Monday, January 21, 2019

The Gutter Goes Name Ever So Tame!

We are going to visit some businesses today. The cat will take you from bay to bay. They are all real names too. That just makes you want to stop and view. Enjoy each place. I'm sure they have some table space.

Time to travel.
Can't unravel.
Visiting is the goal.
First stop, The Glory Hole.

Now that was fun.
What was done?
Beats little old me.
Call the Threeway Express to take thee.

My, what a trip.
Be sure to leave a good tip.
Then we'll do to Curl Up & Dye.
Damn, you may surely fry.

The next is all yours.
We aren't allowed any tours.
For they don't allow felines.
Enjoy Doggie Style Designs.

I hear they have great selections.
As does Unlimited Erections.
Hmm do they go hand in hand?
Something will sure stand.

Time to go to Booty's Hole of Crabs.
I hear they run tabs.
I could hear wrong.
You may be too busy itching to play along.

Could always go rowing.
But we may need Camel Towing.
Hey, you could get stuck.
They come with a big truck.

While the old couple bickers,
We'll stop at STD Wines & Liquors.
You can drink your cares away.
And kills germs just in case at your bay.

No, we aren't playing Donkey Kong.
Next we are going to A-Dong.
I'll let you discover what's there.
I'm snip snip, so what do I care?

Next we'll fish for some gators.
Have to stop at Master Baiter's.
Then we'll finish with something true.
Fuku Sushi will be on you.

Did you like your trip? Don't you now feel hip? We should go into vacation planning at our sea. No? Geez, how rude of thee. Have you seen any weird company names out and about? Maybe not weird, but dirty when thought out. Or just when spied. Could be taken that way when tried. I'm sure you'll want to write a travel log after your vacation pass, so I'll let you get to it and rest my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

The Make Tries Not To Break!

Retired people must all be dead. They are ghosts that just need to go in their diaper and get fed. Stay at home parents must be too. Along with the bums in Mommy's basement without a clue. Why do I say that? Just follow the cat.

Stupid questions abound.
Like in 5 years where will you be found.
Hopefully not hearing such a stupid thing.
Whoops, did from my lips that spring?

The background passes.
You appease the dumb masses.
As in the dumb question shit.
While lying maybe more than a bit.

And there you go.
A 9-5 in tow.
Or whatever the hours.
A lackey with no powers.

Aren't you grand?
Hey, above the land.
That is a win.
So take it all in.

You are the living.
The 9-5 is giving.
So that makes it so.
Get $200 for passing go.

A bit of a flip.
Let's repeat that trip.
Let's repeat it right.
You work day and/or night.

So you aren't dead.
Above water you tread.
Or at least you try.
There's light in your eye.

Why is that?
Simple and flat.
That flat fee your employer is giving.
For you are out making a living.

You aren't home making umm death.
You aren't taking your last breath.
You are making a living.
Something to be thankful for at Thanksgiving.

What about the rest?
The retired, the bums, the parents, and the pest?
They are making their death.
They all breathe fake breath.

So what are you doing if you aren't working? Are you death clerking? If not making a living do you die? Some retired folks are rather spry. I guess that doesn't work. What if you aren't making anything while being a Walmart clerk? Not making but getting paid. Is that a fair trade? Would it just be living with a little giving? Good thing the cat doesn't have to bother with such stuff like many a lad or lass. Hmm, then again, that could make me a dead little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

We're On A Roll With This Stroll!

We were comfortable as can be when Pat left our sea. He asked if we wanted to go. Of course we said, "Hell No!" Who wants to go where it's cold. On a comfy warm spot we'll stay sold.


It is my it ain't happening face.
Going out we do not embrace.
I'll stay here and rest.
It is for the best.


Nope, not going to work.
A snowy giant litter box isn't a perk.
We won't be able to bury it.
Then humans will whine when they step in our shit.


A tree across the road.
Yeah, now that is a load.
That makes us want to go.
Right! We don't want to see the giant that gave it the heave ho.


A swamp or trees?
It comes with a breeze?
No thank you.
Rather cook a dog stew.


Trying to make me run.
I'll laser eye each bun.
Even letting this guy in won't work.
Outside is not a perk.


What is that?
Sure not a cat.
Is one a lass?
Damn, it's a double ass.


