It's Rhyme Time

Turning The Game Into Something Lame!

2012-02-23T07:00:00.001-04:00

So a dumb idea has arisen out there, I know dumb ideas aren't rare. This one is still in rumor status though, but still you just know there is some nut out there hoping to give it a go. The Face it Facts are they want to make games on discs only work at one bar. Hell! I can't even say that. They really want to make their wallets fat and make it only play on one machine at your scene.

Which means if you have two consoles those greed hungry trolls won't let you take the game and play it on the second one. You can only use it on the first for your fun. This may seem okay at first to some. But let's say you are sitting on your bum playing Game A and another wants to play Game B. They are SOL because it was already played by thee. You won't even be able to take the damn thing to a friends place and use it without paying a fee or some other disgrace.

So not only do you have to buy the thing but you also have to pay to play it at another wing. That is the stupidest thing I've heard in a while and to some it may not sound vile. But they are doing this because they are whining about the used game market. So just sit right there and park it. For if this takes hold other companies will be sold.

Want to take your DVD
And play it at another sea?
Oopsy you are screwed,
Too bad so sad, who cares if we are rude.

Like those used clothes your way?
Can't have them at your bay.
Unless you pay some extra tax,
To wear them and relax.

Then anything electronic will come,
That gives off a hum.
Hell! You won't even be able to use,
An old smoke detector without paying dues.

Making you more a number,
Like some boring cucumber.
Because with this taking hold.
Letting less be re-sold.

Everything will be assigned a number corresponding to you,
And not another person will be able to use it old or new.
You won't even be able to have a yard sale,
As everything used will fail.

Or they'll have to pay a tax or some due,
On each and every item they bought from you.
Just to get it to work.
All because of some rich prick jerk.

Boo hooing over a dollar lost,
Saying it should cost.
For their billions already,
Aren't enough to keep them steady.

Pffft, a bunch of bull, once more showing how the rich bitch has the pull. I know I exaggerated a bit. But all it takes is for this stupid ass idea, or one like it, to go from rumor to hit and poof! Everything will suffer the same goof. Such a load of crap that deserves to take a dirt nap. Also it's deserving of any and all sass and can get strat all over by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It's Round Four. If The Nuts Keep This Up, It Will Go On Forever More!

2012-02-22T07:00:00.002-04:00

The cat has to brag first with a little burst. Almost 4000 views for the Rhyme Time theme. Still not a dream.

So this time I went from the psycho serial killer ones to those looking for naked buns. Sadly, humans ones are all they are looking for, which you will see as we go on the search engine tour once more.

rhyme with time

Really? You had to ask that. I'm not even going to grace that with an actual response at my mat.

The Grammar Nazi has his own fan club. Maybe they'll send him some grub.

"silver fox older gentleman"

The Grammar Nazi is being searched out here. Must be because he strikes fear and they have to see if he is near, so a car doesn't get rammed up their rear.

"super old dude"

Hmm this one wasn't as nice searching for him. Maybe they did it on a whim?

"natasha betsy"

You trying to create two in one? Fox's cloning must really be getting done.

"strange old men"

Well strange isn't bad. As I'm sure a strange lad, errr umm cat and you do have that door mat.

"superhero undies"

Look they even miss your comical whenever you want to post them posts. So they have to settle for other ones from other hosts.

Here come the flirty and some are rather dirty.

"dad wearing pants while mowing lawn ojke"

Umm am I missing something? Never heard such a joke given a ring. Are you supposed to mow the lawn naked or in your underwear? Should I even care?

"hot n bothered meaning"

If you have to ask this, you are sadly too young for bliss.

"safehousepoetry + sex"

Nothing like rhyming and doing it. That would take some skill I will admit.

"rhymes with condom"

Umm does quantum work? Either way just give the thing a jerk. Put it on and get going, never mind trying to make rhymes start flowing.

"jiggling jugs don't worry be happy"

Yeah, don't be sappy. For as long as you aren't Jiggle Jugs or Flappy, many people like that and you can at least say they aren't flat.

"bikini cages"

So the bars have bikini's to hold people in? If they are real live ones that might be a sin, but I think all the prisoners would want to stay. Hey, maybe that could be a new idea to put into play.

"bright yellow tramp stamp tattoo"

You think that is considered an easy mark? Beware, many could have played in that park.

All over the place at an alarming pace.

"if cows could fly"

That would mean every girl and guy would have to watch for cow patties falling from the sky.

"did have a recall on furbies for coming live"

Right! And I suppose that one night a cow really did take flight. Maybe you really had a Gremlin or even Critlen, just watch out because both bite.

"what do drunk eyes look like"

Something like that.

Then it leads to something like this, but don't quote the cat.

"most ugliest animal without face"

Hmmm don't you need a face to be ugly? Maybe it's back isn't snugly? Without a face it's just a worm. Oh wait! Mel Gibson did that A Man Without A Face movie, he does make many squirm.

"momy a spider bit me"

Well I hope it didn't bite you where that dog got bit. That just would not be a hit.

"kids movie guys puts an alien around his wrist"

Must be one small alien to do that. And yeah you confuse the cat. A guy put an alien around his wrist? Or guys shared the alien maybe even fighting over them with a fist?

"getting married-funny"

Well at least it's funny for one. Think he can roll over and speak, as well as play dead and run?

"poop scoop monk"

A poop scoop monk? Can he also slam dunk? Does he give off some zen to all women and men?

"dead fake bunny"

More with the damn Easter Bunny. I should start charging money.

"lump near the crack of my butt?"

No, I don't want to see! Go visit a doctor, not me.

"what happens when a condom is expired"

Umm a magic stork visits you and drops off a hairpulling, snot nose, diaper bomb when 9 months come due.

"farts don't trust them"

What's not to trust? Farting is a must. Can't say I'd recommend doing it during lust as the mood might go bust.

"hoa dare you fart before my wife"

I guess farting has come due. If she doesn't like it, don't come to view. For sometimes I have pass gas from my little rhyming ass.

Now for the more scary ones. Warning! Some of these might give you the runs.

"caged female prisoner"

I don't even want to know what you were thinking at your show.

"hot dog humping"

Now this is just scary and I'm sure it would be hairy. I would much rather watch a mutt sniff a butt, whoever wants to see them hump is a nut.

"hot dog bush"

Not only that but you want to see something that even more so disturbs the cat. I hope in some way your are talking about what you eat. Strat! Bad choice of words, I'll end this beat.

"playboy girl hot big boobs nice pussy"

You were just looking for a big boobed girl with a cat, right? I can respect your need for such a delight. What? I'm meaning naive? If you don't like it leave.

"old kissing lady with no teeth"

Enough said! Truly must cause dread.

And the winner this time is something not so sublime.

"big eyed nocturnal crack"

I know a full moon decides to show at night more than in the daylight. But I have never seen one with eyes on either side of the crack. I hope it stays that way at my shack. Clearly someone has such a fetish their way. I hope they found their big eyed crack display. That is all for this search engine pass, until next time crazy search engine using people, I bid adieu with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Only One Time Each Thanks To Some Dumb dVerse Peach!

2012-02-21T07:00:00.003-04:00

Some dirty rotten bugger at dVerse wanted payback for the time I stole their purse. You know the tip jar thing. I gave it back with only a bit of money missing. They're too busy being all poetic to count it anyway. I guess they finally figured it out this day. For they gave the cat a stare and as I ate my tuna they laughed when I munched on a pear. Or peach I mean, see you got me so flustered at my scene. Now I can only say it one time, each and every rhyme.

Well Achilles had that little heel,
Ironman was a mean drunk.
Can't Get Right struck a deal,
And Pepe was a foul skunk.
Then came the peach,
Giving the cat something new.
Spiraling into the breach,
Of a new rhyme to view.

Mr. Cat, sir
What would you like?
What will make you purr?
dVerse still wants you on a pike.

Thought they could get me,
To start talking out my butt.
For stealing their money,
Like that Mel Gibson nut.

But I can't be stopped,
Or tripped up.
My rhymes may be cropped,
From their poision cup.
Still away I go,
And they don't slow.

Poor Odysseus had his lust,
Boss Hog had his greed.
Mentioning Lohan is a must,
And 7/10 celebrities can't read.
The later is nothing new,
As they fake being wise.
Using a lacky crew,
To ensure their disguise.

dVerse will rue the day,
They crossed my path.
For the peach dismay,
They will sufffer my wrath.

The health inspector,
Will be there shortly.
So hide that dirty film projector,
And stop making things get umm portly.

For my rhymes are magnetic,
Even with the peach.
dVerse can't stop the poetic,
Or screw up my speech.
No weaknesses can come due,
In full on the cat.
So shame on you,
For messing with my mat.

Thanks to dVerse the Face it Facts are quite clear. There is no weakness to be had by my little rhyming rear. Maybe an adjustment or two from a peach of all things could be waiting in the wings. But other than that you can't stop the cat. For a peach was able to teach that the cat can rhyme only using the last word one time. As you can see that is starting to pass, as I once again rhyme some same chimes with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

If haciendas ichwhen Does Not Make You Go Comatose. I Surely Will As Today You Get A Double Dose!

2012-02-20T07:00:00.004-04:00

No, I will not post twice in one day, at least at my bay. For Working Dan ~~whined and whined~~ asked for a guest post. So one was done by this host. So after you're done Click here, although it's a bit more ummm graphic I fear.

Not only does Blogger have me still going Back to the Future in the comments below, where the time thingy seems to show. But some moron decided to make the WV crap, take a double lap. Hell! It isn't even double it's more like triple WV that has decided to bubble. Then they put that black smudge crap there in the middle of it and expect me to decipher their shit. Also the dirty rotten strats seem to have a thing against cats. Not updating the blogroll of people when I posted the other day and who knows if that will stay. Yeah, six hours later it did. Finally deciding to flip open its lid.

Yeah yeah yeah free! But there is a point when free doesn't cause glee. Making it become more of a strain with this stupid WV lane makes free the equivalent of giving blood to a flea. That's free too even if it is ewww. Don't believe the cat, check out these gross things I've had to type in when visiting each mat.

Comment is done
No WV, such fun.
Oops this one has it.
Before WV only annoyed a bit.

Now what I see is gross.
And sometimes one can't even diagnose.
What the hell the WV states.
Like some drunk dates.

felbeste preparar is grand,
certain joitiat can pound sand.
was ilitee and annoying too.
THE emananc knows it's true.

44blf comantones can bite me.
Gertyl TigMenat? Do you need to pee?
preseperatin escago must be heavy.
As leftior gosle broke the levee.

miller's dingitu
Brian, is this true?
WV seems mad at you.
Does a dingitu have a clue?

Annoyed by this crap yet?
I think it's a safe bet.
Typing it in is even worse,
Truly does make you want to curse.

Now times your annoyance by ten,
As that black smudge shows at each WV den.
Making it the wrong damn thing as you type it in.
But it's oh sooo free so take it on the chin.

Right? Glamrourous fretio Right?
So stupid that this thing took flight.
The cat would never say how to run a blog.
But in case you are in a fog.

I got rid of it long ago,
And maybe once a month, if that, a spam thing will flow.
So WV is big fat crap!
Make it take a dirt nap.

Turn the stupid thing off and make it need approval from you first.
Then you can still approve each burst,
Before they are seen,
Deleting those you deem obscene.

There is no need for a triple WV word upgrade,
So make the damn thing fade.
With words longer than whoopdi friggin doo,
WV needs to be flushed down the loo.

I questioned WV before at my shore, but that was just to see and I could see the points in having it at ones tree. But now! Now it needs to take a bow and get kicked off the stage. It needs to be poofed from each page. If I wanted to type medical terminology each day this blog would be a medical bay. I do give blogger props for the reply, after it got fixed of course, but WV has to DIE! As always they take one step forward fifty steps back and deserve each and every attack. Those words aren't even fun to look at anymore with their huge mass. So in closing WV can kiss my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Cat Will Have That Bird! That Is The Final dVerse Word!

2012-02-19T07:00:00.003-04:00

The cat looked out his window today and saw this Pelican on display. The thing was acting as royal as a peacock and it would not even talk. So I was set to give him a shock and fight off his whole flock. For this bird will be in my tummy and I just know he'll be yummy.

So I gave chase,
Ready to pounce on his face.
But it took off into the air,
And that was just no fair.

But I was not going to pop a vein.
I would have that feather brain.
If not for breakfast than for lunch,
He would feel my teeth crunch.

So on the land I followed his behind,
Seeing more of his kind.
But those would not do,
This is the one I wanted in my stew.

He tried to lose me in the trees,
Using the buzzing of the bees,
To try and distract me,
Thinking he was home free.

But when I stole the bees honey,
They did not think it was funny.
For they ran after me too,
And the chase continued to ensue.

I climbed the hill,
And he snapped his bill.
A gnawed on his leg a bit,
Causing him to have a fit.

He once more took flight,
As I held onto his leg tight.
Those bees were catching up too,
But they had a queen to boss their crew.

So they quickly went back,
Forgetting about their attack.
This Tucan Sam wannabe,
Was not going to get rid of me.

Then came this snowy mountain sight,
I hate that cold stuff day or night.
But I was not going to let go,
Then the stupid thing threw me in the snow.

I rolled around as he flew fast,
Trying to make his lead last.
But that was not about to come to pass,
For I slid down the mountain on my little rhyming ass.

I ended up on this road in Timbuktu,
And stopped to use the loo.
I took a quick squirt,
Then buried it in the dirt.

That bird was starting to slow,
While I kept up my speedy flow.
I could taste the meat,
As I leaped up and latched onto his feet.

He hollered once more,
And smacked me against this stone floor.
Or would that be pillar?
I just need some filler.

So now I was stuck in some alien worshipping land,
Wasn't this just grand?
I did not want the probe,
And I'd chase this thing across the globe.

So I played hop scotch along the top,
And the poor birdie started to drop.
I hopped on his back,
And went about my attack.

He spun round and round,
Trying to knock me to the ground.
But that didn't come due,
Too bad neither of us were watching our front view.

As we crashed into this tower,
And theTucan Sam wannabe started to cower.
For some dreadful looking guy,
Made the birdie cry.

He rang a big bell,
And damned us to hell.
I could not eat a slobbering bird,
All that water would leave me blurred.

But I was still hungry and needed to eat.
So I chowed down on the ugly guys feet.
He had slippers made of rabbit.
Sorry Nugget, it's just habit.

They still had all their meat,
And were a nice treat.
Not sure what it is with guys and slippers,
Or even flippers.

But I left with a full tummy,
Even though that bird would be yummy.
I hear the ugly guy and the bird,
Got married. How absurd!

That was my dVerse travel tale for the day as Reena took all pics provided at my bay. Wasn't that just a grand old time. I know some of you think eating that bird would be a crime. But the cat eats meat and rhymes with sass. Don't expect anything else from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Time To Go How Not Which You Humans Do A Lot!

2012-02-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

Done a few how to things here and there, along with some what to do at my lair. But never did a how not, so I figured maybe you humans should be taught. Here are some Face it Facts on what not to do from the cat to all of you.

How not to win a war. I suppose if you are looking to the sky and not the ground floor, it may work. Although it would probably give quite the jerk. It might even flip upside down and then you'd truly win the how not to crown.

How not to escape the loonie bin. You'd be better off saying you were Rin Tin Tin. There is no way you would get out with this type of crazy shout. But if you're looking for more meds in your cup, it will surely be filled up.

How not to catch a fly ball. Bad enough you ran into the wall but almost kicking the other guy down below, that is truly a how not to low. Bet it was an in the park homerun that day under the sun.

How not to make a threat. This is a pretty safe beat. Each episode is 22 minutes or so. So that would be 264 minutes for it to blow. Hmm kind of off wouldn't you say? Maybe he meant five minutes come May.

How not to teach your cat to hunt. If you just let them be a lazy runt then you will be over flowed with these, as the rats will do whatever they please. Yeah, that is just plain ewww and maybe scary too.

How not to skateboard. This will surely scrape your behind giving you the equivalent of a hemorrhoid. If you insist on riding around on a piece of wood, some soft cushy mattresses would be good.

How not to create your own submarine. Did you think you could get out of this watery scene? The hole is what, ten feet deep? And if you were trying to park all you should do is weep.

How not to look scary. You may as well pick up a berry and threaten to use it. For this might cause a laughing fit. Stop or I'll shoot. Maybe he has a magic gun in his boot.

How not to go under the radar when you make your evil schemes. So you want to win at your fantasy league teams and don't want to be noticed one bit. Wearing theses things will surely do it. Errr ummm sure it will. No one will look at you like you're from crazyville.

How not to win a million bucks. Awww shucks, that elephant was just so big it must have been that wig. How crazy can one be? The moon is bigger than the damn sea. If we had an elephant like that we'd all be squashed flat. But at least she wins the how not to award. I'm sure that strikes a chord. I know it's so much better than a million dollars lass and never fear, you don't have to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What Dusty Litter Can Do. I Think It Made Pat Dumber Between Me And You!

2012-02-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

The dumb litter was dusty as hell and that just did not go over well. So Pat dumped the whole thing out as none of us wanted that crap to float about. Cheap ass walmart, no longer will that crap jump into the cart. Anyway, he gave us a new kind and it works so much better for my little behind, then he took the old crap down to the garbage to take a dirt nap.

But of course even triple bagged it broke a bit, so Pat had to come back and sweep it. That was all well and good, until the idiot closed the door made of wood. For when he took the broom, he left the keys inside spelling doom. For the door locks as soon as it's shut, leaving poor Pat in a locked out rut.

The super was also out and about, meaning all Pat could do was pout. He had nothing to pick the lock but refused to sit and watch the clock. Down in the basement pacing for a while, probably for a good mile, he finally MacGyver-ed up a plan. Thank God he never had to use the can.

Borrowing a shopping cart from below, he wheeled it outside into the snow. He propped open the door just in case it did not work, but when he looked back he found it was closed by some jerk. So now he was outside in the cold, with shorts and a t-shirt trying not to let it take hold.

He looked up to Miss Priss and I, sitting in the window like we were laughing hysterically at the poor guy. We watched as he flipped the cart upside down and propped it up like a crown against a cement slab. He climbed it like a crab and then jumped off onto the small window ledge. I almost thought he would run into it like those birds from commercials for Pledge, or whatever it is. Same type of biz.

He held on and pulled out a stick, shoved it into the window side and gave it a flick. The first one popped open and off we ran. We weren't scared, just of the cold we aren't a fan. The second was a little tighter and wanted to be a fighter. But with a good clang it opened and in Pat came with a bang. He made it in, so even if the dumby locked himself out, I'll consider it a win.

Then with his keys in tow, he put everything back right at our show. But of course just as he got done with his MacGyver type fun, the super pulled in to the garage below and he was no farther ahead than if he would have waited inside with no cold or snow. The Face it Facts of this tale, quadruple bag crappy cheap ass walmart litter when it sets sail. Or just don't forget your keys then you can do whatever you please. It was fun giving Pat sass and now everyone knows thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Just For All Of You A Smashing One I Will Do!

2012-02-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

Many seem to get a kick out of the smash a printer. So I figured I'd go about how to do it like Master Splinter. Of course if you are covered in ooze stay away, as that will surely give my OCD dismay.

You're printer is busted,
What do you do?
The thing that you trusted,
Just made red turn blue.

It creeks and it cracks,
And just won't work.
No matter the smacks,
Your printer is still a jerk.

Maybe the repair guy is magic,
And will fix it for you.
Oh this is surely tragic,
Costs more to fix than buying brand new.

Now after your trip,
Which was such a waste.
You carry it by your hip,
Wait! Why bother? Let's turn it to paste.

Drop the thing where you stand,
And go get a bat.
The feeling is grand,
As you take off your hat.

Raise the bat into the air,
And let the thing fly.
Who cares if it's rare,
The thing has to die.

Use that God given muscle,
And swing for the fence.
There is no need to hustle,
Be sure to give it your two cents.

It burns calories too,
So heed my advice,
Let the neighbors view,
As they scurry about like mice.

For it's a secret wish,
That they want as well.
Instead they swim like fish,
As you send the thing to Hell.

Smile at all the pieces,
Swing until you can't anymore.
Bet you find your anger decreases,
As you have won the war.

No longer can it creek and crack,
Causing you grief.
For with one final whack,
You are full of relief.

Throw the bat over your shoulder,
And just walk away.
Let the chaos smolder,
Leaving it's death on display.

Now printers will beware,
When they come to your shack.
No matter how rare,
They will hum and no longer creek or crack.

Now wasn't that fun? Don't you just want to go out and give smashing a printer a run? I found one that doesn't work. So just maybe I'll have to give myself that perk. It might just have to be done someday when I once more can see the warm sun. So don't let your feelings pass, smash that printer and don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Time For A Globland Report Here At My Court!

2012-02-15T07:00:00.001-04:00

It's time at my court for a round up to come due.
You might give a snort after such a view.
But you are on equal ground and it had to be done.
As I went around and spied on each and everyone.
I had to get the dirt and the Face it Facts,
No! I didn't flirt or do any stalker acts.

Unless you count my need to lick,
After seeing a dirty pic.

So to keep you all up to speed and on the ball.
I have done the deed and will give Globland a call.

Yes it's really a write,
Shut up! It's my site.

