Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Yell Of The Cell!

The cat is out and about here and there, that you know at my lair. While out and about what do I see? Nuts everywhere swinging from a tree. Wait! That isn't right. I'll get there as this rhyme takes flight.

A name dropper?
Just a savvy shopper?
Maybe a crazy?
Brain a bit hazy?

Nope, none of the above.
They want to share the love.
Whether shopping or walking,
The nuts just keep on talking.

So and so had a bad day.
They are in such dismay.
Have you seen the sun?
Isn't talking about the weather fun?

Can you believe the price on this?
I'll even throw in a hiss.
This is a deal you can't miss.
Come down and be in pure bliss.

See that movie yet?
Great is a safe bet.
Don't watch that though.
Horrible, trust me, I know.

Don't you think he is cute?
That face just looks like a newt.
I want to be his date.
Maybe we can even mate.

Isn't their baby the best?
It has such zest.
I think I'll go visit soon.
Maybe tomorrow afternoon.

There are people staring at me.
I think they are listening for free.
How dare they listen to what I say.
Who are they anyway?

Don't listen to what I say.
I have a mouth the size of a litter tray?
How dare you speak to me.
I can talk where I want, you see.

So what if my cell is glued to my head.
So what if I walk around like the undead.
I'm a gossiping shopper.
Turn away or I'll call a copper.

You humans expect people not to hear as you yap with that thing to your ear? If you don't want people to know. Shut the hell up and talk when home at your show. But nope, you'd rather be a cellphone yeller and annoy every buyer and seller. Dumb humans in mass. Keep your shop and gossip away from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

From Good To Misunderstood!

So the cat has done it a time or two when hopping from zoo to zoo. I've hit the wrong button and hit post, leaving awkward spelled comments at a coast. Hey, I blame the typing with one hand. That is a good excuse in my land. But it can take a good comment and make it crappy. Can even make it rather sappy.

Haha that was funny.
Can be turned on it's head.
Mama that was runny.
The runs? Oh the dread.

Mind over matter.
Can go another way.
Hind over batter.
Don't want to know at my bay.

That was a great post.
R must have visited you.
That was a great lost.
Creating an eye rhyme at your zoo.

Eyebrows need a waxing.
Yeah, who would say that?
Trebrows beed a saxing.
Hmm, just confuses the cat.

The cat agrees.
Easy enough.
The fat agrees.
Might make things rough.

What a great pic.
You know where I'm going.
What a great dic.
I hope that's not showing.

Can you help out?
A simple question indeed.
Can you yelp out?
Might hurt the ears at your feed.

What an ass.
That has such class.
What a mass.
Now you're getting crass.

Congrats on the book.
Some sure say that.
Congats on the nook.
Not a way to chew the fat.

That was fun indeed.
The last word I use a lot.
That was a fun deed.
Could screw with the plot,.

Ever made any of those? Sunk to any other lows? Maybe the cat should re-read comments before posting at each sea. Bah, you get what I mean to thee. If I ever call for mama though, shoot me at my show. Now I'm done with typo class and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Monday, September 28, 2015

A Tisket, A Tasket, Wanna Buy A Casket?

Just when the cat thought he has seen it all, you humans stoop even lower at your hall. Pat really needs to stay in and just be a hermit at our bin. But I suppose he needs to buy us food. To not, would just be rude. Anyway, on with the show. Need a casket to get buried below?

Step right up.
Come and see.
Put down your cup.
Aren't these lovely?

Young or old,
Healthy or not.
I'm not cold,
But you may rot.

A burden you don't want.
Financially you can now.
Death will always taunt.
So get one that says, wow.

Come buy today.
We have your size.
You can get one on layaway.
This is just wise.

You'll need it one day.
So you aren't wasting money.
Who needs to be sprinkled in the bay.
Be buried where it's sunny.

Get a fancy box.
Get one with charm.
It can match your socks,
Or look like a fire alarm.

Take care of it now.
Keep the stress away.
No one will have a cow,
When it's your final day.

We fit everyone.
So come on in.
One day life will be done,
In that you can't win.

Even pick a basket,
And the type of flower.
We'll fit it to your casket.
That's within our power.

I am going to call it.
A tisket, a tasket,
Take out your wallet,
Buy yourself a casket.

The cat saw a sign that said pre-buy your casket the other day. Hmm, a cheery thought as you go out to play. Pffft, to all that crap. When Pat gets taken off the map, burn him and use him as kitty litter for all he cares. Did that get stares? What? He's dead, isn't gonna bother him in any death bed. Got your casket all sized up class? I hope not with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Another Bunch That Are Out To Lunch!

The cat has saved up more to use at his shore. You humans sure use them far and wide. You take them in stride. A saying here and there, a saying everywhere. So many have come due and here are a few.

No need to aim.
No need to be tame.
Even if you freeze,
You can shoot the breeze.

Would the air take offense?
What if you hit a fence?
Don't go in an air tight room.
Shooting the breeze might bring doom.

In for a penny, in for a pound.
Do you do that as you spin around?
Are you cheap and a con,
Trying to get all the dough before dawn?

A Jack of all trades.
So not just the Jack of spades?
Diamonds, clubs and hearts too?
The queen must be jealous of you.

But what if you aren't named Jack?
Then the saying kinda does lack.
Unless you are just a jack ass,
Then the saying may pass.

Was that crude?
Bah, I'll be rude.
Beats new and improved though.
As things can't be both at ones show.

But that you know.
So I'll continue the flow.
Love is in the air.
Damn, I hope it doesn't get shot at your lair.

Love and shooting the breeze.
Hmm, that just may not please.
Unless you are that diaper wearing fellow.
But blah, his diaper is probably all yellow.

And with that at my sea,
I leave one for thee.
This one you have done at my hall,
Simply, read the writing on the wall.

Wait! What if there is no wall,
Short, wide or tall?
What can you read then?
Go piss up a rope you tell a pen?

Any more fun ones you use? Did I confuse? Do you want me to pound sand? I've already used that in my land. No need for a repeat at my sea. I'm not a Hollywood cat hanging from a remake tree. I am now done with my sass and off I go with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Thirst For Worst?

