Friday, June 30, 2017

A Light Show All Aglow!

So those fireworks are about to blast. They scare many of the cast. The mutts run and hide. I think they have no pride. One slips out some pee. Such a weenie he is to me. But us? Meh, why fuss.

They are back.
Flashy lights on the attack.
A loud boom comes due.
Whoopdi friggin doo.

Humans suck.
They'll burn with any luck.
 Maybe just singe a finger.
I do hope it will linger.

It's still here.
A complaining rhyming rear.
Cassie doesn't like that.
Saying I'm a whiny cat.

She stole my spot.
Actually away I did trot.
But still mine when I'm not there.
I don't want to mix cat hair.

Ugg, they are still going.
How long is this showing?
Can't they shoot them off in the day?
 I need my nap before night play.

I'll try this pose.
There she still blows.
Not even covering my ears work.
Stupid firework shooting jerk.

 Quit my whining?
Why don't you go dining?
You are fatter than me.
Go eat a tree.

Now you're lying here?
I have gas in my rear.
Did you hear me?
I'm going to let it free.

Knocked her out.
 There's never a drought.
Always have some gas.
Take that, Cass.

 She may be dead.
I better cover my head.
My gas is lethal stuff.
Finally, the humans have had enough.

That is basically what we do when fireworks come into view. Are you scared of the boom? Do you watch to chase away gloom? Hopefully you don't piddle on the floor like the wiener mutt. That would not go over well at any hut. Now set a fire alarm off and we'll run under the bed. Those things we dread. Fireworks just annoy me and Cass. Especially when I'm a sleepy little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Always One More To The Lore!

The cat has one more rhyme. Is lying a crime? I'm not so sure on that. But it may get you in scat. Not like you believe me anyway. For I rhyme every single day.

Just one more.
One more to the lore.
The lore of one,
Haunts all under the sun.

A haunting we go.
No ghosts though.
Unless that's your thing.
One more you sing.

One more ghost.
So you can boast.
Be a buster.
A remake of lack luster.

One more win.
Do the other in.
Already the best.
One more to be a pest.

One more raise.
Already a millionaire gaze.
But one more I need.
I have a family to feed.

One more kid.
Out the others slid.
What's one more?
Six will cover every chore.

One more wife.
Complicate life.
Divorce on the way,
One more at play.

One more sale.
Already have them by the pail.
But one more is needed.
One more needs to be deeded.

One more cookie.
Can't get umm nookie.
No one wants to give you a lookie,
After that one more never ending cookie.

One more whine,
Then things will align.
After one more whine.
Pffft says the feline.

Always after one more? Some things it works for at your shore. With many it is just greed though, but that you probably know. Or just brain dead nuts in one more ruts. They count too, sadly, with the one more coming due. And now one more rhyme has come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

A Little Talking Comes A Walking!

Wow, the cat didn't know so much was being talked about. Actually I did as humans swim like a trout. But some of this surprises indeed. Did you know such talks were taking seed?

The cat is in talks.
In talks at the docks.
Maybe near some trees.
In talks is a breeze.

I'm in talks to talk.
Talks with a sock.
Socking talking in talks.
My, socks school of hard knocks.

Pat's in talks with me.
I ignore him at my sea.
I just do as I wish.
In talks only when need to fill my dish.

Ninjas are in talks to return.
I guess ninja status they must earn.
In talks to get status.
I hear they do it gratis.

Blue people in talks to turn green.
Wouldn't that be a scene?
I'm sure in talks they'll stay.
They can talk in talks come what may.

Betsy's in talks with Raid.
Something about getting paid.
New warnings need to be had.
In talks about talks at her pad.

Rednecks are in talks with sheep.
They are talking to little Bo Peep.
Yeah, she's another sheep.
I think they skip the talks and just bleep.

Dogs are in talks about walks.
I guess they want to buy stocks.
Stocks in walks in talks.
Dogs sure have heads full of rocks.

Whelmed is in talks.
Wants to forgo the locks.
Under and over get all the credit.
Whelmed is in talks, here you read it.

In talks we are.
In talks on par.
In talks to rhyme.
In talks to leave a chime.

Are you in talks? Even when no talks are taking walks? Walks on talks or in talks or with talks. Bah, throw them all off the docks. Can you be in talks? Is it like jumping in some box? That I can actually get in. Can talks be given such a spin? Am I confusing you with this pass? Feel free to comment and be in talks with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Round Fifty Nine Shall Align!

The search engine nuts come slow and steady. Some sure are at the umm ready. They sure have weird things to say when finding my bay. I guess crazy leads them to me. Or Blue does it at my sea.

Blue balls mystery

See? What did I say? Blue's guys to blame for that foray.

Blue mystery box shoes

Blue has strange fans. Soon they will all be getting blue tans.

parking garage signs

Hint: they say pay or we'll tow you away.

riddle me this riddle me that how many seconds are in a mnoth

Easy as can be. 2 is the answer to thee.

pictures of hamsters having sex

You've found what was in Blue's mystery box shoes. Whoops, you lose.

ugly man titties

A fetish for two. At least in view.

all seeing eye

You'll see it all with ugly man titties on the wall.

Tarsier Man Fan

The bug eyed creep has a fan at our keep.

error error error 503

Times three for 503 for thee.

gentlemen at play

Umm golf putting? Or are you smutting?

weird things to do when mom i gone

Roll on the lawn. Stay up to dawn? Not weird enough? My, this is tough.

my lawn needs mown

You're telling me why? Hope it's only grass that's too high.

woodtick on my ass

Pick it off quick. Germy bastards can be some slick.

my home away from home

Awww, how nice of you. We still won't share at our zoo.

And the winner for this round will truly astound. Not that it is weird or nasty like some other ones. But the search engine nut repeated it tons. Reminds me of a crazy person with 50,000 pics on a wall. If Pat goes missing give 911 a call. For I may have a stalker and they could have stuffed me in a meat locker.


Yep, that was all in one search. Someone has a umm scary obsession at their perch. We think we better get better locks for the door. Or maybe install a GPS chip in Pat at our shore. Don't want any Misery moment coming to pass. That just wouldn't do for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Monday, June 26, 2017

A Wouldn't Day At My Bay!

The cat gets talked to and even uses it once in a while. But some sure use it a mile. I guess it could work for many out there. But I'm just going to pick on wouldn't at my lair.

Wouldn't is here.
I'll tell you why.
Have no fear.
I would not lie.

Wouldn't you say so?
Wait, how does that work?
I want a yes, not a no.
Wouldn't is a jerk.

Wouldn't you come get me.
Well I would have came,
But with a not from thee,
I guess I'm no longer game.

Wouldn't you play?
Don't want me too?
What a mean display.
I'll piss on your shoe.

Wouldn't you do that?
Geez, applying a whole.
You are mean to the cat.
Would you turn into a mole?

Wouldn't you rhyme?
Pffft always will.
Go wouldn't a mime,
And fall down a hill.

Wouldn't you buy?
Okay, I'll save my money.
Now it can pile high,
Isn't that funny?

Wouldn't you drive?
So you can't and don't want me to?
I guess that you strive,
To stay home at your zoo.

Wouldn't you leave me alone?
Okay, I'll stay and talk.
What's with that tone?
Don't give me that gawk.