Cats are being caged and getting the snip snip,
The humpty hump raged no more after that trip.
Sundays for a blabber mouth have come to an end.
There isn't enough gas down south to continue such a trend.
A blue man is refusing to update and to change.
He thinks his eight tracks are great and will not re-arrange.

Have you caught on to my little game?
If the answer does not dawn your brain is to blame.

Ginger on the tongue is sweeping the land,
I think their bell is rung as they spit in back in their hand.
Digging in the dirt seems to be quite the craze.
I guess that sax flirt likes to make a dirt maze.
Rocket ships are being found in the roadside ditch.
Along with some gal all profound who must really itch.

Are you there yet or still confused?
Either way I bet you know I'm amused.

Fecking airlines are merging or whatever you call it.
But with such converging money has surely filled a pit.
A grammar hound has hung up his socks.
A slump has been found over at those docks.
Some bible thumping clown helps children sing.
I'd be embarrassed in that town to admit I owned the vhs of the thing.

This is not a trick and should come with ease.
Now make yourself slick and don't sneeze.

For there was a man who blew stuff up,
And I hear the bible belt wasn't a fan of his bagel hiccup.
Some rawkin robin is against Valentine's day,
Even offering a bobbin for a delightful display.
A birdie is in love with one and all.
How can that wannabe dove like what comes after fall?

I was a bit more blantant there.
So don't say the cat doesn't care.

Another has a thing for a spy named Chuck.
While one let it sing that he can't blog thanks to having to suck.
The Russians may come to lurk and invade,
If an angry guy gives a hum and his plans don't fade.
Always something food wise at this cave,
Which after heaven's sensual nude might be all the rave.

The cat has you thinking now?
If you figured it out take a bow.

There is music all around even if you can't understand.
But it's a pretty sound unless it's a can't hear the words band.
A third little pooch as joined ones shore.
Good thing they aren't like Hooch or they'd break down the door.
A goth critter came about as of late,
I think it was bitter and knew its cat snack fate.

Did you hit your head with that bow?
That must cause dread but don't have a cow.

A guy shitting on the basketball court for the game,
Really is an epic fail at any hall and really lame.
Some zombies and two guys had a thing,
I guess the zombie told lies and snacked during their fling.
Retro eighties and fake trailers are up for display,
Along with maybe some jolly sailers and a nerd who had to pay.

Watch your back for zombies I must say.
Those things just yum yum you away.

Seems to be a run on crows and the chim chim chireey.
Why? God only knows with a sip sip sir-y.
Lemurs are still lying in wait for their chance to shine.
Penguins seem to have of late caused them to whine.
Another is on the job search and quit the junk.
So he won't turn into Lurch and "You Rang" will be bunk.

Those lemurs are ready to attack.
Watch out for they run in a pack.

Some poor guy has classes piling up mid way through.
But to all the masses he states a pass will come due.
Tech updates are heard most every day.
But don't be absurd and find them at a certain bay.
Dragons have come to roost as well as of late.
I guess their fiery hell may be Earth's fate.

All these scary creatures are out and about.
If you see such features, run, scream and shout.

Some weird shaped hill also threw me for a loop.
I bet for a thrill he purposely made the thing droop.
Oliver! Oliver! Oliver! Stupid thing needs to silence itself.
Bloody Hell! Why did I have to go visit that shelf.
Once more that half naked girl was getting all groped.
I wonder if giving it a whirl came out as she hoped?

So if your brain still isn't lit I have to give up hope,
For you haven't got it and are at the end of your rope.

So now my court has come full circle for all of you.
If you can't understand the report than whoopdi friggin doo.
You know how I love to use that at my shore.
Don't say suck a lemon to the cat or I'll break down your door.
I hope you weren't confused and caught on to my report view.
But if you were abused once more whoopdi friggin doo!

I know how to distract you with gas.
Maybe I should release some from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

This dVerse Will Ruin The Mood. Yeah, I'm Rude!

2012-02-14T07:00:00.003-04:00

All are getting lovey dovey their way, just makes me cringe at my bay. Not over the lovey dovey stuff. But that people actually believe in this stupid day of fluff.

So if you came here expecting the cat to subscirbe to this, you may end up giving a hiss. But never fear, I won't just rant today as you peer. For with my little rhyming rear, I may make you shed a tear.

If that doesn't ruin the mood I don't know what will. But then again I won't knock you, much, if he gives you a thrill.

Here is my true heart. Don't you want to add it to your cart? So there we go, now on with the dVerse rant at my show.

So one whole day?
To celebrate lovey dovey play.
No wonder the divorce rate keeps going up,
With so many subscribing to this hiccup.

Easter has a chocolate egg pooping bunny,
Birthday's you get money,
Halloween has dress up and treats,
Christmas has lots of different beats.

But a guy in a diaper brings romance?
With a real strange looking stance.
Plus he likes to ram an arrow up your ass,
Do all become brain dead until this day decides to pass?

The only point,
Is to increase the revenue of each corporate joint.
Giving this dumb day any meaning than any other one,
Is just buying into the crap those corporate idiots spun.

To many the cat could come across as a scrooge over this day,
But if I cause dismay.
Maybe you'll wake up and smell more than roses,
And stop looking at a guy in a diaper with weird poses.

Instead of showing it one whole time a year,
Get off your damn rear,
Do it each and every day,
I bet more lovey dovey will come your way.

Plus it will be on your terms,
Not that of such corporate worms.
But than what does a cat know.
You humans buy into anything with a pretty red bow.

Hope I made your Valentine's Day with my rhyming display. But if I caused sass, I can take it, as I know at least I don't worship a guy in a diaper with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Don't Touch Me! Tagging Doesn't Go Well With My OCD!

2012-02-13T07:00:00.010-04:00

Maybe if you wash your hands first, I'll allow a light tagging burst. But other than that keep your germy mitts off the cat. Okay, if it will keep your hands off and stop making you scoff. The cat will answer all of you, who made all this tagging come due. But the Face it Facts are, I don't tag at my bar, even though my hands are clean after touching you they could get germy and I might get mean.

So there is RCB with some random facts, R.gers with his question acts, Zap McBlowfist adding some more and Miranda with questions galore. Let's see what they have in store, as I explore their questions at my shore.

Random Facts you say? Here are five for display!

1. The cat must meow as he digs a big hole and a big hole is the goal, for if there is no big hole in place the cat will not go and instead chew on a shoe lace.

2. Speaking of which, I could make you bitch. For if you come to my shore and leave your shoes on the floor, as soon as you look away. Bye bye shoe laces is all I can say. I like velcro too, but wearing those really doesn't say much for you.

3. I chirp in my sleep, a whole heap. I'm told I stick out my tongue too but I don't believe Pat between me and you.

4. I secretly stash away toys under the couch, stealing things causing Pat to be a grouch. But shhh don't tell, he may drop me in a well.

5. If you eat toilet paper take my word for it, it still doesn't mean you don't have to wipe off the shit. Just some advice as I've tried it more than twice.

Time to give R.gers a go, with the question flow!

First video game you ever played?
Duck Hunt would be it, sure was a hit.

Favorite game console (Wii, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, NES, so on so forth)?
SNES is the best, beats all the rest.

Favorite video game?
SSBM I will say but SSBB just causes dismay.

Who do you think is the greatest character ever conceived in video games?
Booger Man! Of his pick and flick adventure I am a fan.

Who is the greatest villain?
No one, as they all die a ton and never win, what a sin.

Best weapon in your opinion (can be any game)?
The booger flick and pick as it can really stick.

Biggest pet peeves in games?
Loading and glitchy crap, those need to take a nap.

Your greatest gaming moment ever?
Umm no idea at all, as I've played and beat many at my hall.

If you were a character from any game, what would you do?
Jump down the hole to see what is there. If I die what do I care for I'll just come back and go on the attack.

If given enough time and resources. What would be your life goal?
To make the world a better place. Can you see the "yeah right" look on my face?

Do think this it the eleventh question?
Nope, as there are more below you dope.

Zap McBlowfist giving more questions to make me type and hurt my wrist!

1. It's Xmas time, who would you most like to have round for Christmas Dinner?
Chicken of course, I eat it every day without remorse.

2. What is your favourite day?
Friday, Saturday or Sunday will do, the rest I work so ewww.

3. If you could steal an idea and have it as your own and get away with it would you?
If the idea was a million dollar idea hmmm maybe, but then I'd split the dough with the idea person easily.

4. When cornered by 15 Gypsy's how would you escape? Fight your way through or charm them with a dance?
The cat would flash them his ass and then give some rhyme sass, they would be all confused and their brain's abused. Then I would just trot by, watching as the poor gypsy's cry.

5. Do you love guns or pop music more?
Definitely choose guns for some pop artist that hurt my ears, lets just say they'll be walking with lead in their rear's.

6. When was the last time you nearly or actually got caught having a play with yourself?
The cat's been snip snip, so nothing their to flip flip.

7. In how ever many words it takes describe your most passionate encounter with a Delicious scone or cake.
Blah! That enough? If not tough.

8. Do you have any spare money for me?
I could send a penny to you? Would you like me too?

9. Would you stop a fight in the street?
Depends who the fighters were, if I'd bother to ruffle my fur.

10. If you could change the colour of your wee as it came out would you? (more for boys this one)
Why? Does color matter with the things you want to try?

11. I love you do you love me?
No! Now no more touching and go!

Miranda's turn to suffer the burn of the answers I retort here at my court!

1. If you could travel back in time, what period would you most like to see?
I go back to before the time when the last humans expired and see how they were wired.

2. What is your favorite tree?
Anyone that doesn't smell like dog pee.

3. Do you prefer the sandy beach or a cabin in the mountains?
Take the cabin in the mountains any day, as all that sand is a bitch to clean up as it's such a big litter tray.
4. Which celebrity do you most resemble and why?
That stupid cat in the hat, but he has nothing on my mat.

5. Fill in the blank. I would never ______________________.
I would never leave the thing blank for my OCD would make me walk the plank.

6. Coffee or Tea?
Neither for me!

7. A date with Brad Pitt or jumping out of a plane?
I'll take the date with Brad Pitt and through my wit, get him on the plane. Then oopsy! Out he goes without a parachute and falls like rain. Until he goes splat. Aren't I a fun cat?

8. If you could donate $1,000,000 to any charity, which would it be?
The charity of me oh that causes such glee. What? Don't look at me funny. Okay, I'd only keep half the money. The rest can go to the other animals out there. They just better not come crowd my lair.

9. What is a place you've never been, but would like to visit?
Australia would be grand, but who knows as I haven't left my land.

10. What is your favorite sweet?
Do Pringles count? If not, don't eat a single other one in any amount.

11. Who do you admire most (anyone alive or dead)?
I admire something that has sass, is crass and can pass gas there lass. Yep, you guessed it, my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What's The dVerse Deal? Who Cares? For You Figments Are Not Real!

2012-02-12T07:00:00.005-04:00

So dVerse has gotten all philosophical at their place and that put a smile on my face. At first I was going to do the whole nothing is something or something is nothing lap, but sooo many nothings and somethings in one place would make you take a nap. But what do I care? As according to Solipsist theory it's just me at my lair. You are all a figment of my imagination and anything you say came from my brain each and every day.

You're so full of pink rainbows!
I changed the way your mind flows.
Oh take a nice long bath.
Sorry! Mind creations you will suffer my wrath.

I'm going to watch Due South.
See! I changed your mind, blabber mouth.
Stop making me jump up and down.
Why? Does it give you a frown?

I won't comment anymore.
You just did at my shore.
Go figure out the meaning of the universe.
See I won't even let you curse.

I am going to hurt not you.
Well whoopdi friggin doo.
My mind is my own.
Did I just change your tone?

No matter what you say,
It's just from my mind display.
A figment is all your are,
Those who come near and far.

Tell me this or that,
It was dreamed up by the cat.
If it is something I couldn't know,
It was pre-progammed in at my show.

And is now just showing itself,
Coming off my brain shelf.
You cannot win!
You figments are from my brain bin.

All is not lost,
I will let you talk at a cost.
For I need some company I guess.
The world would be quite a mess.

If the cat was here all alone.
Hmm hold the phone.
It already is pretty much.
And as such.

All could blame the cat,
You figments better scat.
Even poor Pat.
The food he gives is making me fat.

Or is it all in my head.
Did you get what I said?
Of course you do.
As nothing but a figment are all of you.

You figments all gather around for now I ge all profound. Live as if you weren't a figment of my imagination at your bay and go back about your day. Isn't going all solipsist at my sea great? Since you are a figment you must be able to relate. Or maybe with this philosophical pass, I could, maybe, sorta be talking out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Sun Needs To Get With The Program. Enough With The Spam!

2012-02-11T07:00:00.002-04:00

You wake up and have a look and oh it's nice and sunny at your nook. The sun beams in on your face. The window just has to be open at your place. Poof! You open it up nice and wide. The stupid sun lied! For your arms get rather bumpy, things shrink so you can't get ummm humpy and things get perky too. But that you knew.

The stupid sun is just a prick making you fall for such a trick. That damn thing needs to get on board the train and stop yanking ones chain. If you are bright and sunny be warm if not go away and let it storm. Don't show yourself if you aren't go to warm things up. Can do that with a coffee cup. Or at least those that drink that stuff can, the cat or Pat isn't a fan.

The sun is a fake,
Ignoring the freezing lake.
It looks like it can make you bake,
As soon as you wake.

But then you get a chill,
Denying you of a thrill.
Unless you pop a pill,
Or have a mighty strong will.

Make it so all is nice,
And you will get no spice.
Melt the stinking snow,
And let the grass grow.

But not too high,
Mowing the lawn can make some cry.
Especailly if they are clusty,
Or a little putsy.

And chop off your feet.
That would not be neat.
I guess with no snow,
Have to be sure to have ice at your show.

Move closer if you must,
Bring on spring and lust.
The winter just sucks,
Even for wandling ducks.

It freezes up trucks,
Heat also costs bucks.
Make the cold go poof,
And stop weighing down the roof.

The ice sickles can kill too.
That just won't do.
Letting those things remain,
That can really cause pain.

So do the cat a favor,
Change the season to a different flavor.
And stop trying to be tricky.
That is just icky.

Anyway, you have been told and I don't want any more cold. The same goes for too much heat. So set your power on repeat and make it just right, evening, noon and night. That is the simple Face it Facts for you. Now make it come due. If not I will have to get really crass for you freezing off my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

11,000 Comments Galore With Some Back Talk From Some Of You At My Shore!

2012-02-10T07:00:00.008-04:00

The cat was checking out the comment count and found it was up over the 11,000 amount. Not bad for a year or so. I had this idea for 10,000 at my show. But Pat comments back so damn much that it was distorted a touch. So I waited for an extra thousand or so just to offset Pat in the comments below. But what is the point you ask? It is a very simple task. Those that landed on 1000, 2000, etc. got a question asked their way and here is the questions and answers at my bay.

11,000 = RCB
Why do psychics charge $1.99 a minute instead of winning the lottery?

I've heard it's a fact they need $1.99 a minute exact. They don't want US to accuse THEM of cheatin'!

10,000 = Anne
Why is it called an airline? If they don't fly in a straight line do they get a fine? If the airplane isn't in the air, is it still an airplane or just a plane? Almost done, don't pop a vein. Why is it an airport if it isn't in the air? I know, too many questions, but you're number 10,000 so it's fair.

1. Planes to transport here and there
above the ground, not down below
they line the sky
on sylvan wings aglow.

2. A figure eight is fine when
done on ice;
but in the sky
you just might die
if drunken pilots fly
unifned.

3. When sitting around
in no hurry to go
a plane is just plain,
you know?

4. By flight of fancy
the name was given
by Brothers Wright
at a pub one night,
after pints of ale they drank,
and named the place
the plane will go
by where it whence had come.

9,000 = Betsy
What do you do when you view an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Squash it like an ant?

Grab a water bottle and give a little spray!
Offer him some hay.
Tell him money you will pay
If he'll just go away!
Act like a horse and say neigh.
Bring him a tray
of something kind of grey.
Offer a ride on a sleigh.
Come back on Saturday.
Don't stay!
Look away!
Say, "What the hey!"

8,000 = Claudia
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the feather or the pony macaroni?

haha...i know nothing of that song,
so my answer may be wrong
but if i were a pony,
and someone called me macaroni,
i think i'd smear tomatoe sauce
around his nose

7,000 = YeamieWaffles
Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have a single toe?

Awww, being put on the spot? I'm not too keen.
My brain's connected dots? Though they wouldn't place it on the spleen?
Would the body have rot? Or would it be all clean?
Is the answer to that not? I'd put it on their ass but that's too mean!

I'm running out of flow for this Pat Hatt, rhyming show.
And now I've stole your lines, just no no no!

I guess I'd just put it on their fingers or their heel really. Hope this answer's at
least adequate mate!

6,000 = Elisa
Why do they put holes in crackers? Are they slackers?

Holes in crackers,
'cause they're attackers.
Who puts holes unless they're backpackers.

Backpacking attackers they scare me forever,
better than Miss Priss. Are they, wait never.

5,000 = Bersercules
If you shift out of sync and can walk through objects, people and walls. How is it that when walking down halls, you don't fall through the floor? Too much of a chore?

Actually if I got the power to walk through walls and people and cars and doors
I would fall right through any floors

In fact it happens all the time!
Thats what happened to many people that disappear!
People think there kidnapped or killed in a crime-
But thats just not true they're just not here-

They just fell through the floor
To never be seen anymore!

4,000 = Elisa
If a kid refuses to sleep at nap time, are they guilty for resisting rest? Come on, try your best.

Guilty of rest,
Or guilty of zest?

If a kid plays and plays,
Like running in a maze.

Then they'll take go to sleep
Of my vengeance they'll reap

3,000 = Betsy
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59pm and his head pops out at 12:01am, which day was he born on? Need to see it on a jumbotron?

The baby's not born 'til it's born!
Oh, don't look so forlorn!
A birthday on the second day
is better anyway!
But seriously, breech and then not?
That's some imagination you've got.
And all that changed in 2 minutes flat.
Bet that mom was saying "Strat!"
That's really quite a birth.
Wouldn't wish that for anyone on earth!

2,000 = Betsy
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Don't look at me funny.

But I always look at you funny, honey. :)
Let's see. Which would it be?
Which came first
the cloud or the sun burst?
I think they mean the same thing!
It's just a matter of taste which one you sing.
Optimistic people say partly sunny,
wanting to make lemonade, smile and be funny.
Pessimistic people would say partly cloudy
they would frown and look all pouty.

1,000 = Brian
What was the mind set of the first person to ever see a cow and think "I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? I won't judge your shout.

to die of thirst is probably wurst
tongue all swollen clogging your throat with its growing
leaving you breathless and choking, (not in a good way, mind
you like that night in a pannsylvania bungalo---err)
any way, so man tried rocks, but they chip teeth
and truthful only return your spit for relief,
chewing grass just gave it flavor, it was wet that he avered
so one day he saw old bessie, for a heffer she was mighty hefty
had these bangs hung down below, a little like the ones
he had at home (but he'd never tell no one that
cause that would be the end of that) so there they swayed
heavy and gurgly so a plan in his mind came a lurking
as he crawled under neath ol' bessie got frazzled
kicked him in the head and he was a dazzled
but try and try and try again he did, behind tall reed
in disguise he hid, but each time she got the best
till one day he caught her a rest, and popping
that pink dangly thing in his mouth, milk was discovered
from the lands to the south, but after minute of enjoying her dream
bessie woke up and he got creamed, for its uncouth
to sneak a nip off the udder and what she did to him
will certainly make you shudder

LMAO! Weren't all of those grand? Give the 000's a hand.

Yeah the Face it Facts are true. I went through all those comments and counted down for the one that came due. Also surprisingly enough, none of them landed on Pat's retort huff and puff. I guess the rest of the regular crew that come to view, poor Fox, just have no luck when it comes to the 000's in the comment box. Maybe for 21,000 they will and then they too can have a retort thrill. So today you got their sass, which was such fun to use by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Screw You Nancy Grace, Whoopdi Friggin Do Is In Your Face!

2012-02-09T07:00:00.008-04:00

Robbie Raisin is here once more with an encore. But today I have to skip the game show for this blithering nonsense continually hits a new low. So I will save you all the trouble and bury that crap in rubble on the double, but I won't burst your bubble. For it involves a body part and isn't for the faint of heart.

Will I be repeating that same old crap over and over, sounding like a parrot crossed with a rover? Nah! I'll leave that for those poor distraught ~~celebrity over and over again yappers~~ news hounds. I wouldn't want to show up their looped rounds. For I have gone out and found witnesses and experts that aren't shady. Sadly I couldn't secure a Brady. They were too busy singing over their lunch, what a bunch. I'm sure these guys/girls are the next best thing. So what is the awesome story I bring?

The Zombie Foot

Myth? Legend? Or Fact!

(I know such a nasty looking act)

The powers that be seem to be hiding this one under their tree. Humans aren't going full on Zombie like the movies would suggest. It's only their right foot, forget the rest. They can't find the cure and don't want to alarm. I hear in Area 51 they have a zombie foot farm. But I know you want the cold hard Face it Facts, as we wouldn't want any zombie foot people to fall through the cracks. We have to herd these people up fast before the plague gets vast. But what are the symptoms of zombie foot carriers? For that news I sought out a reliable source and broke all the barriers.