There it is in view.
This time one, not two.
Pat isn't as grand at shots though.
We'll leave that to Snow.


Bah, another tree.
Giants so aren't for me.
What? The wind did it?
Bah, the wind can't hit.


Still not going.
Especially after that showing.
But now I'll chase the furball away.
Go and enjoy your day.


This is my I told you so face.
Outdoors is not fun to embrace.
You look kinda cold too.
Sorry, bed is still mine and not for you.

Do you like the outdoors? We would rather do chores. Not that we cats have any of those. Do you like my I told you so pose? Ever get trapped behind a fallen tree? That sure wouldn't be fun to come to be. Especially if it is on TV. Then it is obviously a trap to capture thee. Now I'll go back to my resting pass. That outdoors stuff is far too outdoorsy for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 18, 2019

The Poor Does Pour With This Tour!

The cat hears it all the time. You have even dropped a dime. Or maybe a nickel. Are those things still around and fickle? We saw it in a yard the other day. Maybe they wanted to have visitors pay? Anyway, on with the task before wtf is he going on about you ask. Too late? Such is my fate.

The rich and the poor.
Opposite forevermore.
No matter the scenario.
House them in Ontario.

Those poor rich.
Damn, there's a glitch.
Rich and poor?
A line divided no more?

You poor cat.
Confused where you are at.
But I don't need money.
You humans are funny.

Poor, poor mankind.
Aliens probe your behind.
Hey, we get it from the vet.
Maybe they think needs must be met.

But the rich got probed.
They got nailed and globed.
Yep, that's a word.
Poor you, not absurd.

But you have dough?
Damned if I know.
You just need to be poor.
That is what is in store.

A poor pitiful me.
Those annoy we.
They are so poor.
Whoops, I locked the door.

Poor, poor pitiful mes.
Can't pay their fees.
Can't come here to whine.
Can't hurt the poor ears of the feline.

So now my ears need money?
Is the money funny?
Does it have earwax?
Do I have to pay tax?

Your poor head.
Damn, had to be said.
Now you're poor all over.
Could go bum from poor rover.

Do you use that? Did you ever say poor cat? Do cats somehow need money? Aren't we in charge while the humans let their bank accounts get all runny? I thought so. So no poor will show. Poor, poor you for not knowing that. Hmm did we just get flagged for not being PC to the poor where we are at? Poor, poor us. Damn, this poor thing makes me cuss. Is your comment going to be a poor pass? Don't worry, you'll get no sass, probably, from my not so poor little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Wouldn't Want To As A Home Comes Due!

The cat was out the other day, more like Pat was at our bay, and saw a place that was rather scary. It probably would rot a ripe berry. It was way way back in no rat land. But one thought it grand.

Here we are.
Door not ajar.
Door stays shut.
Could be a nut.

Murder shack a plenty.
This makes twenty.
Oh, a cellar door.
Go down there and be lost forevermore.

Smell the sea air.
Sorry, can't at our lair.
The window's down a crack.
Hmm look to frail to attack.

Get out and do.
Then they trap you.
Try to turn and run.
At least there's no gun.

At least not yet.
Loaded in the house a safe bet.
Don't piss off the crazy.
Life may get hazy.

Isn't life grand?
No, I won't shake your germy hand.
But sure, it is grand.
I don't want to know what's buried in that sand.

I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
Not even if you could study celss.
Yeah, I looked that up.
Aliens fixed that hiccup.

Nope. This place is the best.
It beats all the rest.
Never have I or would I want to go anywhere.
This is my murder shack lair.

How would you know?
Never you did go.
So you just nod and agree?
Does sheep live with thee?

I live alone.
Not even a phone.
It's just the best.
Like a bird in a nest.

Do you never want to live anywhere else at your sea? How do you know if you never left or experienced anything else in the life of thee? Maybe having no desire to live anywhere else is a better way. But never? Does that really come into play? Do you have a desire to live in a murder shack two hours away from anything resembling civilization at your sea? We'll pass and quickly, very quickly, flee. That is too much hermit in mass. We'll stick with being a one horse town little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Little By Little To Stave Off Brittle!

The cat has heard it a time or two. I'm sure you have too. But does it hold? Does it win gold? We think not. It has a backwards plot. At least a bit. Who'd even sweat with it?

