Monday, February 29, 2016

Extra, Extra, Extra, Extra 25% Has Now Been Sent!

Wow, we finally get that extra 25% of the years that has passed. It only took four years for it to have amassed. Wait, that is normal, right? Damn, so I get to sleep an extra night.

4 years you say.
Come what may.
4 years and it's here.
Let's give a cheer.

It works well.
An extra day is swell.
Screws up the calendar thingy.
February and March days are out of sync on the calendar magiggy.

But I want more.
I'm greedy at my shore.
I think we need this.
It would be bliss.

100% more vacation,
At every station.
Hey, 4 years saved it up.
So it shouldn't be a hiccup.

100% more pay.
4 years came our way.
So give that big old raise.
No need for a hateful gaze.

100% less taxes.
The IRS relaxes.
Wishful thinking there.
But I had to share.

100% more play time.
I could use more rhyme.
Plus a toy or ten too.
Bring in some that are new.

100% more winning.
Unless you go sinning.
Then you just get a disease.
But yes, more winning in every way please.

100% more growth.
That's a fine oath.
Can learn 100% more things.
Maybe even create wings.

100% more sales.
Buyers hit the trails.
That works for me,
And my book tree.

So what do you say? Need 100% more pay? That would sure be nice. Tax man wouldn't even charge a price. Hey, we get 100% more in the form of a day, what's wrong with 100% more of fun stuff at play? Any plans for the extra day or just slave away? The cat will go and pass some extra gas out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Snap For A Lap!

The cat noticed another thing you humans do. You are quite snap happy at your zoo. At least most out there. Some just ignore or swear. Others have a fit, proving they are full of umm spit.

What did you say?
I'm going to make you pay.
You will end up in a ditch.
Says my scream at high pitch.

There is no way out of it.
Hear my hiss and spit.
You will regret this day.
Listen to what I say.

Don't you mock me.
I will throw you in the sea.
I will stick you up a tree.
You falling on your head will cause me glee.

You better not move anywhere.
I have an ass I need too tear.
I hope yours can withstand a bite.
I am really ready to fight.

Get that out of here.
I don't want it near.
Can't make up my mind?
I will rid you from mankind.

Not the WWE guy.
That is a lie.
Don't spin my words.
I'll feed you to birds.

Spun words was done by me?
Never! Now leave me be.
I have said my piece.
This shall cease.

Don't bother me.
I will stuff you in a tree.
I will punch you in the face.
Don't invade my space.

I know what you said.
I heard it in my head.
I mean through my ear.
You will run in fear.

Stay out of my way.
You are now a stray.
Go jump in some hay.
You said much more than, "How was your day?"

Geez, you humans sure can snap at any old chap. One word you think you heard the right way and now no one will have a nice day. Are you a snapper? A snapping flapper? You might not want to admit such a pass. I could use that one day as ammo for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

A Lecture Nut In A Bug Rut!

The cat declared he didn't like bugs the other day and of course a nut overheard me at our bay. The cat really should keep his voice down when out on the town.

I hate bugs.
They are thugs.
Rather be moving,
And of course grooving.

You'd don't like bugs?
They aren't thugs.
They are great.
They make your fate.

They keep the peace,
From here to Greece.
They keep things in line.
Don't be a daft feline.

Bugs will be here forever,
Long after our life's endeavor.
So respect the bugs,
Even those in rugs.

Pffft went the cat,
As away the nut did scat.
He never stayed around.
Off to go bug a hound?

Bug about bugs.
Those poor Pugs.
They get it all.
Might go buggy at their hall.

Pffft to anything that bites me,
Those bugs can go flee.
Including a flea,
And bed bugs are nasty.

But if you must know,
For the bug lovers high and low,
The cat wasn't saying word one,
As bugs were given their run.

Nope, not at all.
I said I hate bugs at my hall.
As in germs,
And yeah, worms.

Got buggy over germs.
I guess should have clarified terms.
Or let the nut get hot under the collar,
The cat found it funny with their holler.

Ever get bugged by a bug hater at your sea? Do you hate bugs like me? Or hate bug bugs at your sea? Maybe both are hated by thee. Watch out and don't bug the bug loving nuts. They will then go buggy in their bug ruts. Now I will go bug Cass and bugger off with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 26, 2016

The Dark Side Goes For A Ride!

The cat was hopping here and there when he saw a scary video at our lair. The cat then delved into the dark side of YouTube. I've now locked those things away in a small cube.

Hurt your eyes.
I tell no lies.
Just do a search,
From a perch.

See much to scare.
You may stare,
You may go blind.
They sure are one of a kind.

There are this and that,
Some chew some fat.
Like actual fat.
Disturbs the cat.

Do you like things hanging?
Could do some head banging.
For Do your balls hang low,
Sure does show.

Do your boobs hang low,
Is also given a go.
Equal opportunity for all,
On each and every YouTube wall.

A dude in a horse head,
Will keep you up in bed.
Bananas stuck to a face,
Is a scary embrace.

Ronald McDonald has fun,
He can scare anyone.
Dancing around with ease,
He might make your computer freeze.

A chocolate bunny goes to town.
It sure will make you frown.
The Llama Song is scary,
Rednecks might like them hairy.

Speaking of rednecks at my zoo,
There are some zit poppers too.
Keepin it real will like that.
So nasty to the cat.