Reliable Source

I've gathered plenty of intel on this disease and it seems it can make your brain freeze. Don't believe me? Just look at the people I've had to study.

Jannie Funster

I eats me shingles and counts me pringles.

(mixed up speech)

Brian

I know but i need my sleep just like betsy, will return in the morning dry, not wetsy...hopefully

(wetting the bed)

Betsy

My tongue went numb because of ant spray

(Wrong use of cleaning products)

Elisa

I laughed so hard that I just coughed up a lung

(Losing your insides)

Besercules

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you starve us do we not die? If you stick us in a room with video games do we not play them for endless hours!

(Asking questions in threes)

Nathan
I do want to go to Chargogagogmanchargogagogcharbunagungamog
(Ability to prounance such long names)

Leon Kennedy
My hat's off to you sir
(Taking hats off)

Interwebs Fails
My brain is drunk
(Excess alcohol abuse)

Dezmond

Penguins had to resuscitate me

(Mixing humans with penguins)

MRanthrope
but the only hammer I work about is Lord Google's (BAN)hammer
(Bowing to figments of ones imagination)

Birdie
Sorry i think i'm here by mistake
(Amenisa)

Claudia

Sometimes i think it would be nice to get the flu

(A want to get sick)

DWei

I never have any luck with these things but maybe this time I'll be lucky.

(Further proof for the want to get it)

D4
Yeah.. I'm with DWei.
(The need to copy)

The Angry Lurker
It does hurt...thanks...where's the paracetamol
(Not knowing where it hurts)

Sundersartwork
Money counts, to help you bounce.
(Bouncing on money)

Baur
Is that a place in Africa
(Not sure where they are)

Infiniteplans
U can't touch this
(Developed a fear of touch)

YeamieWaffles
This chair sounds so awesome.

(Thinking furniture can talk)

RCB

Lots of bad-breath villains trying t kill me lately

(Paranoia)

Anne

A telly I don't possess

(No TV)

Mama Zen

I may never go again

(The need to hold it)

Hank

The boobies sure raise temperatures

(I guess that's normal)

Mary

But I've gotta run, as Elvis has left the building

(Hallucinations)

Daydreamer

I start to itch as soon as my dog begins to scratch

(Enough said)

Silver Fox

You should have heard the high notes I could hit

(Change in pitch)

Slamdunk

Thanks for offering something that I can take and abuse others with.

(The want to scare people with the zombie foot)

Spider bites on dog balls truly appalls.

(True, but who looks there?)

Gloria

Playing with Wet Willy

(Sure...)

Jax

The two naked men trying to crack each others backs almost made me gag

(Poor gag reflex)

I have such a football field where no real catches have been made but it exists every week

(Seeing imaginary fields)

R
Nice rhymes!
Great rhymes!
Great rhymes with nice pictures!

(Repetition)

Now you know what to look for as the symptoms grow. But for more information on this scary disease, I, Robbie Raisin, put my life on the line in order to appease. I visited some of the carriers of this plague and even though some were a bit vague, I got the inside scoop to keep you in the loop.

RCB
I need a drink. Or a new brain, whichever is available.

(They were so confused)

Other Mary
I think you'd better get your armor ready

(They were violent)

Grace
I am doing the hammer dance gig
(They danced a jig)

Max Evel
U can't touch this!
oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
(See what I mean?)

YeamieWaffles
There's no way I want to end up like bird head

(Paranoid and bird head?)

Silver Fox

Should've given my comment a semi-colonoscopy before I hit "publish," eh?

(Just sounds so wrong)

Fred
Uncovered the baloney behind the phony

(Searching for magical things)

Daydreamer

They'd all fart at the same time and set light to them with such a woooshhh!

(An increase in gas)

Hank
Do we have the luck Against all eventualities

(Always wanting to win)

Mama Zen

Can't we just call Ben Affleck?

(Relying on actors)

Anne

Is an idea that came from the bowels of hell itself

(Scary talk)

Al
But my favorite show by far: What else? My Mother, the Car

(Made me watch the worse show ever)

Gloria
Swimm in the loo

(Enough said)

Jax

They are just a bunch of jelly bellies

(Obsessively needed to poke bellies)

Slamdunk
I need to drink some more Mountain Dew and try again

(Thought Mountain Dew was the cure)

Ed
I'd like to see someone push a moose

(Daring the others)

Claudia

I would use that glassy toilet any time

(Wanted to be seen no matter what)

Bersercules
Oranges... rhyme that...

(Ridiculous challenges)

Elisa
I love how so many of these comments are about hairy backs/back shaving/back in general

(Obsessed with back hair)

Betsy

Freaky Fickle Flavicon Flip Flopping Fearlessly

(Enough said)

Betsy

Now hold on a sec as I grab my wooden spoon mic and have another read and sing as loud as I like

(I said it was enough)

Betsy

Cough cough wheeze...oh, sorry, did you say something?

(Losing their minds)

Brian

crap it ate my comment

(Thought crap could eat comments)

Brian

This was a gas, so i will leave it on your ass

(There was continuous ass looking)

It wasn't a pretty sight. Thank your lucky stars I didn't show images so you can still sleep tonight. Is there a way to counteract this awful plight? For that I took flight to the CDC and this is what they told me.

CDC Person

We have discovered nothing about this disease as of now. Other than they are crazy like a mad cow. They seem to be saying the first thing that pops in. Just take these examples from our recording bin.

DWei
The most interesting one is "There's poop coming from my ceiling".

(Don't want to know how it got up there)

RCB
Usually when you type these words, you end up my freaking way

(Who's typing?)

Silver Fox
Your supply of Pringles is amazing... and a tad scary

(Scared of pringles hmmm)

Fred
Lets lay down flat as we can and pretend we're like a tree, that would be cool woopee

(At least he's having fun.)

Gloria
That I crush with all men

(Enough said)

Birdie
Makes me feel to vomit
(I hope she aims for the bucket)

Grace
We got allergies, and we like our toilet
(Just what I needed to know)

Al
But...is it more than fun than a barrel of monkeys in bunched-up panties?

(Quite the visual)

Jax
I did witness my friend puke in his shoe

(Just had to blurt that out?)

Bersercules
Yay! You wrote a whole post about me... I think... I'm not sure... I don't understand it all...

(Complete and utter confusion)

Anne
I'm trying to keep my mouth shut. It's not easy

(Saying that thus proving it's not easy)

Jannie Funster
What would be worse Than 29 long needles From a bitchy nurse

(God only knows)

Claudia
My brain's a mess after reading this..full of stress...think i need a nurse

(I guess they need a nurse bad)

Dezmond
You would be strip searched and we would discover THAT you're not a penguin

(A growing penguin fetish)

Brian

Pinching my nose so that the stink you stunk passes, gases from asses kill masses of people each year

(The poor masses)

Betsy
A fogging stall and a talking flush? That's enough to make me blush

Brian

er gross, guess that was not flavored oxygen i was sucking down

Al
So THAT'S why my cereal tasted funny this morning

Betsy

Yes, icky! and kind of sticky they aren't at all picky to chew on electricity

Brian

Great i get the blame for what spills from your brain

(Make any sense of that conversation?)

Mama Zen
People like that drive me crazy!

(Amen!)

Fred
Those shoe flies are bad news I'm telling you

(Maybe they are the cause?)

JAX
A bug free crack is just the way I like it
(Umm, hmmm, errr, so wrong!)

Silver Fox
And as far as John Smith being "such a cad," haha... What if he's not, but the other person wants to spread vicious lies?

(Anyone have an answer?)

Orson
I agree with the Silver Fart that #1 ain't got the stuff

(I guess that will do)

Hank
An asteroid like a ball is round It rolls away easily on the floor

(Must be one mighty big floor)

Daydreamer
Good grief, need a pill now to settle petal

(Bloody Hell!)

Mary

I think I would be driven wild By a super yappy adult or child

(Hard to avoid both)

Betsy
You're so snippy with your zippy words newcomers would think we're absurd!

(She talking to me?)

Fred

Artsy-fartsy is ALWAYS a good thing
(Don't do both at once.)

Miranda
Every one needs snow butts on a Monday
(Let it snow)

Zap McBlowfist
now we just neeed more women to randomly do this
(Just imagine what "this" is)

Mary

Fingers switched with toes could INDEED cause a problem!

(And it just gets worse from there)

See what I mean? A truly loony tunes scene. So that is the report on the new plague sweeping across the planet. I say bury the zombie feet in granite. Maybe with no air they'll go back to being a normal pair. Let's hope this gets under control before your zombie foot decides to take you for a stroll. I'm glad I could share this with all of you and I know it was a little out of the blue. But the people need to be told while the powers that be just worry about their gold.

This was a Robbie Raisin exclusive report. Sorry if it wasn't short.

********************

The cat would never chew on that foot, ever! That thing is so nasty I think I'd sooner sever the thing than let zombie foot fling. So glad it's only spread to you humans though, meaning the cat is nice and safe at his show. I will hide until this thing starts to pass as zombie foot doesn't sit well with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

With a Tag Along Or Two I Tracked Down Tarsier Man's Theme Song For All To View!

2012-02-08T07:00:00.011-04:00

I interrupt this post for a special news bulletin from bush number three. "Brian is a slow pokey!" Just waiting on you, Mr. Email ignoring person, for a post to come due. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming and enough with the Mr. Email ignoring person slamming.

The title may be a bit of a lie. For yeah Miss Priss and I did end up running into that Drazin guy, who wanted to make Tarsier Man fry. I guess Drazin wasn't over those popping bug eyes. But I never really found the theme song prize. It found us and I think Tarsier Man has moved ahead of Drazin on the short bus.

********************

"Tonight's top story, a masked hero with a suit of bark, called the Tarsier Man, saves girl from fire. Tune in at eleven for all the latest on this and our other top stories, like how one man made the largest bed ever. He simply slept outdoors."

Miss Priss and I saw this the first ten times it aired and had to see how this Tarsier Man really faired. So off we went to the scene and it seems Drazin also saw the news plug on his TV screen. Or maybe the so called god just knew. Yeah, he yapped about it, said his name fifty times and proved he still has a loose screw.

"Drazin is here to make that thing pay. Those eyes are going to pop once and for all. So stay out of Drazin's way fleabags. Drazin still needs a nifty hat to go with Drazin's cat fur slippers."

Drazin marched off toward the charcoal house, as the fire fighters were giving the flames one last dose. I saw cameras flashing and reporters yapping. It wasn't long before I heard Tarsier Man flapping. He pointed to the girl he saved and got an applause. In the mean while Miss Priss had asked the owner what was the cause.

Turns out Tarsier Man caught the owner smoking outdoors and ran over on all fours. He then slapped the lighter out of the guys hand and in the grass he made it land. It caught fire and things turned dire as it spread to his home. So in other words Tarsier Man, the little bug eyed gnome, started the fiasco once more. I began hoping Drazin would make his eyes pop in their encore.

Miss Priss noted how the owner seemed reluctant to name the girl. You'd also think he'd want to be with his daughter are such a fire whirl. So I went over to check and when I tried to take the blanket off her, my claw nicked her just a speck. She started to whistle at me and before long she was as flat as can be. We quickly got why he was reluctant to share the truth, for she was a charming inflatable Betty he named Ruth.

Of course the cameras didn't see as Drazin waited in the shadows for them to flee. I guess the so called god was camera shy or maybe he didn't want the kiddies to see their hero die. It was after another quick point that some Hercules looking muses got my nose out of joint. For he brought them out to sing his theme song. Some things are just so wrong.

Tarsier Man With The Plan

He's the man with the plan.

He's Tarsier man.

When you're in danger,

Don't be a stranger.

Send up a flare,

For any scare.

Bad guys beware,

And say a prayer.

Tarsier man is here.

Everyone give a cheer.

He'll save your bank,

Fill your gas tank.

Stop any old thief,

From causing you grief.

Even spank your brother,

With the okay of your mother.

If you go down a dark alley,

Don't dilly dally.

Tarsier Man will shine a light,

On anything that gives a fright.

He'll help a little old lady,

Take care of the shady.

Feed the needy,

Punish the greedy.

Right every wrong,

Doing it with a song.

In no time flat,

The bad guys will scat.

He only has eyes for you.

As his wins accrue.

For when they pop,

The bad guys will stop.

No need to call a cop,

Just give a name drop.

Tarsier Man will dash,

And be there in a flash.

So don't delay.

Make the criminals pay.

Tarsier Man paves the way,

Stopping crime today.

The news lapped up every second of the thing and finally ran off to cover some political fling, like that's big news these days. It's already been told every which ways. But it provided Drazin the chance he was waiting for and with his typical third person roar, he grabbed Tarsier Man by the throat. I swear his eyes started to float.

They popped from his skull like Drazin said he was going to do and then zoomed about trying to strike the three of us as they flew. Miss Priss and I batted them away, I guess our claws caused them dismay. Drazin yelled and as he opened his yap, an eye ball went right in his trap. It bounced around in his mouth a bit. He was having a real fit.

He let go of Tarsier Man and began trying to bit the eye, yet he missed with each try and missed Tarsier Man darting off down the street. His eyes finally chased after his feet and I guess are now back in his head. It was so funny how much he caused Drazin dread.

"I guess finally that mouth of yours will have to be washed out with soap?"

"Shut up fleabag! You mention this to anyone and Drazin will pluck out your eyes and use them on Drazin's slippers."

Drazin continued spitting as he went out of view and Miss Priss had fun once again letting him have it on cue. We strutted off for home but my thoughts continued to roam. One day this Tarsier Man would have to be stopped or at least his so called super stature dropped. But I'm sure we'll get to that, as I know he'll be back to bother the cat.

********************

So there was another tale and now you can repeat Tarsier Man's theme without fail. Even though he is so full of strat but you don't have to be a cat to know that. So just remember if he offers his services to you take a pass, trust my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Don't Get Bitter, It's Just The dVerse World Of Twitter!

2012-02-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

The cat was sitting at work, doing that thing where I lurk and saw the Twitter feed go down and down. Some of the crap is dVerse enough to make one frown. But I watched it run and knew it had to be done. If you don't like it now, wait until after I give a meow.

Resturant and Catering Financial Control,
Will surely suck out your soul.
Psst! Grab your FREE WorldSite domain name.
Afterwards we'll charge and mame.

We're not the only ones being tracked online.
I knew my desk was being tracked for being too divine.
Jesus Christ. Are you serious?
Maybe I just want to be mysterious

I just got pulled over by them boys free I am
Hmm I will nod and agree mam.
What's your biggest pet peeve?
That your same damn question won't leave.

Love that she speaks her mind, if only she had one.
Now this one was well done.
Tonight is gonna be crazy.
Oops that was last night, I'm still hazy.

I'm bubbling over here with excitement.
Damn! I got a Twitter indictment.
Dear Liberals & President Obama,
I will forgo what was said after the comma.

How does one exercise a spirit/entity,
Hmm get them a treadmill to go with their new identity?
Gettin' close to time to REALLY clean house.
Bah let's just blame the dirt on the spouse.

Find a quiet corner in a cave.
It's dark and scary but I'm brave.
It's national pop corn day!
Pop pop, chew chew is all I can say.

A series on "truth in media."
Better off reading an encyclopedia.
Tweet Tweet Tweet!
Wow you surely can't be beat.

Turn this up as loud as you can.
So I can run you down with my van.
It's easier to fall alseep at school than at home.
No wonder with old Mr. Chrome Dome.

No relationship is ever a waste of time.
Tell that to my ex, the mime.
People live by an idea of reality instead of reality.
How do you check in all actuality?

OH ME!
Your brain has been set free.
The most trusted place to buy facebook fans.
Who cares if they are robot clans?

Nothing really new, but well composed.
How rude! Your mind is so closed.
Chewing my finger nail.
And with that great bit of info I end my tale.

Now you can't say that wasn't dVerse. Might surely make you want to curse. But the Face it Facts are that a lot of crap, surely takes the Twitter lap. If you have to say "chewing my finger nail" on your feed, take heed. You need a life before you start announcing your bathroom habits and causing everyone strife. So there is some Twitter sass and now I need to go rest my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

I Guess I Can Show My Kind of Snow!

2012-02-06T07:00:00.004-04:00

So Betsy was saying how she liked that awful stuff and sometime during my hate for snow huff, the bush with the crack came about and it prompted this little shout.

A ostrich wannabe snowman with a mooning butt that surely needs a tan. Now I have to compare the bush with the crack at my lair and the snowman with a crack on the lawn of another shack.

My bush is warm and cozy,
In the spring in can smell rosey.
No one can tell I'm there,
As they walk right by my lair.

The snow crack is rather cold,
And hypothermia might take hold.
Plus white doesn't allow me to blend,
If I have to hide after an insult I send.

So that's one for my bush,
And none for the other tush.

Bugs like my bush too,
They come from all over to view.
Crawling on the branches of it,
Trying to make a nest at my pit.

No bugs lurk in this crack,
It would take a whole pack,
Just to keep warm,
So no bugs is the norm.

So that's two for mine,
As on the bugs I can dine.

My bush loses its leaves once a year,
Then everything is bare I fear.
But I can attach some fake ones,
Although I have to buy tons.

The snow crack melts three seasons,
For all different reasons.
Plus the cat hates water too,
So that just would not do.

Three for my bush with a crack,
The snow one really seems to lack.

My bush stays still,
No matter the thrill.
Oh and FYI, if it starts to rock,
Don't knock.

With a magic top hat,
The snow one could move on the cat.
Can you imagine that?
Stuck in a moving snowman's ass even when he sat.

So that is four,
Need I do more?
I think you know my bush will win,
I don't even have to be biased at my bin.

So to the poor snowman crack,
You seem to lack.
But give your reflection a look,
Before leaving my nook.
And pucker up to it,
Come on! Just a little bit?

Oh and did I mention it could turn yellow,
If a mutt decided to bellow.
That is just epic fail,
And so ends my crack comparison tail.

Never fear if my tail is in the air as you pass. I won't always show you my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Watch Your Fingers and Toes. The Hammer Might Bring dVerse Woes!

2012-02-05T07:00:00.003-04:00

So dVerse wanted me to bring the hammer down here in rhyme time town. I guess objecting can be fun and a tale can be spun. Just don't get your finger stuck, as it might get hit and then you'd yell umm duck. You might even quack or have a heart attack. Which one is worse? Oh yeah the objecting of dVerse. So easy to get of topic for the cat. I blame that damn distracting Pat. But on with the show we must go.

I object!
Of course with respect.
At least that's what I say.
But I truly wish to cause dismay.

It's just a nice object,
So I can cause neglect.
Why the frown?
I brought the hammer down.

All you need is some money.
Or act all funny.
Then I object!
The evidence gets a deflect.

All slick talk,
Will let you walk.
For the dots won't connect,
Thanks to the cry of I object!

A little slip here or there,
Poof, free to go back to your lair.
A court reject,
Thanks to I object!

To serve and protect,
Screwed over with I object.
Back on the street,
Pounding the concrete.

Thus is the way it goes,
No matter the woes.
For those with the power,
Making the little guy cower.

I object!
Stand erect.
No need to reflect.
Be direct.
As you can detect.
The BS reject.
Get the real suspect.
No need to call collect.
Forget respect.
Don't interject.
Strat! I'm incorrect.
This path I need to eject.
Supposed to infect,
And use the object.

A hammer can pound a nail,
Into a train rail.
A big one you may need,
But be sure and take heed.

If the train comes by,
You may be a squashed girl or guy.
It's Hammer time.
Saying that is such a crime.

Hammer can make justice swift,
Or cause a rift.
Between the blind leading the blind,
Letting their teeth grind.

Always the same,
Add the twisting facts to place blame.
Hammer comes down,
Back out on the town.

Makes Hammer time seem grand.
The hammer above should be made of sand.
Or taked with a grain,
For it's more than a grand that sends it down the verdict lane.

Let the peers,
Give cheers.
Drop a dime,
And thwart hammer time.

So there was my object run and the objective tale that was spun. Okay, one sided I suppose but that is just how it goes. Mixed and matched the object stuff, so hope it doesn't leave one in a huff. Took it literally and then how it was supposed to be and gave it a go at bush number three. I object, I can hear already. As it will come steady. So let it come to pass like gas from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

I Have No Degrees, Yet I Do Whatever I Please!

2012-02-04T07:00:00.002-04:00

I just had to rub it in to you dirty humans out there. All working and lurking with the daily wear and tear. So you can one day live life free thanks to your $$$$$$ degree. I know you may get jealous a bit of not only my wit, but because the cat never had to lift a finger. I'll let the jealousy linger. You don't believe me? I guess I'll have to prove it here at bush number three.

I get up with a stretch after all I had such a rough night. That toilet paper sure puts up quite the fight. I trot by all cocky that I secured the win while Pat has to pick it up and throw it in the loo, letting it spin. That thing always interests me too. But Pat keeps putting the lid down so I can't view.

Oh and look! Free food. I chow down with no manners at all, being quite rude. Making quite the mess on the floor, giving Pat another chore. It's fun sticking your face right in the bowl, you should try it at your hole. I do a little announcing and some couch bouncing, then off to the litter box. I dig and dig and dig, peeking up like a sly fox. Then give my look of concentration and that leads to the normal causation.

Sometimes I bury it, sometimes I don't bother at all. For Pat comes behind anyway with a pringle can down the hall. I splat some litter here and there as I jump out and give another shout. Then run around and around proving why I'm so profound. I even beat up Miss Priss. She sure can hiss.

