybe even upside down.
I'm from crazy town.

What? You didn't get that?
Hey, I'm a rhyming cat.
You must be rather slow.
But at least now you know.

Did that answer all? Hmm, did I stray at my hall? Why would I do that? Hey, I got a why in where I'm at. Am I deflecting at my sea? Am I really all boo hoo hanging from my tree? Wait, would that be shrink stuff? Hmm, this philosophy stuff is tough. I'll leave The Gawker to gawk and stalk. The cat will continue to mock. Why would I do that? I am a cat. But I was really told to by a singing bass. Don't lock away my crazy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Join Hoo Hoo For A Whoopdi Flippin Doo!

The cat is back once more with another at our shore. This time we incorporate a saying as well. Changed friggin with flippin so there is no PTA hell.

Hoo Hoo is wise.
The night he flies.
The day he sleeps.
Until night once more creeps.

Likes it that way.
Then a nuisance comes his way.
A tweet, tweet, tweet.
He just wants it to delete.

Whoopdi flippin doo,
Is said a time or two.
Whoopdi flippin dee,
Also comes to be.

Whoopdi all around.
He stands profound.
The tabbies or trout town may have a fit,
As birds are the star of it.

But whoopdi flippin doo,
Says old Hoo Hoo.
Time for one that is new.
That sure makes a few.










Had to at my zoo.

There you are another at my sand bar. Out they just flow and so away I go. That makes 48 kids books at my sea. Two more to hit my goal of fifty hanging from my tree. Now I am done with this pass and it's back to whoopdi friggin doo for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

All About Self Today On The Shelf!

The cat has seen it far and wide. Humans everywhere take the ride. They are nuts in every way. Who wants to see their nose hair on display? Nasty even to a cat. So let's chew the fat.

Stick it to your eye,
Stick it to your face.
Give it many a try,
Each day's a new embrace.

Take on at work.
Take one of the street.
It is just a perk,
And oh so very neat.

You even get a stick,
For a longer view.
Careful as a brick,
May fall on you.

Little self worth,
Small attention span.
All over the Earth,
Another plight of man.

Even use a mirror,
It will surely shine.
Things can only be clearer,
Who needs to see a spine.

Send to one and all,
Send it to your mother.
Plaster it on every wall,
Get ready for another.

Spread it to a cat,
Spread it to a dog.
That sure it where it's at,
Hell, even use a frog.

Pose in front of this,
Pose in front of that.
Everything is bliss,
As you annoy like a gnat.

Now you must erase,
Now you must do more.
You need more space,
For your next encore.

Show your in your prime,
Show it every second of the day,
It sure is not a crime,
Put another selfie on display.

You humans sure like those things far too much. Far more than once in a blue moon and such. Is there really a point to 50,000,0000 selfies at every joint? Maybe I'll ask the singing bass. He may have an answer for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

A Little Trot With The I Do Not!

The cat watches humans lie all the time. They do it on a dime. Not sure why they would stand on a dime, but we will go with it for this rhyme. Is there a plot to the I do not?

I do not drive fast.
Like that will last.
You may still go the speed,
But if it says 100mph, that is fast indeed.

I do not eat that,
Unless you are Pat,
You just might.
So many things in one food to another take flight.

I do not walk.
Umm, you want people to gawk?
Do you stand in place and never move?
That has to be one tough groove.

I do not work.
Now that may be a perk.
But unless you sit all day,
Something work wise comes your way.

I do not drink.
Umm, you'd be dead I think.
May not drink liquor at your sea,
But a drinking sure comes to thee.

I do not quit.
Maybe not in a fit.
But if you succeed and are done,
Quitting is now given a run.

I do not read.
What's that at your feed?
You read the stop sign?
Whoops, lied again to the feline.

I do not kill.
Was that an ant hill?
Now you are a killer.
Poor ants became shoe filler.

I do not wait.
Hmm, got an important date?
I do not care.
But you wait every day at your lair.

I do not lie.
Whoops, care for another try?
I don't think that will fly.
Come now, don't cry.

Did the cat trip you up today?  Any more to add to my bay? Such liars humans are far and wide. Do you even know you lied? I am through with my do not sass from my ever so lying little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

A Gif That Keepings Giving To Those That Are Living!