Would you not speak dumb?
Wouldn't you like that?
Such a contradicting chum.
Would you agree with the cat?

Wouldn't you agree? Would you agree with me? Would you not agree? Wouldn't you like the questions to stop coming from me? Okay, I'll keep them coming. Wouldn't you like drumming? Wouldn't you like humming? Wouldn't you like cumming? Would you have guessed it yet? Would you be following the pet? Human speak wouldn't cause a headache if they just gave their heads a shake. Look, I used it right in mass. I wouldn't mess with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Board The Train Of The Mundane!

The cat just awoke from a nap. I took a lap. I ate some food. I gave Pat some attitude. Now I will go back for a nap. Working too hard is for some other sap.

The mundane it is,
With a cat's biz.
Here and there,
We don't care.

Humans though,
I don't know.
Could be bad,
At an adventure nuts pad.

But we've been there,
We know they'd swear.
Need to jump from a bridge,
Or off some high ridge.

The mundane is tasks,
No need for masks,
Just this and that bliss,
Or a little that and this.

Whelmed is all,
At ones hall.
Mundane things may be,
But beats a crap spree.

Like shit hitting the fan,
Not a fan of that plan.
It usually means cost,
Or something or someone has been lost.

Who needs that?
Keep the dough where we're at.
And stay alive and well,
Ignoring the door bell.

That could be bad,
Have to leave our pad.
Can't have that.
Mundane is where it's at.

No death and despair,
Or pulling out our hair.
We relax at our sea,
With our mundane spree.

Mundane today,
With what I say?
That is the way,
Of today's foray.

Do you loathe the mundane? Want to jump on an adventure train? Pffft to that says the cat. I need another nap where we are at. I may fit you in after it is over. You could always go play with rover. The cat is fine being in the mundane class as it beats being a dead little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

A Flip Flop Quote Drop!

Quotes are always near. That has been done by my rhyming rear. But there are so many near and far. The cat could fill an Earth sized car. Are they really that good though when not in a row?

Doo Friggin Whoopdi
Sorry, no Sister Act love for me.
On pissed than better is off pissed.
Hmmm, I think something got missed.

Fullest life to the live.
Are you trying to give?
Yourself for live.
Leaks like a sieve.

Live let and live.
Almost works so I forgive.
Big Dream. Hard Work.
That one is a both ways perk.

Goes it so.
High or low?
Dream your live.
Needs some give.

Reason a for everything happens.
Say that while rappins.
Lives man every not.
Damn, could make brains rot.

Ass your up sand pound.
That would be tough to move around.
Try to fail never but fail and try.
That may depress some poor guy.

Heart your all with go.
Do I have to row?
Ride the enjoy.
Hmmm gutter playing coy?

Short too life.
May bring strife.
Rope a up piss.
Neither way brings bliss.

You love I.
That may not fly.
Technically not a quote,
But it got a vote.

Luck Good and Night Good.
All's good in your hood.
Ass rhyming little.
That may bring spittle.

Think quotes should only stick to one way? That may be better for you to say. The cat proved they can confuse and may light the wrong fuse. You don't want ride the enjoy happening everywhere. There would be STDs to spare. I'll stick to a whoopdi friggin doo forwards pass. It works better for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Take Your Time With This Rhyme!

The cat is here and is a rhyming rear. I've got time to say that. I am a cat. I sleep and rhyme. I do not mime. I have time for that too. But I chose not to. Nope, not a rhyme about saving time. Already dropped that dime.

No reason or rhyme,
To us saving time.
Or rhyme or reason,
If opposite is treason.

No reason to rush,
Even mutts who mush.
For who needs that?
It's so full of scat.

So take your time.
It's never a crime.
You saw this post.
Take your time at my coast.

3 years later you comment.
Damn, took your time to make a dent.
But you took your time.
May have even sucked a lime.

A heart attack is coming due.
Called 911 at your zoo.
The ambulance just takes its time.
Damn, you are dead in your prime.

A work report is due.
Take your time to do and view.
3 months later you hand it in.
Fired you are for your time win.

Take your time paying bills.
They don't bring any thrills.
Whoops, no phone, water or power.
But taking your time with each passing hour.

Take your time grocery shopping.
Who needs grocery store hopping?
When from hunger the bodies start dropping,
Up your time you are still mopping.

Time sure is taken,
Whether or not your butt is shakin.
Taken far far away from and because of you,
As procrastination, firings and even death shines through.

So take your time.
It's so sublime.
Your time is the best.
Pass the taking it test.

Wow, the "your" time really shines through. When did taking your time become an excuse for lazy asses at each zoo? One thing to take your time and get it right, another to use it to put something off until the 100th night. Then wonder why all the bad came to you as you give a boo hoo. You only took your time after all. Pfffft is all you'll get from me at my hall. Do you take your time in such a pass? Better not tell my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A Little Attitude To The Platitude!

The cat rolls his eyes a bunch. So many are just out to lunch. I guess such things are ingrained in their brain. Easier than to think and cause pain.

Today there's a post from me.
It was meant to be.
Then why did I write it?
I think you mean you're full of shit.

Don't worry though.
Time heals all wounds, you know.
Like that missing arm.
Err ummm, hey it adds charm.

Good things come to those who wait.
Waiting, waiting, damn, I'll be dead at this rate.
Good things are such a liar.
I hope they catch fire.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
I love to give this one some insults.
Am I insane for practicing and getting better at something?
Or do you want us all to be dumb and unable with your insane ring?

Everything happens for a reason.
Just like the changing of the season.
Like death, disease and Wal-Mart.
You never know what's in that cart.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
Yeah, and it will also make every body part longer.
And I'm really a rhyming mutt,
That can actually talk out my butt.

Hard work pays off.
Ha! To that I scoff.
Maybe pays off those above,
Out the door you just get a shove.

Live each moment like it's your last.
Hmmm that would be a blast.
Dying every moment of every day.
Who doesn't want to live that way?

What goes around comes around.
So life is like a merry-go-round?
Where is the quarter slot?
I want to believe....not!

And now we're done.
Wasn't this fun?
It was just a meant to be trend,
Because everything works out in the end.

Umm in the end you croak? Is that really a good working poke? Pfffffffffffffft to all these platitudes. Just lots of nonsense from human dudes. Like saying my gas will cause miracles to befall on you. Just wait there for 1000 years at your zoo. Now the cat is through with his sass and bursting platitude bubbles with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Today We Yell And Tell!

The cat meows at the air. I think that is known at our lair. We meow and run. It just seems like fun. But you humans yell at things and it kinda makes you look like dingalings.

The system is corrupt.
I'm going to erupt.
Yell and scream along.
The system is so wrong.

Guess what screamer?
You're quite the dreamer.
I mean to think a system can hear you,
Now that is imagination through and through.

What a dumb computer you are.
I want to hit you with my car.
Why are you so slow?
I really want to know.

Sorry, HAL won't come out to play.
You're computer doesn't care what you say.
But keep on yelling.
I'm sure that will inspire telling.

Work, you stupid thing.
My arms I fling.
My voice I raise.
Don't you see my evil gaze?

No ears or eyes.
Boy, you aren't wise.
Machines aren't that quick.
Maybe they need a kick?