Oh joy, a new toy! A few seconds later it's chewed to hell or gone down my well. Of course eating it doesn't get my vote for it could get caught in your throat. In that case I go throw up in the corner somewhere and walk off without a care.

Now it's time to clean up my fur and I lick and purr. Every little inch but I have to be careful as some things pinch. A few hours of sleep come due and no, I don't dream about any of you. I guess sometimes I twitch and make weird noises though. What about? I really don't know.

Once more I'm awake and oh my gut begins to quake. Cough, Cough, Wheeze Wheeze, must have been that cheese. As up comes a hairball or three and the only mat in the whole placed was hit by me. That takes skill don't you know. For some reason Pat doesn't think so.

Now it's time for more to eat. But first I want a treat. So I dive into Pat's plate. I just can't wait. After I get that it's off to my dish and once again in goes my face as the food starts to swish. Then I run off and climb as high as I can go, letting everything show. I dive off at the sight of Miss Priss below and once again off we go.

I meow at the wall and some shadow things, deciding to stare out the window at those rats with wings. My tail goes in a back and forth motion. Those birds really cause quite the commotion. Time to go back to the litter to pinch off a hitter. That is supposed to be loaf? Oh quiet! You big oaf.

I need another nap, so I take over Pat's lap. Now he can't move one bit or a dirty look and a scratch I might transmitt. Time to run some more and roll around on the floor. Heck, I may as well open a cupboard door. It's not that much of a chore.

Finally out goes the light and with Pat out of sight, the next round with that toilet paper is about to start. Those white rolls think they are so smart. But I tear them to pieces and then meow into the night. Or sometimes some bird chirps could ignite. All I have left to do is rest my head as tomorrow once again this path will be led.

See! I proved it to all. As you all have chores to do and run to city hall. I get fed for free and run around with such glee. Oops, did I increase your jealousy with that? Aren't I just such a fun cat? Forget about the Face it Facts of sneaky Cass for this is the day in the life of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Your Brain Might Fill Today At My Hill!

2012-02-03T07:00:00.005-04:00

The cat saw these and knew your brain would unravel. So I figured I'd use them as I rhyme and travel. Speaking of which, you know you want to go to Chargogagogmanchargogagogcharbunagungamog to scratch your travel itch. That has to be a fun place to absquatulate to. I heard dendrochronology can be studied there but not sure if it is true.
I know my rhymes are so evancalous to you all. Those Antitransubstantiationalist really might get offended by my cat call. Such a frisson they would get, thinking this was a gormless fit. They just don't get I like to be jocoserious at my sea. But latrinalia also isn't above bush number three.

You can't say I have monomania at least, unless you include being a rhyming beast. Also if you're from Gorsafawddachaidraigodanheddogleddolonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion I'll cut you some slack. For that name just makes my feet go all obdormition at my shack.

The cat is quite glad that I need no Hepaticocholangiocholecystenterostomies task. I truly find no pulchritude glaring at a surgeon's mask. Yeah, I become pusillanimous at the sight of the vet. But it beats becoming a sanguinary pet.

I continually tantalolagnia you all at my place and you never whinge, at least to my face. Maybe you are one of those omphalopsychite guys or use napiform for your disguise. That lowers your Honorificabilitudinitatibus in my eyes. It's as bad as telling lies or emitting mundungus into the air. I could be being a bit mordant today at my lair.

If I pull a legerdemain will you notice it? Or just be insouciant either way and take the hit? I bet those claiming Antidisestablishmentarianism will catch on. How can they not after spurting such a long word at their lawn. I just hope they don't jugulate me, thinking I'm floccinaucinihilipilification and bring no glee.

Does your head hurt yet? Are all these words real? You bet! At least as far as I can tell. I know you are waiting for supercalifragilisticexpialidocious at my well. Maybe a little Snavofebudusehagostratnugotion too. The Face it Facts are that last one you view was made up by the cat, in case you didn't know that.

All I have left to say is if you live near Gorsafawddachaidraigodanheddogleddolonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion NEVER send a postcard my way. That thing would cause a postal impasse and just be way too heavy for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Peacock And A Turkey. It Seems The Birds Can Be A Tad Jerky!

2012-02-02T07:00:00.006-04:00

You know what amuses the cat? The fact that someone would actually take the time out of their life to rant at me like some annoying gnat. What amuses me even more, as like the Mr./Mrs. Peacock that once came to my shore, they also have a name like a fowl. Okay, maybe not this one so much as they gave their howl. As is was T. Key at the bottom for me to see. But close enough and boy they thought they were tough.

Yet as you know, I share everything at my show. Even a Zebra thong and yeah I know that was so wrong. So let's give old Turkey a run, as after all he/she gave me a day of rhyme fun. It is the least I can do, giving them a bit of fame for all of you.

"You are a poor person, U seem to live in a small world about self. A rhyme is only an tired excuse for a post. Simply can't understand why anyone would buy into such a thing when there are real forms of poetic expression out there that all should be taken in by so much more. You are ruining the spirit of the word and I think you should stop before all people take you seriously and we are left in a disemble world. This has been a plea for the poetic form to be put back where it belongs and you should do more to help and not be so low on the ground with such words. I hope you take my message seriously as it should be taken seriously and I hope you let all stop seeing such a function of the off shoot of what the poetic word is supposed to be. T.Key"

LMAO, Gloria was that you that sent that? If not I'd hate to see the grammar at his/her mat. Damn! He/she makes the cat seem grand. Thanks for the hand.

Now wasn't that such the clever retort? I bet they wrote that up in their tree fort. Hey, it beats King Abubu emails telling me I'll get rich. So let the poor little Turkey bitch. Maybe Turkey Lurkey had an itch or he/she is part rabbit and his/her nose gave a twitch.

The best part is it says if you don't like, take a hike. In so many words on the cat's blog right side. Actually it's more of a sandy ride. As you can take that sand and pound right up the old cracked mound. But he/she still wasted their life trying to give me strife. Isn't the internet tough guy/girl fun? Sending an email and then they run. At least the videogame ones rant and rave from their basement cave.

Truthfully I laughed all the way through. What the heck else was a cat to do? Take a Turkey and a Peacock seriously my way? When the cat eats them for dinner at his bay. But I just had to share, as maybe I can make this tough guy/girl swear. So have a laugh on the Turkey who decided to trespass and thanks for the easy post Turkey from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Both Jax and Pat Are Going To Be Squashed Flat!

2012-02-01T07:00:00.005-04:00

Did you think the cat would not see, that you wanted to do this to me?

I saw on that Twitter thing about your want to glamor me up that you gave a ring. Saying how you should try and give me a makeover. While I'm not easy like rover.

You will never get the cat. For I scurry away faster than a rat and this will never occur. You will not ruffle up my fur.

I will not go to the dark side. If that is how you intend to glamor up my stride. For I will run and hide and if you get too close there will be a turning of the tide.

For you'll need armor in every spot and I'll even make that rot. Of course the blantant part applies to Pat. Either way it won't be the first time I whacked him there at my mat. What? I don't watch where I jump with my little rhyming butt.

I even pity the mutt and it's no wonder they want to sniff a butt. They need to get high and forgot that you dressed some guy up as a girl. Then you have the nerve to make them twirl.

You will not trick me by giving me meds like this one. For I will not fall for any cat nip fun. Plus he clearly has no taste. I'll make sure and turn this glamor up crap to paste.

No, a group will not help. I will still scratch you and make you yelp. Plus being food is rather yummy, so any glamor crap will go done my tummy.

Still not going to happen. No matter how much you keep rappin' about how the cat could infiltrate Dezmond's mat. I don't want to go near those damn penguins any more. They already strat all over my shore.

You even do it to your own kind. I pity you all with my little rhyming behind. No way you will ever get the cat in something like that. Oh but it's full on glamor you want. Well you can taunt and wish that you could dazzle me up like some fancy dish.

But you will never ever stand a chance and I will totally ruin your stance. This is just plain sad. Cats everywhere should be mad. Especially Miss Priss, as this looks a lot like her and sure doesn't cause bliss. Oh and just so you know my threats are idle at all. For if you attempt such a thing at my hall.

Jax will hear the screaming of Liu Kang and her bell will be rang.

Then without even a scratch I'll have him end the match. Jax will be smushed and toast while Pat I roast. He still feeds me so I need him, even if I give his skin a good trim. So have you got the Fact it Facts yet? You try to glamor up the cat and it's a sure bet, that you will fail and I'll trot away with an upward tail. This way I won't have to say anything crass. For all can surely see I'm showing you my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Still In My Prime With This dVerse Rhyme Chime!

2012-01-31T07:00:00.001-04:00

Yeah I know I've rhymed every word sounding a tad absurd. But I always did it in a row going down with each chime. It's time I did an all across rhyme. This could get quite dVerse today and it could cause dismay. Yet it may also be such fun to say. So the all across rhyme has come due at my bay. Yeah, that name does kind of suck but what the truck. That's right if you don't like it I'll run you down, stealing Grammar Nazi's crown.

Boss Ross sauce lacrosse toss crossed Boss Gloss Moss.
Dear queer deer, steer clear near Beer Sphere frontier.
Lou threw you new blue glue to glue stew fondue.
Obey May delay. Bombay grey hay spray display astray.

Chuck duck's Muck struck Canuck Buck's truck.
Sass class harass mass glass grass passing brass gas.
Ditch Stitch Witch, pitch rich Stitch, switch bitch.
Split Brit fit wit get lit grit spit.

Spot's hot plot got bought.
Clown Brown frowned down town.
Freed greed keyed feed need.
Dale whales exhale frail ale.

Go throw crow glow snow though know.
Although Oh so slow Moe tows.
Below grows pro Moe flowing foe.
So show snow, pro Moe blows slow Moe.

Fat Cat spat rat scat at that gnat Pat brat.
Redact intact contract enacting cracked impact.
Pollution dilution solution, dissolution evolution.
Nurse, observing perverse verse, curse dVerse.

Substitute Nurse with your name and then if you need someone to blame, you can blame dVerse. Hell, after reading this I needed to curse. So hopefully I left your brain a little intact today going a tad overboard with the rhymes I display. But oh well what can you do? Go poo in my shoe? That was a rhetorical question you know. No back talk at my show. I better run before I get more sass. Bah, no matter the sass you are still liked by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Year Has Come To Pass For My Little Rhyming Ass!

2012-01-30T07:00:00.002-04:00

I have kept up this rhyming act for a year giving many Face it Facts from my little rhyming rear. Plus proving I'm a crazy loon but still better than that cow that jumped over the moon. How it is done all the time with my rhyming fun, escapes even me. So today I figured I would give answering it a go at my sea, as people ask away every once in a while at my bay. Now buckle in and you may soon be rhyming at your bin.

So, ya wanna rhyme, kid?

Well whoopdi friggin' doo.

My bush crack has closed its lid,

And is too cracked up for you.

Take a long walk off a short pier,

Climb a bean stalk to a new frontier.

Suck on a candy kiss,

I don't have time for this,

The bush is closed, go away.

You're still opposed? Oy vay!

Fine! I guess I can throw you a bone,

Suck up the hurt, it's only a clunk.

I'm creating a stress free zone,

So stay alert and forget the bunk.

Your rhyming is such a crime, kid.

With the timing of a slime squid.

I'm at the end of my rope here,

You have little hope, so go disappear.

Take your ball and bat,

Stop pestering the cat,

I have better things to explore today,

You want to try once more? Pray!

Thinking ball and bull are a hit,

Making you a rhyming wizard.

Proves you are full of shit.

So go rock climbing in a blizzard.

Take my advice on this one, kid.

You need a device or a ton of quid.

Go buy that deer farm,

Save my ears from harm.

Stop your second grade gawking.

Get to trading it for walking.

I have no faith, kid.

You have no drive, kid.

I plead the eighth, kid.

You'll never thrive, kid.

Well look what came out of you.

Seems my shout has given you a clue.

You may have promise after all.

But forgo the Adnois call.

You'll never beat me, kid.

Go give it a rest, kid.

Takes your rhymes and be free kid,

I don't like a pest, kid.

Now pack up and off you go,

Let the rhymes continue to flow.

You were a miracle of bush number three, kid.

And now you top the slime squid.

Maybe I should teach a class,

As I sure have reach with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Some Monkey Play Prompted This dVerse Display!

2012-01-29T07:00:00.004-04:00

So this popped in and I had to give it a go at my bin. After Brian's son had a little monkey space play, I just let the rhymes fall where they lay. And of course I guess the is an under current to it, meaning it can work for a dVerse fit.

Use an animal for the save,
To prevent an early grave.
It is for your own good,
We can rid you of xtueolmophia in your hood.

Let the monkey go first.
That 2-2.5% difference burst,
In their DNA,
Makes it all seem okay.

After all the other 97.5-98 percent,
Is human so don't get bent.
We are here to save,
To prevent an early grave.

Forget the protests,
And other fan fests.
Yell and scream,
Let those hateful eyes beam.

A new path we pave,
One where we save.
So we can march and kill,
Just for a thrill.

Hop a countries fence,
Because we think their dense.
Forget the grey matter,
Our wallets must get fatter.

The research takes form,
Even if things stay the norm.
Can't screw with those,
Who a new way would bring woes.

But we are still here to save,
Even if we are greeds slave.
With this path we pave,
We prevent an early grave.

Maybe for you grandkids kids,
If we aren't in 1984 grids.
So why rant and rave?
As through the animal we will save.

Not going all activist or anything crazy like that. Just giving you the Face it Facts from the view of the cat. As for all the saving to prevent mass graving, claiming animal research does such a thing to some may have a nice ring. But does it really work? When up your ears perk and you see what goes on around. Seems things just go round and round. Probably still be the same when we are all in the grass and that is all today from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

What To Do About The Power Going Out!

2012-01-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

So some stupid storm came about at your sea, like it recently did to me and poof goes the power. But never fear you can still take a cold shower. Doesn't that just please? You can now stay inside and freeze. Then poof could go the heat, depending upon how you warm your feet. Now comes the worst part and remember not to throw a dart.

For the boredom can set in, especially since it is too cold to leave your bin. Yeah, that could just be me but I would rather hibernate at my sea, avoiding all that snow. That just has to go. So what do you do when the power goes out on you?

What to do, What to do
When The Power Poofs Out On You!

What to do?
The lights have blew.
Oh wait!
Was the power bill late?

Nope! Some stupid storm,
Has ruined the norm.
No computer games or anything tech wise,
I know most would send out cries.

Their world has come crashing down.
No longer can they attain the king ding a ling crown.
A generator would come in handy,
Those things can be quite dandy.

But usually bye bye goes the crap.
So now is as good a time as any for a nap.
Could take a cleaning lap,
But if you have any OCD you already filled that gap.

And of course you want to keep warm,
So do what may or may not be the norm.
Cuddle up and get all sweet,
For that one Fox might give me heat.

Then you could stack pringle cans,
And blow them over with fans.
Of course you'd have to twirl the thing,
Or let your breath fling.

Giving it a good blow,
To bring about its spinning flow.
Then you get rid of some hot air,
Which, for some, probably isn't rare.

Of course you complain,
Joining the whining train.
Sitting and moaning for a while,
Letting them compile.

That sure would waste time,
Until the clocks once again give their chime.
Then you have to redo each one.
For some that could be a ton.

Could take something apart,
Like a tea cart.
Then put it back together,
Making it not strong enough to hold a feather.

If all else fails,
Grab some nails,
And take a hammer to the thing.
Warning! Swear words you may sing.

Hammering in the dark,
Could make you give off quite the bark.
If you hit your thumb,
You'll be saying more than bum.

So you've had some whine,
Thought about what you heard through the grapevine.
And wrote this rubbish in your head,
Oops, was that just said.

See what comes from no power,
This has to make you cower.
For you could go insane and chime,
Every single thing in rhyme.

So there are some strange and weird Face it Facts to do if the power goes out on you. Sure each can create a crazy theory to keep themselves cheery and not at all dreary, when the lights go out and things get eerie. At least now you can't sit and stew and have plenty to do. Until the power outage comes to pass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Once No Longer Sucking Their Thumb How Can One Be This Dumb?

2012-01-27T07:00:00.005-04:00

Sadly Flappy has come back, once again making me rant at my shack. I must reiterate the title because brains cells truly are vital. But Flappy seems to have none or at least is missing a ton. For after aging so you no longer suck your thumb, how can anyone be this dumb? Okay, I know some people still suck there thumb at a ripe old age but that's nasty so we'll just ignore that and turn the page.

"Do you have a VCR here? I want to play a DVD?"

Does anyone else see the stupidity there? Well just in case you don't as you sit and stare, I will help you out with a descriptive shout.

VCR = Videocassette Recorder
DVD = Digital Video(or now Versatile) Disc

Now they have a "Video" in common I guess, so maybe that's why her brain is in such a mess. But does cassette and disc match? Maybe if you go off to la la land and down that Lost hatch. So I kept my remark to myself and tried not to treat her like a dumb know nothing elf.

"You mean a DVD player, right?"

"No! I need a VCR to play my DVD."

"VCRs never have and never will play DVDs."

She looked at me like I was crazy and my mind was the one that was hazy. Yeah, I know I'm nuts most of the time but me screwing up the difference would be a crime. Before I could even say a word she kept going thinking I was absurd.

"The other place we used to go had a VCR that played DVDs."

She talks about that other place so damn much, I wish she'd get back in touch and leave me the hell alone. I'd so like to whack some sense into her with the phone.

"Well unless it is a combo you are referring to, no they didn't."

"No! It was just a VCR that played DVDs."

I wonder what she thinks plays mp3s, a record player? This was just taking stupid to a whole new layer. Obviously Flappy had played a DVD before, as she had one holding it with her stupid ass encore. So unless she is blind or has her head well and tight up someones behind, she should know what the hell plays the thing. For DVD player is right on the side, front, etc. of each player giving it a ring.

"Either way we don't have a VCR here."

"Why not? Everyone should have a VCR."

"Because VCRs are resting comfortably with eight track players."

Her eyes widened and she batted her eyelash, not expecting that from our clash. Plus there is a VCR at work with a TV, but no way in hell was I digging that out for stupid Flappy.

"Well what do people use when they come here?"

"A laptop. Those things have great VCRs in them. They play DVDs so well."

"I'll have to see if one of the others has a laptop they can bring."

And off she went back to the room with me wanting to clock her with a broom. The moron didn't even get my laptop crack, thinking they have a VCR in them to play that DVD for her crazy ass pack. All I know is I need to win the lottery and get the hell out of here, for Flappy surely strikes fear. No idea how anyone can listen to her sass as ten seconds is more than enough for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

I Guess My Movie Poke Made Them Choke!

2012-01-26T07:00:00.001-04:00

That magic chair made the cat give out insults at the mall and now I'm getting nasty insults mailed to my hall. I guess those people couldn't handle be in a movie and didn't think it was very groovie. But the cat will take them in stride for they will make for such a fun blog ride.

You have a room temperature IQ.
Guess I just need to jack it up a few.
You're as bright as Alaska in December.
At least Santa can find me and remember.

You fell out of the family tree.
And survived as you can see.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Walking is good exercise anyway and trains make that annoying humming.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Does that mean I'll win an election?
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching you.
Is it my fault he wasn't on duty to view?

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Damn! I got a power, that has to cause a commotion.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
But still dull enough to make you roar.

It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
I guess I can really umm squirm.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge and you only gargled from it.
See I have so much brain power I only needed a little hit.

Takes you 10 hours to watch 60 minutes each time.
What do you expect when I sit here and rhyme?
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Yeah, I ate him but don't worry your pretty little head.

You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
So are you the idiot affiliate?
You're so dense, light bends around you.
Damn! Another super power, that's two.

If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
I'll take the money, don't hate.
If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
Then no water I would have to seek.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
When it is found I'll have double the wit.
If I gave a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
And more money seems strange?

Geez, these guys need better insults for the cat. I think they kind of fall flat. But I guess humans just aren't able to keep up with me and good old bush number three. The Face it Facts in case you are lost is no one really did accost, except those guys and girls from the mall and they truly had a ball. Aren't you humans so crass? Or at least you think you are until made fun of by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Magic Movie Seat? Does Seem Kind Of Neat!

2012-01-25T07:00:00.002-04:00

So I went to the mall the other day and the cat really doesn't have much else to say. If you believe that you are crazier than I. Oh come now, don't cry. For there will be more movie fun as I run down a ton. It seems they installed a new chair. It said to sit on it if you dare. Yeah, you had to pay a dollar for it to work. So I stuck in a loonie and gave a smirk. I had no idea what to expect. But I should have read the fine print I suspect.

It said for the next hour movies references galore would shower. This was for Pat not the cat, but I felt a quick jolt as I sat down and it was too late, I was now wearing the movie crown. Every person that came into view, keep in mind the mall was packed too, I gave a movie shout. The Face it Facts are they thought I was crazy, no doubt.

He seems quite Careless,
Nothing to Lose and quite the mess.
Chowing down on his Good Burger snack.
Soon he'll have a Gross Anatomy attack.

A Eulogy will be given,
As he remains Hiding Out from the livin'.
What PIGS!
Those Twins have wigs.

Maybe they have a Tootsie complex,
Or need to pay Friday respects.
Would Sorority Boys be a better one?
Those Varsity Blues are just no fun.