So the cat had to deal with those small messy humans the other day. Do they really call digging in sand play? The cat has better things to do in sand. Hanging out with them you're likely to catch an ebola strand. Or would that be strain? Either way, the germs rain.


 When they come in view,
And the germs won't do,
This must be done.
Especially if you can't run.

Although it may get hot.
New clothes may need to be bought.
Maybe take some learning,
But no germs could be returning.


 This is a bad way to go.
Germs from your own blow.
Rubbing them all over your face.
Not something you should embrace.

Plus yelling and pointing will make them cry.
Then more germs rain from the sky.
Or they may kick you.
That can hurt too.


This might give a complex,
But if you can really flex,
It can help out.
Flop like a trout.

Avoid the germs in the air.
Don't get them in your hair,
Or lack there of,
As they come down from above.


Or avoid them altogether.
Germs and zombies you can weather.
Suit up and carry a big stick.
Those germs you will lick.

Only take it off when they are gone,
Trotting across some other lawn.
Maybe your creepy look will scare.
Either way, germs won't get in your hair.


See? He agrees.
Bet it even stops fleas.
Well maybe not,
Those fleas can get caught.

So dress to the hilt.
Have a suit built.
And carry a big stick.
Warning, you and the PTA may not click.

Aren't you glad the cat is here to help? Germs don't have to make you yelp. Cover up every place and the tiny humans can't germ you with their embrace. Now I just need something to protect my hair as they pull it with flair. Maybe I'll just pelt them with gas from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 13, 2015

A Moment Caught That I'll Use A Lot!

Now Pat doesn't usually show himself much, besides his author photo and such. But what the hell. This one was far too swell. I'll have to use it a ton. Nope, not a Photoshopping run. All true as to what's in view.










No rhyme?
What a crime.
Blame a mime,
For such a chime.

Or the mutt,
And his smutt.
Where and why?
Damn, he's spry.


Pat did get a new author picture out of us. Cassie wasn't very happy with the fuss. You can tell she is miffed and ready to run. I found it fun. Any good caption's for that one? It had to be used for a full run. Yeah, it didn't rhyme. I was too busy ripping off many a movie chime. Got them all? They were easy ones to give a call. Now I'll go pick on Cass with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Out To Get Her As The Lines Blur!

So after the hairball day, I bet you are waiting for more at my bay. Yep, Rosey gave the cat more ammo to use. Hey, the cat can abuse and amuse. Conspiracy nuts give her the heebie jeebies she said. Now let's fill her with dread.

Two by two they come.
Or maybe three by three.
Tinfoil on their head and bum.
The aliens they surely see.

They swear they were probed.
If and where, are fuzzy though.
Must suck to get disrobed,
Giving aliens a peep show.

But that isn't all.
They have a message to send.
They yell from hall to hall,
That we are nearing the end.

The sky will fall.
Chicken Little was right.
Boom goes this spinning ball,
Some day or some night.

Rosey better lock her door,
Get a bomb shelter made.
The aliens are coming to explore,
And they don't like fair trade.

Those beeps in the night,
Sounds of the end.
We abductees are right.
It is a growing trend.

666 had it right.
Oops, let that one fly.
She may want to fight.
Oh me, oh my.

Wait, there is a cause.
One that we don't see.
Stop and pause,
Rosey is at the center of the conspiracy.

She hates them because they are true.
The heebie jeebies come due.
She knows more than a few.
She is an alien through and through.

All that paper she hoards away,
Has come into play.
It has he secrets on display.
She will bring about doomsday.

There you go everyone. Blame Rosey when you have to run. The conspiracy is all around her. They really make her purr. No heebie jeebies come due. She lied at my zoo. Do you believe the cat? No? Well how about that. Maybe I have a bad case of gas? Beats my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

What Luck When It Gets Stuck!

The cat was doing his thing and then heard some human sing. The stupid song then got stuck in the cat's head. Even when I tried to rest in bed. Such songs should be outlawed says the cat. Thankfully it wasn't The Brady Bunch or some other strat.

Mind on matter,
Avoiding the chatter.
Then it strikes.
A song with lots of likes.

