Monday, December 19, 2016

Come On Down But You May Frown!

Santa pops down chimneys so they say. But we see him in a clean red suit at every bay. At least all the depictions shown. What is really in there would change your cheery tone.

The fat guy falls,
After you deck the halls.
Down the chimney he goes,
Maybe burning his toes.

But that's not all.
For he may stall.
Dead guys have been found.
Into such a chimney he won't abound.

Of course he may be happy,
While you take your umm nappy.
For 100,000s have also been found.
You may hear a cheery sound.

He won't have to shop.
For when he goes for the drop,
Shoes he may find.
Found has been many a kind.

A burglar Santa may be.
Taking instead of giving to thee.
But he may find a vice versa one.
Yep, a burglar gave a chimney a run.

Dead raccoons, birds and even cats.
Now that would cause spats.
Glad we have no chimney here.
Santa won't find those near.

A Santa suit got stuck.
What the umm fluck?
There are two Santa's now?
That takes away the wow.

Even has been burnt toast.
Damn, a screwed up weenie roast?
How did that get in there?
Someone have toast to spare?

And unlike most,
Including the toast.
This one is not so rare.
Bird shit galore so beware.

So while most are rare,
Santa may need to take care.
There is more under foot,
Than the typical soot.

Ever find something strange in the chimney at your sea? Hear of any of the ones used by me? Wouldn't it be nice to find a fortune hidden there? That would bring a cheery holiday to any lair. The cat will stay far away from chimneys though. Bird shit galore is so eww you know. Plus all the other gunk in mass. That all just stirs up the OCD of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

69 comments:

  1. Come On Down But You May Frown!
    Santa all right but nary a sound
    In hot pursuit
    Clean red suit
    Gifts galore and on time duty-bound

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wonderful Christmas flavour poem Pat.
    I used to think as a child Santa always burned his bottom.
    Have a good day.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. May burn his butt
      Coming into any hut

      Delete
  3. Technically Santa should be a sooty mess when he hits the ground. Maybe the elves bring a vacuum with them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suck the soot off his ass
      Never know if he passed gas

      Delete
  4. My caravan doesn't have a chimney, what to do?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haven't found anything in the chimneys we have had
    which has made me very glad!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A great way to be
      Nothing there to see

      Delete
  6. Perhaps Santa should send down a drone
    Before he comes down the chimney with a bound
    have a look around and see what is found
    before leaving that new iPad or iPhone

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Santa with drones
      Delivering phones
      Now there is a sight
      Come any christmas night

      Delete
    2. Haha Christmas in the future, may even just fly the gifts down at the tone on a reindeer drone with a mini santa...Lol.,hey in some areas drones deliver small amazon packages...

      Delete
    3. Maybe one day teleportation will be key
      As they send gifts to each kiddie

      Delete
    4. Hopefully lots of books
      From the cat's nook

      Delete
    5. That would work
      Sure be a perk

      Delete
  7. What goes up the chimney? Smoke
    May your wish and my wish never be broke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Broken and smoked
      One may end up choked

      Delete
  8. Cat, ask Pat. At his age he should know all about a simple thing like fairy dust. Fairy dust cleans up all kinds of plot holes in fairy tales. Now, the truth about Santa. He is a type of fairy and he is most definitely real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pat must have missed that one along the way
      Does fairy dust bring some pay?

      Delete
    2. Perhaps the magic is laying his finger upon his nose as up the chimney he rose.. see magic at the tip of his finger

      Delete
    3. Or he put that finger somewhere smelly
      And he didn't want to umm telly

      Delete
    4. lol tell that to him
      Keep in every limb

      Delete
    5. Not a fairy so I don't know how it all works. You just gotta believe.

      Delete
    6. Believe you say
      I skeptic I may stay

      Delete
  9. That's why magic has to be involved. You know, of course, that Santa is a wizard, right? He must be friends with Dumbledore. ;)

    Happy Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dumbledore probably taught him all
      There at his north pole hall

      Delete
  10. have not used our fireplace in a few years
    won't stick my head up to look at it I fear
    Santa needs to sneak in somewhere
    hope he doesn't trip over Ray's underwear

    ewwww, but that's how that rhyme flowed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha so if he trips on underwear
      Would he find Ray bare?

      Delete
    2. not extending the visual further. Santa just needs to beware!