Why are you making me lose?
This isn't new news.
But you are a shitty site.
Took all my money tonight.

It took what you gave?
Wow, quite the rant and rave.
But keep up your rambling,
Blame the site for your gambling.

Why, why me.
Why, oh why on a spree.
Why, oh why oh why.
I just want to die.

Talking to air?
Damn, that's rare.
A bit of an exaggeration we think.
If not, go see a shrink.

Should I go on? Some may even yell at the lawn. The damn thing won't grow. Oh no! Let's yell at the grass. Now that has such class. I think I will pass and just eat it with Cass. Do you yell over passed gas? You humans sure are more noisy than my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Phone Home With A Roam!

The cat will give you a look and you'll know at my nook. Whether I want food or brushing, you better start gushing. Think I am hard? Look at the signals from your own yard.

Here we go,
To and fro.
Fro and to.
Can be true.

Shirt is on.
Shirt if off.
Out at dawn.
Give a fake cough.

All hangs out.
All tightly fit.
A nice smell about,
Or the smell of shit.

A nicely mowed lawn.
Grass up to your ass.
Proving your brawn,
Giving some sass.

A simple Hello.
A simple eye roll.
Staying mellow.
A smile and stroll.

A new dress.
A new suit.
More before less,
The horn gets a toot.

Holding hands.
Getting drunk.
Singing to bands,
Cleaning your trunk.

Playing games.
Running home.
Shouting names,
Carrying a comb.

A simple nod.
A simple look.
Fishing for cod,
Out on a brook.

Right or wrong.
To or fro.
A whole new song,
High and low.

What do they all have in common today? Each and every one on display. All signals from you. You signal others in everything you do. Even if it's just a sneeze or a walk out in the breeze. Some signal always comes to be. Now don't you think it is easier to decipher those of me? Feed or scoop my crap. Easy peasy as I take a nap. And your signals can mean many things in mass. Far too much work to decipher for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, June 19, 2017

A Profanity Day Times Three At Our Bay!

That granny is back. Sure sure doesn't lack. If you are easily offended you may want to avert your eyes. Look to the skies. But I doubt any who come here get offended, as you know nothing is amended. So times three with Profanity Granny comes to be.

Profanity Granny is back.
This is her third attack. 
She has done a lot.
Not always hot to trot.

But debacles can be fun.
Especially when hers are done.
So to give many a peer.

Profanity Granny goes out.
She may give many a shout.
Or make many shout.
Some heathens may even pout. 

But a lot comes due.
A lot out there to view.
People may run in fear.

Profanity Granny wants all in shape.
Maybe the shape of a grape?
We aren't sure with her tips.
But you won't be doing back flips.  

Instead you'll learn each trick.
Makes exercising some slick.
To get your rump not into gear,

And there you go. Another three books have been released at our show. Profanity Granny may scare some away, but many asked for a repeat display. So we pulled out three more. She sure doesn't bore. Can you relate to the Profanity Granny lass? She may scare my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Up We Go at Our Show!

Are things looking up today? Are you in an up mood at your bay? Does that last one even make sense? Don't they all sound rather dense? Just listen to human speak. You are all up the crazy creek.

Time for up.
Up from a cup.
A pup is up.
Answer yup?

Forget the up.
It has a hiccup.
Yep, it will.
Up can't thrill.

Oh don't stutter.
Forget the gutter.
No poppy cock play,
Today at my bay.

But if it's stuck,
And you can't fluck,
You may want one.
Not sure it can be done.

Follow me?
Yup from thee?
Or more of a yep?
Which has more pep?

To for up to fade.
We need a trade.
Sorta like that.
Upgrade the cat.

Meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow.
Hiss, hiss, hiss.
Hiss, hiss, hiss.

Yeah, that would bore.
What a chore.
Copy and paste.
What a waste.

Downgrade from an upgrade?
Is that a fair trade?
I say hell no.
That upgrade sure did blow.

Bugs and fixes needed.
A meow and hiss all that's seeded.
I think I'll stick to just making the grade.
Or watching Betsy spray her tongue with Raid.

That last one makes a numb tongue. Maybe even a numb lung. That sure isn't an upgrade. So avoid Raid. Don't you love upgrades? Put on those shades. Block out all the crap that comes due. Upgrades have bugs up the wazoo. Do you upgrade fast? Is you iphone 6.6.6 changed to 6.6.7 at last? If meowing and hissing were all that came to pass, I'd be one boring upgraded little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Bigger Is Grand Across The Land!

Look at the big things you humans do. My, there are quite a few. Big boats and big buildings are had. Even big theme parks you add. But is bigger better or worse? It could just be a curse.

A grand hotel.
Ring the bell.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
May as well get stood up dating.

A small hotel.
Ring the bell.
How may I help you?
Wow, no lines in view.

A giant theme park.
It sure has bark.
Let's buy some tickets.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, do I hear crickets?

A small theme park.
Can still light up the dark.
Got the tickets and ready to play.
Home with no fuss at the end of the day.

A giant office.
Shake the dust off us.
Who's us though?
So many, damned if I know.

A small office.
Can't get people off us.
Everyone knows you.
Could annoy a few.

A giant office.
No dust on us.
Can move within.
Promotions aren't a sin.

A small office.
Dust on us.
Stuck in one place.
Could forever be the case.

A giant theme park.
Sure leaves its mark.
Big rides and more places for fun.
Something for everyone.

A small theme park.
May not have bark.
Not as much to do.
Could be home by two.

A giant hotel.
Ring the bell.
Waiting, waiting, waiting...found.
Cheaper rates, but may not astound.

A small hotel.
A small room to dwell.
Not many added perks.
Can't afford the works.

A flip flop view. Which is better to you? Bigger or smaller? Shorter or taller? Did your mind just go to the gutter? There is no need to stutter. Buildings and such are on what we touch. The cat is snip snip you know. Are big hotels a foe? The cat gets annoyed by a huge human mass. I'll stay home with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Pick A Team Or Live Stream!

The cat touched on this before but it extends to many a shore. Not just sports on the go as people cheer to and fro. Yeah, they yell at a TV. Like anyone can hear thee?

Can't stay whelmed.
Your team is helmed.
Your team? Riiiight!
Been down that stair flight.

Now it's new.
It's all about you.
Or should I say we?
Beats the heck out of me.

We aren't doing so good.
Common in many a hood.
But when out slips the "we,"
What is being done by thee?

Eating and watching TV?
My, that includes we.
Looking at your phone on the pot?
Damn, that may be germy by a lot.

Watching on Youtube?
Your we is such a boob.
No, not an x-rated one.
Although there is a we in that run.

Unless you go more.
Like we as a gender encore.
The male is just bad,
So the we gets mad.

When really you watched it.
Could be some scary shit.
Even if it gave you a thrill,
No other we fit the bill.

More than sports.
Sports and courts.
Told you so.
Now onward we go.

My guys are winning.
That isn't sinning.
Look at them play.
They hit a,b,b,b,a.

Fast on the button.
Sure not a glutton.
We watched the video game.
Wow, we is just lame.

Are you a we? Better not tell me. We three may make fun. More than whelmed with your we run. More like weeeeeeee as you cheer with glee. Acting like you did something for the lose or win. Hey, I think you got mustard on your chin. That can be good luck, right? Pfffft you know what I think of luck at my site. Now I am done making fun of the human mass. At least until the next observation from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Purr Empire Part...What From This Nut?