One that all knows.
One that flows.
Remembrance is easy,
It is rather cheesy.

In your head while you rest.
In your head with zest.
In your head while you pee.
It won't leave your head be.

Hum it and pass it on.
Finally comes dawn.
It leaves your head.
So you get out of bed.

Then the passee hums it.
You repeat the fit.
One circle that never ends,
Driving all around bends.

Stuck there forever.
Unless you are clever.
Hum a new one.
Do it a ton.

Then the new one gets stuck.
Just keep passing the buck.
Until you end the loop.
Maybe watch Goof Troop?

Dated myself there?
Old cat at our lair?
Maybe just do a new rhyme?
Stuck in the head is such a crime.

Need some scrubbing done,
Pat's brain could use a ton.
Humming and making the cat mad.
That sure isn't rad.

Stuck in the head,
Stuck in the head in bed.
Stuck in the head until dead.
Oh the dread.

How do you get rid of ones that get stuck? Have any luck? Thankfully they usually go away. But some sure like to hit replay. There they will stay all through the day. At least I didn't hear it from a singing bass. That would have further annoyed my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 10, 2015

You Must Be There At Your Sea!

The cat has come across a few that asks what I do. I tend to tell them Pat writes so my rhyming won't keep them up nights. Let's face it, to some people rhyming is scary, umm, shit. Isn't that right? Hmm, maybe that will be another post that takes flight.

You write books?
They give strange looks.
You must be rich.
They say in a high pitch.

No one can do that.
Err umm see a rhyming cat.
It must be so hard.
Yep, like mowing the yard.

How do I get that job?
Go ask farmer Bob.
I got ideas to write.
Boy, they sound tight.

Is it easy to do?
Probably not for you.
Can I do it?
Didn't I answer that bit?

Do I need an idea from the start?
Err umm, no wonder you work at Wal-Mart.
What if I get stuck?
Paddle like a duck.

Can I use other ideas from others?
Sorry, no rip offs, even from mothers.
How can I write?
Err umm, keyboards don't bite.

Will it take a while?
Depends on the style.
How long will it take?
Longer than baking a cake.

Will it need to be long?
Longer than a song.
Can I write anything?
Even about a fling.

Why should I write?
Beats me at my site.
Is writing easy to do?
Repeating yourself at my zoo.

Will you write my idea for me?
Yep, right after the cat fills your shoe with pee.
I have one line and need more.
Hopefully your one line doesn't bore.

The cat has given such smart arse remarks to a few, as they are a tad slow at their zoo. I'm sure you have too. Get rich? Who knew? Certainty not my bank account with its measly amount. Now I am through with any sass from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Don't Stress, It Isn't Chess!

The cat has noticed for a long time how humans are no longer in their prime. Pathetic is now high on the bar. Hell, on top of the the bar is par. Excellent, great, etc, are no longer there. Mediocrity is all it takes at any lair.

Why try and do?
Instead sit and stare.
No one is after you.
No reason to beware.

Mediocre is tops.
There is no stress.
If something flops,
Wash your hands of the mess.

No need to own up to it.
Let it float into the sea.
Wade through the shit,
And just let it be.

Talent is of no need.
Let that go by the way side.
Show your ass on a blog feed,
And in that you can take pride.

Mediocrity is the best.
Why try any more?
I passed the test.
Excellent is only lore.

Slack off and show up late.
Wear nothing to Wal-Mart.
That is the mediocre fate,
Lots of useless crap in your cart.

Made in China is the way.
Who wants to work anyway?
Sit and watch a display.
With idiots at play.

Celebrity means fool.
Watch as they drool.
That is so cool.
Mediocrity will rule.

Have to know.
Have to see.
No lawn to mow.
After all I'm free.

Mediocrity is tops.
Excellent is a myth,
Watch ball drops,
Mediocrity is fun to be with.

Damn humans do nothing much anymore. Complacent as can be at their shore. Idiocracy is coming due. Things are now so much stupider in view. The cat just likes to prove it here and there. I think I can do that at my lair. To mediocrity I just pass gas from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A Little Share By The Pair!

The cat will help you once more there at your shore. The cat will show you how to share. What? I am always willing to share a little cat hair.