The Secret of My Success?
Just Add Water I confess.
Don't eat those Mixed Nuts.
You're already Big with two butts.

Could take up all of Arlington Road.
With your Fast Food Nation load.
Put away your Radio.
It's not good to go Stir Crazy you know.

You sure are one Twisted rat,
Paying 300 for that.
The price was Sky High,
Now don't Breakdown and cry.

My ears may go Numb.
And Red Eye just looks dumb.
Enough with your White Noise.
Be the Worlds Greatest Dad and go buy some toys.

She sure has A Few Good Men.
Rumor Has It she has ten.
She must certainly Score.
With such Fanboys galore.

I'm flaring up your Heart Condition?
Liar Liar, now go see a physician.
A rhyming cat is an Urban Legend you say.
Hmmm guess Evolution truly came my way.

Look at that Desperado go.
With quite the Exitspeed as he stoops low.
Probably will be joining Con Air.
Eye See You stealing what is rare.

Strat! That was the Kiss of Death.
He's going Commando and has bad breath.
Truly a Fright Night.
Some Signs should say keep out of the light.

She has Snake Eyes,
I guess The Mummy is wise.
Or had a Blow Out.
Thanks to some Bottleshock bout.

Here come the Primary Colors at me.
I guess the Mannequin didn't agree.
These Toy Soldiers are throwing me out.
Something Charlie Bartlett will hear about.

It will lower your Career Opportunies bud.
You'll be in the sewers with the CHUD.
Straight up Wolf Creek.
I'm just Unstoppable with my movie speak.

Damn, you have Alien hands,
And Predator glands.
I'll gladly go into Maximum Overdrive.
So Bye Bye Birdie I made it out alive.

I was quickly thrown out as my hour was up. I guess I made too many spit their coffee back in their cup. It seems that hurt sales. But what does one expect as I'm off the rails. There we go another movie tale at my show has come to pass. I bet you are now just all movied out thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Little Late On The dVerse Order. But Will Surely Stretch The Border!

2012-01-24T07:00:00.005-04:00

whywerentweabletobuythisstrangecarblackberryshakeuphomesofthefuturetopvideosoftheweek

aggressivekittensreallywanttosnuggleshouldyouhelpyourkidsbuyahomethreequestionstoaskyour

aboutanewjobstockstowatchtodayhowtherichgetricherSoftwoodalumberagreementtobe

extendedplanecrashedinjurieswasatfourdressthelooktenpoundsseekcausingdefeatthinnertaking

bidsbadlovelifeblameyourmomCanadianwifefacingtwentytwoyearsforcreditcardfraudhowofbyas

talehomeinFloridaworld'smostunwantedwithoutIapplaudatwebpirateatdeliverytruckcelebgossip

faillionsplayingwithsaddogmanstabbedhardsaidtheysawaghosttodeathdoescoffeefighttheclearof

displayabadit'sgoodResidentEviltrailercuriouscowsgreetpuppyrecentlyextinctspeciesplayangry

birdsonlinedefinitionofmaskwords

Have you gone blind yet? Now don't go blaming this pet. This makes me look like a word hoarder but dVerse wanted people to go all border. So they are to blame but I did take border to a whole new game. For the cat or Pat has not crossed a border, at least a literal one, so that was taken off the order. Yet what else needs one? Why a puzzle, which brought about this fun. So off I went and stole headlines from the news and then used them for a puzzle to confuse. And if the piece don't fit, feel free to jam it, damn it! Now lets search for the border and hopefully they come in short order.

Future cows fight fraud.
A Canadian puppy does applaud.
Buy this strange Blackberry card,
Pounds the rich hard.

Snuggle agreement extended to most,
Credit bad injuries to a ghost.
Resident pirate stabbed by angry birds.
Evil kittens said unwanted words.

Curious lions dress four kids,
Dog man said to be taking bids.
Should blame the mom today,
Online lumber love was at play.

Coffee extinct they greet,
In Florida causing aggressive defeat.
Twenty two species fail,
At the definition of stale.

Car stocks shakeup world’s thinner web.
Fraud delivery questions want richer celeb.
Why are home videos bad?
A plane facing a truck, it’s sad.

Home playing with your Softwood at three?
Years of good gossip crashed recently.
Buy ten homes for your life,
Look how you’re able to get clear of the wife.

Watch top death trailer of week,
We help new job you seek.
Weren’t you really about to ask,
How I saw without the help of a mask?

Every word was used, which yeah could leave some confused. The true border Face it Facts are, that the border can be different for any bar. Depending on how you pick and if you are rather slick. But the ending border was a bit tough, getting it to rhyme can be rough. But I made it fit and there is my border hit. If only the cat could afford gas then maybe once more he'd try to get across the border with his little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Godly One Wanted Me To Poke Fun!

2012-01-23T07:00:00.001-04:00

Drazin thinks his cat fur slippers are great and won't stop wearing them at any rate. But I guess he isn't getting the villian respect he'd like. As if losing to two cats wouldn't make the villian society tell him to take a hike. So he wanted to prove he is really bad and sent the cat a list of villains that are just sad.

He expected me to make fun of his list but I'll make him shake is fist. Instead I am going to use them to show all of you how to be a great villian for all to view.

#10 - The Point. You have to make ones nose go out of joint. Making you seem so scary and not like some nice woodland fairy. So get to pointing at your bay. But I'd throw the rats away.

#9 - The Cigar! You have to butch up at your bar. So stick the thing in your yap and munch on it before you flap. That will make you seem scary too. Although it may kill you.

#8 - Dress to Impress. What is a villain without someone to watch their back? You need back up when you go on the attack. But don't settle for a poor color scheme. With the matching wear you will all gleam.

#7 - Use the Bad Breath. You want to bring death. So use it and open that trap, sporting a great big gap. If you look like a booger though, you may be scary enough and no bad breath needs to flow.

#6 - Sport the Tie. Go ahead and give it a try. A pretty bow tie will have your foes trembling in their shoes. You will even look good on the news.

#5 - Work Those Facial Features. Those nice people have to see your from the bleachers. You don't just want to scare those close to you. You have to scare them all at once when you get bug eyes or turn blue.

#4 - Use Your Brain. Or it might get old and wrinkly causing you to pop a vein. Or a couple dozen in this case. Isn't that one ugly face?

#3 - Drink Plenty of Fluids. Maybe even dress like some scary druids. But watch your health because even if you steal wealth, you can't get the chicks if you are held together by sticks.

#2 - See Here is Proof! The cat doesn't goof. You can water your brain and make those muscles grow from all the pain. Making those goody goody people suffer actually makes you buffer.

#1 - The Name! You don't want to sound lame. So you really need to get a scary name for when you reach bad guy fame. These guys have it down. Their names are spoke all over town. Screw Loose and Wingnut. Now with that kind of name you sure can strut. But beware! Wing a nut and the owner may care. And if you screw loose a disease it may produce.

Now aren't you a proud bad guy. You will soon look like this, no lie!

Tons of gold to take hold and flashy fingers making you seem so bold. Plus the nice whiskers that threaten your foe and the bad breath to let flow. You'll soon be villian number one and make all the little kiddies run.

Think Drazin meant for all of that? Either way you know no one is more evil then a cat. So think about that before you humans cross one. Isn't being a villian fun? That is all the villian Face it Facts for today class. I have to go scare some people with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Fire Is Lit And The Eyes Have It!

2012-01-22T07:00:00.002-04:00

The cat seems to have something in his eye today. It is really causing me some dismay. Wait! Didn't this happen once before at my shore? Oh no! You have to know the upcoming flow. The eye crap will be taking another lap. Damn this dust getting in my eye. After this your eyes may water and you may want to cry.

This may confuse a ton.
Yet it isn't a con.
So no whacking me with a hoe,
Or throwing your shoe.

Please contain your fury,
And don't threaten to bury.
The cat is still your friend,
Even if you are a fiend.

And you should go suck a lemon.
Aren't I a little demon?
Let's pretend I ate an orange,
And my stomach acted strange.

Wait! Maybe I ate some bad crow,
Or it could have been that cow.
But it tasted so good,
And I need food.

Especially that protein,
Wouldn't want to pop a vein.
That could really cost,
If a vet I have to host.

Smacking my bone,
And before he's done.
Sticking a thing up my butt,
I'd like to tell him where it can be put.

Even tries to make me cough,
Isn't going to happen though.
For I am tough,
And his head is made of dough.

Plus I have no wound,
So shake that belly that's oh so round.
I'll blow more than wind,
If you don't get that thing out of my behind.

Go and bother some wolf,
Or better yet play golf.
Probably takes you an hour,
To get to hole number four.

You are such an elite,
Oops! Yes, I bite.
Did it hurt? Good!
Don't try and take my blood.

I will show you no love,
No matter how you move.
So leave me alone,
As we are quite done.

I want to go home and feast.
While you touch that tech's breast.
I know you were in the mood,
But I don't think she understood.

You may get your own wanted poster,
Or join the orange jumpsuit roster.
Don't take a certain tour,
It may leave your sore and sour.

Next up is some ragdoll,
As off I stroll.
With my great height,
Stuck in a cage like freight.

Just thinking of that nasty old vet probably brought this eye rhyme on. I guess I will avoid such thoughts further down the road at my lawn. Then maybe we can avoid these confusing rhymes. But don't we still have such fun times?

So just in case you did not know from my previous show, that is an eye rhyme. Not to be confused with my mind rhyme chime. The Face it Facts of this one are they look the same but thanks to some historic vowel changing game, they no longer sound the same. This means dead people are to blame. Have fun sending them your sass or feel free to give it to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Blicky Blick This May Stucky Stick!

2012-01-21T07:00:00.018-04:00

Thanks to the comments below yesterday at my show, I was showed there was a nonsense thing and you know I had to let that fling. So here at my wing, the nonsense I will surely bring. Is that different from any other day? Probably not, but we'll pretend anyway.

I need to rest my head,
My head in the bed.
But there is a blipper bump,
Some kind of littup lump.

I guess it wants a hump,
But it says I'm a grump.
No hump for the grump,
Or a grump to hump.

The spread tulip lip,
Did a flip trip,
But I got a grip,
And threw a hip.

Grump hump throwing hips,
Can't touch lips.
Rumps round and round,
Even make a sound.

Touchy pricks slapped,
Bouncing balls all chapped.
Not a fun night,
Ho and hum can't get the height.

Knee gets a twist,
A shouting wrist.
Bouncing bed bugs,
Not content with rugs.

Bed bug hugs,
Too big for plugs.
River messy wessy flow,
Leaves evidence under glowy glow.

Sick and tickly tired,
Now just whacky wired.
Grump the hump,
Hump the grump.

Sleep with craze,
The dreaded maze.
Many a whacky way,
But only one lippy lay.

Just wanted to head,
Head to bed.
Sleep of the dittering dead.
Not warrant bed head,

There is my nonsense Face it Facts for the day. Could you tell sleep needed to be had my way? Guess I proved I'm not lazy and way more than a tad crazy. But had fun with the nonsense sass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Spreading Some More Hate! Just Blogger's Fate!

2012-01-20T07:00:00.001-04:00

You know if you are going to change something the least you can do is make sure the strat works before giving it a ring. I don't give a strat if the thing is free. You change it, you make damn sure it works before spreading your so called updated glee.

Don't send me to another browser for this blog,
Make me go back to the other in a fog.
No matter how I change the time,
You still have me in the pacific with each comment chime.

Can't even use reply at ones own place,
That is just a disgrace.
Then to top it all off it's only just begun,
As we are in for SO MUCH more fun.

Because what bright idea do they have now?
To make blogger have a complete and utter cow.
If adding a reply does this,
Wait until their next bit of bliss.

Come March 1st GFC goes poof!
And no, this isn't a goof.
For those with no blogger blog,
Guess you are out in the fog.

Then it will be gone altogether,
At least rumored to be come summer weather.
But never fear,
Give a cheer.

For we have the grand Google + to use,
Much more tacky and seems to confuse.
Plus it doesn't have the ease,
So that surely doesn't please.

Nothing like taking away what people like,
Telling it to take a hike.
Then making them go to your big bad Facebook rip off.
Which both should drown in a trough.

Garbage is all I can say,
And I guaruntee dismay.
Since a simple reply addition ****ed it up.
Prepare for one big hiccup.

Google needs to get a grip,
Stop trying to give us crap they want to be hip,
And leave well enough alone.
Because it's only busted when they decide to make an update go prone.

Trying to be better than the rest,
Refusing to test.
Yet still thinking they are the best.
Google is just becoming a nagging pest.

Sadly the Face it Facts of GFC going poof are true. Which will probably turn some blue. No idea how them taking away GFC is going to work for blog rolls and such. But you can bet there will glitches more than a touch. So there is some more blogger sass, which I'm sure they are getting from more than my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Tarsier With The Save Sending One To An Early Grave!

2012-01-19T07:00:00.002-04:00

This bug eyed creep just couldn't stay away. Now he wants his own theme song to display. You know one only he will sing or like. Everyone else will tell him to take a hike. Kind of like Joxer The Mighty I guess. This pest is just copying the cat but still I guess it's semi-interesting none the less.

I don't know how I get sucked into telling his tales.

But it's once again told by me as Tarsier Man goes off the rails.

After saving poor Know Everything Eel,

From a snack attack ordeal.

And eating his last saved bug,

Which he stored under his rug.

Tarsier still wanted to up his game,

Saving animals was just lame.

Humans were where the money was at,

Not to mention the glory and all of that.

So he stalked a jingle man,

And rigged his office private can.

"Boom You're Dead"

I think Lethal Weapon 2 went to his head.

The jingle man just wanted some relief,

As he muttered "Good Grief."

Thinking it was J-Lo getting payback,

For the commercial showing her butt and not her rack.

But in came Tarsier with his suit of bark,

Acting all brave as his fake bomb started to spark.

He yanked it out and cut a wire,

Ensuring the jingle man things were no longer dire.

Just as he predicted the jingle man fell for his scheme,

And he was delighted to get his dream.

The jingle man went straight to work,

And within a few hours Tarsier Man's ears began to perk.

For his theme song had been done,

And he found it so fun.

He grabbed the master copy,

Dashing away with glee being forgetful and sloppy.

As he strutted down the street,

Listening to the mp3 of his new beat.

A huge explosion was heard from behind,

To which he paid no mind.

Turns out the bomb was real,

Because he had used the right kind of steel.

The wire he cut was a fraud,

And wow his brain is flawed.

Dedicating his new theme to the jingle man,

Ignoring the notion he did this by rigging the can.

As his bomb was only for show,

And besides the FBI thought it was J-Lo.

I know I leave you in some misery,

As the song remains a mystery.

But know to avoid Tarsier Man for the save,

As he'll send you to an early grave.

A Tarsier Man tale has spun and now off I will run. I have to track down that theme song. Not to for all to view would just be wrong. I'll find it and write it up as I pick my toe jam. As I'm not sure either Tarsier Man or it will be worth a damn. With him killing his saves and all. But the Face it Facts are simply Tarsier Man is off the wall. He also has no class and that is all on this bug eyed creep from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

I Hear A Cage Is All The Rage!

2012-01-18T07:00:00.002-04:00

Upon being caged once more to go to that awful shore with all those cats, that scurry about like rats. The cat gave a little reflection to a thing you humans sometimes think of as protection. But guess what? You are all just as caged as my little rhyming butt.

Not not this schmuck. Who's movies always suck. Especially now a days. But I guess below is what happens when one sits around and plays, neglecting the tax man. His movies they should ban.
Because let's say you watch more than one. Let's say you watch a ton.

Then you would end up like this. At least you'd have lots of umm head to kiss.

But we won't go there any more. Could get quite scary at my shore. As I was saying before that scary sight started playing. Pat cages us to go to that awful place all those fluffy hairballs are just a disgrace.

We just smile and know, that you are just as caged at your show. What you think I goof? Well here is some proof.

Are you ready? The cage is going to drop quite steady.

And you will soon feel like this. Then all you will need to do is hiss.

Look you guys have made a condom cage. I'm sure that is just all the rage.

Such a pretty cage for your feet. I'm sure they can't be beat. Unless you break an ankle causing you to become quite rankle.

You even build cages and spend your wages to watch a guy hit a ball with a stick. Along with watching them pat butts and gives seeds a flick.

You travel in death trap cages too. But at least it's pretty to view. For you'll be well liked when you crash, just yell "eh" a thousand times as your life starts to flash.

All caged into the daily grind letting the rat race dictate your behind.

Then comes the final nail that might make some wail. For the whole world is a cage, you are stuck no matter how much you rage. Can't just hop a ship after giving your lip. Then the galaxy cages that and the universe cages that mat. And whatever comes next cages it and the next cages that with a fit. So you see, you are all caged just like me.

But the Face it Facts are we can't take the cage away. As you may become a snack in some bay. The bars may not be as apparent or generally not that inherent. Geez, who knew all could come from being stuck in a cage as Pat watched the gauge. The one for gas and I just keep growling away with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

In The Corner Of My Eye Prompted This dVerse Children's Reply!

2012-01-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

Mary took my whale that can grow a tree and said I should write a children's book at my sea. So I figured what the heck I'd do a dVerse kiddie trek.

A Whale Of A Tale

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea

Had found an island with a tree.

They lied back in the sand,

Finding the shade and privacy grand.

Home had become too stale,

They wished they could set sail.

Dreaming of lands afar,

And wishing upon a star.

Standing Turtle wiggled his toe,

Resulting in a giggle from below.

A geyser shot up into the air,

Completely drenching the pair.

As the water began to drip,

Invisible Flea dropped her lip.

Standing Turtle had to blink,

For their home had begun to shrink.

They realized they were in motion,

And now surrounded by the ocean.

Farther and farther they seemed to drift,

Feeling the ground beneath them shift.

The pair were left in shock,

As their island began to rock.

Invisible Flea scurried up the tree.

Standing Turtle quaked at the knee.

They saw great big teeth,

As a face rose from beneath.

It was that of Treed Whale,

Who saw the two looking rather pale.

He gave an inviting smile,

Rumbling his one tree isle.

Standing Turtle felt relief.

Invisible Flea lost her grief.

They gave each other a shrug,

Deciding to trust the big lug.

They appoached Treed Whale's head,

And this is what he said:

Congratulations! You've earned a trip.

Aboard Treed Whale's ship.

Around the world we're about to skip.

So buckle in and get a good grip.

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Each quickly grabbed onto the tree.

Treed Whale picked up his pace,

Introducing each and every place.

The land of delightful sound,

Will surely amuse and astound.

The land of this and that,

Has a cat living in a hat.

Upside down monkey retreat,

Has hotdogs that can't be beat.

The haven of shameless skunk,

Is best avoided due to a smelly funk.

The tricky do-hicky region,

Has it own purple flamingo legion.

The mountains of Semamado,

House a witch that might eat you.

Past that lies merdogs reef,

They drool so our visit will be brief.

Inside Out Inn is the best,

When you need a quick rest.

The gals at whooping rock,

Sporting furry faces like to mock.

Everything goes pok-a-dot,

Here at popping painters spot.

There is the nation of forever frown.

It's said a wizard cursed the town.

Over there we have clown worm estate,

Their parties are always great.

A sky full of color resides east,

Where fireworks are constantly released.

Its sister sky to the west.

Is filled with rainbows from a magic chest.

Wavy gravy province will amuse,

As the jolting jellyfish sing the blues.

The space base is from beyond,

Ever think alien hippos would be blond?

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Found their trip was filled with glee.

But when they spied a familar sight.

Their hearts truly took flight.

Now finally we have a land,

Filled with friends willing to lend a hand.

Who show a little concern,

As they wait for your return.

Standing Turtle shed a tear,

While Invisible Flea gave a cheer.

After going to the planet's ends,

They learned home was with their friends.

I see you are ready to leave,

And have finally come to believe.

That after all you have seen.

Your grass is still well and green.

Standing Turtle swam ashore,

He let his arms really soar,

As Invisible Flea rode on his back,

Pointing to the gathering pack.

Hornless Moose and Mooing Frog,

Led the pack to the bog.

They danced and played on sight,

Well into the stary night.

Finally Treed Whale set sail,

Off to help Quick Wit Snail.

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Waved goodbye as he sang with glee.

Need to travel near or far?

Just place a wish upon a star.

For I swim from bay to bay,

And may just come your way.

So what are your feedback Face it Facts on that? Can kiddie be done by the cat? Have to imagine the lands and such though, as there is no art bones in the cat to help show. But anyway there was my go at a new children's book type post, as Mary egged on your host. Now I can't end this without any sass, so I still have to leave off with away I go with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It's A Brand New Dawn But The Bush With The Tush Is Still Displayed On The Lawn!

2012-01-16T07:00:00.002-04:00

So without even reading this little bit of bliss, I'm sure you've seen the brand new header across your screen. I figured it was time for something new and something a bit more homey when you come to view. But I still want you to go away, no loitering allowed at my bay. On second thought why not? Then I could write tickets up and use the fines to fill my tin cup. But either way, what do you think about the new one I had commissioned for my bay?

As now when I abuse,
I will not confuse.
The bush with the crack,
Is right up top at my shack.

The stupid hat is gone from my head,
So I don't suffer the dread.
Of being compared to that other one,
With his stripped hat of fun.