The cat will spoil things for you today. I am going to go all worst at my bay. Nope, not zombie feet. We will skip that eye treat. So the cat will spill on the worst kept secrets for a thrill.

The world isn't flat.
Still morons that believe that.
Was that a secret too?
Whoops, spilled it at my zoo.

That new, wonderful pill,
Will cost many a bill,
But it won't make you thin.
Sorry, enjoy the double chin.

You cat really rules you.
It is very true.
You think you are in control,
But domination is a feline's goal.

Music has meaning.
Go ahead and do some screening.
The words mean something.
Like, it's spring so have a fling.

Writing takes actual writing to do.
What? You thought magic did it for you?
Does this look like Harry Potter?
Pssst, he too was a written plotter.

Clothes will come back around.
Yep, same styles can be found.
Not sure that is good,
But then what do I know in my hood.

Every movie that makes a buck,
Will get remade, sequelized, redone or prequelized by a duck.
Quack, quack, quack is what they do.
I'm sure that one will get remade too.

Not everyone can win.
Isn't that a sin?
But get a medal anyway,
Even if you watched others play.

Can't work when you're dead.
But can't stay in bed.
Would they call that a balancing act?
That is a secret fact.

On the blog I rhyme.
At least 99.99% of the time,
Because there is Pat's novel stuff.
No rhyming can be rough.

Did you learn the worst kept secrets today? Aren't you glad I had my say? Now you know the truth. Wouldn't worst and secret create an oxymoron when together in a booth? Was that the point in the cat making fun? I guess I can't fool anyone. But I have still have class as I end, as always, with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Friday, September 25, 2015

A New Dot Hot To Trot!

Looking for that special name? But damn, taken by .com fame. Don't forget .net and .org too. It is all gone from you. But never fear, new endings are coming near. There will be enough for all to use on every wall.

Screw .coms being gone.
Why fall for that con?
It's time to dot it up.
Dot it up like some silly pup.

.blog is coming.
Do I hear humming?
Maybe .sex is for you.
Won't you take two?

.news is rather lame.
But news may not be tame.
.book could work for me.
I have enough at my sea.

.app is needed.
Plenty of those have been seeded.
.free will be crap.
Trying to trick a chap.

.flowers, oh my.
I bet they die.
.insurance is ready.
Just what we need to come steady.

.play opens much.
Can sway to the touch.
.school will be cool.
Yeah, as cool as dog drool.

.dog can drool away.
I'll take .cat at my bay.
.hot is another.
Don't show your mother.

.wow is so wowing.
I bet they'll be having a cowing.
.website is as literal as can be.
Like .rhymingass for me.

.yoga is out there.
Watch the farting at your lair.
.rip caught you.
Can't say you weren't warned at my zoo.

.mom is oh so sweet.
I bet she'll find that neat.
.fun ends they day.
So much fun will come into play.

Are you ready for the new site endings? Are they already in trendings? Not at the time I write this. Is there one that I gave a miss? Get the best endings for all. Can spruce up your wall. Get .shit and be crass. Works for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

How About That From The Cat!

The cat heard a human retort with "how about that," thinking they were all right and such where they were at. Cocky humans know nothing at all. How about that at my blog hall?

Pigs can fly.
They won't even die.
Stick them on a plane.
Poof, fly and don't fall like rain.

How about that?
Shown up by a cat.
How about that?
I'm where it's at.

You can jump from a plane,
Without a parachute or pain.
It's as easy as can be.
Crawl in, jump out, of the first grounded one you see.

How about that?
Proved wrong by a cat.
How about that?
I'm where it's at.

You can win the lottery,
Then take up pottery.
Just buy every combination going.
Guaranteed your numbers will end up showing.

How about that?
Schooled by a cat.
How about that?
I'm where it's at.

You can beat taxes.
No hoping the IRS relaxes.
Just move to the moon.
Get your own private sand dune.

How about that?
Told by a cat.
How about that?
I'm where it's at.

Superman can be beat.
Simply tear out a comic page and eat.
You have just beaten Superman.
Everyone will be your fan.

How about that?
Helped by a cat.
How about that?
I'm where it's at.

Wasn't that good advice from me? Damn, I'm such a witty kitty. What? You don't like cocky me? Humans can only do it from sea to sea? How about that? Hate to the cat. How about a singing bass? Yeah, he's not much fun to my little rhyming ass,

Later all, have a nice fall.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Stuck In Hell For A Spell!

Geez, you guys go to the best spots. You must all enjoy leaving the cat behind lots. I can say I'm glad I sat this one out though. It's hot enough at our blog show.

Keepin It Real Folks popped the wrong zit.
That got her in some deep, deep shit.
Jax tried to help her out of it.
But her mouth got them both tossed in a pit.

Brian the cat heard the SOS.
But he ignored that human mess.
Thankfully the Ninja Wannabe heard it too.
But having been stuck in the litter box so long, he never had a clue.

The Blue Guy heard it though.
He packed up to fight the foe.
He took Truedessa along for luck.
The Mary's passed the buck.

Hank wasn't number one,
So he didn't jump in on the fun.
Suza was ready to help out,
But it turns out she has no blog because she's really a trout.

Theresa was too busy with Halloween,
Even if it is over a month away at every scene.
Humbird thought happy thoughts.
I don't think they helped lots.

Snowcatcher tried to bring the snow.
How? Damned if I know.
Stephanie was too busy client writing.
I guess her given topic was really exciting.

Anne was off getting high on paint fumes.
She could really stink up rooms.
Speaking of rooms, Manzi had mushrooms ready to eat.
She tried to feed the foe them as a treat.

Adam knew it was not a fact.
So he was not going to act.
Rosey feared the 666 on the door.
Damn, I'll use that forever more.

Robyn was too busy chowing down.
Chocolate shoes came to her town.
Fundy Blue was off to Hawaii for the 100th time.
Hmph, I'll go pick on a mime.

Betty was stuck at home and at work.
Two in one has to be a perk.
Betsy called upon her kitty cat crew,
Whoops, too busy sleeping at her zoo.