Did you think the cat was going to type it all out here? That is just too much work for my rhyming rear. What was that? I just have to copy Blue and copy and paste what was written from Pat? Damn, I am busted at my sea. I just went and hooked thee. Now to find out where it goes you'll have to look to another book added to my rows.

Cassie, Orlin and their crazy human Pat are once again up to their eyeballs in scat. In the fifth go around, walking, talking animals are found. Duke Drazin does not think much of any of it. He's also back to throw a fit. Who's fault is it this time? Why are humans no longer in their prime? All that and answers you never want to know surely will show.

So join the crew as they become human stew. Hey, at least two. The cats are too smart to have that come due. They deal with animals of every kind. Pat loses his mind. Even some sort of superhero and mysterious island comes into play. So come and find out if the crew can survive another very long and strange day.

That makes another tale that has been spun. The work of the cat is never done. Oh yeah, we'll give Pat a little credit for it. But only if it's not a hit. Then he can have the credit all to himself. It now sits on our shelf. Think you know where it will go? My brain is strange, you know. A rhyming cat, a god, crazy Pat and prissy Cass. Never know what will flow from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Start To A Fart?

Don't worry there is no passing gas. That we'll save for the end with my little rhyming ass. For now we will get started fast. I want to make this post a thing of the past.

Away we go.
To where, don't know.
Maybe don't care.
No time to spare.

I'm creating a post.
A post at my coast.
It will be created,
Leaving all elated.

I'll get 50,000 hits.
May give some the shits.
It will be that grand.
I'll receive a hand.

I'll need to bow.
It will wow.
More than whelmed,
Will be helmed.

Even bad grammar,
Won't make any stammer.
I'll be a worldwide hit.
People will throw a fit.

It will lead to much.
Books, movies and such.
I'll be ever so rich.
A butler will scratch every itch.

Or make that a maid.
It's a better trade.
I think I can trust her,
With that feather duster.

I'll be sung about.
People see me and shout.
They'll rant and rave,
Gold paths I'll pave.

Even when I'm dead,
I'll be forever read.
All from this post,
Here at my coast.

My first post ever.
It will be such an endeavor.
Nothing else will compare.
To start, do I dare?

Sadly, some believe that all it takes is one post, one book or whatever to bring about such an endeavor. Are you ones of those? Care to buy my bridge that's shaped like a rose? It will help you when the world bows to you. Trust me, it's true. The key is to start and keep at it. Not going to start with a #1 hit. May never come due. Sorry to disappoint you. Now feel free to smell the gas that just came out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

A Breakthrough Comes Due!

The cat is breaking on through. Nah, no break at my zoo. No break being through. But a breakthrough in view. Catch on yet? You will I bet.

I've broken through.
Through to you.
Aren't you happy?
What? You're sappy?

Confused and abused?
Hey, I'm amused.
That's no breakthrough.
That you knew.

Look, there's a cloud.
Oops, the sun is too proud.
It broke on through.
A true breakthrough in view.

But the internet?
Yeah, great you can bet.
Brought everyone closer together.
Can even yap about the weather.

But was it a breakthrough?
Yes just came from you.
I saw you nodding your head.
Did you hear what I said?

Was it a breakthrough?
Still yes from you?
Then tell me please,
Did it break through the breeze?

What did it break through?
A wall at the zoo?
A wall made of brick?
Something rather umm sick?

The sun broke through.
Or is that true?
It shined on through.
Maybe it's rays in view?

But the internet broke through?
Did it break you?
Are you now agreeing just to agree?
Damn, the internet has corrupted thee.

It's got you under its thumb.
Hmm but it doesn't have a thumb or bum.
Can a non existent entity break through anything?
I wonder how it ever has a fling.

Actually I shouldn't wonder that. I may get lots of brain scat. The scary things are on it. But was it a break through hit? Or was it just a hit? Damn, this is some confusing shit. The cat just had to shine the light. Like a flashlight breaking through the night. Can it break through a dark non physical mass? This all just amuses my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, June 12, 2017

A Day Out, What's That About?

The cat was lying about when the dogs went out. I mean they went out far. They even had to go in a car. Why the heck would they want that? Sure beats this cat.

There they go.
 Pfft fine by me.
They are my foe.
On them I'd like to pee.

Bat dog in the car.
 That seems fun.
Who wants to go far?
I'll stay home and run.

Two for one.
Drooling all the way.
 Hot in the sun.
AC where I lay.

And one in the back,
Sure had to go.
 If bags you lack,
May be landmines in a row.

Run through sand.
Who wants to play there?
For if you dig into the land,
You'll fine droppings to spare.

Now onto the grass.
 Not so much greener.
Looks like on it someone rubbed their ass.
My bed is far cleaner.

Look! It's green.
Rain made it clean.
A germy ball on screen.
At least chasing it keeps her lean.

Back to the sniff.
A two for one.
Get double the whiff?
The big one is done.

And then finding a good spot.
After you've sniffed a lot.
Roll in it like a comfy cot.
Yep, going out for me isn't sought.

They are nuts.
 I'll stay up here.
Crazy old mutts.
Hey, at least their nose isn't up my rear.

Ready to go roll around in a field? To that I think humans will yield. Unless they are rolling for umm fun. Then they may roll before done. Could get arrested too, if the coppers see you. Watch out for dog crap and what's beneath the giant litter box sand trap. Who'd want that rotten grass? I prefer green stuff for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

A Travel Plan For A Winter Fan!

Betsy and Optimistic long name may like this one. They enjoy the snow a ton. The cat just shakes his head at that. I'll take a white stuff free doormat.

Come with me.
Let's go today.
Travel by sea,
I mean plane, okay?

2 flights a week.
In and out you go.
If it's cold you seek,
The wind shall blow.

Ittoqqortoormiit is your spot.
A head scratcher for me.
That twists the tongue a lot.
Can it be said by thee?

You can sleep in a cave.
A cave that is icy.
Then come home and rant and rave.
Bah, I doubt it's too pricey.

Even a local bar.
The hospital is next door.
So they'll leave the door ajar,
So you trip when you explore.

Trip on a trip.
Now that is a head turner.
Ittoqqortoormiit makes you slip.
Are you a slow learner?

Better be fast.
A bear may come by.
Or a Santa reindeer cast.
You can even hunt them sans jolly old fat guy.

Deserted villages can be seen.
That may be a thrill.
For they will be all clean.
No dirt that's run of the mill.

Take dog sleds to get around.
Mutts everywhere and barking.
That would be an awful sound,
Plus each tree they'll be marking.

So get on a plane.
Go where there's ice.
If you can say Ittoqqortoormiit and stay sane,
Maybe they'll lower the price.

Are you ready to hop a plane now? Snow sure can wow. Maybe just ice. Not sure on the price. But too cold for lice. Isn't that nice? Ittoqqortoormiit is just a long flight away. But in icy caves you can play. Now I will pass the gas that trying to say Ittoqqortoormiit gave my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Isn't It Grand To Get A Hand?

The cat is getting handsy today. Don't go calling the SPCA. Or any other acronym thing. They don't need you to give their toll free number a ring. They'll just hand you off anyway. Okay, time for hands on play.