Even some that want to scare,
They put a hex on you at your lair.
Pffffft is all the cat has to say to that.
Got more hex power in my scat.

Seen any strange dark side of YouTube videos at your sea? Wish they could be forgotten by thee? Now of course there are the nuts balls who are just plain creepy and insane, but I avoided that creepy train. More fun dark side I guess. Although a mind wipe might be needed I confess. Oh what the cat will do to give sass from his daily little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Can't They Say Brings A Pffft At My Bay!

The cat heard a nut the other day, along with a whiner joining the fray. The whiner you can guess. We don't need to enter that mess. The nut though said something dumb, could have been the rum.

It can't get worse.
Is what was said.
Are they trying for a curse?
Yeah, those are stupid and in the head.

But curse or not,
Bad or happy,
Things can be worse by a lot,
And make whiners more yappy.

Poor, poor me.
I lost this and that.
I'll jump in the sea,
Can't be worse where we're at.

So you lost a job.
So you lost some money.
Even ask poor Bob,
Things can sure get runny.

Could develop a disease.
Those would just suck.
Could choke to death on fleas,
Or get hit by a big truck.

Could be on a slab,
As in dead as can be.
Your organs they'd grab,
Put them in others with glee.

Could go blind.
Could lose a limb.
Maybe get a clogged up behind.
All three are grim.

A piano could fall on you,
Crushing you flat.
Wait, that dumb show had such a view,
So we'll just scratch that.

Could be abducted by little green men.
That would be anything but fun.
Could be upwards of ten,
And you may be sore when they're done.

The Earth could explode.
Then everything would be gone.
So with your can't be worse mode,
Know it as stupid as what a dog leaves on the lawn.

Think it can't get worse no matter how much you curse? I could sure prove you wrong. Even dead in a ditch can bring about a worse song. Depends on one's view I suppose, but the worse still flows. Now I will go pass some gas as holding it in is worse for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

On To Seven Today Here At My Bay!

The cat has turned seven today. Bah to that I say. I still run around and meow. You'd think I was having a cow. But that is not the case. I just have to be heard all over the place.


I pose and howl.
No hooting like an owl.
Can chirp like a bird though,
Just so you know.


See, I pose everywhere.
Talk to the chin at our lair.
That is all you need.
 Humans and their greed.


I make Cassie stare.
She thinks I'm nuts at our lair.
Regal as can be.
Pffft that's not me.


I take out all.
You enter our hall,
You will get chopped.
The ball won't be dropped.


I can be cute.
But rather be a brute.
I grew up.
Now can take on a pup.


 And I'll chew.
Even snub you.
Easy to do.
Snubbed times two.


Can sit and stare.
I know your aware.
Cassie cleans down there.
 Do you really care?


Fuzzy things die.
I make them fry.
On the first try,
I send them for a fly.


Then I get in a good stretch. 
I could go play fetch,
But I'm not a mutt.
Still have my eye on my hut.


And here I see all.
All the way down the hall.
I may be seven.
But I watch all here like God in heaven.

Can't get passed me. Are you as old as me at your sea? That would make me what? 49 at my hut? Cassie is still the old fart though. Eight is so old you know. I will now go back to ruling with no class. That is the way of my seven year old little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Round Forty Three With Plenty To See!

The search engines have picked up once more. Not sure why they go up and down at my shore. But they gave me plenty for a round or two. And yeah, most are scary who found my zoo.

rhymetime blog

Came up 18 times. Someone is searching out my rhymes.

scum suckers day off xxx

Hmm, is that porn? Is a janitor's uniform worn?

the best boys sock hop outfits

Does this look like Rosey's sea? No clothes modeling for me.

rats having sex

If that's your thing, enjoy the fling.

jennifer aniston nose picking images

I guess she is a super nose picker. Think she is also a finger licker?

my day went bad today

And you just needed your say? Does this look like a whiny Facebook bay?

can't get things up

Now there is a hiccup. They do have a pill to make you a frisky pup.

snip snip went the weiner

Not even a pill can fix that. You can trust the cat.

My gas got fired

Wow, now that is rare. Farts R Us at your lair?

split the bil u ingreat

Maybe if you were a better speller you wouldn't get treatment like Old Yeller.

superhero days are ending

The villains will rise? Do they seek first prize?

round and round round

Up and down down all across town town.

special paackages in the mail

People still use the mail? No mail orders, so hit the trail.

my finger is stuck

Do I even want to know where it is stuck at your show?

And now for your viewing pleasure something you can help measure. I suppose it might not be a job for all. But you could make some money at your hall.

need a bigger cock piece

Maybe an actor needs it? They do use that shit. Or maybe just the snip snip guy. He needs something to remain spry. The cock piece making industry is just getting going. Maybe that rooster once more will be crowing. But you can tell it to a singing bass, it does not want to be known by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 22, 2016

A Reality Flight Has Some Might!

The cat is back with another tale. They just seem to flow out without fail. The two light hearted fools seem to be back. Damn, they'll soon catch Tarsier Man in sequels at my shack.


Of course they wanted to eat.
They wouldn't get me a treat.
So I stole some nice meat.
It tasted juicy and sweet.


But this guy got mad.
Money needed to be had.
They were cheap and wouldn't pay.
Hey, what can I say?


I needed something to wash things down.
So I stole more and made him frown.
It tasted kind of funky though.
Then I started to glow.


I grew super big.
Could snap him like a twig.
So he ran away,
And I didn't have to pay.