Here we go.
A new rhyming show.
A brand new day.
Same all the way.

But we'll pretend.
Take new around the bend.
New for me and you.
Now what's in view?

Something big, something small.
We just can't do it all.
So don't sweat the small things.
Leave that to the dingalings.

Forget the trash.
Have a bash.
Forget the cleaning.
Go watch a movie screening,

Forget the grass.
Sit on your ass.
Forget the leak.
Go swim in the creek.

Forget the bills.
Go play in the hills.
Forget the car.
It will still get you far.

Forget the paperwork.
That boss is a jerk.
Forget the weather.
We can drive fast in the snow together.

Forget the laundry pile.
We have people to dial.
Forget a call home.
We have to get drunk at the Dirty Dome.

Forget a post.
Let's go to the coast.
Forget the taxes.
My brain relaxes.

What has happened here?
Why aren't things clear?
My life has been sucked away.
But I didn't sweat the small things like they say.

Did the cat just prove that a bit wrong? Whoops, guess you humans will have to sing a new song. Unless you want to be a nudist on the street. Go ahead and avoid the small things if you find that sweet. Does any of that make you sweat? Hmm mowing the grass some sweat may be met. The rest, not so much. If in the Dirty Dome, never ever reach out and touch. Just some info to pass along. Did you think not sweating the small stuff could go so wrong? Have to do the small things, sweat or not, when they require a pass. On that you can trust my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Which Is Which With The Least Glitch?

The cat likes to win. We take a winning spin. I get those toys and chase those intruders away. I even whack the mutt on display. But what of each beast? Who becomes least? Can't follow me? You will at my sea.

To come in first,
Sure beats worst.
Or would that be least?
You won't get the feast.

Or the toy.
Or maybe no joy.
But you may learn.
Get better upon your return.

Then you can glow.
That we know.
But there may be a snag.
It could be a drag.

Whether one or fifty.
It may not be nifty.
No matter the number.
May get you as you slumber.

Or maybe not.
Like a black balled plot.
You just never know.
Unless a rigged show.

For you could be it.
What's with that shit?
First and still it?
That's a wrong bit.

What was that?
Confused be the cat?
You're the last one.
Isn't last fun?

Oh, it's last but not least.
Better from this furry beast?
So if you're last and not least,
Who gets no feast?

Who is the least?
Who's full of yeast?
Blah, don't answer the latter.
That really doesn't matter.

Is a number drawn with magic?
Is least forever tragic?
Which of them is least?
Those that live west not east?

Ever think of that? Which of the participants is least where they are at? If last isn't least then someone else is and can't get the winning feast. Could first be least? Is that something they made up in the east? Where does least go? Does it just walk away with a no? Did I overthink it too much with this pass? I can do that with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 14, 2019

The Fan Should Is Never Understood!

Today we will go on and on and on. We will say what should dawn. We will say what should not. We will have an opinion on every plot. We will rant and rant. Yeah, and I'm a rhyming ant.

Here it comes.
Beat the drums.
It will be grand.
I'll give it a hand.

May chop it off.
No one should scoff.
I wanted this forever.
It will surely be clever.

Today's the day.
It's on display.
I'm first in line.
This will be fine.

Wow. Wow. Wow.
I just had a cow.
That was so bad.
Way more than a tad.

How could they do that?
How could it fall flat?
This should have been done.
This never should have been given a run.

Don't you agree?
You don't with me?
How could you like that?
It was so flat.

You hate it too?
That makes two.
But you liked that part?
You need to go play in the parking lot of Walmart.

How could you?
This should have came due.
That should not have occurred.
Your sight is blurred.

What? You're nuts.
Head up other butts.
That makes no sense.
You are so dense.

They never should have did it that way.
Those producers or whoever has to pay.
They ruined my vision and such.
Who cares if it was never mine to touch?

Don't you love the fanboy/girl/thing/whatevers that come out of the woodwork? They'll bash things to even a Walmart clerk. All because it never came out the way they wanted. Even if no bad quality taunted. Just didn't come out their way. The way of a million different ways at play. Yeah, like that will ever be the case. But oh no, it didn't embrace. I sure don't mind giving them sass. For unless you own it, make it, put the effort into it, and whatever else to make it comes to pass, you are no more going to get your "vision" than the singing bass. I'll continue to control the rhymes that come out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Nothing At All There At Your Hall!