Who types and stands?
Give me a show of hands.
I can't see to teach.
You're out of hands reach.

I've got a hot hand now.
My win will really wow.
I lost by my own hand.
But I still took a dump in the sand.

Could use an extra pair of hands.
An octopus from far away lands.
Then I'd be ever so rare,
Going hand in hand at my lair.

Handsy with myself?
Could impress a pervert elf.
Just go hand over hand.
Hey, I never said go near a certain gland.

Wander hands may enjoy it though.
Where they wander I don't know.
Taking matters into ones own hands.
May want to be beneath the stands.

My left hand doesn't know what the right is doing.
Even if I'm out canoeing?
Why would I be hands on with that?
Canoeing doesn't equal fun for the cat.

Is one hand tied behind your back?
Kinky there at your shack.
Better than sitting on your hands.
That sure wouldn't work for bands.

The Hand Sitters.
Bet they'd be spitters.
If the band spits on you.
Hand to hand combat may come due.

I bet you'd get the upper hand.
Just make sure it is planned.
Or you may have your ass handed to you.
Now that truly would be ewww.

Looking for a hand out?
Go talk to the trout.
I am waited on hand and foot.
So I'll just hand you the bill and stay put.

Did you give me a hand? There are a few ways that can land. I have to hand it to you. You got hands on at my zoo. If a comment was handy. Otherwise you may have gotten mad there was no candy. I never said I'd hand anything out. What is handing an ass about? Do they rip off the buns and hand it over? Damn, that shouldn't even be done to rover. Did things get out of hand? Are you confused in your land? I think I'll hand it off to Cass. She can change hands with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Time To Get To It With This Hit!

Are you ready to get on it? On it where you sit? On what? Beats my at my hut. You can figure that one out or maybe ask a singing trout. They may get you some news or they may just sing you the blues.

Get on that.
I want that stat.
I want it added.
Ego needs to be padded.

I hit 1000 now.
Doesn't that wow?
1000 what you ask?
Pffft who cares about the task.

I have it is all.
I can stand tall.
But I need to get that.
Don't chew the fat.

Yeah, I got 1000 before.
Who cares at my shore.
I already have it.
I'm whelmed on that shit.

I want to get it.
Get a new hit.
I want to get it today.
I will get it come what may.

I got that new truck.
Damn, it costs many a buck.
But I got it all shiny new.
Don't you just love its view?

I need to get that.
I can't fall flat.
I need to get it soon.
It will look good under the moon.

Yeah, I got the truck.
But who gives a fluck.
I'm whelmed on it.
Already had it for a bit.

I got that new home.
It even has a garden gnome.
Doesn't it look ever so great?
Don't I have the best fate?

I have to get that thing.
For my supper I'll have to sing.
But I'll have it one day.
Yeah, I got the house, let's play.

Are you one of those? Where the getting surely flows. Then we you have you no longer care. You go back to the getting at your lair. I guess getting something can have more effort involved. Things may need to be solved. But is having so bad? Enough questions to drive one mad. I may consult the singing wall bass. He sings for his supper, or becomes it, to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Purr Empire Part Five As All Take A Dive!

     We had nowhere to go. The giant litter box had many a foe. Thanks to Blue Guy finally spotting his shoe we no longer had a shield in view. So we all did what anyone would. We jumped into the ocean and sunk into its scary hood. Cassie sure was not happy with getting wet but it beat another Tig Leader singing set.
     "Under the sea is the place to be. There can be only..." Pat starred at us and waited for us to fuss. "Four. There can be only four."
     We followed Pat's lead and found no drowning took seed. We could all breathe and talk under water for some reason. Before we could take it in some crab said that we committed treason. Thankfully he did not sing and was fat and blue. Him and Blue Guy must be related and from some weird alien zoo.
     "Drazin has no time for this. Drazin will make you dinner."
     "Avast ye land lubber, tell us why we can talk or walk the plank, scallywag."
     We rolled our eyes at Pat as he said that. He really makes no sense no matter where we end up at.
     "This is the sea of not. You will find it is where you will rot."
     "All for boiling the crab?" Drazin got no refusal from any of us. The crab then started to fuss.
     "Here in the sea of not, you must further the plot. If not you'll rot. I can tell you are the latter lot." The crab laughed and then faded away. I think I prefer Blue Guy's shoe foray.
     "I hate water levels. Always hated water levels." Pat mumbled about water levels in video games, repeating his hate for them claims.
     "At least I'm not wet. Maybe this ocean is fake?" Cassie tried to make sense of it while Pat continued his fit.
     "Drazin would guess that too, fleabag. The sea of not is a dead giveaway."
     "Adjust thy eyes, demon. We are in water. The liquid of life."
     "Drazin really wants to smack your stupid human."
     "Do it and I make a godly mook bleed."
     "Can't we all get along? Let's sing the cheery under the sea song."
     "Hell no!" They all shouted at me. I was just trying to give everyone glee.
     "Thy feline has a point. This is a rhyming joint." Pat squinted and saw a tiny light as he rhymed. It was if the water was being mimed.
     "Drazin refuses to rhyme anymore."
     "Fine, stay stuck here. Won't bother my rhyming rear." I saw the same light as Pat and we were going to squash this fake sea flat. But then came the annoying part as out came a new foe like a fart. He just passed on in and blabbed how we could not win.
     "You won't break it through. Nothing any human can due. Maybe just a few. But they were smarter than you."
     "For a ninja and a mime, he really doesn't get the whole aspect of silence, does he?" Pat tilted his head finding Mime Ninja confusing, as he stared at the nut thinking it was all rather amusing.
     "And is he a chameleon? Who is the dumb one here?" Cassie rolled her eyes and slashed the nut. His eyes bugged out as he stared at his cut.
     "You made me bleed. That is not a nice deed. I shall drown you first, cat. Take that." Mime Ninja made his finger swirl and Cassie began to twirl. The water around her became real and she was getting wet, hating the whole ordeal.
     "No worry at all. Just follow the bouncing ball." I began to rhyme and Cassie noticed I was stopping the Mime Ninja's crime. She held her breath the best she could while I sped it up in this fake water hood. "Under the fake sea. That is where life is free. No buzzing of a bee. No swimming in fish pee. Just so much fun under the fake sea. A Mime Ninja on a talking spree. A blue crab that's fat as can be. Drazin, Pat, Cassie and little old me. Here we swim all day in this fake kind of bay. Or is it an ocean? Bah, has the same motion. Are you following me? It's all good under the fake sea. And for all of that, here's a present from the cat. I promise this one isn't fake, so feel free to partake. It's just for you. May blind your view. But totally from me under the great fake sea."
     "That is disgusting." Drazin curled up his nose as I let pee rip from me like a hose.
     "How can this be? I'm cut and covered in pee. She is free. This can't be under the fake sea." Mime Ninja tried to wave the cloud of pee from his eyes, proving again he was not so wise. For I think he got some in his yap as he spoke. That is so nasty that Pat began to choke.
     "What do you say we leave this fake sea? I'm all wet and need a grooming to come to be."
     "I'm with Cassie. She's more classy. She didn't pee in a Mime's mouth. I guess that's what happens when your brain heads south." Pat looked away and we all glared at Drazin waiting for him to have his say.
     "Fine. Drazin will play. Let's get Drazin out of this stupid fish bait bay."
     After Drazin finished his lame rhyme, poof went the mime. He burst to little bits of shiny stuff. At least this ninja we did not have to see in the buff. The fake ocean parted in front of us as well. We found it rather swell. It was like we were in some underwater motel place, surrounded by the fake ocean's embrace.
     "More walking. Why does it always have to be more walking?" Pat grumbled as we walked on the fake ocean floor, going the opposite way from the singing animal filled shore. We went a few miles, all of us turning up the whiny dials. At least I whined in rhyme. That makes it a much better time.
     "Drazin would say Drazin is seeing things, but nothing surprises Drazin when Drazin is with you fleabags."
     "Says the godly mook who lives on Plumtoad. Please."
     We all stared at the cow dressed in a doctor's scrubs. He was doing experiments on tiny little grubs. They could actually speak too. But only little squeaks were heard by our crew. Pat turned away as the cow ate a bunch of different ingredients and stuff. He then gave a huff and a puff. He spit them all back up in pill form. To Dr. Regurgitation that was the norm.
     "Is he done? Please say he's done."
     "Drazin thinks your crazy human needs to work on that grossed out thing." Drazin laughed and made noise like he does and soon the whole area was all abuzz.
     "Good going, godly mook." Cassie bent down, ready to strike. This buzzing noise we did not like.
     "Welcome, new patients. I will be your doctor for your stay with us. We will get you well. No longer will you see things that aren't there. I promise."
     "The only one that needs therapy is their crazy human. Leave Drazin out of this."
     "That eye glowing is part of a severe condition, my friend. But we'll fix you up."
     Cassie and I snickered at Drazin as he made his eyes stop glowing. That is when we saw a new showing. Dr. Regurgitation took a pill of his own making and he turned into a human that was breath taking. If one is into models and such. This cat does not care very much.
     "I see you are confused. Your minds are becoming clearer just by being here and now you see the true me. Your surroundings are all an illusion. You never left your apartment."
     "Oh screw this. I'm so not going down the whole the world is fake but real road. That has been done to death. Every long running show does it. Screw that." Pat got over his disgust for Dr. Regurgitation and marched up to him with no hesitation. He grabbed him by the throat and stuffed enough pills down it to fill a boat.
     "Your crazy human has his uses, fleabags." Drazin was clearly impressed after that he confessed.
     "Wow. You don't see that every day." Cassie smiled as Pat jumped back. New form Dr. Regurgitation sure did not lack.
     The buzzing stopped as Dr. Regurgitation turned into every animal in the book. Some of his forms we have never even gave a look. He grabbed his throat and tried to hurl them up as he turned into a pup. But that was his final form. The area now looked like a first year dorm. Dr. Regurgitation blew up and sent splatter everywhere. Pat had it on him from his shoes to his hair. We were ready for him to faint on us. Instead one of his voices began to fuss.
     "This is the way of war. The scars we make and the gunk we sour..."
     "Enough. Drazin can't take much more." Drazin flicked a few pieces of Dr. Regurgitation splatter of his arm and he was ready to cause harm. I think he got mad that Pat had all the fun. If you can call fun getting guts on you by the ton.
     "Pat, keep talking. Maybe you won't notice until we find real water." Cassie walked on by as he had turned into quite the blabbering guy.
     Cassie and I remained gut free while Pat and Drazin followed us across the fake sea. Then we came to a glowing white light. It was quite the sight. You would go blind if you looked at it too long. That is all kinds of wrong.
     "Pat! Don't!" Cassie tried to stop Pat but he was still a yapping dingbat. That splatter really made him lose his mind. He walked into the light yapping about war's grind.
     "Drazin takes back what Drazin said about your crazy human."
     "Let's go. What's on the other side we now have to know."
     "Fleabags. Why does Drazin follow fleabags."
     Cassie and I jumped on in and Drazin also took the bright light for a spin. We all doubted it meant death after a fake ocean that does not leave you out of breath. But there was probably a foe on the other side and, thanks to Pat, we had to take the ride.