See? Sharing is easy.
Not at all cheesy.
Big enough for all,
Here at our hall.


Cassie shares a yawn.
It had to be after dawn.
Look at that big yap.
Warning, it may be a trap.


I share a little space.
See, a little bit you can embrace.
I left some on the far side.
Go ahead, take it with pride.


A shared a mat too.
With a puffy ball at my zoo.
 Hey, it is sharing.
I am very caring.


I let Cassie stick her nose in.
That is sure a sharing win.
But that was all.
I shared a little at my hall.


I shared time with this.
I even pretended to miss.
It seemed to like that.
Pffft, thought it could beat the cat.


Cassie sharing another yawn.
She is such a sharing pawn.
That is all she will share.
So sharers beware.


I'll share with you though.
No need to sit low.
An ass cheek can fit.
I like sharing a bit.


I would share with you,
But you'd get stuck like glue.
So by not sharing I'm sharing life.
I'm preventing you strife.


Oops, you caught me.
Not sharing the mat at my sea.
The puffy ball has gone.
Damn, sharing was all a con.

And there you go. Now you can share high and low. Or maybe left and right. Share day or night. If you share like me you may get nasty looks directed at thee. But oh well. I'm sure you can handle being told to go to hell. The cat will now share some gas from his little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Ready to Play Here Today?

The cat is ready to play. But you know cats like it one way. So the cat will pick the games we play. I hope that is okay. If not, oh well. The cat can be damned to Hell.

Let's play hide with no seek.
Go jump in the creek.
The cat will then nap.
How's that, chap?

Monopoly is number two.
I'll play it with you.
But no Boardwalk on the board.
Does that strike a cord?

Red rover with no call.
That may just appall.
Wait! Didn't that get banned?
The PTA had it canned.

Clue with no clue.
Will you boo hoo?
Hint, I win.
That's not a sin.

Read a book with no pages.
That will save some wages.
But is that a game?
Hmm, okay that may be lame.

So Where's Waldo with no Waldo.
Sorry, not even if you are baldo.
I can make up words too,
As I screw you.

Err umm, I mean win.
Twister with no spin.
Would that be a sin?
Take it on the chin.

Any game with a ball,
With no ball on call.
Catch that air.
Oops, interception at my lair.

I suppose that could get dirty,
But hey, there was no penetration so it isn't dirty.
Watch football highlights if you wish that.
A game without a single stat.

Damn, the announcers would have nothing to say.
Nothing worthwhile anyway.
Now go watch a TV with no screen.
There is reality for you at your scene.

Don't you like my games? The cat is making all go down in flames. Can I just declare myself the winner and eat my dinner? Pffft, why am I asking humans that. Of course, winning always goes to the cat. But never fear, you can win a bit here. For there will never not be gas when it comes to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Something New That May Offend A Few!

Today the cat has a new book. It is NOT a kids book at our nook. It does NOT rhyme. I know, that's a crime. And let's just say, the cat and Pat may be dead come the next day.

Profanity Granny came to be,
In the Imagine Hatt series written by me.
She has a rather rude mouth at her sea.
And I had to capitalize on Profanity Granny.

Why will the cat and Pat be dead?
Why may we get murdered in our bed?
Profanity Granny may do it.
She may not like our next hit.

Yep, she is based off of the real thing.
Whoopsy, did we say that at our wing?
Hey, she makes the cat put up with 10 cats when we go there.
So she is due at her Great Granny lair.

Payback is nice.
Comes at a cheap price.
But if Pat doesn't reply,
If could mean we did die.

Bad grammar there.
But what do I care.
Profanity Granny would just swear.
Pound sand up one's ass without a care.


 This one is true.
Such a scary zoo.
I stay away.
Biting back isn't okay.



True too!
 At her zoo.
Sold a barn.
Hey, beats yarn.


 May have embellished here.
But sure it is near.
Then again she needs the bottle money,
So she can fly places that are sunny.



Poor kids.
Flip their lids.
No candy there.
Saves money at her lair. 


And there you are. A few snippets at my sand bar. The idea just popped in and needed to be done. She will curse Pat a ton. I'll hide under the bed. I don't want her biting me on the head. Hey, who needs class? Not my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Give It A Lick And A Stick!