Nothing is back to play. Nothing wants to have its say. Nothing in a whole other way. Like the say you humans let come out to play. Can play work with yapping? Who knows with your flapping.

What was that?
Stop it flat.
You can't do that.
You may go splat.

You want me?
Pffft, go and flee.
Flee from me.
Go. Leave me be.

Stop, don't pry.
I said go fly.
Oh me, oh my.
That would make me cry.

Get back.
I'm not in the pack.
I'll give you flack.
I'm off that track.

Won't you stop?
It's a flop.
I'm not in the crop.
I'll call a cop.

Why is that?
You're a dingbat.
I chew no more fat.
Nothing will ever get me to do that.

No million bucks.
No million ducks.
No super umm flucks.
No signed hockey pucks.

No mansion on a hill.
No zeroed out bill.
No cure for the ill.
No zillion dollar bill.

No super love.
No God above.
No poop from a dove.
No little or big shove.

Nothing at all.
No matter your call.
Nothing will make me do that.
Oh look, I put on the hat.

Do you humans exaggerate a bit or what? Nothing at all at your hut? I guarantee if many a domino decided to fall, your nothing would bounce away like a ball. Maybe not for 100% of things. But most would fly away on wings. But nothing at all would stop my rhyme. Oh look, a million dollars, see ya, my last rhyme. Nah, it would take two million to come to pass. The tax man would take a chuck from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

A Line That's Not Fine!

This post decided to align. Is that different than line? I'll leave grammar to you human ones. Such things can give me the runs. Not really though. Just so you know.

Away I walk.
Away I run.
No time to talk.
I'm having fun.

That's out of line?
Was I supposed to go straight?
Sorry, there was no sign.
I zig zagged to my plate.

That's out of line?
Go suck a lime.
I'm a zig zagging feline,
Not some rule following mime.

That's out of line.
You can't be a mime.
They can't even say mine.
Now go suck that lime.

That's out of line.
Oh, I get the meaning.
I am still going to dine.
No need for a repeat screening.

That's out of line.
I told you there was no lineup.
So suck on some pine.
Or maybe go get bit by a pup.

That's...we know, we know.
You are a straight arrow.
Do you also want me to go slow?
Are kiddies outside the window?

Would that be a school zone?
Are they learning to walk?
I think I hear that tone.
That's out of line you squawk.

Look, tons of people.
They are this way and that.
Not straight like a steeple.
That's out of line where they are at.

The group stayed still.
That is so bad.
Sooo run of the mill.
Lines aren't glad.

Are you out of line? Is the feline? Do you think I care? Nah, of that you are aware. How can you be out of line when there is no line? For lines do you sit at home and pine? Are you a line freak? Is that out of line at my creek? Out of line with no line in the grass, so I'll zig zag the line with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 11, 2019

We Can Boast With An Instant Post!

Did you read that title this instant? Is it already distant? Like far in the past? My, you are fast. You got this instant thing down. You must go and get every instant in town. I am instantly impressed. Maybe not, damn, I confessed.

Instant savings.
Cure any cravings.
You'll instantly save.
Stock up and cave.

Here you go.
Follow the instructions below.
Your rebate will come...whenever.
Thanks for instantly saving with our endeavor.

Instant approval.
There is no removal.
Everything is instantly done.
Come and see how they run.

Fill out this...this...that...
We need to search out every stat.
The hours just ticked on by.
You are denied, but time sure can fly.

Instant return notification.
That is our built upon foundation.
We stick to our narration.
You will never die of starvation.

Your eyes are tired?
Your screen has expired?
Your stomach is growling?
Sorry, we were off moon howling.

Instant supper.
Not even a fixer upper.
Open and eat.
It's a tasty treat.

Warm, cook, fry...
Oh, sorry, we lie.
You have to add and do.
Then it instantly comes through.

Instant time saver.
No need for a waiver.
Just do and its done.
You can go have fun.

Hours and done.
Now have fun.
Tomorrow hours more.
Hey, at least you pay us to explore.