Breathing under water sure is grand. Don't you wish you can do that like on land? But then going down too far would crush you. Hey, could weed out the dumb humans at each zoo. I guess we shall see what is in the white light. I hope it is not a fright. Maybe it's a door that will give us a home hall pass? Probably just wishful thinking from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Watered Down Without A Frown!

Watered down?
That makes you frown?
I did say without.
What's the frown about?

Think I'd water it down?
Stop you from entering confusion town?
Pfffft don't worry about that.
I'm still a confusing cat.

I can amuse.
So I confuse,
As you peruse,
But that's not news.

Not insecure here?
That is clear.
But that you knew.
Damn, stop it, you.

Now I have to think.
Wait, I need a drink.
Ahh, I got something new.
New to you.

We interrupt this post to bring you breaking news.
Be sure to send away to give all clues.
Click Here for a peer.
Helping all far and near

You can send even if you're a mime.
Now back to our regularly scheduled rhyme.

Water and summer.
Sure not a bummer.
Beats the heat.
Cools the feet.

But is that all?
Do you stall?
Nothing but a feet cooler?
Should I get a ruler?

Oh, you went in.
Is it a win?
Wait, just the kiddie end?
Is shallow your friend?

Wading with the kiddie pee.
Wow, what a way to be.
No wonder insecurities are around.
Urine in the pool is found.

Now you're in the deep end.
You bucked the insecure trend.
And even if you sink.
You never know what's at the bottom of the drink. 

You could find new treasure at the bottom. Then get a hit come autumn. Or something else could come due. So go down in the water isn't always bad for you. Of course if you literally go down that may make you frown. Would suck to be dead. So don't take literally what I said. Look at those wise words that came to pass. Damn, I even surprised my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Rugrat Ville Fits The Bill!

The cat sees you humans all the time. A rugrat gives an embarrassing chime. You then let them off without even a simple scoff. Of course they have very little filter in their mind but why keep it at one of a kind?

The hair puller is here.
They are something to fear.
We just run away.
Not joining that fray.

They say something bad.
At least a tad.
They get away with it.
Would you look at that shit.

No second thoughts.
They say things lots.
Each time getting away with their wonder,
Even when you get an embarrassing blunder.

That amuses the cat.
I can sit and watch that.
No ill will is even had.
None end up sad.

Just smile and away they go.
The rugrats rule the show.
Or maybe that is you.
You shrug off what comes due.

Isn't that a perk?
A perk that could work.
Logic says it is so.
No need for a foe.

Critics hate you.
Hate what came due.
There are always some,
Who like to talk out their bum.

Treat them the same.
They are far more lame,
But shrug off their claim.
Childish fools all the same.

What they say is wild.
Ignore the big child.
What they say is simple?
Treat them like a pimple.

Each time it's the same,
You shrug off their claim.
The rugrat conundrum wins out.
You no longer care what they shout.

Think that would work? Could be a new perk. Treat it like what your kid spilled to the grocery clerk. Just smile and ignore a critical jerk. Good feedback is fine indeed. But with nasty people follow your own lead. Don't let it bother you. They are just childish too. Hopefully no one has to change a diaper on them though. That would be nastier than a hair puller foe. So leave them in their own little "can't bother me" class. Much like the rugrats that try and pull the hair on my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Monday, June 5, 2017

The Looky Lou Within You!