      Delete
    3. Santa may get a thrill
      Mrs. Claus may not be run of the mill

      Delete
  11. We have three fireplaces so lots of chimneys. We get them cleaned nearly every year and the worst that gets in are some bees that wander in. But yeah, how does Santa not get dirty and drag soot all over the house?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bees would sure stink
      As they sting if brought to the brink
      All shiny and clean he stays
      Even going down every maze

      Delete
  12. My fireplace is one of those fake ones, and it's got a big pane of glass in front of it. So I think Santa's gonna be trapped and suffocated if he makes it down my chimney. Good thing I'm an asshole, though; he hasn't had to stop by this house in a looooong time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol just chucks coal through your window
      And that's it for you with a ho ho ho

      Delete
  13. LOL! I've never had any adventures with our chimneys that match yours. However, one memorable event occurred when I was volunteering in the fossil lab at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. A squirrel managed to get in through a roof vent and find its way into the vent entering the fossil lab bathroom. There was a fan spinning that we couldn't stop, and everyone was worried that the squirrel would fall into the fan, and the shit would literally hit the fan. The museum maintenance men had to shut down the vent system for the whole lab, remove the fan, get the squirrel that couldn't go up or down, please the squirrel, and get the lab's whole venting system functioning again. We couldn't work on our fossil preps because the venting system had to remove the rock dust continuously while we were working ~ safety regulations. It was definitely an interesting morning in the lab! And you can be sure those maintenance men were up on the roof checking every opening into the museum through the roof to make sure nothing else gained entrance into the museum that way. Have a good one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All from a squirrel getting in
      Damn, they can sure cause chaos to spin
      Or not spin as the case may be
      Glad no squirrel guts splattered on thee

      Delete
  14. Santa won't be able to come down our chimney simply because we don't have one. Don't know what he is going to do at our house bur he will figure something out for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always seems to find a way
      At each and every bay

      Delete
  15. I've heard strange noises coming from our chimney. I'm always worried a squirrel or chipmunk will fall down it and try to bust through the glass doors on our fireplace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or could be a racoon too
      Maybe a rat at your zoo

      Delete
    2. I feel do much better! 😂

      Delete
    3. So better you said it out of sync
      Watch out for the stink

      Delete
  16. Santa has a tough job going into all those strange houses!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never know what he'll find
      Or if he'll burn his behind

      Delete
  17. I told my grandson Santa travels with a magic chimney because his house doesn't have one. One more year of belief.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Up on a rooftop

    that's not my house

    Stupid red fat elf

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Needs to check his list
      Before you are missed

      Delete
  19. The day after Christmas was here
    And Santa Claus still wasn’t near
    For he didn’t see
    How long it would be
    For security line to clear

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clearance is key
      To live and fly free

      Delete
  20. Santa has a magic protector. It creates an invisible clear shoot to keep him free from all that gunk. The only thing that ever gets through is soot, and only then at the very end of the ride. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol you put much thought into that
      Take it it was used at your blogmat?

      Delete
  21. Ho, ho, ho. Santa will soon be here.
    Whether down the chimney or through the door,
    he'll leave gifts for the kiddies, have no fear.
    Merry Christmas to all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiddies will get a stash
      And sure have a bash

      Delete
  22. I can only imagine what's in the chimney. Yuck!
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some times not knowing is best
      Can be a rather nasty pest

      Delete
  23. Being Santa is not an easy job. A pastor, a delivery person and a fireman all in one. And of course the workplace hazards you just mentioned make it an even less enviable job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, nothing easy about it
      May even step in umm dog spit

      Delete
  24. We have something in our chimney so birds don't fly into it. We have an old chimney so the fireplace doesn't work but years ago, in an apartment, I always had feathers, neat pieces and other icky things fall from the stove fan. I told the super it needed to be cleaned but he didn't listen until one day, I turned the fan on and it suddenly stopped. Whe he looked into it...found out there was a birds nest and the chicks had no heads. I accidentally decapatated them when I turned on the fan. Hopefully SANTA will never have to worry about that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, that sucks indeed
      As the nest took seed
      Teach him to get on that
      Hopefully Santa doesn't squash birds flat

      Delete
  25. A bird's nest in our wood-burning stove
    Kept us from being warm in our trove
    But fun to see the chicks hatch
    Months later we finally could strike a match

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Had to wait it out
      Freezing due to heat drought

      Delete
  26. Our fireplace is blocked off and we never used it, so hopefully there isn't anything weird lurking in there. My mom gets bats in her and they get in the house occasionally. She really needs to get that chimney fixed so they can't find their way in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'd have that fixed lickity split
      Imagine all that bat shit

      Delete