Friday, September 1, 2017

If Not 100%...Get Bent!

You humans sure put quite the spin on things. Do you just have these things waiting in the wings? Maybe monkey see, monkey do? Just don't go throwing anything that should be in the loo.

That looks grand.
I want one in hand.
I just love the look.
I'll get it at my nook.

Got it and used.
Wait, I'm confused.
It isn't that great.
Wasn't worth the wait.

You lied to me.
That much I can see.
What was that?
Do you think I a dingbat?

If not 100% satisfied you'll send me another one absolutely free?
That was rather wordy of thee.
But really, what the hell?
Do you just enjoy wasting minutes on my cell?

If 52% or 96% I get another?
I could get one for my mother.
How do you measure such a percent?
Is that what you meant?

Hold on a second there.
Why do I want a spare?
If your product is complete crap,
Why would I take a double lap?

Then two crappy things I'd have to chuck.
That just makes me go what the fluck.
I'll have double the crap.
Did that just come from your yap?

But it's absolutely free?
Free crap from thee.
Woweee, I say.
I don't have to pay.

I don't have to pay each morning one bit,
When I take a good shit.
Do you think I want a second one?
I suppose if constipation is being given a run.

I'm 76% satisfied today.
Can I get 24% more at my bay?
I don't want 100% more crap.
You are one silly human sap.

Ever see that in advertisements at your sea? Why the hell would you want more crap even if free? Then you'd have two of the same crappy thing. Does double the crap satisfy at ones wing? Beats the heck out of me. But if they have to offer that it usually means flee. For the product will shatter like glass. I think I'll remain simply a satisfied little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

57 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Twice in one week - and I'm on blog break. I need to take a break more often I guess.
      If I could get my money back if not a hundred percent satisfied with a movie, I'm never pay for one again...

      Delete
    2. Look at you go
      Attacking while breaking at your show

      haha yep, be easy that way
      Always a free display

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Two is my fate
      a little too late

      Delete
    2. Haha no need to be sorry
      the stars proclaim, you are one
      lucky number two for me is spun

      Delete
    3. 2 for you
      Whatever will you do

      Delete
  3. One never gets anything worthwhile for free these days.
    Enjoyed the read.

    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
  4. There's no such thing as 100% satisfaction. Anyone claiming it is deluded, or they are taking us for a ride.

    Also, while we are on this topic, there's a saying: if something is free, you are the product.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deluded they would be
      We don't want to be the product at our sea

      Delete
  5. Two of the same crappy thing - good point. Who wants that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, dumb indeed
      Double the crap at ones feed

      Delete
  6. One time, I emailed a company about a bag of Rice Works chips that was almost all air. I counted 7 chips! They apologized and sent me a coupon for another bag. I think the next one had 9 chips. Lol!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol point proven indeed
      Rice chips are lousy times two at your feed

      Delete
  7. Seen these guarantees at my place
    Sometimes too much trouble to complain
    So just put up with the product
    And continue the same.

    Betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That it can be
      No need for extra trouble to come to thee

      Delete
  8. This offer they should make
    On every ball of thread I'd take
    Home with me and then I'd fake
    Not liking for the bonus sake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol they may catch on
      To your running con

      Delete
  9. 100% guaranteed to not last very long. That's our world today, it seems. Good rhyme!

    ReplyDelete
  10. They really don't think things through when they come up with those slogans. Ever see a sign saying something like "Up to 40% off and more!" Well, which is it? Up to 40% off? Or more than 40% off?

    When I saw "Maybe monkey see, monkey do? Just don't go throwing ..." I was expecting you to finish that next line with "poo." I was close, though, wasn't I?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I've seen that one at a number of places too
      Close, but I avoided the dreaded monkey poo

      Delete
  11. I think Miss Leading will win th beauty pagent!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That she or he will
      Have to be equal opportunity to fit the bill

      Delete
  12. Those ads always crack me up, too. It's gotten to where when we see one on TV, my hubby and I always say, "But WAIT..." and we're usually right. It's possible to order a second one absolutely FREE! (Except for an untold amount of shipping and handling...)

    On the other hand, I sent a letter of complaint to a company years ago, which claimed a "100% guarantee that everyone would love their products." Our son, who was a toddling eating machine at the time, did NOT like their hash browns. The company sent me a case of their other products... which he (and we) DID like. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol yep, you can pretty much guess what will come
      As they tack on the extra and them some

      That was a nice thing to do
      Sounds like a good company at their zoo

      Delete
  13. I hate things that are free
    Just stay away from me
    A free trip to the Bahamas, you say
    Go soak your head in the bay
    There's always a string
    Like a bell with a ring
    Don't give me your junk
    Puts me in a funk
    But it's guaranteed, you say
    Put your ad in the Sun, the one with the ray

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let it burn
      Never to return
      Or take that string
      And wrap it around their umm ding a ling

      Delete
  14. I like free stuff though. But only free stuff that I'll use and that are actually free and don't try to scam you into paying shipping costs. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol yeah, shipping costs are where they win
      You sure have it down at your bin

      Delete
  15. I only like free if I can use it, like Mary said. I've got enough junk laying around here, I don't need double to wade through. This ain't hoarders up in here, ya know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a hoarder wannabe?
      You could get on TV

      Delete
    2. I'll take a pass with tv
      I'll do YouTube if I need attention that bad

      Delete
    3. lol cheaper and easier that way
      With your display

      Delete
  16. orlin N cassie

    if knot com pleet lee satizfied ... ree tern fora full ree fund ....lezz shippin ...handlin... N paper werk processin....

    hay ewe customer...look...now ewe owe UZ money ~~~~~~~~

    faaaaaaaaaa

    ♥♥☺☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol the way to goes
      Sure sinks to new lows

      Delete
  17. Haha. Good point
    What kind of joint
    Wants to send another, when you dislike the first?
    A stupid one. Those are the worst.

    ReplyDelete
  18. His wife was the crème of the crop
    At saving whenever she’d shop
    Each day she’d go
    To save him more dough
    She just didn’t know when to stop

    ReplyDelete
  19. If I don't like the first one, I certainly don't need a second! Usually something free is a come on, I'll pass! Take care at your lair!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A come on it can be
      But still not as bad as a free STD

      Delete
  20. Humans are so silly sometimes it makes me want to just surround myself with dogs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, but at least humans don't eat poo
      Hopefully none at any zoo lol

      Delete
  21. 100% satisfied guaranteed- maybe they are thinking 50% happy plus 50% happy= 100%. lol
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sigh - I am 100% angry with my government.
    Does that count?

    ReplyDelete
  23. I've actually seen 100% genuine faux pearls advertised so there ya go:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There we are
      For a nut going to a bar

      Delete
  24. Sales pitches
    Are usually fake
    Oh, look at that!
    Another model and make

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Up the ante
      Singing their same old shanty

      Delete