Are you instantly impressed? Are you instantly impressed that they confessed? Did the cat do that for each one? Do you instantly have a retort ready to be spun? Maybe Blue will copy and paste post haste. Do you believe the instant stuff? Boy, that instant stuff can be rough. I think I'll instantly pass some gas and that is all the instant that will come from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

The Most Like Takes A Hike!

The cat is like most other cats. They rhyme and chew fats. No? Hey, at least I look out the window. They all do that? See? I am like any other cat. Okay, maybe not. But I am if I listen to you human lot.

Come what may,
Do it this way.
This is the how.
Like milking a cow.

Like most others.
From strangers to mothers.
Just the way it is.
Like most others needs no quiz.

Do it like that.
You won't fall flat.
You'll never improve,
But you'll find your groove.

There you'll stay.
Day by day.
Night by night.
Nothing's a fright.

This is just how.
Don't raise an eyebrow.
Keep a straight face.
Like most others you must embrace.

Be like that.
Ra ra ra with their spat.
Just be like them and agree.
Be like them and jump in the sea.

It's like most others.
Listen to human brothers.
And the sisters too.
Equal opportunity at every zoo.

It's like most others.
Damn, didn't add mothers.
But it is like most others around.
So go with it when found.

Don't question.
Don't make a suggestion.
Don't add anything in.
Stay compliant for the win.

It's done like most others.
It works like most others.
I cheated rhymed like many.
Or would that be any?

Do you act like most others? Allow things that smothers? Like make your brain dumb? Maybe like most others you have gone numb. Do you buy things that work like most others? Maybe because it is used by brothers? What if the thing is the one that isn't included in most? Would things then be toast? Geez, the cat is asking more questions than most others with today's pass. I'll continue to steer clear of being like most others though with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

A Conspiracy Chair So Sitter Beware!

Not referring to a babysitter or catsitter or dogsitter or housesitter. Does that make you bitter? Hey, they have an app for those things. What? You were too busy looking for flings? They have plenty of spots for that too. Just be careful when you bring home someone new.

Time for a meal.
Time to all gather.
Can be quite the ordeal.
Stay home we'd rather.

Unless home is it.
Like a game of tag.
Then mingle a bit.
Hope there's no lag.

A tock and a tick.
A flap and a yap.
Who invited this dick?
Do I still have a bear trap?

Slowly there.
Slowly nearing.
Sitter beware.
Butts a down rearing.

As in sitting.
Take up space.
Doing all but shitting.
An ass to chair embrace.

But hold on.
A few are out.
This is a con.
What's it about?

A ragged one.
It doesn't match.
Hurts each bun.
A back ache will hatch.

Odd one out.
Maybe odd two.
The chair is about,
But it is eww.

Now for the end.
It comes to task.
Door open, hit send.
What's that you ask?

Where did the chairs go?
Why weren't there enough?
Damned if I know.
Now scram and take your stuff.

Did you ever notice that? Still confused by the cat? Ever go to a bigger, biggish, big kinda gathering thing? Ever run out of chairs to fling? Get it now? I knew you would somehow. It seems that every table is always short a chair or two. Who makes that rule come due? Does Santa steal chairs from each sea? I guess he needs them to make toys for you and me. Did you ever have to sit on one of those "extra" chairs with your back mass? They sure can be uncomfortable to humans and maybe even my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

The I Don't Blame What's His Name!

Did you know the cat was going to post today? No? Well I blame you for that at your bay. I post any other time. So did you really think I'd skip a rhyme? Yes? My, I blame you as you confess.

What's in a name?
Words all the same.
Or letters and stuff.
Don't have a huff.

Your house may blow.
You may eat snow.
The kind that is yellow.
Hear it's better if you let it mellow.

A dog told me.
I don't blame thee.
You didn't know.
Now you do though.

She did what?
Oh, she blew her hut.
As in she blew it down.
Were you in gutter town?

I don't blame you.
I can't at my zoo.
Wait. I can blame away.
What is it I'm trying to say?

Do you have to ask?
My, slow with the task.
Maybe you need blame.
Is it some kind of game?

I don't blame you.
Shh, yeah, I really do.
But nope, no I don't.
Blame you I won't.

Even with bad grammar.
At least I don't stammer.
Sure beats the slammer.
Did you really want to umm errr ram her?