Are you a looky lou? Do you stop at accidents and gawk up the view? That is rather sad but we aren't going there at our pad. Nope, there is another looky lou. They are about as productive as what gets flushed at their zoo.

I'm ready for new.
I'm ready for change.
My words ring true.
They sure have range.

I bought this cookbook.
It has healthy recipes galore.
I gave it a good long look,
Now McDonald's is in store.

I signed up for a class.
Something I always wanted to learn.
But I stayed home on my ass,
Damn, there is no refunds or return.

I started a new hobby.
I bought what is needed.
I left it in a hotel lobby.
At least the thought was seeded.

I thought up a name.
I know the site address.
But I have nothing to claim.
Who needs a blog mess?

I applied for a job.
It sure sounds grand.
But I remained a snob,
Didn't even go shake a hand.

I booked a trip.
I'll go across the world.
By plane, train and ship.
Whoops, home I stayed curled.

I have a million dollar idea for a book.
I know it will be so great.
My blank pages are so worth a look.
A million bucks is my fate.

I've got myself a date.
Haven't had one in a while.
This one may be fate.
I'll stay in as dating isn't my style.

I'm ready for new.
I'm ready for change.
My words lie to you,
But don't think me strange.

Are you a looky lou like that? If so, you get a head shake from the cat. Wasting money and sitting on your bum. Now there is something to do and then some. The looky lou at least exercises their eyes I suppose. That may help, who knows. I'll stick with doing and providing sass. It's much more productive to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

A Little Prevention Gets A Mention!

I prevent myself from missing a post as I stay ahead at my coast. See how easy that is? Way to go with the prevention biz. I guess I'll see where this goes, but I won't prevent myself from stepping on toes. Or chewing a few. Yeah, I do that too.

A little prevention,
Deserves a mention.
It needs some attention.
Attention to prevention.

A helmet on the head,
Makes you not dead.
Unless whacked in another part.
Like the dear old heart.

Playing it straight,
Prevents a jail fate.
Unless straight in bad,
Then the slammer may be had.

A posture correct,
Helps you stay erect.
Unless stabbed in the back,
May give erect some flack.

A little walk each day,
Prevents a bad body on display.
Unless you eat piles of crap.
Then you may as well just take a nap.

A little look around,
Prevents a bad cat or hound.
Unless you look to late,
Then smashed things may be your fate.

A few words a day,
Prevents no writing on display.
Unless all you do is say,
Then none will come your way.

A stop at a sign,
Prevents a jail time align.
Unless another doesn't stop,
Then you'll still need a cop.

A refraining from buying,
Prevents the need for lying.
Unless the bills are the liar,
Then set them on fire.

A lot of prevention,
Need not a mention.
Odds are at attention,
With a little prevention.

Do you do the prevention? Or are you more of a risk the detention? Or maybe risk death when you could have prevented your last breath. The latter may be dumb to do if a little prevention will see you through. A lot of prevention is rather restricting though. Can't always prevent what you don't know. But odds are most of what you do won't happen to you. As long as a little prevention comes to pass. Just don't try to prevent the rhyming of my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

It's A Race So Keep A Steady Pace!

The cat likes to run here and there and you humans sure do it without a care. There is also the rat race too. But we've been there done that at our zoo. A new race is had. Can you keep up at your pad?

Ready, start, go!
Get your ducks in a row.
Hey, some may own ducks.
Cheaper than trucks.

Oh yeah, the race.
Born with a scrunchy face.
Elmer Fudd you resemble.
At least there's no disassemble.

Now you must speak.
Speak fast at your creek.
You must also walk and talk.
Or maybe talk and walk.

Now you must learn quick.
Everything is your pick.
Learn it all and get ahead.
Don't just lie there in bed.

Now you must choose a school.
Those big names sure rule.
Now you must get in and out.
Hmm not talking twist and shout.

That comes very soon.
First a job that shoots for the moon.
Work your way up from day one.
Kiss ass and brown nose a ton.

Now it's the twist and shout.
Let everything hang out.
Get married and have kids.
No time to take bids.

Now raise them really fast.
Back we go to the past.
Elmer Fudd needs to talk right away.
Get on that at your bay.

Walk and talk,
Learn and gawk.
Been there, done that.
Repeat, repeat, repeat each stat.

Now just die.
Wave goodbye.
The race is done.
Wait, you never won?

Pfffft a race is when you run and there is a winner. Not like some The Game Of Life spinner. Get everything that everyone else does. Just much much faster just because. That will prop you up and you'll win. Win what when you are done in? A fancy casket or little urn? Wowee, that is sure something to earn. On racing through life we'll take a pass. But I'll still race around the house with my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Friday, June 2, 2017

A Helpful Way Here Today!

The cat figured he would be nice and help out. I told a few and they never knew it was about. Makes things easier comes to pass. On that you can trust my little rhyming ass.

What do we have here?
Jello to fear?
Nah, nothing like that.
Who needs that scat?

Instead let's help,
Before all yelp.
I'm being helpful soon.
I am a mouthy loon.

Say you wrote a story.
All done in its glory.
Whoops, a word needs to change.
Oh no, that word has range.

You need to change them all.
One by one wastes time at any hall.
So hit ctrl+f in word.
Then flip the one by one the bird.

Type in what you want changed.
Hit replace all so it's rearranged. 
Poof, a minute instead of an hour.
Now that is time saving power.

But ctrl+f is not through.
Say you come to a yappy zoo.
Like Blue here yapping about his shoe.
You want to find the retort to you.

Hit ctrl+f at your sea.
Type what you want to come to be.
Then you can scroll through the page to your name,
Or whatever other word you claim.

Did you hit it yet?
That may be a safe bet.
See how easy it is?
But wait, there's a quiz.

What do you press in Word?
Hint: it allows you to flip one by one the bird.
Not that a computer cares about a finger.
But it may feel good to let it linger.

What do you press in any internet window?
Hint: it makes what you want easy to find and show.
Not that you really want to skip.
But sometimes you may just want to give me lip.

Did you know about those little tricks? Can get things done with a few clicks. A few I told never knew one  bit. So I figured just in case I would share it. Helps a lot when you have to change many things at once because when you wrote it you were umm kinda a dunce. Yeah, been there done that in mass. No need to thank my ctrl+f - ing little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Purr Empire Part Four Takes A Facility Tour!