Miss Caitlin S tried to snap pics.
She took her licks.
Bijoux thought that gross.
Good thing it was a low dose.

The beer guys laughed and got drunk.
They didn't want to smell like a skunk.
In the end they succumbed to the shit,
All because the redneck wanted to pop a guy's big zit.

Yep, Jax and the redneck fell into a deep manure hole. Not sure why they were out together for a stroll. They will never tell you the truth though. They will claim there was a foe. Good thing the blue guy is rather slow. He may have fallen in shit also. They had a crowd around at least. The nature of the beast. If only the guy with the zit didn't move when she went for it. This story never would have been the shit. I am done with being crass. Off I go with my non-shitty little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Round Thirty Eight Brings Us Up To Date!

We are back to another edition of search engine nuts. They sure must sniff many butts. They are as crazy as can be. Not sure who types this stuff and why they find me. But away we go with more to show.

is ewwwwwcorrect?

Definitely not that way. What was so eww on display?

content

Not a bad way to be. But why tell me?

joke to say when someone chokes

Feel that in your throat? It means you aren't a regurgitating goat.

goat boat not the note that

That you wanted? Were you taunted? Bad goat in a boat.

go pound sand up your...

You stop there? Not very threatening without an ass to spare.

My leg has a humping condition

You may want to take a worm pill for that. Or get fixed where you're at.

Brought to you buy

Trying to sell me? Go climb a tree.

i would dispute that

Dispute climbing a tree? Fine, go drown in the sea.

Time to suit up and make up

My mind went gutter. At least you won't get an std as you spit and umm sputter.

it may be a piece of cake

If you aren't sure though, don't eat it at your show.

lola is a thief who stole cassi's line

Cassie might take offense, but you can't spell and are dense. 

you know that a crime to newer find a time

Err umm, a new crime on the side? I hope no one died.

rait before you clouser you

If this made any sense at all, I'd give you a gold star on the wall. Not really though, just so you know.

time is on my ass

Do those clock hands tickle? Hope they aren't fickle.

And for the winner of the day, they really wanted to have their say. Or maybe not. I think they really do suffer from brain rot. Any argument from you as you give them a view?

Jumbled Vagensises

I know where my mind went, as in the gutter I pitch a tent. But err umm, they really went there? A combo word thing at their lair. The cat could give that one lots of sass. But I don't want to lose any more IQ points from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 21, 2015

The Art Of The Sparkly Fart!

So today is the day the cat as reached his goal. 50 kids books have now taken a stroll. Nearing 100 books altogether though, but that's with non rhyming stuff on the go. And what better way to meet the goal then to let the farts roll. Hey, kids like that. Maybe even the cat.

Fill your cart.
Create some art.
But not with a brush.
Tell that to shush.

Just pull a finger,
Then it will linger.
The sparkly fart,
Taken to heart.

Art from a fart.
Some kind of art.
Fart to art.
Melts your heart?

Or maybe nose hairs.
But who cares?
It's the art of the sparkly fart.
It sets art apart.

One, two three,
Let it fly free.
The art of a sparkly fart,
Is a new kind of art.








Ready to fart up a storm? Hey, to kids it is the norm. Ever think art could come from a fart? Safer than art made by a dart. That could be stabby and make all crabby. So 50 have now come to pass. But I'll probably keep going with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

An Easy Way To Cause Dismay!

The cat sees it everywhere as he sits and gives a glare. From NWO crap to cartoons, books and movies across the map. Some crazy nut job wants to take over the world, they give an evil laugh with their lips curled. But they always go big and in a deep hole they dig.

Let's take over.
Rule human and rover.
I'm so evil I deserve to win.
I will do all others in.

Just look at my big big big thing.
It is so threatening at every wing.
Run from my big big big thing.
Can't you hear the death toll ring?

The bigger I go the more I win.
So just bow down at your bin.
Don't stop and stare.
Succumb to my evil glare.

Apocalypse deserves respect.
Don't give Thanos any neglect.
Bowser wants it too.
So does James Bond Villain 52.

Hans Gruber will get his way.
Loki will come out to play.
Tempestra will hit the trail.
Moriarty sure won't fail.

All shall rule.
They are no fool.
Those good guys will lose,
As they all abuse.

Oh wait!
Losing is their fate.
How can that be?
We had a big big big thingy.

Hmm that sounds wrong,
But just follow along.
Or you could join them in jail,
If you give such a showing a sail.

Anyway, they all lose.
The good guys take a cruise.
They can't take over the world.
Their evil lips are no longer curled.

When all you have to do,
Is really get a clue.
Throw the big big big thingy away,
And just steal all the coffee from bay to bay.

There you have it all. If you want to rule each and every hall. Steal the coffee from all over the Earth. You will now own something of worth. Addicted humans everywhere will bow at your feet. No one will leave you in defeat. You will be ruler whether happy or crass. Well at least of 99% of the population like that Betsy lass, who drinks coffee in mass, unlike my non coffee drinking little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Only Sure Isn't Lonely!

The cat watches people throw that word around a ton. And guess what? They usually lie to everyone. That is right. The only people are liars day and night. Don't believe me? Just wait and see.

It will only take a few minutes to do.
Pffft, hour later at your zoo,
You are still doing whatever it is.
You fell for the only biz.

It only costs a little more.
Pffft, and you take it out the door.
Meanwhile the salesman just got richer.
Only was thrown out by the pitcher.

I only wanted to tell you...
Here it comes in view.
They want something,
With their only ring.

If only you'd listen to me.
Then my ears wouldn't be free.
I want to get away.
No more only dismay.

I only have eyes for you.
Says the cheater when your in view.
Then, whoopsy, eyes for another.
I only hope it's not your brother.

I only like it that way.
Means tough luck for you at your bay.
I won't take it like that.
I'm only a picky cat.

I only have one left.
Whether or not it has heft,
It means they will not share.
Sorry, not even if they care.

I only wish you well.
Pffft, turn around and they damn you to hell.
All about poor pitiful me.
And they were left by thee.