For I have more attitude,
And I'm a tad more rude.
As you can't tell what I'm thinking as I pose,
So I could bite your nose.

No longer do I have the world in my hands,
As I am king of it and rule the sands.
It deserves to be sat on by me,
Only getting the ass end you see.

Since I am king,
I surely had to be front and center of the thing.
But Cassie is lying on the floor,
Sucking back the warmth as the fire continues to roar.

And Pat is just sitting there,
Pretending to stare.
As some subliminal advertising is at play,
With his first book on display.

Look at how sneaky I can be,
Here at Bush #3.
Which is also named all well and good.
With a plaque made of gold not wood.

Oh and look! There is an empty chair,
Maybe I should charge a fair.
Then one person can sit and view,
Until their time is up and payment is due.

Then plenty of books to add to the background,
As already here many are found.
And I stare out with my yellow eyes,
Ruling the world because I'm so wise.

Giving a sly little smirk,
To all of those that come to lurk.
For you just never know.
What will happen at my show.

So there are the Face it Facts on the new art. Doesn't it beat yesterdays fart? Big thanks to astro_art too. For the new header that came due. Now you can stare at the cat, Pat and Cass, as I cover the world with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Damn! This dVerse Art Class Has Really Brought Out The Gas!

2012-01-15T07:00:00.013-04:00

Today I may get a little crude and maybe even a tad rude. But you are used to it and you can blame dVerse for this little fit. As they showed some art and the first thing I thought was fart. Hey! It's not a bad word everyone does it so no need to flip me the bird. You can pretend you don't but it's a lie. So I'm just going to let it rip and the farts are going to fly.

Having a case of gas is no joke,
The more you hold it the more your insides choke.
So don't be an embarrassed bloke,
And give those farts a poke.

Of course you must follow some rules,
Or suffer the wrath of fools.
But never fear that cat is here,
To teach you the etiquette to farting out your rear.

If you go with a big dress,
You could be left in a mess.
The air could get trapped and linger.
So when wearing a dress no pull my finger.

If you want to be sure and get rid of it all,
When the gas gives a call.
This is the easiest way,
But don't moon others as it could cause dismay.

Never stand on a balcony and let one rip,
The air will send you for a flip,
And you might fall to your death,
So go inside and hold your breath.

Crossing your legs doesn't make it go away,
No matter your display.
At least the blanket will wipe it up,
If a wet one gives a hiccup.

Set it to music as you fart,
You can really play a tune from the heart.
Okay, maybe it's your butt.
Oh and above all, don't piss off a mutt.

This would just be an awful fate,
I guess farting makes them irate.
Maybe they smell what you ate off your plate.
The same goes for your date.

They get really ticked off,
Your stink making them cough.
You'll sure get beat off too,
With plenty of bruises to view.

Sometimes it just won't come out,
So don't sit and pout.
Get creative with your fart.
It truly can be an art.

Contrary to popular belief,
Your stench still causes grief.
Even if you lift your leg when doing it.
Plus it's a dead giveaway a fart was lit.

Also if you constantly do it over and over,
You won't only offend rover.
But from people holding their breath all day,
A big head may form and be on display.

And above all NEVER do it in front of a cat.
As we will stop ridding you of rat.
Because we can even smell in on the roof top.
But other than all of this feel free to fart non-stop!

I have to admit I never thought I'd be doing fart Face it Facts. But looking at the facial expressions from some the painting acts. It is what popped into my head. I hope all my farting didn't cause you too much dread. Not to mention the nude art. But I guess you all can take it to fart. Strat! I better leave as there is quite a lot of gas, even for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Once Again I Go All TV Show?

2012-01-14T07:00:00.003-04:00

After the great review HERE of A Not So Barren World by Pat. He told the cat to go back to TV Shows at his mat. I think after that review I had to give this one a run, with my rhyming run.

I did Stargate SG1 a while back with an episode title rhyming attack and figured there had to be more. So I will once again opened that door. I thought about Monk but that idea sunk, as his name is in every one, meaning you'd guess and that be no fun. The same with Chuck. So that one had to go pluck a duck. 24 just would not do, reciting the hours of the day eight times to you.

So I just kept going down my list and this one I couldn't resist. There are plenty of movie references/titles used too. But they are direct episode titles not actual movies that came into view. Yeah, they ripped them off with a nod and a cough. Anyway, enough out of me. Can you guess the show at my sea?

Everybody Loves A Clown,
Until Something Wicked comes to town.
They may sing a Swan Song,
Exile on Main St. is just wrong.

The Real Ghostbuters show up,
Heaven and Hell have a hiccup.
The After School Special states,
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things or go on dates.

I Know What You Did Last Summer,
Criss Angel is a Douchebag, bummer.
Makes Changing Channels easier though,
Unless you like The Devil You Know.

All Hell Breaks Loose,
With a Weekend at Bobby's with Zeus.
It was probably The French Mistake,
As they began to Swap Meat at the lake.

Good god, Y'all,
The fees for a Long Distance Call.
When the Levee Breaks,
Abandon All Hope for handshakes.

Free To Be You and Me,
Caged Heat can be an opportunity.
But The Song Remains The Same,
The Third Man was lame.

Shut Up, Dr. Phil,
I'd rather watch Road Kill.
And sing the Folsom Prison Blues.
Or Sex and Violence on the news.

Clap Your Hands If You Believe,
99 Problems are a real pet peeve.
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid,
Like A Virgin lad.

You Can't Handle The Truth,
Just Wishful Thinking at your booth.
Hello Cruel World Let It Bleed,
The Girl Next Door dropped the seed.

Mommy Dearest is trying to get in touch,
With The Man Who Knew Too Much.
But The Man Who Would Be King,
Wants to have an Unforgiven fling.

Simon Said The Kids Are Alright,
After that My Bloody Valentine fright.
And still All Dogs Go To Heaven,
No matter the attempts of The Magnificent Seven.

Well Mannequin 3: The Reckoning,
Has a Fallen Idol beckoning,
It's a Bad Day At Black Rock.
Sometimes Bedtime Stories can shock.

Two Minutes To Midnight,
Two and a Half Men have to catch a flight.
Off to an Appointment In Samarra,
Taking the Hammer of the Gods from Hera.

So before I Jump The Shark,
With some Monster Movie remark.
Hitting the Point of no Return like a maroon,
Or go to the Dark Side of the Moon.

The Usual Suspects can now guess,
My Slash Fiction mess.
So Dream a Little Dream of me my friend,
And that is simply The End.

You know there can be a lot of material in episode titles as well. If you haven't surmised that from my current rhyming spell. Just find a show you like and take a title hike. There you go, you now have something else to let flow. So that's the Face it Facts on how you rhyme the episode titles of a show. Take a guess in the comments below. Or if I confused get crass. It never bothers my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Third Time's The Charm. This Time Some Want To Cause Harm!

2012-01-13T07:00:00.002-04:00

The cat does not know what has magically occurred as of late but many ~~weirdos~~ people seem to be finding me at an alarming rate. I don't mean all of you so "don't have a fit" which was typed by someone that came to view. That's right! We are once again going to shed some light on who the search engines send my way. Some seem to have serial killer tendencies at play.

Those Looking For a Deal on a Meal

"fried squirrel photo"

Well Brian did say they tasted like chicken a while back. I guess many agree with his comment whack. This person most have wanted to see if they were doing it right before they took a bite.

"cat tail hamburger"

Really? Who the heck would take a cat tail and set sail, sticking it between a bun. A tail-less cat would just be no fun. If this becomes a trend something will have to be done. Can you imagine grocery stores selling cat tails by the ton?

"mice themed recipes"

Now this is more my style. The cat has a whole file on how to cook a mouse. I'll even get the things out of your house. Unlike some prissy cats I know over at some other show.

"mouse crossbreeding graph"

This was search four times, no joke. Almost made me choke. When have I should a mouse crossbreeding graph here? I didn't even know there was such a thing to fear. Plus wouldn't it be mice? So said someone searched this more than twice.

"more than one way to skin a cat"

So now that you are done with the tail you want to hang us across some rail, skin us and cooked us up. I hope your eyes burn from hot coffee spilled out of your cup.

The Horribly Confused and Maybe Abused

"does fan and cat rhyme?"

Unless you are two I don't think any rhyming should ever be done by you. Not even the most ungodly accent can make those rhyme. You're better off finding a career as a mime.

"spot winkie"

This isn't some Where's Waldo place, you don't have to spot a face. Or are you missing something you nicknamed down below. I can guarantee it isn't at my show. Come in out of the cold and your spot may once again take hold.

"forum poor little dinosaur haha that's nasty"

Hmmmm any ideas on this one? Seems to be randomly spun. A forum dinosaur is nasty I guess. I'm sure the dinosaur, being extinct and all, could care less.

"crazy song sgsgsgs"

Mike, D4, Gareth, you want to take this one? Any song with such a title somewhere under the sun? Or is this lurker over the rainbow and just doesn't know?

"intitle:snoring+%22post+a+comment%22+-%22you+must+be+logged"

I sooo hope that was a mistaken copy and paste. Otherwise what a big waste. Who would really type such a thing? If you did someone really donged your ding.

"21. april 2011 car exident drazin"

Hmmmm Drazin does have a big mouth and all, shouting his name as he nears my hall. But a car accident, I think not. Although on second thought. Maybe the Grammar Nazi tried to frame Drazin for this. As we all know spelling errors can make him hiss.

"how to rhyme to everything"

Is that rhyme for everything or rhyming everything. You have to be clear for the rhymes to fling.

An Ego Boost Here At My Roost

"pat hatt rhyme time"

Bah! That is a ego deflation, Pat is only around for maybe a summation. The cat is the one you should be looking for. Stupid Pat, have to stuff him in a drawer.

"most clever rhymes ever"

Awww you are so nice, you even searched it twice.

"rhyme time" questions and answers

You truly do find all you need or are just so confused by my feed, that by the time you leave here you think your questions are answers and vice versa thanks to my little rhyming rear.

"germy dirty keyboard"

That's right, join in on the OCD fight. Clean that keyboard and avoid the germs. Have to love such search terms.

"strat hits the fan"

Even found me through the video I made for Pat. Aren't I just a talented cat?

"mr. cool cat" meow song book

Sorry, no meowing song book though. Maybe I will have to look into that for my show.

And Now The Scary. Someone Obviously Ate a Rotten Berry

"golly gee im a lucky boy"

Did you really have to come and announce such an affair? Why my lair?

"spider bite on dogs balls"

Ummmmm really? Did you look down and have a feely? Bad enough you bring dogs into my shack. But spiders going on the ball biting attack. And you came here twice for it. I hope your dog can at least still sit.

"dirty words to rhyme with tash"

I guess someone is over watching M.A.S.H. and you do know there is no more soap, now they just pluck out an eyelash.

"claudia walldoom"

Look out Claudia someone is trying to cause your wall doom! They might make it go boom. Which one I don't know though. Maybe it will be over at the dVerse show.

"hell expanding funny"

How is such a thing funny I must ask? Unless in its warmth you like to bask.

"i'm feeling a little off today wanna help turn me on" 2011

Here's one that will make most cringe once more. I guess someone felt it needed an encore.

"ugly animal pictures to hang on peoples doors"

Bah, any human face will do for this. Just pick one, you can't miss.

"ugly ass face prank"

Are you going to put your ass in a face? Ohh that would just be such a horrible embrace.

"nothing much i can say here if you are one of them, get away "

One of who? A ghost that goes boo? Ohhh one of them you mean. Yeah, them are so unclean. Them shouldn't be seen. Them aren't usually lean. Them want me to stop. Them are going to call a cop.

And the winner of this one, yes, I know there have been a ton. But this one really takes the cake and shows someones mind has begun to shake and bake. Who would type this anyway? Not that I couldn't do them my way. Still, this crazy person might need to pop a pill.

"rhyming death threats"

So normal death threats aren't good enough anymore? They need to rhyme as you yell through the door. What have I done? The rhyming is spreading to everyone. From the fillers to the psycho serial killers. I really better watch my back some rhyming death threat might attack. But you still won't stop my sass and that is all for this edition of the search engine retort given by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

All Hot And Bothered Today You Could Get If You Come My Way!

2012-01-12T07:00:00.002-04:00

So Heaven asked a while back for me to go all lovey dovey once more at my shack. I was a tad slow doing it at my show. But I always get, at least most, requests done and eventually give them a run. At least you were warned before you came. Yet if you still need to take a cold shower the cat doesn't mind taking the blame. Now here we go on with the lovey dovey show.

Souls soaking in hungers collision
Backs disclose anothers incision
Digits glide through soaked oasis
Yielding shiver exposes the basis

Thirst aroused with wonder
Igniting a desired plunder
Sweltering air thickens
Trembling passion quickens

Persistent harden stroking nourish
Ejecting whimpers flourish
Lingering outcries mesmerize
As cuddling loins tantalize

Sweltering mist rains presence
Heightened surge forbids evanescence
Divides twisted repurposed soul
Plains united celestial pole

Captivating shadows rejoice
Stifled only essence voice
Glimmering shambles irradiate orbit
Haunting linger expels submit

Enlightenment tingles bewitched grasp
Bonded entity strengthened clasp
Saturated passion urge eruption
Sustained from point seduction

Heaven's tension towers
Glistening climax showers
Ruptured arousal burst forth
Residing souls claw north

So now you want me to provide you humans with pretty pictures to fantasize about too? Does this look like playboy, playgirl, playcat, etc. to you? But I guess I can do one or two, so certain things don't get ummm blue. That goes for guys of course so I give you that Kelly Brook human without remorse. Such a nice sight. Hey, even a cat cat look right?

Don't worry lady humans the cat would never forget you. I wouldn't want to be accused of being biased or anything at my zoo. I have to admit though I don't have much taste in men. But after finding the Face it Facts from a few women, the cat came up with one that will really get your mojo going and those juices flowing. Here you go. Don't say I never did anything for you.

Now isn't he just the hottest thing you women have ever seen? Come on admit it. You've loved him ever since you were a teen. So I gave a lovey dovey rhyme and gave you some visuals with this chime. What more could you ask for lass? Don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

An Artsy Day Here At My Bay!

2012-01-11T07:00:00.004-04:00

The cat doesn't want to bite the hand that feeds him or things could get rather grim. But Pat well this art below, maybe, sorta, probably, actually, kinda does suck, just so you know.

It says what? The title and the name and then enough to maybe please a butt sniffing mutt. You simply stole the world from above my place and slapped it on some background with some black space. Wow, you made a puzzle out of number two. That must have been hard to do. But what does any of them say with the planet they display?

You live on Earth somewhere? It takes place on an Earth like planet, proving we aren't rare? Oceans and land are pretty? Pat, your art expertise I pity. But never fear the cat is here saving you with my little rhyming rear. For from those bought, I contracted new covers out and improved them a WHOLE lot. So see below and Pat remember to feed me good at my show.

A cat time machine. Oh that just goes over so well on my screen. But it may not be just that, as something is fishy when they almost get blown up and travel away in the time traveling cat.

Oh no! There seem to be aliens on to go. The cat can fly in outerspace now to. That cat seems really cool between me and you. Plus the Earth is about to go boom. That has to bring doom.

I don't think Lucifer ever looked so good. Bet he would even scare the crap out of a piece of wood. He seems to have collected quite the amount of power, sure to make many cower. But look even closer in the back and the cat is flying away from a three headed dog attack. A mutt with three heads. Cerberus should really be locked away by the feds.

Plus even after all of that. The cat was visited by the three main characters at his mat. As they waited for the re-charge window to come to pass. The cat got some questions in, warning the germy guy is rather crass. Since the books aren't in rhyme too, just this once I won't rhyme for you.

An interview with Jack McCoy, Emily Milano and Mason.

Favorite movie line you have used?

Jack: "Do I have to pick just one? Hmm when I told Leader Clark he could go dirty dancing with Tootsie or maybe when I made twenty four people die hard because I was such a lethal weapon.

Emily: "Please, you never did that. I did all the work."

Jack: "Yeah, your kill them all plan was really a stroke of weird science."

Emily: "You're just jealous you don't know the secret of my success."

Jack: "I love it when you talk movie to me."

Mason: "Now don't start your lovey dovey mumbo strat in front of this cat. I'm sure your moans would hurt his ears, not to mention spread around unwanted germs."

Jack: "Doc, if I recall correctly you weren't too shy either. We thought you'd have to bleach her first.

Mason: "Having an invincible wife does keep the germs away you know."

Who did/do you want dead the most?

Mason: "All of them! Hades, Drazin, whatever the hell you want to call the third person talking strat might win out though. McClane and that bitch Hera sure make it hard to pick. I say just take my trusty shotgun, add some grenades, stand them all in a nice straight row and blow them to bits."

Jack: "Doc, you clearly still have issues. Remind me to get you to that shrink when we get home."

Emily: "Don't complain, Mason going all Dirty Harry has pulled us out of many scrapes."

Jack: "That is true. But he forgot Lucy."

Emily: "Lucifer was a big omission, Mason."

Jack: "Maybe Doc just has no love for Lucy."

Mason: "That strat can go suck on his stratty pendant for all I care. Let him rot in Hell while he plays with his Leftovers and whines about His lap dogs all day long."

Why do you think everyone always wants to kill you?

Jack: "That's easy. It is because Doc always says strat and they want to shut him up. We just get caught in the cross hairs."

Mason: "Like you spouting movie references every ten seconds, that no one even gets, doesn't tick them off?"

Emily: "I agree with Mason, it's all your fault. Jack, you did get us all into this mess."

Jack: "Oh you know I Love Trouble but you read The Pelican Brief while Driving Miss Daisy and I let you Lean On Me. So don't go An Innocent Man on me now."

Emily: "That made no sense what so ever."

Mason: "Case and point. Jack is full of strat."

Jack: "Okay, we'll just blame reality tv, repeats, clip shows and bad writing."

And finally my viewers want to know, what are Critlen?

Mason: "Those stratty things that Drazin created in his sad excuse for a fraction."

Jack: "That isn't vague or anything, Doc. Basically they look like what you'd get if a Critter and a Gremlin decided to mate. So Critlen.

Emily: "And you have the nerve to complain about stupid names."

Jack: "Hey, it beats The Middle or some acryonm people or The Nothing. That one really takes the cake.

Mason: "Sure it does."

Jack: "Doc, go wash your hands again or something.

Mason: "After being cooped up in that cat of yours with you two, that's probably not a bad idea."

Emily: "Don't be so hard on Mason, Jack. He just misses that invincible, invisible, naked wife of his."

Jack: "Well I guess we better go save her from that family gathering. Dealing with Daddy and his everything happens for a reason spiel gets kind of old. Plus her step mother is a real psycho bitch and her uncle wouldn't shut up if you paid him. Not to mention Conan walking about in his Tarzan attire, shouting like George of The Jungle and firing up the power of grey skull.

Mason: "Takes an annoyance to know an annoyance."

Emily: "That was good, Mason."

Jack: "Just for that I'll be taking away your grenades, Doc."

They continued their playful banter as they climbed into their cat machine. After a few seconds they poofed from view and now I can go back to rhyming for all of you. What a bunch of windbags they were today at my bay.

Strangely none of them seemed to care about a talking, rhyming cat. I guess after, Hell, gods, The Middle, the P.A.T., the OCP, Drazin, Critlen, Leftovers and everything in between a talking cat kind of falls flat. So there we go, Pat's crappy artwork will no longer show. You can visit the tab above at my shore or go to Pat's place to find out more.

And just in case you never gave a view here is the Strat Hits The Fan, a trailer for the three that came due. Pat really owes me food in mass and that is all the plugging today from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Such A Truly dVerse Chime For It's ALL OF YOU Slogan Time!

2012-01-10T07:00:00.003-04:00

The cat was going to look at slogans and put them into a dVerse little piece but when something caught my eye that idea started to decrease. For it turns out there is a slogan generator out there and why should you care? Well let's just say that those who left a comment to display, that was more then two whole words for a previous dVerse, could be about to curse. I took the very first one that came in when I stuck your name into the generator bin. So the Face it Facts are don't blame me or on second thought, go for it, as it will be such fun to see.

A slogan can make you glad,
Can make you seem rad,
Can also seem so bad.
Like the one I got for that Pat lad.

I'll show you my Pat Hatt if you show me yours.
Promise to keep everyone in their drawers.
Interweb Fails... yep, that's it.
See go have a failing fit.

Our My Five Men Is Bigger.
Oh the thoughts this could trigger.
Low Frequency Therapy the river of life.
No loud sounds to cause strife.

WaystationOne will get you more girls.
Really? Does Brian give out free pearls?
Live High is going places.
It's off to the races.

Raviolis and Waterworks Keeps Them Coming Back.
Hmmm maybe she owns the love shack.
The Tashtoo Parlour, gets the juices flowing.
You'll come away simply glowing.

The Berserk Herc have another serving.
But only if you are deserving.
Anne's Attic one size fits all.
I thought Anne said she didn't like them small?

Wanna Buy A Duck gives that warm feeling.
And there is no ceiling.
The Crazy Life Of a Writing Mom will solve all of your troubles.
Yeah, and seconds later the trouble doubles.

I want my Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares.
This could raise some neck hairs.
TheRaveSite.com Blog is the word.
You can even flip a bird.