So the cat saw the other day an ad dressed up as a window display. That is as common as can be. But then there was an ad on a bus in front of me. That is normal too. But then an ad on a bicycle came due.

Where does it end?
On ads we depend?
An ad here and there.
An ad everywhere.

Ads on a bike.
Ads that you like.
Ads that you hate.
Either or, a common trait.

Ads in the air.
Ads in ones hair.
Even ads on a forehead.
Bet they'd put ads on the dead.

Ads on the sidewalk,
On the ground with chalk.
Ads on a rump,
In shorts, but still plump.

Ads in a paper,
Is an old caper.
Ads on the TV,
We don't want to see.

Instead, ads on a tree,
Carved in just for thee.
Ads on a bill,
To make you more ill.

Let's tattoo an ad on an ape.
Maybe an ad filled grape,
As you chew on it,
Ads show up in your spit.

Ads on a bumper.
Ads on a leg humper.
Meaning ads on a dog leash,
Out of the gutter, geesh.

Ads on underwear,
For those times when you're bare.
Hey, ghosts and perverts buy things as well,
May as well ring that ad bell.

Ads in a bathroom stall,
Sure tops them all.
Their product must be such a hit,
That they want to relate it to shit.

Seen ads in any weird places at your sea? I bet you've seen a few daily with their ad spree. I bet ads would be on the dead if they were seen and not buried in the ground. Probably for some stinky smelly stuff that is oh so profound. Ads placement sure has little class. I'll never tattoo an ad on my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

A Little Extra Today Can Be At Play!

So with all out and about or sitting him eating trout, maybe eating fish? Eat whatever you wish. They have to celebrate the day. Canada already did that they say. But a long weekend is still had for some as they took the days off and sat on their bum. My, a run on sentence there. But I don't care. I'll celebrate it. Let's celebrate every bit.

Fireworks in the sky,
Oh me, oh my.
They too pretty to pity.
So go ahead, pollute a city.

Hmm redundant there,
As pollution is everywhere.
But back on task.
Celebrate what you ask?

That you can walk.
That you can talk.
That you can eat.
That you aren't dead meat.

That you can go.
I had to add that, you know.
That camels can spit.
Yep, celebrate it.

That cats can shed.
That you have a bed.
That the blue guy is blue.
Green as a tmnt just wouldn't do.

That the power isn't out.
If it is, feel free to shout.
That pigs fly.
Can to, give them a try.

Celebrate your name.
It isn't lame.
You aren't called IT.
So you are a hit.

Celebrate a dream,
Go jump in a stream.
Bare or not bare,
What do I care?

Celebrate a dog.
Maybe even a frog.
Yeah, I said a mutt.
Celebrate King Tut.

Celebrate ditches.
Maybe even witches.
I've put a spell on you.
So celebrate all at your zoo.

Anything else to had? Yeah, the cat is a little mad. But crazy is fun. You should give it a run. Celebrate the crazy. Then you'll never be lazy. So says a singing bass and my celebrating little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, July 3, 2015

Start It Off Right With Love Taking Flight!

So the cat will help you out once more. Maybe you need a date at your shore? With a long weekend coming due, hell, you might even want two. Here you are. Now you have no need to go to a bar.

Huckleberries and hounds.
Hmm raiding pounds?
Might want to scratch her,
Unless you like lots of fur.

Doors are made for walking.
What is she squawking?
Is the cat the only one concerned,
That doors she has burned?

Movies are for pussies. 
Is that the same as wussies?
Or did she really go R rated?
Either way, we aren't elated.

Be as actave as me and me as you.
Wow, was that the best she could do?
Oxford called and want their dictionary back.
Seems it was wasted at your shack.

I've two things to say and you've three things to learn.
So do you sit back and skip a turn?
That is just no fair at all.
Don't give this one a cat call.

Food is my passion, but you are number two
Wow, haven't even met me at my zoo.
But seems you met lots and lots of food.
Sorry, not really, was that rude?

420 and 360 friendly fellows.
So one causes brain rot and mellows,
And the other makes you dizzy?
My, won't guys be in a tizzy.

420 and 360 friendly fellows.
Sorry, not into deep bellows.
360 friendly guys can go the other way.
Yeah, that was so good had to do it twice at my bay.