I only do this at this time.
A familiar chime.
Means they have ocd.
Like Pat and Cassie.

I only have a little time.
Means they'd rather hang with a mime.
They don't want to be there.
If only you were aware.

Do you think only is lonely? If only. Only gets a lot of play. I guess it is the only thing some can say. Am I only being cynical at my sea? Sure beats little old me. If only I could pass this gas, then I'd be a happy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 18, 2015

And Now Four Has Taken The Tour!

What's today? Is it something at my bay? Hmm, it could be. Can it be guessed by thee? If you are wrong the cat may rub it in. But you are used the that at my looney bin.

Could it be the birthday of the cat?
He would like that.
Chicken by the hunk.
Or steak could go kerplunk.

Maybe Cassie's birthday.
She doesn't care anyway.
Allergies keep her from getting chicken.
Don't want her allergy stricken.

Pat's you know it is not.
Or 24 posts a day would be the plot.
Maybe that you did not know.
If so, wait until March for the show.

A blogger that is out there,
Getting made fun of at my lair?
Do you see a name?
Not even a Gawker claim.

The anniversary of the blog,
When the cat cleared the fog,
And made it crystal clear,
That he had a rhyming rear?

Maybe Pat got a mutt,
Here at our hut.
The cat would tell you that,
And pelt it with scat.

Pat brought home a female?
That would be a fail.
The cat would run her out.
Can't have my trout.

We have to go to that other sea?
That would bring no glee.
Cats and dogs reside everywhere.
We hate that other lair.

Maybe I'm screwing with you?
Have you figured it out at your zoo?
It's been the same time every year.
This is the 4th time for my rhyming rear.

What could it be?
Should I tell thee?
It's four years in a row,
Without missing a post at my show.

Did you guess that? You can admit it to the cat. It is okay to guess the cat is moving to Timbuktu. Although that will never come due. One year to go and then met my goal at my show. Will I stick to everyday after that? We shall see at my blog mat. I will still have tons of sass, so you can count on my everyday little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Goal Has Been Foiled, You've Been Spoiled!

So the cat saw a person yapping the other day that they got spoiled at their bay. But it was for a thirty year old movie or so. Umm too bad that they didn't know?

Spoiled is a way of life.
Maybe some pampered wife.
Or spoiled husband I suppose.
Each can smell like a rose.

Spoiled that we have things.
Spoiled with a door bell that rings.
Spoiled that we have a car.
Spoiled having roads with tar.

Spoiled is a way of life.
Yet we still whine about the strife.
Live somewhere else and boom,
You'd realize not doom and gloom.

Spoiled with a light switch.
Spoiled we don't sleep in a ditch.
Well unless you are a rat.
But then they are used to that.

Spoiled near and far.
Spoiled by a corner bar.
Even with prices sky high,
Spoiled is the correct cry.

But that we don't see.
That stuff is free.
Now the good old TV,
Those spoilers are scary.

You know who done it.
You know every good bit.
Heck, just watch a trailer on Youtube,
And you can solve the Rubik's cube.

Something that is new,
I can see a boo hoo.
But who went online looking?
Sorry, only one pilot per booking.

Now to whine about 30 years ago,
Even if the fact/movie/whatever you don't know,
Gets a big whoopdi friggin doo,
Not everyone can bite their tongue around you.

Spoilers prove your spoiled.
For you have easily toiled.
Found the spoilers online.
Internet access is just divine.

Not sure how spoilers became spoiled today, but I went with it anyway. So do you think spoilers have an expiration date? Too bad if some want to give hate. 30 years in the past and you don't know? Well maybe your ducks aren't in a row. New can still be new if it has not be seen, but you can't expect everyone to keep a spoiler free forever scene. So if some spoilers come from my daily sass, tough luck says my spoiled little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Don't Be Lazy Instead Turn Up The Crazy!

Another tune got stuck in Pat's head and so we have another we needed to put to bed. This one isn't as long as our Whose Hairball Is It Anyway. Those take forever at our bay.


Rough day, slow night.
Not an end to it in sight.
Long year, short life,
Carved out with a dull knife.

The days are blending in and it looks like this is it.
I hope you don't just bow down and submit.

Turn up the crazy,
Drop the worry, drop the fear
Turn up the crazy,
Drop your baggage, shake your rear.
Turn up the crazy,
Drop the blues, shift the gear.

Stop sign, no way.
Nothings going to make you stay.
Rolled eyes, loose lips,
By those still following scripts.

Walking a new beat you finally hear your tune.
To their glares you are now immune.

Turn up the crazy,
Dance around with a spoon.
Turn up the crazy,
Howl at the moon
Turn up the crazy,
Shedding the constricting cocoon.

Great day, long night,
Not an end to it in sight.
Short year, full life,
Carved out with a sharp knife.

The days are speeding by and always bring something new.
All because you spread your wings and flew.

Turn up the crazy,
Who cares if they don't agree.
Turn up the crazy,
Find the joy, forget the decree.
Turn up the crazy,
Be the you you want to be.

Turn up the crazy,
Drop the worry, drop the fear
Turn up the crazy,
Drop your baggage, shake your rear.
Turn up the crazy,
And look, a new life is here.

Ready to turn up the crazy at your sea? Are you already as crazy as me? That might be bad. You could get thrown in a rubber room pad. Hey, at least it's free rent. Although they may try and get you to repent. Can't have that. Turn up the crazy with the cat. Go and sing with a singing bass. That will make you crazy like my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Can Shock With The Clock!

So the cat was off doing this and that the other day when he ran into an argument at another bay. He took it in as it was sure going to get a blog spin. Plus it was soooo dumb. That I had to use it and then some.

What is that?
That's not a thing.
You fell flat.
Go have a fling.

Counter clockwise is a thing.
It is backwards around the clock.
No all have an alarm ring,
Or an iphone charging dock.

Digital clocks are all that is used,
Unless you have some antique clock.
So while I'm amused,
Clockwise is not a lock.

It is to a thing.
The clock goes around.
Don't be a dingaling.
Clocks everywhere are found.