That just rhymed.
It was so well timed.
I don't blame you for curling your nose.
Be careful you don't get stuck in that pose.

You'd blame you then.
You may blame my den.
And I don't, but really do, blame you.
Wait. How is there blame when none came due?

Do you blame me for making your head hurt? Hey, at least no blood did spurt. You even got to flirt. The gutter put on a skirt. Can it do that? I don't blame you for the visual where you're at. Would that be blame me? My, what blame can do to thee. How does blame come where there is none? Do you just go on a blaming run? I don't blame comes fifty times over. Guess what? If you did, no one would care, not even rover. So you don't or do blame someone far away for what they did or didn't do. Well whoopdi friggin doo. Are you a I don't blame them lad or lass? Pffft feel free to blame today's post on my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Monday, January 7, 2019

Time To Go Stranger Than The Money Changer!

Would the money changer be a banker? They may or may not be a wanker. Depends on who you get I suppose. Hey, I've gone to far lower lows. I guess that leads into today. But I'll prove it wrong on display.

I tripped and fell.
Damn it all to hell.
I even burned my toe.
How? I don't know.

Stranger things have happened before.
Umm, okay, let's go with that at our shore.
The house gets hit by lightning.
It is ever so frightening.

A ghost stops the fire.
But all still expire.
Now the ghost has playmates.
Take that to the fates.

Stranger things have happened before.
Damn, you really want to show me the door.
Werewolves eat the ghosts.
They then meet alien hosts.

The aliens probe away.
The werewolves turn into more of a dinosaur display.
The aliens get eaten up.
The dino werewolve things begin to hiccup.

They then change into a Disney princess.
They fart out alien flames at recess.
Then they give birth to paper people.
Then float in the air and land on a steeple.

God smites them from below.
Yep, he came down and put on a rock show.
Then it turns out he is a she.
She then pays off every debt from sea to sea.

Money starts to walk.
It then starts to talk.
It gives all paper cuts.
Now the world is ruled by mutts.

Time travelers try and change it.
But they end up causing more shit.
The mutts love the brown logs.
They then lose out to killer hogs.

Now the world is full of flying pigs.
And forever they force all to dance jigs.
Stranger things have happened before?
Bah, let your ass meet my door.

Do you ever say that? People usually use it for normal stuff where they are at. I'm sure stranger things have happened than you stubbing your toe. But stranger than my little story though? Hmm, maybe not yet. But if aliens come then they may tie this pet. Still, nothing stranger has, in reality, come to pass. That saying just lost to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Under The Gun So Get It Done!

The cat needs you to do this now. It is a need that won't wow. But you need to get on it. It is some very very very urgent shit. You must do it. Stop everything else and do it with no fit.

This must be done.
A must is spun.
It is urgently in need.
It must take seed.

It is that urgent.
I'm out of detergent.
My clothes need cleaning.
Urgent is the meaning.

I have plenty more.
I have no need for them today at my shore.
But it HAS to be done.
I can't go enjoy the sun.

It is urgent I tell you.
It must be done at my zoo.
It is something urgent.
I really need my detergent.

Aww, I got it.
I used a bit.
My clothes are clean.
Ahhh I'm making a scene.

I'm out of trash bags.
I need to chuck old rags.
But I have no bags to use.
This doesn't amuse.

I urgently need it done.
I can't have any fun.
This is an urgent need.
Right now it must take seed.

It isn't like the detergent.
It is FAR more urgent.
Who cares if your opinion is divergent.
Don't be a trash bag insurgent.

This is a need.
A need to take heed.
With no trash bags my world will end.
It is an urgent need I must amend.

Forget feeding the kids, cats or dogs.
Forget the toilet that clogs.
Forget that work promotion.
This is so urgent I need to make a commotion.

Are you one of those? Making such crap give you woes? When really it is about as urgent as stepping on a tack? My, no wonder so many have a heart attack. Oh know, trash bags aren't there. You can't wash clothes with plenty to spare. The world is soooooo going to end. Pffffft to such an urgent trend. Now that I'm done with my sass, it is urgent that you leave a comment for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Here You Go But Give It Back Though!

The cat is giving you this post today. I want back every word I say. But I am giving it to you. Does one or the other need to be true? Could it be both at play? Am I just confusing today?

Here you are.
It will take you far.
It's a broom.
Can sweep up many a mushroom.