My mother met her 3rd husband on here
That is great, now go have a beer.
Poor tracked record maybe?
Run in the family at your sea?

Cats n dogs n men luv my voice
I guess in you we should rejoice.
Maybe those 360 friendly fellows will come.
I bet that wouldn't make you glum.

Hmmm not sure I did you any favors. But then again, some like different umm flavors. And hey, there are some for all. At least the women who visit my hall. 360 friendly guys are on the prowl. Okay, I'll let that one go before you grump and growl. Now this weekend you to can have a lass. All thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Not So Common Anymore From Shore To Shore!

The cat has noticed a trend, and it's not that you humans are around the bend. Nope, it is that common has been lost on you. Common what? Wait for it at my zoo.

One plus one equals two.
Simple as can be.
Cages house animals in the zoo.
Thankfully not wild me.

A car has to be in drive to go.
What? That you didn't know?
Fireflies can glow.
Nope, my nose didn't grow.

Oh what a shame.
No longer things make sense.
Can only find blame,
When adding your 0.00001 cents.

And just in case you're lost,
Or left in the dark.
0.00001 means pointless at all cost,
Less than a dog leaving its mark.

Water can be drank.
It has to go to your mouth.
It can also fill a fish tank.
Even if you live in the south.

Rain is wet.
That you'd didn't know?
Damn, I'm a clever pet,
Or your a bimbo.

Such a waste of space,
That thing between your ears.
Rather make a funny face,
And give a Reality TV bum cheers.

Lost in the dark.
Lost in the light.
Mind stuck in park,
Whether day or night.

What is it you say?
Is the common ready?
Nothing to do with a litter tray.
Now hold on steady.

Common sense is what I mean,
As it is not so common anymore.
Humans are dumber at many a scene,
So maybe call it sense of lore.

Notice how common sense isn't so common anymore? Should they call it rare sense from shore to shore? Then changing the name may confuse a ton. Humans could scream and run. More sense in a singing bass or the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

A Little Tune For Your Insecure Dune!

So it is Canada Day and Insecure Writers Group is also at play. I think I would hide under the bed if I played that O'Canada song that fills me with dread. So the cat hates the song, don't like it chew on my snip snipped ding dong. Hmm bad image there. Okay, on with it at my lair. A better tune, because it was written by me, err umm because it is at my sand dune.






The one thing that holds true,
In all life through and through,
Is life is constant change,
Things will always rearrange.

Life always takes a turn
As you live and you learn
Counting the many ways you're beat,
Suffering in your own defeat.

Stress a little less
Let go a little more
Life may be a mess
But it doesn't have to be a chore

Shadows lurk from the past.
The present sure won't last.
You can't ever get a win,
Feeling like packing it in.

The voice inside agrees.
Creating your own time freeze.
Stuck in a fear you create.
Suffering your own doomed fate.

Fear a little less
Live a little more
Life can be a mess
But it doesn't have to be a chore

Your body holds the scars,
Always humming a few bars.
Letting you know you're whipped.
Insecurity being gripped.

Settling for its lies.
Lost in your aging disguise.
Pent up from within.
Taking it on the chin.

Sit a little less
Move a little more
Life can be a mess
Bit it doesn't have to be a chore

Lonely and lost.
Hope has been tossed.
Can't love yourself.
Looking to a book shelf.

Fairy tales cloud your mind,
As you go about the grind.
Forgetting whats within you.
Thinking life is through.

Hate a little less
Love a little more
Life can be a mess
But it doesn't have to be a chore

The constant in life,
Is there will be strife.
Knocked over and down.
Kicking you across town.

Change has you against the wall.
You no longer stand tall.
Leaving you lost,
As life has been tossed.

Hold a little less,
Change a little more.
Life can be a mess.
But it doesn't have to be a chore.

Move and love,
Let go and live.
Change may push and shove,
But it can also give and give.

And that is it for today. It just came out at my bay, so I went with it. Did it scare the insecurity away a bit? If not you can come clean my litterbox. That will scare it to the docks. At least the tune wasn't done by a singing bass or someone with gas. That would be crass. Now off I go with my secure little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.