Point to one ancient clock.
I dare you do to so.
Easier to find a holey sock.
Now let your fake thing go.

Clockwise is true.
Counterclockwise is too.
You have a loose screw.
With a brain in a loo.

Nope, not real.
You made it up.
What a sad ordeal.
I'd like what's in your cup.

You are stupid, you know that?
All that weed you smoke.
Stop being a dingbat.
Maybe hold back on a toke.

You are in the digital age.
Stop using fake words.
Turn the century page.
Otherwise, tell it to the birds.

Clockwise is true.
Counterclockwise is too.
Idiots can't learn nothing new,
As proven by you.

Yep, sadly the nut really acted like he believed there was no such thing. He must have had one too many joints at his wing. The idiot denied until he was blue in the face. I guess digital is truly his embrace. Seen an "ancient" clock come to pass? Humans are so stupid to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Another Book Crime Without Any Rhyme!

Pat is hijacking the cat's rhyming once more. He has yet another book that doesn't rhyme out at our shore. It is book 6 in his series that started the novel run. That sure is a ton.


Jeremiah and Orlin's adventure continues in book six with A Not So Natural World. Things have become comfortable for the first time since the two sides collided. The odd squabble with the Nothing is all the pair have had to deal with. Until an old foe, who they thought had perished, resurfaces. Now the boundaries between good and evil get pushed for everyone as Jeremiah's super powered, music activated nanites get hijacked.

Through Jeremiah's actions a chain reaction is set in motion that no one can stop. With robotic forces on the rise, a world on the edge of being consumed and his friends not sure if they can save him, Jeremiah's fate and the fate of Earth's time fraction lie in his and Orlin's hands.

Unlikely heroes arise, old foes become allies, new foes are set upon them, secrets are revealed and the end of a long journey comes to a close, as Jeremiah and Orlin fight for themselves, their family and the fate of the entire human population left alive on Earth.

That is right.
The cat stars in this fight.
I have super powers too.
You can't find that at a zoo.

There is even a cannibal in there.
She sure does scare.
Damn Nothing are full of strat.
Bat strat crazy says the cat.

Now the non rhyme book promo is through and we can get back to the norm at our zoo. Pat and his non rhyme stuff can make rhyming tough. Pffft, for anyone but me. Okay, now I'm done at my sea. I will leave with no more sass. I'll just wiggle away with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Was Irish Air Right At My Site?

So a while ago in a comment below, Anne came up from her paint fume high and gave a comment cry. Obviously, since I said comment below. But I explained it all for those that are slow. What did she say? Something that made a post for today.

That way when people show up, you're still a bit of a novelty to them. Especially you, as you blog as the Cat. I mean really, who in the hell would be interested in that arsemonkey Pat?

Geez, the nicest thing she ever said to the cat.
Who really cares about Pat?
He is so boring.
But at least, unlike the blue guy, there is no snoring.

The cat can jump high.
The cat can rhyme on every try.
The cat can make Pat clean his shit.
The cat is in control every bit.

Pat is just lame.
Even with a rhyming name.
Yep, just lame.
He is far too tame.

He sleeps when it's dark.
His claws can't leave a mark.
You know a scar is a good reminder,
Don't stick your arms in a kitty grinder.

I can sink to new lows,
And still strike a pose.
He has to pick up after me.
I make him run like a busy bee.

He has to work.
Sleeping during the day is my perk.
I don't have to make a dime,
And still I have huge cat towers I can climb.

Pat does numbers,
While we're in our slumbers.
Cassie isn't as lame.
A little though as she is an ocd dame.

Wait, numbers and work is the same.
Didn't I tell you he was lame?
This makes it hard to rhyme.
But at least he isn't a mime.

He even has to work out.
I can just run about,
Then my exercise is done.
I have more time for fun.

So Anne was right.
Good thing Pat doesn't run this site.
Did I say Irish Air was right?
Damn, did those paint fumes make their way to my site? 


Aren't you glad it isn't run by Pat? You'd get accounting at our blog mat. I suppose tax season it may be a perk. The cat is so glad he never has to work. I can just put up a rhyme and sleep for a time. Be glad you have the cat's sass and his little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Could Is Misunderstood!

So the cat heard another saying for the thousandth time the other day. Humans really like to use them with what they say. It is another reverse of what is true. Such lies you humans say at your zoo.

What was that?
Say it clear.
Come on, dingbat.
Perk up my ear.

Oh, that was it?
Why bother telling me?
Who needs that shit.
Now I set you free.

Why is that?
Because I'm through.
We chewed the fat,
Time for something new.

Simply put though,
In case I wasn't clear,
Listen to my flow,
Stick out your ear.

I couldn't care less.
No caring at all.
Who needs that mess?
Read the writing on the wall.

I couldn't care less,
About what you said.
I won't confess,
Even on my death bed.

I couldn't care less,
If you think I cared.
The off switch I press,
You have been spared.

I couldn't care less,
I'll say it one more time.
Just in case you didn't guess,
That I care more about a mime.

Couldn't = could?
Say it isn't so.
It's not misunderstood.
Who cares if I wanted to know.

I couldn't care less,
If couldn't = could.
This isn't some game of chess,
Knock on wood.

The cat even threw in another saying at the end. Superstitious crap may have been fed. But could I care less? Nope, I confess. Does that mean I care? I never asked you at my lair. Could you care less? Is this one big mind mess? It is okay to give sass to my caring, yeah right, little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Many Choices For You Sure Come Due!

Are you looking to move at your zoo? Do you hate town name changes that come due? Now you don't have to worry about that, all thanks to the cat.

If Springfield is your town,
There is no need to frown.
You have 41 you can live in.
Which of the 41 will win?

If Chester is so grand.
There are 24 across the land.
I added one close by.
Here, that is where you find the rich, no lie.

Milton has at least 21.
So you can have fun.
One an hour or two away from me.
Does Milton give you glee?

Madison is everywhere.
So run away from your lair.
25 choices to choose from.
I bet they all have rum.

Greenville is all around.
At least 22 can be found.
Do you want to live where it is green?
Think they all are a pretty scene?