Of course they got lazy.
The place became rather hazy.
They wanted to ride me.
Do I look like a horse to thee?


Truedessa's sparkly fart come out wrong.
It smelled like it came from King Kong.
Damn, it was bad.
Stunk up the whole pad.


It even made stuff fly.
I thought we would die.
But then poof we went.
We got sucked into a vent.


Catality was there.
He made me stare.
The cat can walk on two feet.
That sure is neat.


They had been cloned.
I wonder who they phoned?
Or maybe an evil twin?
They wanted to do us all in.


Of course there is more.
We never should have went through the door.
Again I may be a lying little rhyming rear.
But to find out, click here to peer.

And so the next book has come due adding to the pile at my zoo. 60 is sure drawing near. Soon the pile may reach my ear. Who knew Truedessa had such bad gas? She could easily trump my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Pass The Buck At Seven And Stuck!

So the cat was told the other day that the average life of a blog is 7 months from bay to bay. Not sure how they average that, but we'll pretend it is a correct stat.

7 is it.
7's the hit.
Then bit by bit,
You're done with this shit.

Too old for it?
Danny Glover may say, go spit.
Why would you want to do that?
Unless chewing some nasty fat.

Why only 7?
Can't get 11?
Double digits that would be.
Maybe they get stuck in a tree?

They realize it's work?
That can't be a perk.
Got no time?
The same old chime.

Say that for anything,
Such a familiar ring.
One that's full of crap.
But I've done that yap.

Maybe 7 is magic?
Rosey's 666 is tragic.
Can't have everyone landing on 6.
Then there would be lots of 666 tricks.

That will make her squirm.
Maybe 7 is like a term?
A term job thing.
Some kind of fling?

A fling with the net.
Then they fret.
Not all it was cracked up to be?
The fling had an std.

Hmm, malware I guess it would be.
But a virus is a virus at ones sea.
At least a computer you can buy new,
Not so much the parts of you.

So why 7?
Then they go to heaven?
Or maybe they think it's hell,
And blogging is such a tough sell.

Have you lasted more than 7 months at your sea? That is a yes to 99% of those that visit me. Many have been around a while. Seen many a rhyming mile. But why 7 you think before they go down the drink? Why not 5 or 2? I've seen many come and go at my zoo. They did last a little bit. Not sure if 7 months was it. To those past 7 months I raise a glass, if I drank from one with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

On The Fly With This Try!

The cat is just going to rhyme and I'm going to do it on a dime. Do you have a problem with that? If so, tell it to some other cat. The cat is not so nice. Hey, at least I never gave anyone lice.

Follow my rhyme,
Unless you're a mime,
Then hop a boat,
That contains a goat.

I'm on the fly,
Ever so spry.
This on the fly,
Works every try.

Come and play,
Each and every day.
I may make fun,
But it has to be done.

It's a lock,
That geek or jock,
I can mock,
If you come to knock.

A stellar flock.
Rock around the clock.
No rock in a sock,
That would get a head cock.

Cock of the head.
Did you turn red?
Tease of the cock.
Whoops, umm knock knock?

Where's the blame?
Aren't I to remain tame?
Ha, who thought that?
You don't know the cat.

Where am I going?
Your feet I'm towing.
I'm dragging you along,
Like the ass of Donkey Kong.

Bad visual there.
Gorillas beware.
Or a beware of Gorilla sign?
Beats this feline.

Damn, I'm done.
So ends my fun.
It did fry.
I ate the fly.

I made it up on the fly. The fly turned out rather dry. How can you stay on a fly? It's smaller than my eye. So on the fly I tried. It didn't give a very good ride. Did you humans make that up in the loo? A bathroom stall may have more of a clue. Whoops, I'm still on the fly. A new one I spy. I hope flies don't give me gas. That would not be fun for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Object Or No? How Does It Flow?

The cat got it in his head after objection was said. Yeah, it was said by me. I can give ideas to myself at my sea. Is there a law against that? Pfffft I object where I'm at.

Some can't say no.
They always say yes.
Then they get tired head to toe,
And end up in a mess.

What's in a no?
Is it so scary?
Two no's in a row,
Could turn you bigfoot hairy.

That would be bad.
You'd get fleas.
No fun be had.
Whoops, said no at my feed.

So why suffer neglect.
Forget your inability to say no.
Instead pull out, I object.
Works on TV you know.

Would you help me?
I object to that.
What is that from thee?
I object where I'm at.

What are you doing?
I object to that too.
Are you going to start mooing?
I object to you.

You're a nut.
I'm out of here.
You don't make the cut.
I'm leaving your atmosphere.

See? You win.
Objection upheld.
You did them in,
And no wasn't spelled.

But why stop there?
Object to anything.
Who needs fair?
Object like a king.

I object to you being here.
I object to your price.
I object to your leer.
I object is so nice.

Now you don't have to say no. You can stay whelmed at your show. Just use I object a ton and away the nuts will run. I don't know where that came from but I didn't object to that rhyming bread crumb. I do object to you touching the cat. We can't have that. I object to mowing the grass. I could get used to being an objecting little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

It Will Post At My Joint At Some Point!

The cat will get this post done and have lots of fun. When will it be? At some point at my sea. Do you see where I'm going with this? At some point you won't be amiss.

At some point I'll do that.
I'll be a happy cat.
At some point I'll do this.
I'll be in pure bliss.