Penwasser Place soothes the nerves.
Or at least gives you some of those French preserves.
Poetical Psyche opens the flood gates.
Watch out for his shipping rates.

Our Matthew's Blog beats last years Matthew's Blog.
Last year's was ran by a real dog.
Shine The Divine sees all, knows all.
Disturbing if you listen in on my cat call.

Sweet Lust... get your Sweet Lust here.
Could be taken so wrong I fear.
Jay Walking The Moon eclipses the competition.
Mooning you into submission.

The more Rainbow the better.
Except if it's an ugly sweater.
The best darn A Sun Kissed Life you can get.
But with all that kissing you might rack up debt.

Zero Summer the sign of success.
Or that your brain is a complete mess.
A most excellent In The Corner of My Eye.
All that cornering may make you cry.

The Lair of The Silver Fox enjoy when no-ones around.
Perfect for Grammar Nazi's mound.
Canela Kitchen one new status symbol.
May even get a free thimble.

D4 and Music: Music to the ears.
Hits all the right gears.
Night Tracks will brighten your day.
With another music buffet.

Get Hollywood Spy before your friend does.
Yeah, get Dezmond for all the rumor mill buzz.
Knot In The Line for people who want more.
Watch out for the swinging door.

Daydreamer Too, how did you live without it?
Bloody Hell, I'm expanding the ego of the Brit.
I need I Am Such A Derp right now.
That also sounds so wrong some how.

Crazy Old Heroes gets you goin'.
With all those games a showin'.
To Tipota stays on track.
If at first you give your brain a whack.

Carte Blanche always the right choice.
With words to rejoice.
Zongrik when you need results.
With very few insults.

Get Wolfsrosebud's Blog, forget the rest.
Hmm doesn't someone think she's the best.
Mrs Mediocrity the top of the heap.
Another taking an ego leap.

Moonlight and Dreamz, fun for the whole family.
Even if the moon might make your hands clammy.
Free Turtle Memoirs with your purchase.
And they are ageless.

dVerse for when it's quitting time.
Or lurk at work checking out each chime.
And what perfectly ends this slogan hit?
Put It's Rhyme Time in your pipe and smoke it!

This one truly came out of the blue. But then it was so fun using it on all of you. Now I should probably go hide in my bush with a crack just in case anyone decides to attack. And I wasn't going to get stretched to the brink, as there were too many to link. So smoke on that. Oh that is so enjoyed by the cat. There you go for today at my show, you got some rhyming slogan sass, from my always versatile little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Flying The Flag For Anne's Torture Tag!

2012-01-09T07:00:00.002-04:00

The cat got tagged for one of those question thingy magiggy things. I do usually ignore them at my wings. But these ones are kind of fun. So the cat couldn't help but give them a run. Even if Anne was too fecking drunk to make them rhyme I'll still give them a chime.

1. What celebrity would you most like to shag and why?

So even though the cat is fixed I guess I can still be transfixed or at least make the motion. Would that cause a commotion? I at least wouldn't hump your leg like some mutt at your rag. I'm giving you the run around you say? Alright, here is the cat's big secret celebrity crush since last May.

That's right the cat would shag a mouse. Feel free to share the fact with your spouse. How could you pass her up? At least I'm not in lust with a pup.

See she can pull off the geek and look rather sleek. Now you have to agree that she is really one to shag with glee.

This surely will get you in the mood. Of course it may seem rather crude. But after I was done giving it a go, even with nothing down below, I could eat her all intact and that is a fact. For she would be in the buff and there would be no clothes to eat around, even if she was kind of tough. What? Cats eat mice. Is it a problem before that I want to shag her maybe twice?

2. In the event of a zombie attack, what politician would you be willing to use as a human shield?

I think with the picture enough is said, he even looks like the undead. So if I hid behind him the zombies are quite dim and would think they are one in the same. I just hope he's tame.

3. Rate the survivability of at least 3 fellow bloggers if they are attacked by zombies.

Hmmm this one is rather unique who should I give a peek.

Silver Fox, The = 6/10 because even with limited brain cells the zombies would get confused as his name rings the "the" filing bells. But it is a little low because I think Orson would sacrifice him if the zombies were to show.
Fred = 5/10 because his chances are slim considering he has to protect mutts and we cats know they are dim. But he has all those books he could throw, so either way it could go.
Jax = 8/10 because she could go between their legs as she ran away plus they'd only see her as an appetizer on the food tray.
Brian = 9/10 because he is such a gawker. I know such a shocker. But since he sees all he would probably avoid Davy Jones Locker or use some old lady with a walker as a good blocker.
Betsy = 9/10 because she has so many animals at her place that the zombies could never keep pace. They'd be full by the time they got to her and choking on fur.
Mama Zen = 9/10 because she has tons of critters as well. Plus her and her daughter prepare daily for such a zombie living hell.
Besercules = 8/10 because he has that special helmet on his shelf and sometimes he's just not himself. He splits into two and that would corrupt the zombies view.
Al = 8/10 because his has the experience swabbing the decks and causing ship wrecks. He'll make those zombies walk the plank mate, giving him a favorable fate. But if there is some alarm installing to do it might end up upside down and then he may be through.
Waffles = 3/10 because he has to go search for a job, causing him to be out and about with zombie Bob. So depends on how fast he can run if he ends up zombie chow time fun.
Elisa = 5/10 because she always has to be part of the story no matter how gory. But then her kids could save the day or watch her get eaten as they play. Her chances are up in the air but I'd say they are fair.
DWei = 2/10 because when the zombies give a peep they'll see him fast asleep, with that apparatus sleeping thing. But he has an ace in the hole at his wing. If his gf is around she might get eaten first and she could quench their thirst.
Dezmond = 1/10 because Dez is just to nice as those lovey dovey movies tend to entice. Zombies are anything but that plus sadly you have penguins under your hat. They would give you up in second to save their own skin. Get rid of them and maybe you will up your chances at a win.
Hank = 7/10 because he can weave his words around and the zombies wouldn't know where they were found. Plus a catchy limerick or two and they may use him when entertainment comes due.
Sub Radar = 5/10 because he could also go either way with all the tunes at his bay. If the zombies hate the ones he lets loose they will ignore his caboose. But if they like Radar will soon take a hike.
Daydreamer = 2/10 because her little dog wouldn't be much of a threat and with a Bloody Hell she might make them sweat. But then sadly she'd become chow ummm ciao.
Slamdunk - 8/10 because he knows all the crime and won't let those zombies get the time, to catch up to him one bit, unless they come in hoardes taking a big fit.
Anne = 1/10 because after a good meal the zombies would want to seal the deal. They'd want to go on a binge and bottles make them cringe. But Anne is so full of liquor and they'd surely hear her bicker. That they would chase her down wanting to throw a party on the town.

And as for me, I wouldn't even have to flee. Just hop in my bush with a crack and they'd never find me at my shack. So 10/10 as I wave bye to most of you human men and women.

4. If you could reanimate just one dead person from history, who would it be?

Wouldn't this start the zombie craze? Since you would be bringing a dead guy back in a daze. But I suppose if you shoot them in the head after you're done, you can still have your fun. I still would not want them too close because they'd probably look rather gross. Then I am going to cheat and use two, then again that may not be true. Since one is a god I guess, he might have avoided that death mess. I admit I had no idea what so ever. But searched around and found a couple that were clever.

To prove cats rule and dogs, no matter how godly, drool!

I'd bring him back because his commercials didn't lack. With over 800 of them to see. The same damn one didn't play ten times in an hour at ones tree. Plus you have to like the evil version up there, just look at all the red he decided to wear. It might attract a bull but at least of it, unlike now a days, he wasn't full.

5. Would you be willing to take this person out to a pub? Why or why not?

Sure they could come with me. I could get a good seat because everyone would find them scary. Their dead stench would clear the place out as people scream and shout. When they finally run away. I won't even have to pay. Free liquor for many could make this idea a tad less sicker.

6. In the event of a nuclear holocaust, would you be willing to eat cockroaches to survive?

Sure they are yummy, they go well with rat in the tummy. As for Pat I don't know. But if he's starving I would be far away from our show. I wouldn't want him to eat me. But maybe I could lend him a flea. Sure he would though if he had to. They are quite crunchy between me and you.

So there are some fun Face it Facts from her torture tag here at my rhyming rag. I think I just proved once more I am a loon but damn wasn't that a real sexy mouse cartoon? Anyway, that is all my question answering sass and off I go to hide from those zombies with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Yakkity Yak dVerse Is On Crack!

2012-01-08T07:00:00.001-04:00

What a meow isn't good enough for dVerse now? They want the cat to make other noises that can wow. Well it just so happens the cat is like that guy from the Police Academy mat. You know that Jones guy. No, it's not a lie. The Face it Facts are completely true and I will prove it to you.

Here comes your boo hoo,
Well whoopdi friggin doo.
Your teeth can chatter,
While I pitter patter.

I'll clip and clop,
Hiss and pop.
Grunt and growl,
Hoot and Howl.

You can cackle,
With voices that crackle.
Add some ding to their dong,
Gurgle too long.

But I'll still jingle jangle,
Sizzle and strangle.
Some bow wow,
Or a mooing cow.

You clang your bell,
Cheep and yell.
Screech your tires,
Splosh out fires.

Yet I'll splish and splash,
Ring a dash,
With a walloping swoosh,
And a rushing whoosh.

A murmur and mutter,
With a quacking stutter.
Adding a sniffing trickle,
Gives you a tinkling tickle.

While I tic and toc,
Clang a knock,
Crunch some chips,
Cock a doodle doo-ing the eclipse.

Honk a ho ho ho,
Cha chinging dough.
A plunking ker splat,
I'm a choo chooing cat.

As you just croak,
Maybe ribbit and choke.
Gurgle a bit,
In a rustling fit.

For your rattling drizzle,
Can't top my meowing sizzle.
So cling clang your drum.
But your little hum,
Can't top the zip of my little rhyming bum.

There we go I am now Onomatopoeia-ed out at my show. Or at least I'll pretend to be so your eyes, or maybe ears, won't hurt today at my sea. That's all the noises that have come to pass. At least without getting to crass. Is there a good noise for gas? Either way it will still come out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Another Reason You Humans Are Dumb! And Then Some!

2012-01-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

Yes! I know this is old news. But LMF reminded me of it when her comments below flew. What has to be going through the mind of some moron to do this? They think it is going to bring bliss? Listen here ladies I created a glowing cat. Doesn't that make you want to come back to my mat? Pffffft you'd be better off with the Tennessee line. Or something more divine.

So what can we expect next? I would not want to leave you vexed. So I will tell you what's to come and there is no need to thank my little rhyming bum.

There will be pigs that fly,
Just so that saying will die.
A mooing dog,
With the nose of a hog.

A hybrid moose,
So just like goose,
Goes to geese,
We can use meese.

A camel with heads on both ends,
A horse with two rear ends.
A mouse with a lizard tail,
Or one that is male and female.

A grasshopper that hops in sand.
A fish that can walk on land.
A bird with fur,
Or a duck that can purr.

A croaking rabbit,
A platypus with a nasty habit.
Eating others with crocodile teeth,
With the part of a rhino down beneath.

An invisible flea,
A whale whose back can grow a tree.
A turtle that can walk,
And do the ninja rap, don't balk.

A monkey that's smarter than you,
For some that has already come due.
An elephant with a shell.
And then just what the hell?

A thing with a hairy back,
That always wants to attack.
Thinks it's above it all,
And will never fall.

Oh wait! That's just a human.
And some of his crewman.
Wait! There is Nessie and Bigfoot too.
The yeti has come into view.

I guess now the myths can be true.
Thanks to some nut with a test tube making a cat blue.
Or making it glow in the dark.
Soon it will probably bark.

Probably more being done then we'll ever know,
Especially with all the stuff the aliens show.
Little green men could have been once human too.
Until the test tubes flew.

So how did you like my Face it Facts today? Don't you just wish these animals could be on display? After all humans have such a right to make cats glow at night. There is such a point. No one should get their nose out of joint. But the cat doesn't expect much from ones that allow used underwear to be sold in a vending machine, right near where you get some caffeine. Caffeine and used underwear in mass! That has to delight all but my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Tablet Time Giveaway For A NOOK Or Some Cash. So Make A Dash And Join The Bash!

2012-01-06T07:00:00.001-04:00

I know I know, that Raisin guy got your hopes up yesterday at my show. You thought you stood a chance at winning a million bucks. But it turns out Raisin's are such dirty lying little ummm ducks. Although the answers some of you gave did seem familiar to me. I wonder where I saw them before at my sea. Hmmm it is quite the mystery but with these Face it Facts I will try to relieve some of your misery.

For I saw these contest things here and there while visiting Elisa's lair and figured what the hell, I'd ring the bell. So the cat chimed in and threw bush number three into the contest bin. This you actually can win not like that Raisin fellow and his lying ass of sin.

Entry is free so that should cause glee. The rest is as simple as can be. Just click on each one and follow you see or whatever the other instructions say. They are below for you to display. Then Poof you are done and you never know you could get a little note saying YOU WON.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Just in case for any newbies the cat has left you in disarray, speaking in rhyme all the time can do that they say. Here are the rules that are easy for the rhyme challenged to see. Isn't that just so nice of me?

RULES

Prize Details:

NOOK Option

NOOK Tablet (link: www.barnesandnoble.com/p/nook-tablet-barnes-noble/1104687969):

7" VividView Color Touchscreen
16 million+ colors, IPS2 display
High resolution display (1024x600, 169 pixels per inch)
Built-in Wi-Fi

Color Field Cover (link: www.barnesandnoble.com/s/color-field-cover-in?store=ALLPRODUCTS&keyword=color+field+cover+in):

Dimensions: 8.5" x 5.75" x .75"
Rayon bookbinding cloth exterior
Stone faux suede interior lining
Interior slide pocket
3-point clip device to securely hold your NOOK Tablet
4 colors to choose from: Turquoise, Tangerine, Vivid Pink, and Storm Gray

Cash Option

Entrants intending to select the cash option MUST have an active PayPal account.
$275 will be remitted to the winner as a gift via PayPal.

ENDS January 20, 2012, at 11:59 PM EST

So I guess add another thing to the list of stuff that comes out of the rhyming mist. The cat can do reviews, game shows and giveaways too. Damn, the cat is so good, get paid for this I should. But then I'd have to be more polite and less crass. That just wouldn't go over well with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Who Will Answer True On Whoopdi Friggin Doo?

2012-01-05T07:00:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Whoopdi Friggin Doo

Where you can win one million dollars if you answer true!

And here is your host,

The cat with the most.

Robbie Raisin!

(What you thought it'd be Drazin?)

That's right! They call me Raisin, Robbie Raisin! As I phase in. But enough about me let's get on with it before you see the same damn commercial five times over. For an Italian Clover or would that be meatballs?

Booo! Booo!

Oh stop with your cat calls.

(Studio induced laughter ensues, to block out the audience boos.)

Our first contestant today is a man known for stalking or at least gawking, that's right it's Mr. Mohawk himself. Welcome Brian, coming dressed as an elf? Brian, you do know Christmas is over right? Plus you kind of have too much height.

(Puts mic in front of Brian, then whips it away as fake laughter roars like a lion.)

I guess Brian has little to say. So why don't we play.

(Creeps up with his raisin self in the face of Brain the elf.)

Brian, for one million dollars and a brand spanking new mule, maybe even a new pool. What is the rare species of orange plant that has a bit of a slant?

"ok i nearly spit coffee at Humptulips, we have a Butthollow Rd nearby, and i often wonder why...funny some of the names given places, makes me wich to see the namers faces, never been to nantucket but know how to...ahem...leave a comment"

(Looks at Brian strange and waves his hands for a change.)

Looks like Brian is still too busy with the egg nog. So he and security can take a jog. Next up on our show is Betsy with her zoo type flow. Maybe she'll win that sought after camel or some other rare mammal.

What? She is too busy to come out? What is that all about? She has her feet in the sink? Time to hook up the video link. There she is soaking feet and all too lazy to leave her hall. So Betsy, what do you call a piece of wood with a splinter in it? Answer already, don't be afraid your feet soaking is a hit.

"wow, I've had quite the day I can't see straight here at your bay You said And Tarsier Man retrieves some little old ladies purse and I thought it said he relieved himself in the purse. Maybe it's because I have to go... Let me take care of that and return to your show. lol...."

(Gives a quick cough and cuts the feed off.)

Well that was rather odd, maybe she just should have gave a nod? And now to try for the million dollar spread, here comes Fred. He has his nose in a book, I guess he wants to cheat like a crook. Okay then answer this, what gives a wall clock bliss?

"Fun piece Pat. I have some loonies here at my joint for sure, and not the kind that wear funny jackets, but the kind you can't use to pay the taxes. Yet some stores will say at par, but others will shun you far. Some will sit and stare and then a light bulb will flash above their free cell, going off like "danger danger" tossing back the coin at you the stranger. Anyhow, i've never the privilege to own a toonie, but the music playing now might disagree, for I love money I can't use for a spending spree. That response was not what I had planned, just kind of flowed all disjointed. Oh, well- i've been off lately- couple good writes and outtakes, that's all good and fine, but I think google planted a bug, making all my comments shrug. Anyhow, I actually do have a small coin collection. I have coins from most countries. Obviously Canadian money is very easy for me to come by, I still have the multicolored dollars, not sure if you still use them or not, haven't renewed my passport in a while, but your money always makes me smile. But a toonie- this I do not have, actually did but then I lost it, think the cats took it and hid it like they do the clothes, dragging them through the house- seriously they take things all the time, stealing whatever they can carry. I'm trying to find this pic I took a few years ago, had chloe but up with the rest of her inside my mothers purse, she does this type of thing all the time, so I blame her for the missing toonie. Thanks"

I think he tried to pull a Billy Madison "The Puppy Who Lost His Way" and confuse me. You lose, sorry!

(Peers down a hole, as the floor opened beneath Fred and sucked him into it like a mole.)

Oh look! It's a Silver Fox. I guess he chewed through the locks. But let's give him a chance, after all for a fox he has such a human looking stance. That must be tough to do. So Mr. Fox here is the question for you. Which superhero saved the planet 11111111000000111110000 times? He even included those dastardly mimes.

"Google decided to mess with me, my Gmail, and my blogs. Couldn't straighten it out on my Google Chrome browser, but somehow I made things work by going to FireFOX. Hmmmm. And just last night I was reading someone the post where I defended Blogger as a free service which gives you so much. You think I'd be one of their star bloggers after saying that!"

(Waves bye to Fox, as he heads for the docks.)

I knew that springing trap would come in handy. Who knew a fox could fly, isn't that just dandy? The next contestant is LMF. Well come on already acronym woman, we are under the gun. Where is she? What? She's below me? Ohhhh now I see. Shorter that a raisin man, that must bring you such glee. Now now stop your swearing missy, for your question is how do you make a hammer prissy?

"2012 scares me!!! When I first found out about it, I didn't sleep for months!!! Not because of the silly Mayans and their dumb calendar, but because of something else. Supposedly there is a PLANET X that is going to pass our planet for the first time since the dinosaurs became extinct. I don't want to be the next extinct species, do you?? Sigh...."

(Raises his head back to normal view and the laughs ensue.)

No need to get rid of this one. Just stop looking down on the floor and she's all gone, isn't that fun? All these Americans seem kind of slow, let's find a foreign exchange contestant for the show. Those French in Heaven I can't understand, those Germans are jaywalking the moon's land. Some other guy is eating waffles all day. Bloody Hell is also so fun to day dream and say.

What? You want some Irish folk on here? Oh dear. I think I understand the French better then those kilt wearing wankers. What? That's Scottish people and some strange bankers? Aren't they all the same? Okay, so bring on some Irish dame. Wow! O'Leary Air sure is full of well umm hot air. Can she even say that on public TV? That troll is scaring me. Let's get this fecking strat over with before I spoil some Irish myth.

"People already think of me when they're naked in the shower and when they're in bed, so I've got that covered. But I see by looking at this that I need an emblem of some sort so I can break out in the major markets. I'll put my best people on that. The idea of people eating me then wiping their arse with me in the loo later on is an appealing one."

Wait! I didn't even ask the question yet. Was that some kind of Irish threat? Go search for your pot of gold. Take your troll and you've been told.

(Ducks as Anne tries to attack but a cage drops from above, soon after her and her troll get dragged to the back, cussing all the way really quite the display.)

Wow, the network my fine us for that. I'll be sure and send the bill to O'Leary Air's doormat. Oh look who is trotting out with penguins all about. Boy, those penguins can really talk. What was that you squawk?

"PAris Hilton? Really, Pat you naughty Cat, you shouldn't scare me like that... I might get serious traumas when I grow up....."

Damn it! That was not your question. That answer was also more of a suggestion. It sure gave me indigestion or maybe it was that penguin sandwich I ate. What? Even raisins have their moments of regression. Now comes a Crazy mom. That is after she changes a poopy bum. Come on already! Don't you already do this steady?

Hey! Don't throw that diaper at me. You really are crazy!

"After passing gas ROFL! You're too much :0)"

(A foul odor fills the stage and Elisa runs off forgetting about any winning wage.)

What is it with these later contestants today? They keep answering without even hearing the question I first need to say. Where do you find these guys? Are they really martians in disguise? Speaking of which here comes one who has to scratch a limerick itch. So Hank, what happens when you give a monkey a spank?