Take it and go.
Sweep all that's low.
A year has past by.
I want my broom back, guy.

Here is a condom pack.
They sure don't lack.
Take them, they are yours.
Enjoy such umm tours.

Do you still have those?
I need to strike a pose.
I would like them back.
Even used in the pack.

Take this shirt.
Maybe go well with a skirt.
Take it and go.
Wow, you fill it out so.

I'd like that back.
You stretched it at your shack.
But I still want it.
I'll heave it in a fit.

Take this empty jar.
It will get you far.
Didn't I already say that?
Bah, trust me where you're at.

Fill it with ease.
Oh, I'd like it back, please.
I don't mind what's inside.
Ignore my smile ever so wide.

Here is this post.
Take it at your coast.
But give it back.
Every word at my shack.

Did you take it?
Nope, not a bit.
Does it still count?
Stuck on used condoms to mount?

Ever know anyone like that? Ever taken anything as a gift and then got asked for it back where you're at? That is why we usually avoid such stuff. No need to deal with that huff and puff. But we are fine with giving them sass. Oh, and you don't have to give the post back to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Friday, January 4, 2019

Hit Those Three Before I Go To Pee!

You humans really sink to new lows. I guess brain cells just keep flying out windows. If they are closed do they bounce back? Nope we'd have to go with due to how many some lack.

Emergency! Emergency!
This is of an urgency.
I must get my phone.
911 my dog hasn't got a bone.

Bah, my life is over.
Poor, poor rover.
Can't someone bring it to me?
It is an emergency so I won't pay a fee.

Oh no. It has come.
911 I grew hair on my bum.
How can this be?
I don't want a hairy spree.

This is very very bad.
911 my stuffed animal has gone mad.
It stared at my the wrong way.
It is possessed at my bay.

This could be worse.
911 a neighbor gave a curse.
He said damn.
He also has toe jam.

911 they have bad grammar.
They deserve to go in the slammer.
Couldn't be worse is what they needed to say.
Come arrest them and make them pay.

This is horrible.
911 their customer service was deplorable.
Come and do something about it.
They didn't have a comfy place to sit.

How can this even be?
911 I found a flea.
It may even bite.
Yes, it just might.

This is so bad.
911 I lost my mouse pad.
Someone must have stolen it.
Can you believe that shit?

911 do I need a reason for calling?
No, I'm not sitting here stalling.
I just needed someone to talk to.
So what if a real emergency comes due.

People really call such crap in. Are humans really that dumb that they give 911 a spin? Ever hear of stupid 911 calls at your sea? I've seen news stories on a few that were set free. Hopefully you've never called them for such a thing. Butt dialing would be far better at any wing. Bad customer service isn't really an emergency for any human mass. But when you get fined I'll be sure and make fun with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

A Name Is Made That May Or May Not Fade!

The cat raised an eyebrow the other day as this came to play. It is sure a weird one that came to pass. Aren't I already called a little rhyming ass? Among other things at my sea. Like Orlin, or Pat pretending to be me. Shhh, that last one isn't true. Hmph, guess I can't fool you.

Today is the day.
The day you want.
The day you stray.
That day you haunt.

For it is your day.
The day of the name.
Forever it shall stay.
The day you lay claim.

Not when you popped.
Out like a umm thing.
Nope, you got name dropped,
But that was a fling in spring.

It's still winter.
So you can't have that.
Go smash a printer,
Then come back to the cat.

Today you've made it.
Yeah, that I've said.
At least in some form or bit,
But I can't let it go to your head.

Or maybe I should.
This is your day.
And it's not that kind of wood,
Just in case you went that way.

For it's your name.
Not something like Bob.
Nope, that is just lame.
Hey, go speak to Rob.

For this is it.
The moment of all.
You will see it writ.
Or written or wrote on the wall.

Have to keep all happy.
Grammar nazis as well.
For you want to flappy.
It must stay oh so swell.

For it has been made.
Like a book on the shelf.
Nope, you can't trade.
You made a name for yourself.

Umm, did you pull it out of a hat? How did you go about that? Did you legally switch it? If not, the IRS may not like that shit. You made a name but didn't change yours? Is that like people sitting at home and taking tours? Can either even be done? Boy, is making a name for yourself a bit of a confusing run. The cat will stick to the name he made up with Cass and I will remain a little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

The Goal And The Flag Pole!