At some point we'll win.
That will do all in.
At some point I'll try.
Could really reach high.

At some point I'll do.
Not now at my zoo.
At some point I'll go.
Not now though.

At some point I'll get it.
But now, who needs that shit?
At some point I'll exercise.
Now though, it's not wise.

At some point I'll eat right.
But sure not tonight.
At some point I'll write a book.
But not today at my nook.

At some point I'll finish this post.
Not there yet at my coast.
At some point I'll stop rhyming.
Yeah, not unless I take up miming.

At some point I'll stop talking,
I may then get out walking.
At some point I'll stop whining,
Maybe then the sun will start shining.

At some point I'll get there,
With plenty of time to spare.
At some point I'll make that.
I got time where I`m at.

At some point I'll try something new.
Plenty of time at my zoo.
At some point I'll get things done,
Can easily go to one from none.

At some point I'll stop saying it,
Meaning the, at some point shit,
Because at some point I'll be dead.
At that point, all will leave my head.

At some point did you catch on to my at some point con? At some point is sure used a lot by many from sea to sea. Pffft to at some point says me. Can always start most things at that point. May be a while before some things come to pass at your joint, but can still start. Don't have to be a lazy fart. That is just my at some point sass from my on point little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I'll Be A Dick And Make You Pick!

I'm going to channel my inner Google today. That might be tough to do though at my bay. I have to dumb myself down quite a bit. I also have to be more annoying than shit. What would be more annoying than that? Being peed on the head by a cat?


Pick the dog from above.
The butt sniffer needs love.
Pick it or you can't comment.
 If you can't pick, get bent.


Whoops, you picked wrong.
Come on and play along.
Please solve more.
 I'll give you an encore.


Pick the worms.
Read them terms.
You have to pick.
Yeah, I'm a dick.


You missed once more?
How hard is it at my shore?
Did you fail at the memory game?
That is so really lame.


Pick the flowers.
Don't take hours.
I haven't got all day.
Pick and then have your say.


You got it right.
Damn, too slow taking flight.
Now pick the dog once more.
 Enjoy your encore.


Sigh, wrong again.
Are you a hen?
Just pecking at the keys?
 This should be a breeze.


Pick the cat.
Easy where you are at.
Pick the furry one.
 There are a ton.


That was so easy.
 No, cats aren't cheesy.
You are so bad at this.
Did I hear you hiss?


Pick the flowers.
Don't take hours.
I said that before.
But you needed the encore.

Finally, you got it on time. Now you can leave a comment with or without rhyme. Damn, you took forever though. Don't you love giving this new captcha a go? At least you aren't a robot. Didn't I harness my inner Google with this plot? Now all I need as an Error 503. I made that, did you see? Do they make you sass? They sure are hated by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Get An Umbrella, Fella!

Do you use one of those things when rain flings? Pat does not. The cat doesn't mind water a lot. Cassie would just run under the bed. Water she can dread. But that is not the case. Pat got a funny face.

You're in the rain.
That has to be a pain.
Aren't you cold?
I must be old.

Don't you have an umbrella?
Go and buy one, fella.
It is good for you.
It keeps you from turning blue.

You don't need one?
You walk fast and can run?
Sorta, anyway?
Bad back you say?

That is why you need it.
Then you can stand or sit.
No rain will hurt you.
Maybe you should get two.

One for the car,
In case you drive far.
One for home,
In case you roam.

Aren't I wise?
Boy, time flies.
I need to get home.
Must feed my lawn gnome.

Yeah, I'm a nut.
Stuck in an umbrella rut.
But I have three,
So you should trust me.

They are cheap.
Take the leap.
You'll be better off.
When it rains you won't scoff.

Let it rain.
No pain no gain.
Bring the down pour.
I can still take a tour.

Off I go.
Remember to be in the know.
Get an umbrella,
And be a happy fella.

Got an umbrella now? I know you must want one after that wow. Waiting at a crosswalk a nut actually went on and on and on about how I needed an umbrella to dawn. I could understand a bit if she was selling the shit, but nope, she just said an umbrella and I needed to elope. I don't want to carry around that with each pass. The rain won't melt my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 15, 2016

A Not So Rhyme For Another Time!

The cat is back with another book from Pat. Geez, I have to pimp him out where we are at. That is just rude. He doesn't even rhyme so he deserves my attitude. But now book 7 is done and it does have a nut that goes on a rhyming run. He is on the cover. Think he is an Oompa Loompa lover?


A Not So Realistic World, book 7 in the series, brings the focus back to Jack, Emily and Mason as they continue to strive to find a way back to Earth's time fraction. After Olympus, Hell and all form of battles that they have had to face, they thought they had seen it all. But as they experience more of the Time Junction, its rainbow road and its caretaker, Tripit, a rhyming nut with a crush on Emily, they realize they have only scratched the surface of what is out there.

New enemies arise, old friends come back to join the fight, gods get in the way and everything seems to revolve around Jack and his movie quote obsession. From musicals to cartoons to cop shows, the trio cycle through them all and have no idea why. 

Follow along as Jack, Emily and Mason learn the secrets of the Time Junction, search for the way out and take their final journey over that mountain to try and make it home for good.

There is no real super powered me in this one.
That is just no fun.
I am there fake though.
That is kinda low.


Book 4, 5 and 6 starred me.
I guess book 8 will be my return spree.
Confused yet?
Ahh, many stories weave in and out you can bet.