Salem has them witches.
They scream at high pitches.
So if that is your thing.
21 places you can hear their ring.

Washington sounds so grand.
The windbags gather across the land.
Well at least for 1 of the 24.
Care to give the other 23 a tour?

George really gets around.
Maybe he humps like a hound?
For of Georgetown there are 21.
George just likes to have fun.

Franklin is another one,
That has tons of fun.
I guess that turtle can walk fast.
24 of him in the cast.

And the one you know got around,
So this won't really astound.
Clinton is the name of 26 spots.
Of course he got around lots.

This is just in the US alone. Sure many more have a similar tone. Like the few I knew were here. Ready to get moving into gear? Ever move to a town with the same name as your last one? That might be kind of fun. Could be confusing and give some gas, but that wouldn't bother my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Rules To Date And Confuse Your Mate!

A while back, the rules of dating were brought up at my shack. As in there are so many damn rules because there are so many dating fools. The cat had to give that a go, not sorry if I sink low.

Dating is the name of the game.
A game that is far from sane.
It can be anything but tame.
But you could be singing in the rain.

There are those who take it slow.
They might date once a week.
There are those who want it to grow,
And are certainly not for the meek.

There are those who love you on first contact,
In which case you may want to run away fast.
There are those who take a year to come to that fact,
In which case if you wait that long it may last.

There are those that want a thrill.
The old humpity hump fits the bill.
There are those who wait until they get the ring,
Not up for a single fling.

There are those who want friends first.
Friends they have up the ass.
There are those who have a big thirst.
Wanting a buddy to drink with in mass.

There are those who want your dough.
A gold digger with their shovel all ready.
There are those who would rather love grow,
And be poor with no income that is steady.

There are those that date two at at time,
Maybe they will even get up to five.
There are those who dating one is a crime,
Alone is how they really want to survive.

There are those who lie to your face.
They think you ever the fool.
There are those who are truthful with every embrace.
They must have caught hell in school.

There are those who want to procreate the next day,
In which case run faster far far away.
There are those who want none come what may,
No tie downs so they can travel and play.

Dating is the name of the game.
A game that is far from sane.
It can be anything but tame.
Did I mention it's a pain?

Only rule is there are no stuck rules. There will be so many fools. It can really be a mess. Date more not less? Is that a rule? Beats this fool. The cat is glad he's snip snip because then I can just give lip. I will sit back and watch the dating class. Much less painful to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Travel Far To This Sand Bar!

Want to go on a fun trip? The cat has another place for you that you can zip. Just follow along with me and you'll be planning your next trip by the sea. Hmm, don't trust the cat? There may be something to that.


In this place you will have plenty to see.
There is many a huge tree.
There are green leaves too.
Oh yeah, the other thing in view.

There are dolls hanging from many a tree.
It is rather creepy if you ask me.
But if you love dolls a ton,
Go to Isla de las Munecas for some fun.

Some who have been there have a claim.
It is far from tame.
They claim the dolls have whispered in their ear,
When they have gotten near.

Chucky for real?
That is a sweet deal.
Could star in your own horror movie.
Wouldn't that be groovy?

A girl supposedly drowned there,
And the dolls came by the pair.
Her spirit possesses them all.
That is a lot of possessing at ones stall.

But the dolls aren't just naked as can be.
Nope! They have decapitated heads for all to see.
 They are missing limbs and eyes too.
Don't you want to go for a view?

Some think they are threatening in their stance.
I suppose that could be true upon first glance.
But unless they really go all Chucky,
You'll be just fine and ducky.

And if you don't hang a doll up,
You may suffer a hiccup.
The spirit may haunt you,
Until you add a creepy doll for all to view.

Creepy doll land.
Come, put your toes in the sand.
Who needs Bora Bora anyway.
Here with creepy dolls you can play.

Ready to take that trip?
Board a bus, plane or ship?
You may never return though,
Just so you know. 

Is Isla de las Munecas your next destination spot? Don't you want to see creepy dolls rot? They only have eyes for you. What? I'm sure it is true. If they have eyes that is. Otherwise you may have to settle for nose biz. At least they can smell your gas. Report back how it goes to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

We Go Absurd With Anatomy Of A Word!

The cat watches you humans get wordy every day. Hell, I use your words at my bay. But that doesn't mean I don't see what you do. You go all body part at your zoo. Don't believe me? Just sit back and see.

That's a load of crap.
He got a bum rap.
Bum in a wrapper?
Diaper instead of crapper?

It will never fail.
Give me a cocktail.
Should I go there?
Might lead to cock fighting at my lair.

If you want this to cease,
Add in some elbow grease.
Damn that says my OCD.
Grease on an elbow is just nasty.

He had such good will,
That he was able to foot the bill.
He stomped on the bill?
That sure isn't goodwill.

No need to beg,
I was just pulling your leg.
Umm, I would have noticed that.
I am a four legged cat.

You get the crown.
You win, hands down.
Wouldn't you want to cheer?
Hands up would be more clear.

You never should have lingered,
As you just got fingered.
Hmm, was it enjoyable at least?
Nature of the beast.

I bet they are never numb,
Just look at that beach bum.
So you have a sandy ass?
Damn, hope a cat doesn't trespass.

Seen with the naked eye,
Something that was a me, oh my.
So eyes have clothes too?
Damn, no fashion sense at my zoo.

Whether far or near,
You can have someone's ear.
Did you chop it off?
That someone may scoff.

Does anatomy get a bum rap? I could go on all day with your anatomy trap. But I won't bend your ear. That may give you a bottoms up rear. We may not see eye to eye. I blame the tall or short guy. I just hope you have enough class that you never finger my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Microaggressions At Play Here Today!

Humans are pathetic as can be. Boo hoo he or she said a bad thing to me. Get the hell over it. No need to throw a fit. Do such people really matter in the end? Nope! So don't be a moron and go around the bend.

Microaggressions are new.
They will protect me and you.
They will keep you from being sad.
Now poor, poor you won't get mad.

"Where were you born?"
Oopsy, I tooted the wrong horn.
That is a microaggression from me.
Damn, I better turn and flee.