Run it up.
Run it down.
A frisky pup.
A psycho clown.

Could be more.
Could be less.
Come ashore.
Avoid the mess.

Make it work.
Make it stick.
A silly jerk.
Take your pick.

Who or what.
What or who.
Make the cut.
Or just boo hoo.

Boo the hoo.
Who's the boo?
Maybe the hoo?
I'm asking you.

Reach the top.
Reach the middle.
Start to stop.
Hey, diddle diddle.

Raise it high.
Raise it low.
Do or die.
Not really though.

Stakes aren't dire.
Death won't fly.
Pop a tire.
I might lie.

Next to top.
Next to middle.
Just don't stop,
Keep that diddle.

Words will flow.
Words shall come.
How many? Don't know.
But it'll be some.

News Flash for the IWSG bash. Winners of the anthology contest below as many gave it a go.


Oddly Suited by LG Keltner
Sea of Sorrows by AV Brown
Behind the Catcher’s Mask by Jennifer Lane
A Diver’s Ball by Angela Brown
Fearless Heart by Deborah Solice
The Dark Charade by CD Gallant-King
The Cog Prince by Elizabeth Mueller
Flower of Ronda by Myles Christensen
Remedy by Chelsea Ballard
Charleston Masquerade by Carrie-Anne Brownian

The top story has the honors of being included in the title. LG Keltner’s story came out on top! The official title of our next anthology – Masquerade: Oddly Suited. Congratulations, LG. (She was also in the top spot for our first anthology, Parallels: Felix Was Here.)

The IWSG Admins spent many hours reading the entries and fourteen were sent to our special judges. We certainly wish to thank them for taking time away from their own work to read the entries:

Kelly Van Sant, agent at Red Sofa Literary Agency
DL Hammons, Write Club founder
Gwen Gardner, author and previous IWSG anthology winner

Look for Masquerade: Oddly Suited late spring!

Ever set your goals too high? Think they should go to the top of the flagpole in the sky? Do you see what you do get done? Do you go all nuts thinking you'll die if they aren't given a run? Unless you have this or that, like a disease where you're at, that won't come due. So don't hoo the boo. Or boo the hoo? Hey, again, I asked you. Trying and realizing what you have done is the best way to come to pass. On that you can trust my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Big Big Big Dances A Jig!

That is a lot of bigs at play. I guess they just have something big to say. Or maybe they have an ego problem that needs to get looked at. Don't ask me, I'm not a shrink cat.

Today it's new.
A Tuesday too.
I've never seen that before.
Nope, never ever at our shore.

Wednesday and Friday, yep.
At least one has pep.
But not Tuesday.
Never ever. No way.

Do I protest too much?
Maybe just a touch.
But I tried to channel you.
I want it to be oh so new.

I guess reality kicked in.
Does it take longer for humans as they spin?
Maybe they just have nothing in their head.
Would that make them undead?

Can you answer that with nothing up there?
Oh, big big big questions at my lair.
You may be overloaded on the first day.
Are you a baby at your bay?

No? Then does it count?
Isn't it another in the long amount?
Do you hate mathematical stuff?
Is that why getting rid of new is tough?

Oh, but big big big wants to play.
Damn, like herpes it never goes away.
Hey, maybe they'll cure it one day.
Then you can go out to play.

That would be big big big news.
But the first would get the blues.
Can't figure out why?
Geez, you humans aren't very spry.

For it won't, probably, most likely, next to never, happen on this day.
Nope, no magic will come to play.
Damn, I ruined it two days in a row.
I'm such a downer at my show.

But then up or down,
It shall come to town.
This day or that day.
Big big big won't magically come to play.

Do you think your life changed today? Wowee, you are so special at your bay. I want to shake your germy hand. Yeah, if you believe that, I have this parcel of land. I swear it is big big big. You'll buy it and dance a jig. Big changes never come when you least expect them or you make the change or you put effort in. Nope, they come from giving a Tuesday a spin. Damn, I mean the number 1. Wait. Is that why so much whining is done? Do you revert back to a newborn mass? Wow, world issue solved by my not so magical, unless you count the gas, little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.