Now the cat is through. Book 7 sound good to you? Think the nut on the cover is good or bad? He is a pervert more than a tad. But that could just mean he likes to have fun. And so book 7 is done. 5 more to go and my series is complete. Won't that be neat? This has been another book pass from my little rhyming ass.
  
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

The Wabatat Is Where It's At!

Here we are once more. We are back to that day when Hallmark becomes an attention whore. Lovey dovey this and lovey dovey that. Pffffft is all that is said by the cat.

One whole day.
Wow, go play.
It will make everything great.
Pfffft and I'm a talking plate.

But that you know,
Because given a go.
Also cupid is stupid,
But again, we've done cupid.

This year there is more.
Lucky you came to my shore.
A new love machine is here.
He doesn't wear a diaper over his rear.

That is a big plus.
No PTA nuts will fuss.
It is the Wabatat.
Spreading love no matter where you are at.

How does the Wabatat please?
Why it is a breeze.
It's not hard at all.
He keeps up with this day at every hall.

The Wabatat is hairy.
He is rather scary.
A nose redder than a cherry.
And I mean everything is hairy.

Wears a toga.
Is good at yoga.
Can bend and scoop.
I'd love if he'd clean my poop.

But he has a power.
He can create a love shower.
You just have to be ready,
Then love will come steady.

Are you ready for it?
Don't throw a fit.
He'll be on time.
No mountains to climb.

The Wabatat just spit on you.
Yep, that wasn't rain at your zoo.
You were covered in love's spit.
Now for the next 23 hours, 26 minutes and 45 seconds you will have a love fit.

Wow, love by spit. Now that will be a hit. I better patent that for next year. The Wabatat may take on diaper covered rear. Don't you love the magic of the day? Even a Wabatat can come out to play. Care for some Wabatat spit? I know you'll love it. Hmm, maybe you're better off finding love by eating grass? Sure beats, not really, my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Take A Stand And All Will Be Grand!

There are nuts near and far. They even drive a car. That isn't a good thing. Don't find a nut and have a fling. You will just add to the dumbness of the human race. Nope, that's not today's case.

Come and stand.
Take my hand.
Just come and stand.
It is so grand.

Stand all day.
Sitting is outlawed at your bay.
Never ever sit.
Who needs it?

Stand when you eat,
Meal or treat.
Stand when you crap.
Be one talented chap.

Stand when you pee.
Be one talented she.
Stand when you fall.
Can you stand it all?

Yep, sitting is bad.
Don't do it at your pad.
You can never ever sit.
Not one little bit.

Humans weren't built that way.
So stand all through the day.
Only lay when you are in bed.
Otherwise, stand, even on your head.

What? You can sit?
Bah, don't believe it.
Humans aren't built for that.
Don't be like a lazy cat.

Stand at work.
That is a perk.
Stand like me.
It's the way to be.

Stand very tall.
Stand on a ball.
Stand in your spot.
Standing is hot to trot.

Remember to stand.
Remember to take my hand.
Stand on cement or sand.
Standing is so grand.

Pfffffft says the cat. Not built to sit where we are at? Hmmm, then how come we can sit? If we weren't built for it then we couldn't do that shit. Sitting too much is as dumb as can be. But never sitting? Yeah, take your standing and bite me. Standing all day is sure hard on the body too. Trust me at my zoo. Now I am through with my sass. Time to stand down with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 12, 2016

A New Valentine To Wine And Dine!

The cat is always helping you out. I don't want anyone to pout. So I have more prospects for all of you. They were there six months ago anyway to view.

Can't get right
Should an "it" be in sight?
Can u be the 1
Sorry, don't want my IQ to equal none.

I'm ur gaal baby
Nope, not even a maybe.
Let's give it a ripper
Umm errr, hands off the zipper?

May you always shine
Is this some church of the divine?
My 5 year old niece told me to do this
Take advice from children on bliss?

You me and three
Seems you can't count to me.
All flonder in this sea
Yep, and it's thee.

Red my prfile 1st
Can't, my head may burst.
Why can't I get a date.
Too whiny to mate?

Where are all the guys in?
Umm, care for a re-spin?
Are you my savior and lord?
Sorry, go hump a Ford.

Need you in my life.
Just what I need, a needy wife.
Cats got my tongue.
Looks like it also got your lung.

Must take care of yourself and not be fat.
Do as I say not as I do where you are at?
Carring is sharing.
Playing in traffic is daring.

Can we try again?
Did we try once at my den?
Grumpy young female.
That just makes all want to set sail.

Working on me and my tears.
Water eyes bring fears.
You've never been around these parts.
And somehow I think I'd rather take cat farts.

There you are at your sea. A good bunch for you to have a date spree. Just in time for Valentine's day. Don't say I never did anything for you, okay? Enjoy getting a crazy, nut job of a lass when this dumb day comes to pass and, yeah, I'll give the day sass. I won't let you down with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Can't Sleep At Your Keep?

Can you sleep like a cat and nap wherever you are at? Is that a no? Geez, maybe you need to eat a crow? Yeah, that would not work. But you are screwed up by a certain perk.

Can't sleep,
Not light or deep.
Poor you,
At your zoo.

Blame me.
Blame each sea.
Blame your reading.
Am I misleading?

Nope, it's your screen.
It is just mean.
It won't let you sleep.
The screen is a creep.