     We finally landed and I was left wishing we had kept falling. What we saw was very appalling. At least the vet put us under when he did the snip snip. I never thought I would ever long for a vet trip.
     "Drazin thinks Drazin just threw up in Drazin's mouth a bit."
     "I'm with him." Pat tried not the hurl or scream like a little girl.
     We had appeared in some lab, in case you did not guess, and it was one screwed up mess. Animals dressed in hazmat suits were fixing humans left and right. As they did, the humans regressed on site. I guess that is why the gutter must always be on their brain. It keeps them from boarding the regressed caveman train. They also threw their parts in a furnace like thing. Never again will I play with a mouse on a string.
     "Let's scram before they notice us and start singing." Cassie tried to find an exit door while we watched some more. It was so nasty we could not look away. Or we are just perverts as they were all naked, what can I say.
     "Keep it up. This is how we fix the humans, fix the humans, fix the humans. This is how we fixed the humans all day long." Silver Fox was dressed like Santa as he gave his cheer. I guess he thought presents were near. Yeah, he was a silver talking fox. Not so out of the box.
     He marched passed us still humming his tune. Thankfully, he never caused Pat and Drazin to become as stiff as a spoon. I guess they have to sing directly at humans to make them fall. That or he just could not sing at all.
     "Mud? Who brought mud in here? Was it you, bud?" Silver Fox pointed to the nearest guy and I stared at the bare feet of that Drazin guy. It was the godly mook who had brought mud in. This was clearly a battle we had to win.
     "Damn this. Let's go, Miss Priss." I hopped out and Cassie stopped looking for a door. Pat and Drazin stayed hidden for a little more.
     "Don't call me that, you little pain in the..."
     "Get the digressed felines. They could infect us all and mess with blood lines." Silver Fox pointed to his crew and the chase began to ensue.
     "Any infection would be an improvement on you. Sorry, weird fox santa thing, but it's true." I hopped on the heads of a few, as they crashed into each other and stuck like glue. I am sure the substance was not glue. But I will leave that determination up to you.
     "For talking animals, you sure are dumber than most humans." Cassie egged them on and they fell for her con. They ran at her and got stuck to the wall. Fixing humans has to be one of the nastiest things of all.
     "I will not stand for such incompetence."
     "Does that mean you are getting down on all fours?" Cassie snickered as Silver Fox bickered.
     "Don't interrupt me, feline. I shall stop you and all will be fine." Silver Fox focused on us while all his lackeys were stuck and unable to kick up a fuss. We kept his attention through it all while Pat and Drazin freed the humans who could still stand tall.
     "Brandon, what do you call a fixed human?"
     "No longer screwed?"
     "A fixer with no upper." Brandon laughed over his corny joke, annoying that godly bloke.
     "Why did you free those two? Drazin knew they would be here somewhere. Drazin would rather have them fixed."
     "Quiet, demon. Thou shall not fix another human."
     "Why would Drazin do that? Drazin will just snap their neck. Less messy."
     "Bryan, I think it's time to go."
     "Not so merry Santa and his elves are in the know."
     The Beer Guys skedaddled through a secret passage way and the rest of the freed humans followed with little to say. Silver Fox glared at Drazin and Pat. He tried to sing, but they were having none of that.
     "Sick em." Drazin freed the humans that were snip snipped. We ran through Silver Fox's legs and caused him to be tripped. The snipped humans surrounded Silver Fox. They stared at him like I do Pat's socks.
     "You have not won. I will never be done. I can stop humans such as these. They are no more wise that ancient fleas." Silver Fox hummed his merry tune but it did not work for the loon. The snipped humans pounced him and then went after his lackey crew. What was left I am sure I do not need to tell you.
     "See, fleabags? That is how you obey a command."
     "And this is how you ignore a godly mook." Cassie pranced on by, nearly tripping Drazin into the furnace with the pieces of each girl and guy.
     "Drazin will still turn you into slippers, fleabag."
     "Fat chance, demon."
     "Oh shut up, Pat. We have no time for that." I nudged Pat in the butt and we ran away before we became the scientific experiment of some new nut. The hallway was long and the steel was strong. There was no way to break through. So running and walking and more running came due.
     "Bryan, what do you call a door that won't open?"
     "Closed off?"
     "That was lame. Get out of Drazin's way." Drazin pushed through the humans and the beer guys. He blended in with his disguise. They were all pretty much as naked as could be. Glad it was dark and I could pretend I could not see.
      "So push it open, godly mook."
     "Quiet, fleabag." Drazin's eye glowed red and against the door he pressed his head. He then turned the lock and found the code. Who knew he could go all bank robber mode?
     "The godly mook is useful for something after all. What do we have behind this stall?" I trotted in and we scored a win. It was a treasure trove of human stuff. Thankfully, of clothes for everyone there was enough.
     "Excalibur, how I've missed thee." Pat made love to an old rusty sword. He kissed the thing like he had won some great award.
     "Good going, beer nuts. You've trapped our butts." I could find no way out. The beer guys had trapped us in a safe like trout. We were sitting ducks. Even if we were now armed with sticks and hockey pucks.
     "Brandon, can beer have nuts?"
     "Bryan, maybe we think too much?"
     The pair went on about beer having nuts for a while when the door slammed shut and we heard the spinning of the dial. Tig Leader laughed, saying we would all be fixed soon. He really sounded like some bad Saturday morning cartoon.
     The humans all shouted and want to be free. They were really hurting the ears of Cassie and me. But a safe is only meant to protect people from getting in and not getting out. So we had that going for us as we remained like trapped trout.
     "Excalibur shall cut through and provide escape for all." Pat began whacking at the safe's back wall. We all ignored his crazy call. That is until it worked. Then up our ears perked. "I told thee that Excalibur shall set us free."
     "Grenades? Now Drazin can do some damage." Drazin grabbed the grenades out of the safety deposit box Pat had found, laughing as Pat proved sometimes all you need to do is pound.
     We used all the other useless crap in the safe to make a barricade and then our hole was made. Drazin chucked the grenades at the wall and they went off, freeing us all. Humans scattered this way and that as we all tried to figure out where we were at.
     "This is going to end well." Cassie sighed and climbed some winding stairs. Drazin and Pat followed our cat hairs. We then shoved open some purple door and a giant litter box we once again had to explore. We were on a beach and our freedom was in reach.
     "Not so fast. You humans are the past. You felines are too. We rule this planet through and through." Tig Leader stepped in our way. He was not going to let us get away.
     "Why don't you go choke up a hairball, fleabag." Drazin grabbed him by the throat but was kicked away by a karate goat.
     "Good going, godly mook."
     "I'll skin you, fleabag."
     "All right, dearie, time to take your flea medication." Pat tried sticking his sword down Tig Leader's throat, but he was also fought back by the karate goat.
     "Take them back to the facility and have them fixed. Any plans you had for escape have now been nixed." Tig Leader began to sing when we once again saw that blue thing.
     "My shoe! Give me back my shoe, you shoe thief!" Blue Guy yelled and ran our way. That caused the two much dismay.
     "This isn't over. You'll never leave Purr Empire as anything but an ancient rover!" Tig Leader shouted and ran away. Him and his karate goat did not want to play.
     "Who knew looking for a lost shoe could be so helpful." Pat stepped out into the sun shine and for a moment we felt things were fine.
     "You! You've got my shoe." Blue Guy spotted his shoe on another human that had escaped the snip snip. He chased after him and continued to give him lip.
     "I guess it was in the safe. Time to go." Cassie took off across the beach and we followed to stay out of Tig Leader's reach. We had no idea where we were going but nothing can be worse than a snip snip human showing. Not even getting your toes stuck in something I left in the sand. A giant litter box sure is grand.


Don't you just want to see a human fixing station now as talking animals make you bow? No? Probably wise at your show. It was not a sight to see. Such things will give you nightmares and no glee. At least the snipped humans took care of Silver Fox though. Him and each lackey foe. Humans are good for something after all. I bet afterwards they found a mall. And so part four has come to pass as things just get crazier from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.