Thursday, December 22, 2016

An Attack By A Pack!

The cat has ducked for cover. You better do so too with your lover. Don't step out of the house and block any holes big enough to fit a mouse. Why is that? The elves want all to go splat.

We were Santa's slaves.
Working so much we never get laid.
Living in tiny over stuffed caves,
Making toys and not getting paid.

Now the day has come.
Let Santa go and do his own work.
We will no longer be his chum.
No more slaves for that fat jerk.

We would chop off his head,
Ending that twinkle in his eye.
But that fat guy can't end up dead.
We can't say we never gave it a try.

So with much regret,
There is only one thing to do.
Our plan has now been set.
Another Santa slave will never come due.

We must end all life.
We must kill humans everywhere.
From husband to kid to wife.
No one we shall spare.

Then his toys will go nowhere.
None of them will be in need.
No cookies and milk to spare,
And we can go do the deed.

The twinkle will be in our eyes.
We'll be the jolly ones.
Without humans his legend dies.
But we won't use guns.

That wrapping paper you tear,
It has a special gift for you.
It has gifts to spare.
We added something new.

With one simple touch,
You will become sterile.
Then you can't do much,
And will croak in single file.

But if a few win out,
And still can pop out the kids.
We'll corral them like trout.
Other species can then take bids.

See what I mean? Those elves are going to end us at every scene. Will you hide away? Watch what you touch at your bay. How much do you think a bear would bid for you? Maybe an alien wanting you for their zoo? That is such a mean plan to come to pass. You've been warned of the elf plot from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

50 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It's now 8th in a row
      Time to tie a bow!

      Hank

      Delete
    2. With an eye rhyme too
      There from you

      Delete
  2. An Attack By A Pack!
    Stacked up on the deck
    Santa is gone
    Not to be found
    The elves got it made

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The elves win the day
      Or try to anyway

      Delete
  3. Most sobering thoughts here Pat.
    Good poem.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Crap, I wish they'd sent out that wrapping paper sooner. I could've avoided an unnecessary doctor visit...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha no need for that would have been indeed
      If it had taken seed

      Delete
  5. Maybe Santa will give them their pink slip
    no kitties for the cat as he is snip snip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cat will have no problem there
      As he runs around bare

      Delete
  6. I'm fifty-fifty on the elves. Sometimes cute, sometimes creepy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. depends on their mood
      Maybe their rude

      Delete
  7. I have a wind up elf that plays music. My kids think it is the creepiest elf in the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha can scare them with it
      That can be a hit

      Delete
  8. I will never be able to look
    at an elf in the same way
    after reading this blog post about them
    they are too creepy that is what I will say

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha elves are going down
      Thanks to a rhyme in my town

      Delete
  9. Oh, my, that's pretty scary
    Of elves, you've made me wary
    I hope more like Polar Express they are
    Otherwise from them I will run far

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You may need to run
      As they try and fix everyone

      Delete
  10. an elf pack made a pact
    sounds like they lack tact

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sounded like a sequel to Walking Dead, then poof wrapping paper and birth control. Well goodbye to Christians, everyone else will party like 1999 with our ilk gone. HaHa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh man, no worries about Planned Parenthood being defunded.

      Delete
    2. haha partying away
      Sounds like the way
      As all ends
      Planned Parenthood may go around some bends

      Delete
  12. Little elf on a shelf waiting for the day
    To pounce on you, to trounce on you, but oh then what the hay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What the hay
      Come what may
      Free and found
      On you they pound

      Delete
  13. Death to all humans? Awwww, how did Santa's elves know exactly what I wanted this year?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They just read your mind
      Or saw the state of mankind

      Delete
  14. Has a Grinch overtaken Orlin's brain!
    This elf plan is really insane!
    Bah humbug!
    Sending you a big hug!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha the elves have it in for us
      They will make us fuss

      Delete
  15. I bet that horrible Elf on the Shelf is behind this entire scheme.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Funny how little girls elves you saw at the north pole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, there were very few
      Yet many elves came due

      Delete
  17. That silly elf on the shelf. We don't have one of those here, guess we are the lucky ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lucky way to be
      Avoid it under any tree

      Delete
  18. Oh gosh, Santa better starts paying those elves....to save us all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better get a damn good raise
      And maybe some praise

      Delete
  19. Now here was a tale of an elf
    who should have been up on a shelf
    Not putting our beers in its self

    ReplyDelete
  20. Now I'll have to sleep with one eye open for fear that damn elf on the shelf will be out to get me this holiday. He was already creepy to begin with. Even more so now that I read the plot of the elves!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are everywhere
      Out to get each lair

      Delete