Those energy saving light bulbs too.
Maybe the TV you view.
Even a table lamp,
One with a stupid light bulb cramp.

Why is that?
Follow the cat.
It is because of blue light.
It shines through the night.

It makes your body think it is day.
So you get energy at your bay.
Energy and sleep don't mix.
Yep, can even get it from watching flicks.

Blue light can also increase stuff.
Like cancer, diabetes and make depression rough.
All because you use your computer at night.
Phones, tablets, etc. also have it take flight.

So you are screwed.
Unless you find the computer rude.
Then you are fine.
Sleep will align.

Blue light is a pain.
Can screw with any sleep train.
The cat just wanted you to know.
And yep, 100% scientific fact on the go.

f.lux is an app,
That can cut the trap.
I just started giving it a go,
Can't hurt at my show.

Ever hear of blue light and it screwing with you at night? Just another thing "advancements" have done. Aren't our bodies fun? Can get glasses that block it too. So I'm told at my zoo. So if you can't sleep and don't know why, you may have just been told why by this rhyming guy. At least blue light won't give you gas, I have enough of that in my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Save Time In Your Prime!

The cat has been down the whole time saving road. We don't want to go into repeat mode. But the cat has found a new way. It could save you so much time each day. You will be more than whelmed when I am through. Yep, it is true.

Need time?
Such a crime.
Can make it.
But who needs that shit?

Rather whine.
Rather dine.
Rather whine more.
A whine encore.

But that isn't it.
Forget that shit.
There is a better way.
Move your litter tray.

Yep, pack up and move away.
To where you say?
To movie land.
Life would be grand.

Teeth are always white.
No brushing in sight.
Hair is always done.
Even when you wake up to the sun.

Can spend all you want.
No bank account will taunt.
Get everything you need.
Well won't run dry at your feed.

Always have a ton.
Never need a food run.
Can leave food out and take one sip.
You'll still never need a grocery trip.

Never even have to change clothes.
Screw those type of woes.
They stay nice and clean.
Isn't that just serene?

Who needs to date?
Pffft and mate.
Then all will be right.
Love will instantly take flight.

Can quit your job and live.
Everyone will forgive.
You'll still somehow get money.
All will be sunny.

There you are. Now whether you are near or far, you can save time every single day. You can do whatever the hell you want and get pay. Just move to movie land. Everything is scripted and life is grand. Moving there today? Be sure and take the litter tray. Now I have helped every working class. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

A Topic For You In Which To Stew!

So it has been a bit since I had a blog topic fit. The cat figures he can help all of you who have "nothing to say" yet say a lot anyway at your zoo. It had to be said. Sorry, not really, for any dread.

Blog topics are in.
Easy to spin.
I web and I weave,
Then I leave.

Are you whelmed with me?
That is a good way to be.
Look, whelmed is a post.
Whoops, did that at my coast.

So new ones for you.
Heck, I'll give a few.
Maybe more than three.
No need to thank me.

Mommy issues.
Break out the tissues.
Daddy issues.
Another box of tissues.

Wowee, you just got three.
Isn't that nice of me?
Mommy, Daddy and how you keep the tissue business turning.
Damn, that fire is sure now burning.

How to make a fire.
Fourth one just grew higher.
What rhymes with fire?
How to change a tire.

Now you have five.
Will you get out alive?
Places you almost died.
Away the ideas glide.

Still stuck in a rut?
Don't wiggle your butt.
Or maybe do.
Butt pics in view.

Hey, works for people of Wal-Mart.
But you may need a cart.
Still stuck works as well.
Like times you got stuck and damned all to hell.

Woweee, lots for thee.
Need one more from me?
Okay, here is another.
Things never to say to your mother.

Poof! Topics galore. Took 5 minutes at my shore. Don't you like a helpful cat? Are you the "I've got nothing to say type" where you are at? Well now you have no excuse at all. Just following the bouncing ball. I guess that would be bouncing rhyme. I am all over the place with my chime. Now I'll go eat some grass and wiggle my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Hooked On A Feeling With This Dealing!

The cat heard some woman the other day as he walked by a lottery ticket booth at the grocery store bay, wow, I got wordy there. But you don't care. Anyway, heard her say I've got a feeling I will win. Pffft and I have a golden chin.

I've got a feeling.
A feeling where?
Is it like peeling?
I hope it's not down there.

Let that sink in.
Damn, that would suck.
Be more than a sin.
Even for a snip snip duck.

But luckily it's about a buck.
The good old winning.
Yeah, about as dumb as luck,
This thing that left her grinning.

I've got a feeling.
It's in my bones.
Standing or kneeling,
It sure groans.

Hmm, gutter there?
Don't sit and stare.
Or maybe glare.
Excuse me while I lick my cat hair.

Okay, I'm done.
I took care of that feeling.
My tongue won.
And there was no peeling.

But the feeling is ready.
It is coming to me.
I can feel it steady,
I'm going to win $1,000,000,000, yippeeee!

Oh wait.
That was back pain.
Damn, my fate.
No pain no gain?

Hook me to that feeling,
And I'll kick you in the head.
You may have to be kneeling,
But I promise you won't get dead.

So you hooked on a feeling?
The cat must know.
Ready for some poker dealing?
Is it in your head, tongue or toe?

And just a little fyi for all of you. I looked the next day at my zoo and the winner was out in BC. That's on the other side of the country from me. Whoopsy, I guess her feeling was wrong. Maybe she just had one too many a hit from the bong? Got any feelings like that lass? I have a feeling you'd never tell my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Does The Fine Really Align?