"What is that you got there?"
Oh no, it was like I said a swear.
Now I'm in deep microaggression shit.
How will I ever get out of it?

"I like your shoes."
Wow, I made the news.
I shunned another persons shoes.
My microaggression gave them the blues.

"How old are you?"
Damn it to hell at my zoo.
That could be a microaggression as well.
I'm going straight to hell.

"Did you exercise today?"
Whoops, that I can't say.
A microaggression is now near.
Fat shaming maybe also kick into gear.

"Is that cat hair on your shirt?"
Oh no, a microaggression flirt.
It might have been dog hair.
Damn, I'm doomed at my lair.

"What did you say?"
I wasn't paying attention at my bay.
That is a microaggression indeed.
Damn me for making you repeat yourself at your feed.

"Do you have a job?"
I turned the wrong door knob.
A microaggression is at play.
Oh the humanity and dismay.

"Why don't you kiss my ass?"
Now I'm offensive to the class.
Well at least it was meant to be.
On this microaggression nonsense and moronic humans that need to be babied I take a big fat pee.

Hear of microaggression at your sea? Better watch out, any question may lead you on an offending spree. Those poor, poor emotionally strung out humans can't take that. Pfffffft is what they get from the cat. If you take offense to everything from everyone no matter who you are then you are the moron by far. Not everyone is trying to offend little old you. Most people have much, much better things to do. So get a grip and stop the poor pitiful me whiny trip. Now I am through with my sass and passing microaggressions out my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

A Blast From The Last!

The cat had ordered Pat to go get food. We were down to half a bag, that is just rude. He got there and got our stuff, then there was a ranter in front of him who said they didn't carry enough. Oh, that was fun as now a blog post can be done.

Why is there none?
My bag is done.
My dog needs another.
I'll call your mother.

Give me a bag.
I raise my last minute flag.
But still, give it to me.
I know you got one at your sea.

A half sized bag?
That is a drag.
It costs more than a full sized one.
That is a rip off there, son.

Give me a discount.
A really high amount.
Just because I'm a schmuck,
Doesn't mean I should have to spend an extra buck.

What? Only 10% off?
That makes me scoff.
When will the truck be in?
My dog needs food in its tin.

Don't back talk me.
That polite stuff causes no glee.
I know what you are thinking.
Don't give me any blinking.

Just give me a full bag.
You have one with a normal price tag.
I know it is here.
So bring it near.

What about another store?
Can you go and explore?
I need it here now though.
Come on, give it a go.

None there at all?
What is this pet food hall?
A slacker joint.
Me waiting until the last minute isn't the point.

The blame is on you.
All your fault at your zoo.
Now I'll take this half sized bag.
I know you upped the price tag.

Ahh, the idiots who think everything revolves around them. They like to spit their phlegm. Then they shut up in the end and the extra money they have to spend. If last minute you are, you get no sympathy from my sand bar. Thankfully Pat keeps us stocked in mass. Two month slow shipping only happened once to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Take A Whiff Of The What If!

The cat hears this almost everyday, what if this, what if that, at his bay. That seems to be all some humans can do at their zoo. Is that called denial or living in the past without a clue? Beats the heck out of me. But I'll show you the error of you ways at your sea.

What if it went that way.
What if that was on display.
What if I did that.
What if I were a cat.

What ifs do flow.
What ifs do show.
What ifs in the know.
What ifs you crow.

What if I turned.
What if I learned.
What if I flew.
What if that were true.

What ifs high.
What ifs don't die.
What ifs aplenty.
What ifs of 2020.

What if I fell.
What if there's hell.
What if I walk.
What if I talk.

What ifs north.
What ifs put forth.
What ifs south.
What ifs have lots of mouth.

What if-ed out?
What if I end my shout?
What if I stop right now?
Would you have a cow?

What if that were true.
That would hurt you.
Out pops a cow.
The world record book would wow.

Now what if you are in plot A,
Wishing for plot B at your bay.
Now what if you were in plot B,
Would you be wishing for plot A at your sea?

Did you grasp that?
What if I'm not really a cat.
What if I'm a dog.
What if I say pffft to that final log.

Do you get it now? All done what if-ing and having that cow? If you what if about situation B while in situation A, still following at my bay? Then you'd most likely, what if about situation A if you were in situation B. You humans are never satisfied at your sea. Now the deep thinking has come to pass from my what if-ing little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Here I Type With Some Hype!

The cat has fallen for it a time or two, so it's not just a human view. Or maybe it is and the cat was just listening to Pat while I took a whiz. That is neither here nor there. Let's get all hyped up at our lair.

Hyper is not the word.
That can be absurd.
Kids running to and fro.
The cat just wants them to go.

Hype it is today.
About what may.
Like that movie or book,
Or some other thing at your nook.

Humans make everything grand.
Like it will be the best across the land.
They hype it up every day.
Whether it comes out tomorrow or next May.

To them, hype fits the bill.
Hype beats nil.
If they could make it a pill,
Glee in all they could fill.

And then the day comes.
They stop flapping their gums.
The hype train has come into the station.
Hype takes a little vacation.

They watch, they read, they do whatever.
They expect it to be a miracle endeavor.
Whoopsy, it sucks.
Go feed the ducks.

It was only okay.
Damn, what they say.
This wasn't that good.
Sue them we should.

It was pretty good.
But improve they could.
What was with the hype,
From Twitter to Skype?

It was great.
A hype worthy trait.
Err umm, maybe not.
But I liked it a lot.

The hype killed it.
Made it seem more like umm shit.
Because you made it into the best ever.
Ruined your own enjoyment with such an endeavor.

Ever hype something so much that you kind of lost touch? That it turned out to be crap because you fell for the hype trap? Oh what hyping things can do. But we know it's nothing new. Tomorrow there will be something new to hype up. Like the hype of a butt to a pup. Now I will go roll in the grass and not hype my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

A Whoopdi Return To Try And Earn!

Robbie Raisin is back today. I want to have a new show to play. I need that ad revenue you know. Us raisins need money to stay clothed from head to toe. So on with the show. A Whoopdi Friggin Doo how does your dough blow.