You hear it every day, mostly when a chicken at your bay, but other times as well. You'll be fine chimes in saying all will be swell. Do you trust that? Not this cat.

Eat it, you'll be fine.
Right, on you I'd rather dine.
Probably safer too.
But no cannibals at our zoo.

You'll be fine if you jump in.
So drowning isn't a sin?
What if rocks are on the bottom?
Could be bacteria from last autumn.

You'll be fine driving in the snow.
Yep, into a ditch you go.
That is fine too.
A tow truck can help you.

You'll be fine with the operation.
It isn't some 3rd world nation.
Not like they'll leave their cellphone in you.
Hey, you can flush it out in the loo.

You'll be fine if you rob that bank.
Yeah, just go and steal a tank.
Shot the place up.
You'll be as happy as a pup.

You'll be fine walking home.
Even if to a dark alley you roam.
There is nothing in there.
Just take a stun gun and beware.

You'll be fine living there.
Who cares about mold in your hair.
What of the thin walls?
Rats? Bah, they are just in the halls.

You'll be fine going to space.
It is such a nice place.
Might explode or get alien probed,
But you'll be fine once de-robed.

You'll be fine at the job,
Just sit back and work for Bob.
He'll work you to death,
But you'll be fine until your last breath.

You'll be fine reading this post,
I am such a nice host.
Trust the feline.
You will be fine.

Pfffft says the cat, no one really knows that. Chances are you'll be fine, but not always does fine align. Yeah, a cellphone was left inside a woman too. I learned that at the redneck's zoo. You'll be fine now passing gas, just trust in my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

The Give Up Twist Can't Be Missed!

We all know that you shouldn't give up if you want something at your sea. At least in most cases that come to be. If you want to rob a bank, give up, or walk the plank. But then it gets a twist with a flick of the wrist.

Don't give up.
Fills a cup.
Bet it's on the side.
Fills one with pride.

Hang in there.
A cat with hair.
Or would that be kitten?
Humans are smitten.

But what of the twist?
One hoped to be missed.
It comes and goes.
Mostly from foes.

Foes as friends.
Never depends.
Use and peruse.
Lit that fuse.

You can't give up.
Don't be a pup.
You are almost done.
Come with me for fun.

You can't give up.
Don't suffer a hiccup.
We are the mighty few.
Yeah, you too.

You need to buy that.
Find a way where you are at.
You really, really, really need it.
So rob a bank or some shit.

You need to get that done.
Yeah, make those people run.
Don't give up yet.
Use crap from a pet.

Not the right car for you?
Don't give up at your zoo.
Look, there is one over here.
We will find one, have no fear.

Not the right this or that?
We won't chew the fat.
We will find it and take your money.
Don't give up on us, honey.

See how it gets twisted about? Ever notice the don't give up twisted shout? Don't give up writing I will say. But on such idiots, give up any old day. And then run far far away. You'll be better off and keep your pay. Then you could leave them some gas, that works for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Allergic To Me At My Sea?

Allergies are far and wide. Wider still with each turning tide. Seems like everyone is allergic to something these days, even cats and dogs are in the allergy maze.

Allergies are here.
Could be my rhyming rear.
I shake and you sniffle a bit.
Yeah, I really would do it.

Could be dog or cat,
That makes you go splat.
Snot from the nose.
Hives red like a rose.

Could be nuts,
Not the snip snip ones from mutts,
But the cashew type.
With them you could have a gripe.

But that's not all.
There's each and every damn thing at ones hall.
You can be allergic to plastic,
That wouldn't be fantastic.

A nut said to me,
Can't be allergic to that at your sea.
The nut was sure wrong.
But they sing the same old song.

Can't isn't the case,
With the allergy race.
A cow pattie could make you sneeze,
As you suck it in with the breeze.

Could be mold,
That takes hold.
Could be trees,
Or maybe even fleas.

Heck, could be cat nip.
To that we give lip.
Could be big weird long name food addition thingy.
Easier to call them a thingy magiggy.

Hell, one person was even allergic to water,
Or something in it at least, like otter.
All depends on how this or that goes.
Allergic to what? Who knows?

Everything is fair game,
Even if they seem lame.
So the can't can bite me,
And go hang from a tree.

After the can't came up at my sea, figured this had to be given a go by me. Allergies to anything surely suck, but water would be hard to pass the buck. Any allergies at your sea? Idiots out there don't believe thee? At least no one has yet become allergic to my gas. So I can keep passing it out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Experience The Worth Across The Earth!

Experience must have lost its meaning from sea to sea. Either that or it means we don't want to pay thee. Come and do what you will but we aren't going to foot the bill.

Experience wanted.
That is taunted.
Experience needed.
That is seeded.

Experienced times two.
Plainly in view.
Experienced at it.
Come do our shit.

We're experienced too.
Experienced in screwing you.
And not in a fun way.
Sorry, just slave away all day.

We want experienced cheap.
Don't be a creep.
Follow like a sheep.
The rewards we reap.

You know what to do.
Come, join our zoo.
But you'll get paid crappy.
Still, you better be happy.

We are every day.
We get more pay.
Laugh straight to the bank,
Watching our flank.

We're experienced in that.
Watch where we're at.
Don't want to get screwed.
You get that attitude.

Are you experienced at it?
Come, do the shit.
We don't want to do it.
So you can do every bit.

But you have to be in the know.
That is just how it will go.
We don't want to lift a finger,
You can't just sit and linger.

Come and rule the day.
Hey, we will anyway,
Off of your back.
Your experience better not lack.

The cat has just been looking here and there and experience is cried for at every lair. But some pay less than the no experience required guys. Hmm, think there is a booby prize? It's all dirt cheap when dealing with a company creep. Over some you could make more mowing grass. Luckily, I have experience avoiding them with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Take The Fart Over The Heart!


 It's here.
A loveable rear.
One with an arrow.
Flies like a sparrow.

Except has more shit.
Yep, I said it.
That would be Cupid.
Another thing that's stupid.

Hallmark can bite me.
Or go run up a tree.
But this isn't about that.
We'll wait until it's time where we're at.

But why wait?
A date's a date.
That is true.
Why string along you?

Did you say string?
I will take it for a fling.
Maybe not heart strings though.
They can be a foe.

But the heart it is,
With today's biz.
Ignore the heart,
Go with the fart.

A bad review.
Whoopdi doo.
Go with the fart,
Blow it out a certain part.

Poof, it is gone.
Out on the lawn.
Bury or not bury it.
Some dog can take the hit. 

Weigh heavy on a heart?
Shoot it out like a dart.
Whether a hit or miss,
It sure isn't bliss.

So let the fart fly,
Right at some other guy.
Don't take it to heart.
Shoot it out as a fart.

Did you expect that today? Haters stink at any bay. So give them some stink back. Don't take to heart their flack. Just let it loose from your caboose. Could blow it out your ear too. That would take skill from you. So let loose the gas and trust my secure little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

An App For Any Old Chap!

There are so many apps out there that you don't have time to see them all at your lair. Never fear though. the cat will help you out with today's show. You'll want all of these and beg on your knees.

Cuddlr is first.
You may just burst.
Lets you find people around,
So cuddling can be found.

Places I've Pooped.
Have you looped?
As an around and around?
Blah to public loos that surround.

Run Pee!
Is just for thee.
Don't miss anything big.
Shows perfect times in movies to let loose your jig.

Pimple Popper is here.
The redneck will give it a cheer.
With it she can pop pimples all day.
Sure she already has it at her bay.

And there's Paper Racing.
No need for pacing.
See who runs out of tp first.
Whoever does is the worst.

Fake Conversation is ready.
It will call you steady.
A fake phone call for you.
Hey, could get you home to your zoo.

Then you have Hold On.
It's not a con.
You hold onto the button as long as can be.
High score is for hours from thee.

Punch a Hipster is here.
Hipsters may run in fear.
Punch a cartoon Hipster in the face.
You'll get a warm and tingly embrace.

The Death App is easy.
No, it's not cheesy.
It tells you when you will die,
And what of to make relatives cry.

And you can't go wrong,
With iVooDoo coming along.
Can stick pins in the thing.
Maybe up some real voodoo will spring?

And now you can run out and download them all. Don't you want each one at your hall? I bet you'll waste away hours with each one. Damn, aren't apps fun? Maybe I'll make an app come to pass. All it will be is you staring at my wiggling little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Today We Hit A Bump While Going Trump!

The cat has a special guest today. Too bad no one else would come out and play. The cat feels naked with only one paw. He may consider that breaking the law.


 Why am I here?
I've got bankruptcies to file.
You look like something climbed up your rear.
Maybe 911 you should dial.


Are you threatening me?
I knew all Canadians were bad.
Geez, I was just trying to help thee.
A little up tight by a tad?



You Canadians will get a wall just like Mexico.
And you'll pay for that great wall too.
 Can we block out you and Texaco?
If so, I'll help build the wall at my zoo.




You can't keep me out of anywhere.
I'm not bragging, but I'm really, really rich.
 So I shouldn't be giving you free press at my lair?
Damn, isn't that a bitch.



 What is this stuff?
Why are you talking so funny?
Is my rhyming tough?
I guess brightness doesn't go hand in hand with money.



I knew you aren't the right people. 
We need a wall to block Canada more than ever.
Will it have a huge church steeple?
You could see Alaska with such an endeavor.



Our great walls will prove America needs no one.
Except for cheap labor from Bangladesh to create best selling shirts and ties.  
I hear Alaskan women are cold and need some fun.
I'll have to do my duty and go warm them up so no one dies.


And climbing my great wall will give Bill some exercise.
He sure doesn't spend time on the world's best courses, which I own.
Don't think the voters aren't on to you and wise.
When I'm president I will take from all for the common good like an Indian loan.



 That's why we need to kick out the Indians too.
We can't have any more loans going out.
I remember being under sniper fire at the zoo.
Those monkeys sure can throw their poop about.


Do you Canadians even have all your shots?
You and the rest of those bottom feeders can take a hike.
I think I see weapons of mass destruction in those furry spots.
Let's invade Canada now and take what we like.

Well that was a rare visit at my sea. Don't they all just impress thee? Do they have a none of the above section to vote for? Might be better off at your American shore. Then again you could get a really tall wall. That has to impress at your hall. Or you could get one who wants to take and give to the government more. Woweee, that deserves an encore. I guess you never know who will visit the cat to chew the fat. Even the high, who are rather low, class. I'll never admit though if I have weapons of mass destruction up my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.