Alex, start us off today. What did you blow dough on at your bay?

I once saw a display of large black and white photos of things placed in men's butts

Damn, creepy as can be. Manzi, where is your money tree?

Make a face with a flair
Now pose in your underwear


An underwear model are you? Bijoux, got some good tips at your zoo?

I saw some TV show once where they substituted modern art with toddlers' work and none of the visitors knew the difference.

So you are in favor of child labor at your sea? Betsy, any wise words from thee?

You must explain the header I see
with a crying baby and soap all bubbly.
A choking dog and vacuum cleaner.
Can't tell if the dog is a collie or weiner


Hmm, can't tell a weiner? Betty, can you be a little cleaner?

but sometimes when you look at some things
does it make one want to fart?


I guess looking can kill. Brian the cat, have any ideas at your litter hill?

Hey, I think I saw the Crap On a Stick Infomercial the other night.

So you do watch Whoopdi Friggin Doo. Anne, have a way to make dough come true?

When I was born God asked me "What superpower would you like to have little one?" And I answered "Holy Father, I'd really like to have the power to annoy people."

You annoy people so they pay you to go away? Birgit, have a way to make some pay?

I have seen male genitalia displayed in various ways on a TV screen-the best thing was watching an older couple go look at it and run out.

Scare old people to death and get their life insurance check? Mary Kirkland, would that make you hit the deck?

Just depends on who is doing it and with what.

Hmmm, a perfectionist peeper. Miss Caitlin S, got any advice that is a keeper?

I'm sure there's lots of people who would buy a picture of a book balancing on a head.

It takes a bit of skill at least. Theresa, ready to make enough dough for a feast?

Decided to write all over the room with droppings from her diaper.

I suppose the cleaners will like the bill. Tabbies of trout towne, ready for a thrill?

we haz been tryin ta tell everee one for like yeerz....well. oh kay may bee three postz.... if....that R

What did they try and say? Rosey, got a way to get lots of pay?

And the money people pay??? oy ai yai yai!! I could live off of it for a lifetime in some cases. ;)

Hookers get diseases you know. Snowcatcher, have anything not so umm low?

And keep on sharing lots and lots

I said not so low. Robyn, anything to make a wallet grow? 

But I won't go near there

Good for you to stay away. Suza, ready to make some pay?

Reminds me of "artist" Millie Brown
Famous for vomiting soy-based dyes
She also puked on Lady Gaga in her video


Puking on famous people gets you rich? Dixie, can you scratch that itch?

I'm comment # 600 today.

Umm, so you can count? Stephanie Faris, can you add to the amount?

The cat always wins!

Let felines rule? Jax, what is cool?

I think the zebra thong should come out and play

Umm, sex does sell. Hank, any wise advice from where you dwell?

The Cat ready to gas out
With not even a shout


Gas is pricey. Just Keepin it Real Folks, care to make things dicey?

I want to know who was taking the pics of the cat on your ass?  

You think people would pay to see a hairy ass? Blue Guy, care to end this with class?

Flip that boss the bird
Beat him with your mat


Hmm, that won't get you rich. You may end up in a ditch. Robbie Raisin is now out. Whoopdi Friggin Doo I say to each shout. You weren't very helpful at all. Such strange people on this wall.

*****************

Well you all scared him away. I guess he'll have to find another way to get pay. Poor raisins must burn to a crisp in the sun. That can't be any fun. Some of you really have no class. That sure works for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Take A Smell Where You Dwell!


Back we are,
To help near and far.
I'll make that insecurity go away,
So you can have a nice day.

No need to thank the cat.
I'm just nice like that.
Smell the BS in the air?
Good for you at your lair.

Now smell this and that.
Smell the door mat.
Stick out your nose,
And smell a rose.

Don't stick it up,
That could be a hiccup.
Might think you have an extra thing,
Like a stick up your butt at your wing.

So smell away.
All through the day.
Smell everything nice,
Maybe even spice.

You've stopped and smelled,
Hopefully you never yelled.
You've taken a break,
With your smelling double take.

Found a rosy allure.
Hopefully it is pure.
Now as you can see,
A little smelling set you free.

Take a walk now.
Maybe near a cow.
Do you smell it?
Yep, it's shit.

Always bad with the good.
At any neighborhood.
 But good is still there to smell,
So no need for hell.

Do you smell what I'm cooking?
Hint, don't go looking.
Pat needs to scoop.
Insecurity now thrown for a loop?

Smell anything good today? If you have no sense of smell it could be hard at your bay. But just pretend you do. Then no insecurity will come due. I smelt it and dealt it. Hopefully I didn't melt it. Can you smell that gas? It came from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The Whine Shall Now Align!

The rip offs are through. Back to the norm at my zoo. Wait, wasn't it the norm before? Stop that whining at your shore. Did you get the topic of today? Don't whine if not at your bay.

Whine about this,
Whine about that.
Whine for bliss.
A whiny little brat.

My back has pain.
But I walk in bad shoes.
I have to look pretty on a train,
So my back will lose.

I need to drop weight.
But I eat a lot and hate exercise.
I have to fill my plate,
Isn't this magic pill wise?

The ying of the whine,
The yang of the shit.
All would be fine,
It you weren't a dimwit.

My place is small,
But I don't want to work.
I need a bigger hall,
Why can't welfare have that perk?

I hate my work,
But I don't look for anything new.
I can't go and lurk,
New is such a scary view.

The yang of the whine,
The ying of the shit.
See the sign,
And don't be a dimwit.

My phone won't work,
I didn't pay the bill.
I blame that phone company jerk,
Had nothing to do with my will.

I hit a car,
But I had to talk.
My friend was waiting at a bar,
I had no time to gawk.

Whine about this,
Whine about that.
Whine and hiss,
Pfft to you says the cat.

If you won't do what needs to be done and instead need to give a whining run, then you won't get any sympathy from me. Whiners can go hang upside down in a tree. Maybe they'll fall on their head and the whining will no longer need to be fed. Was I too crass? Doesn't bother my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.