"Yes it went on a bit while confusing I thought the ends would always rhyme Your trademark on all of your threads Expected the last word not 'tired' but 'dead' Hank"

(Hank falls over looking rather dead. Maybe he just needs to be fed?)

Dead wrong Hank. Ewww you are starting to smell kind of rank. Maybe I see dead people too. Yes, let the laughter ensue. And finally the last contestant of the day. Will we end up giving the million away? You never know. But then again this guy installs motion sensors upside down at his show. So my final question for Al, isn't he such a pal? Is what do you get when you add a horse to a cow stall occupied with a donkey that just had a divorce?

"That's what I look like from too much coffee. Or could it be...toffee? Hey, it rhymes. Don't judge."

Ohhhh Al that was so close. But even you and that little mouse, look better than what would come about. If only you were a tad less descriptive with your shout. Now off you go pal. Everyone wave bye bye to Al.

(The crowd waves goodbye and Al goes through the window and into a tree)

Think I should have shouted bonsai as he went? Or would cowabunga be a better one to vent? Either way that's all the time we have for today folks. Remember, she who eats money chokes. This is Raisin, Robbie Raisin! No longer on the phase in, but on the phase out. What? You want to know what this was all about? Not a thing. Just letting the whoopdi friggin doo fling.

(Everything fades to black and you no longer feel like having a heart attack.)

*******************

Isn't that Raisin guy a windbag? Going on an on at his game show rag. It's a shame none of you won though. It seems like such a legit show. But this was long enough and some of you had it real tough, so I will let you go class with one final whoopdi friggin doo from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

With This Fit Do The "Thes" Have It?

2012-01-04T07:00:00.001-04:00

The cat has noticed the Face it Facts of how you humans file and think it is rather vile. You talk about grammar and how to speak but when it comes to such a thing your brains seem to leak. Got called on this the other day out my way and told Anal Filer (read that slow, as fast it sounds so wrong you know) they were a nut, stuck in some stupid rut.

Anal Filer kept trying to get me to change it, actually having a fit. But it is never going to happen no matter how much Anal Filer keeps flappin'. Have you guessed it yet? No, is probably my bet. For I am confusing enough, so I admit it could be kind of rough. But none of you go off in a huff, as least usually, like Anal Filer with her face scrunched up so tough.

Anyway, what the cat is talking about today. Is the way you humans take "the" and file it. In some stupid dyslexic type fit. "The cat rhymes." See no grammar crimes. "Cat rhymes, the" is just plain dumb. Sounds like you are talking out your bum.

Don't care what Anal Filer continues to state "the" at the end is stupid and out of date. Maybe they talked like dyslexic hicks back in the day. But no one uses "the" at the end of what they say. So when the filing comes due the "the" is first in my view. If you are too dumb to go to the T's then go snack on some cheese.

Anal Filer was actually saying "the such and such" as she gave them a look, just proving by not having "the" at the end doesn't make me a filing crook.When people start saying "the" at the end out loud. Then I will join the "the" at the end filing crowd. Until then it is never going to happen no matter how much Anal Filer and any one else starts flappin'.

Simple Plan, A

Say that out loud and you sound simple enough. Yeah, "A" and not "the" things could be getting rough.

Best of Times, The

Mout have been great times indeed for you are so drunk "the" does the final deed.

Chase, The

Chase the what? Mutt? Cat? Car? Yeah, enough of that.

Conversation, The

Would be one messed up conversation at your station.

Anyway, you get the point, as much as you usually can at my joint. You want to file with "the" at the end. Go ahead and keep up the trend. But if I file how people actually say the damn title of things, leave your Anal Filer side lurking in the wings, because it isn't going to change and I will not rearrange. So maybe instead of shouting Anal Filer sass, look how you say the title and it will come to pass. Of course if you speak like you're choking on glass, no help can be given, not even from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

With This dVerse Edition We Go On An Expedition!

2012-01-03T07:00:00.003-04:00

This could get a bit dVerse as the cat goes through this strange rhyming universe. I want that damn goose. You know, that one that has golden eggs come out its caboose. So I figured I would talk to the dVerse cast of characters in rhyme land and see if they could give the cat a hand. It was anything but bland. But I'm not quite sure it would be considered grand. For they just can't keep up with me having one whole rhyme when I have many. Anyway, here we go, as it's time for the show.

The golden eggs I want.
They're so shiny they taunt.
The cat must have the goose.
Not some lame Canadian moose.

So off to find a clue,
And prove this legend true.
As I delve into rhyme land,
For a helping hand.

Georgie Porgie was no help,
He just made girls yelp.
Humpty Dumpty was on crack.
And fell from his shack.

Some twinkling star,
Blinded me from afar.
Simple Simon had no hair,
And kept whining about a fair.

The weasel went pop.
Someone called a cop.
Many were busy patting a cake,
When it would take less time to bake.

That black sheep,
Was a real creep.
Would not share its wool,
With three bags full.

The rain came on down,
And it almost made me drown.
Rain rain would not go away,
Like it did another day.

I chased people around the rosy,
But they thought I was nosy.
John Jacob jingled too much,
As he walked on his crutch.

Some cat had a fiddle,
And sang about a diddle diddle.
Sadly I've be fixed,
So that idea was nixed.

From some Alexander,
I heard of Goosey Goosey Gander.
Had my hopes high,
But it was just some costume wearing guy.

Londen bells started to ring,
As the queen of hearts let her hands fling.
I wasn't going to bow,
No matter how she raised her ugly eyebrow.

That Itsy Bitsy Spider I ate,
I missed supper, don't hate.
The piper seemed calm,
As his son Tom was the bomb.

But neither knew a helpful fact,
Wee Willie Winkie was a scary act.
Old Mother Hubbard was a senile bat,
She thought I was a dog and not a cat.

Three blind mice were well blind,
So they couldn't help my behind.
Mary chased her lamb,
As she yelled I feel for a scam.

Some hush a bye baby song,
At some points sounded so wrong.
Just eat an apple a day,
And all will be right at your bay.

A Peter Pumpkin eater,
Picked me up in some old beater.
But he crashed the car,
Trying to open another pumpkin jar.

Good thing too,
Because London Bridge fell from view.
I guess it was some trick or treat,
As it had to smell too many feet.

Polly had a kettle,
And it wasn't made of metal.
It was pure gold.
I listened as her tale took hold.

She said what I seek,
Lied with those who squeal not squeak.
Some little piggies I guess,
They needed the eggs to cure some toe jam mess.

I guess it cost a lot,
To have it fixed by a robot.
I ignored the wee wee one,
The one who stayed home was no fun.

The roastbeef was good,
The other had nothing but wood.
Finally at the market it was found,
The goose sat on the ground.

The pig wanted a ton,
So I snatched the goose and began to run.
It then popped out an egg,
And it hit my leg.

The thing burst open all over me.
It was so gross to see.
I started to pout,
As it turns out,

If touched by a rhyming cat,
The gold falls flat.
The eggs go normal forever more.
No one knew that bit of lore.

So I set the thing free,
And it sailed up into a tree.
Giving me some snarky honking roar,
As I went home empty handed and yes, I swore.

How do you like those Face it Facts? Of all the rhyming acts and I am the one that makes the gold go away. Oh that just caused me so much dismay. But I guess it was a fun time strolling through the land of rhyme. After all I got to prove that with their one whole rhyming groove, they pale in mass when compared to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Spice Girls, Furbies, No Sex and Pogs. I Think I'd Rather Go To The Dogs!

2012-01-02T07:00:00.003-04:00

Can these things really co-exist? Just typing the names of this stuff could hurt my wrist. But I guess the cat gave a throwback of sorts. It was in part thanks to a Dingbat for any official reports. So here we go. A time when no blogs were around to show.

Boy, the way those pogs could flip.
Revealing bands that were still hip.
The Spice Girls radar actually showed a blip.
Those were the days!

Didn't need no guts to spill.
Slow motion Baywatch was a thrill.
Clinton spent his days shagging on the hill.
Those were the days!

Emelio Estevez was a household name.
The Ninja Rap was still quite lame.
A macarana dance could ignite ones flame.

Furbies seemed to be in.
The Blue Jays could actually win.
To watch again rewind needed to spin.
Those were the days!

We were saved by the bell.
Shows didn't need sex to sell.
And there was no reality tv hell.

Goosebumps were all the rage.
You actually had to turn a page.
The web was still in the stoneage.
Those were the days!

The Face it Facts are I just saw All In The Family again when I was home and figured I'd update it a bit where I roam. That was some 90's crap that came to mind as I hit the Those Were The Days grind. Sure many have many other things too. As the internet wasn't around much to view. At least until later on, so one had to occupy themselves with other things at their lawn. But then what would one do without the sass? I guess it's good it came about and let me rhyme off my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Something Is Wrong With This Picture. The Mutts Seem To Be The Central Fixture!

2012-01-01T07:00:00.004-04:00

No more Merry Christmas or Happy New Year cheers until next year, now it's just back to the regular, or rather crazy, rhyming gear. But here is something to change in 2012. There needs to be more cats on movie shelves.

You know us cats really get the shaft as you humans are really dafed. You give them all the lime light and leave the cats to be forgotton in the night. Once again you don't believe me? I guess I will just prove it with my Face it Facts for free.

See case and point! Two dogs and only one cat in this joint.

Same thing for number two. Wouldn't you think for two they would double the cats to view? But nooo that had to go add more dogs to it. Really makes the cat have a fit.

Dogs get to play sports like a human loon and even get to take pictures with a raccoon.

And cats get to do what? Pick their nose with some crazy mutt.

They even get to hang out with Chuck Norris who has his own chorus. He can breath fire and make a holy man a liar. Can knock down walls with a touch and yeah all that crap is a bit much.

And we get to give you the evil eye. Oh that is so scary you might die.

Dogs get to wear a table cloth, a toilet seat like some goth, go camping and dig for treasure. Plus they get to show off how they got some, more than leg humping, pleasure.

Cats once again take the back seat, sneaking out from under a mutt's feet.

Dogs get to look all pretty and go save some old bitty.

Cats get represented by THAT! Big Momma's House beats this door mat.

Dogs get to have a ton on the poster. Whether or not I wish to use the movie for a coaster.

And we get one whole cat. They can't even say DAMN, what is up with that?

All those mutts get to go to heaven too. Or at least they want you to believe it's true.

Us cats just don't dance. I guess maybe we just prance.

Finally dogs get to solve crime.

And then lie around all sublime.

While we get our name drug through the mud as this surely came down with a thud. One of the most atrotcious movies ever. Whoever made this was not at all clever.

So the cat may sound a bit bitter and may kill your babysitter with my oh so scary eye. Pffft, yeah that is a lie. But those stinkin' mutts that do nothing but sniff and lick their butt and others butts, get all the fame. Someone needs to take the blame. But then that would be a heavy load, as the blame for Catwoman would fill a whole zip code. I guess I will just have to keep on being crass and get the cats some recognition with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

New Year's Is Upon Us All. So The Cat Gives It a Call!

2011-12-31T07:00:00.001-04:00

The day has arrived to cut last year's ties.
Acting as if by magic one will become wise.
With a simple turn of the page comes a clean slate.
Pretending past matters get lost with the date.

For one night at least all seems right with the planet.
At least to those that take it for granted.
The facts do not change or somehow rearrange.
Half the world is still some firing range.

The champagne pours and all raise a glass.
Clinking and clanking as they wait in mass.
Wanting to countdown like a shuttle launch.
And why not? NASA has hit a money flow staunch.

The seconds tick away and the same song ensues.
The way some people sound you thank God for the booze.
Confetti continues dropping down on your head.
An act the poor street cleaners surely must dread.

But because it is new and giving us a yearly taste.
Who cares if we can fill a battleship with the waste?
We'll add that to the file of last year's doing.
After all that is last year's food you are chewing.

The clean slate applies when benefits outweigh the cost.
Just like a good political debate, keep the meaning lost.
Then the aftershock begins to wear off from your drunk.
And you find all as it was, white men still can't slamdunk.

At least use some Lysol or Bleach on that clean slate.
Maybe the shine will tempt your fate.
As you see a reflection of what you put out for prostitution.
The face of you that begins to deepen its resolution.

The crosswalk of time never gives a sign.
It waits for no one while your wishes mine.
The page may turn and the slate may gleam.
But only that which stares back can attain that dream.

The cat starting writing and that is what came out. So there you go for my New Year's shout. Hope all have a good one and do their usual fun. So go ahead, clinking and clanking that glass, as all you'll get is a Happy New Year in rhyme from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A New Pet Has Joined The Crew. Warning! Might Be Disturbing To A Few!

2011-12-30T07:00:00.004-04:00

So as a few may already know, like Betsy and her Santa that flaps to and fro, the cat gives gifts each year as well. Except some might land me in a padded cell. But you know what? Nobody ever seems to curse my little rhyming butt. Pat always seems to get the blame for my little funny gift game. The cat is done spreading Christmas cheer for the year but since it's over I figured I could spread a little fear. Of course I was egged on a bit in the comments below. So how could I not talk about the new pet at our show.

That's right! On Christmas Eve night we got a new pet at bush number three. It is quite the sight to see. For I have my spots, Miss Priss is oh so prissy with no knots and this thing has stripes. It also seems to cover pipes.

My Auntie seemed to go back to the Savannah where my descendants are from and got another pet to play with my little rhyming bum. It was a Zebra that joined our crew. Yeah, I guess they are fine pets. Who knew? There are three species of Zebra's as well. I think ours is of the Grevy's type I must tell. As they supposedly are the ones that more closely resemble an ass. That's a donkey for those wanting to speak less crass.

It came with some fine tricks. I guess it can grow if something attractive is thrown into the mix. It can make Zebra sounds on command. If one is long enough it can even shake your hand. Don't get too close though. It may go on the offensive and grow. Then it could poke you in the eye. But get it going and sooner or later it may not be so high. Unless it popped a pill, then you might be in for a four hour thrill. Get my innuendo yet? If not, in a second you will I bet.

Don't you just want to pet it? LOL Told you for some it might not be a hit.

So Auntie sent that as payback for the previous years gifts from the cat. Unfortunately it is too big for me so I gave it to Pat. That string in the back must surely ride. That could really cramp his stride. Plus I took a swing at it too. He was glad he had pants on between me and you. I guess whacking what is under there would hurt a bit, as I try to go give that Zebra thing a hit.

Whacking as a bad use of words too. I better stop before things turn blue. Strat! There I go once again, bringing up the plights of men. What? You want to pet it lass? Hmmm I think I started something bad today with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Suggestion I Bring To All Those Letting A Resolution Fling!

2011-12-29T07:00:00.001-04:00

You ready for the cats advice? It may not sound so nice. You may want me to choke on some mice or wish I'd get lice. Maybe even want to slice n' dice or tell me to go suck on some rice. I may say it more than twice but I'm prepared to pay the price. Plus you may think the cat is as cold as ice for ragging on you humans stupid vice but to be precise, it's about as meaningful as that Jesus toaster device. So your resolution crap I will splice and being mean will have to suffice.

Now is the time of year,
When one gives a cheer.
Saying they will do this and that.
Just annoying this cat.

For a New Year's resolution,
Continues its mind pollution.
Like some big magic trick,
Will happen and the thing will stick.

Got news for you,
That is just not true.
Saying it on the first of the year,
Does not kick it into gear.

Only in a fantasy world called your head,
You know, that thing you use the pillow for in bed.
Does this ever seem reasonable at all.
Now let's recall.

Hmmm you thought of this five months ago.
And were just waiting for New Year's to show.
Then you can spurt if off,
Pretending you don't need to be dunked in a horse trough.

So now you get to act all big and bright,
For one WHOLE night!
Whoopdi frggin doo,
Tomorrow you will still be you.

So you'll procrastinate some more,
Rolling around and whine on the floor.
Ohhh it's too hard.
Two days later, resolution = discard.

Because guess what schmuck,
You can yell Lord love a duck.
But those five WHOLE months you waited.
Like this resolution was fated.

You could have had whatever it is done.
In five WHOLE months, most normal people, can do a ton.
But ohhhhh no.
A New Year's resolution just had to flow.

Now you've gone from bright to dim,
And things still look just as grim.
Instead of doing it and it's done.
You just had to wait and let your mouth run.

But wait there are only 364 days left,
Maybe you can comitt a theft.
Find a better idea to steal.
And just maybe it will become real.

So the cat's advice to all,
Whether short or tall.
Take the resolution and stick up your you know,
Lock your lips and don't let one flow.

When you want to do something do it.
Don't wait for some stupid day to hit.
Because if you don't do it then,
What are the chances you'll do it when you spout it out again?

That's right pretty small.
You'll still be behind the eight ball.
Get smacked upside the head by a cue.
Aren't you glad you came to view?

Were these Face it Facts kind of harsh? Maybe they'll help get you out of that marsh. As the cat has heard quite a few, say the same thing over and over and over until they turn blue, with each New Year's that comes to pass and yet they still sit on their lazy ass.

Oh and notice the 2 days and 364 I said. Nope, not messed up in the head. As it's leap year this year remember? So of the resolution crap are you a member? Or have you wised up and are no longer a silly pup? Either way when you raise your glass you now have read the opinion of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Don't You Love It When They Whine Thinking They Are So Divine!

2011-12-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

Pat was sure feeling the love the other night, as he was set up just right. The little computer generated men could not find him because they were quite dim. But oh no! I had to be a big fat cheater at my show. Yep! It was all on me because they were too dim to see, that my little computer generated man was hiding in a bush. It wasn't like the cat's with a crack in its tush. That may be considered cheating but it could also have some very nice seating.

You know I always help out the people with good ideas for my what to do. Maybe I should help the whiners out just once so they have something new. I wouldn't want people to say the cat was one sided in his view. So without further adieu let's give the dim witted whiners a what to do.

What to do, What to do
When You Need An Excuse For The Losses That Accrue.

What can I do?
A loss came due.
My poor ego might never recover.
Now how can I impress my Xbox Live (3000 miles away) lover?

Wait! The guy is a camper.
That's what sent me to the clothes hamper.
To blow my poor nose,
After suffering such woes.

Yes! He has a turbo controller too.
Yes, yes that has to be true.
He also has a strong xbox,
Must have got it from a shiny box.

The little known glitch,
He must have hit the light switch.
Then rolled over three times,
And danced with mimes.

That was quite the glitch indeed,
I knew he used that to make me bleed.
Yes, yes, yes I must make him confess.
He shot through a tree is my guess.

Now I'll swear and bitch some,
Sounding like I have something up my bum.
With some high pitch voice,
I have no choice.

I have to impress that girl in the room.
After all she might have a magic broom.
And fly to my mothers basement soon.
Maybe he's using a magic spoon?

I got it, it's a cheat!
That is how I was beat.
Who cares if cheats went out ages ago.
He has a super duper cheat code at his show.

Now I'll let the swearing flow some more.
Because he just gave me an encore.
He really has to cheat,
For I can never be beat.

Forget about my growth,
That girl has to be impressed by my potty mouth.
And that I'm such an online tough guy.
Who cares if I lie?

These are all true Face it Facts.
He's using all these acts.
He's a camping, turbo controller using, cheat code, glitching, skippy noob with a strong xbox.
Excuse me well I go change my Hello Kitty socks.

Ummm whoops! Was I supposed to say what to do?
Hmmm well for some these excuses may be new.
So this edition has come to due.
And yep, heard them all, sad but true.

Strong xbox has to be the stupidest one I ever heard. That is just plain absurd. How does one get a strong xbox anyway? I can see an internet connection display. But strong xbox? Someone has the brains of an ox. And yes Pat loses all the time too. But doesn't turn him blue or make him need excuse after excuse. Doesn't even need to call a truce. Just let's it pass and then goes at it once again, as I sit here and rhyme away with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Song Is A Hit So I Want 12 dVerse Days Damn It!

2011-12-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

Now that it's all over and the presents have been raided by rover, any type of food they go for, seen that time and time again at my shore. Quite funny thinking about it now even though then one might have a cow. Anyway, what is with this song? It just makes the whole two days we get seem so wrong.

It says we get twelve days of Christmas each and every year. But twelve days never comes near. After two it's back to the grind for all and my little rhyming behind. I think those damn turtle doves messed it up for all of us. Or maybe those french hens just like to cuss. So the world agreed not to go past two when Christmas comes due.

Who wants all that crap anyway? Couldn't they make it something fun for ones bay? I mean all that noise sure isn't wanted by girls and boys. The cat would surely take that pipe and make those pipers have a gripe. Of course if they passed gas later on, I suppose they would still make noise at my lawn.

The rest is all birds and a bunch of overacted words. Do they really need to emphasize five rings, each and every time one sings? Why would a true love send any of this? Is there anyone who all of this crap would give bliss?

The drumming drummers need a smack with their stick.
The lords a leaping can be stopped with a good kick.
The pipers I already said what they can do.
But again they can shove the pipe up their gazoo.
Ladies dancing is kind of strange.
What happens if the sending true love is male on your range?
Would a woman really want to see ladies dancing?
Even if they were prancing?
Maids milking, I take it to be cows.
Would surely raise some eyebrows.
Swans swimming would freeze on the lake,
And they would look so fake.
Geese laying eggs would probably give a honk.
Making their head you just want to conk.
Five golden rings?
Hmmm does that mean you can have four other flings?
The promiscuous might like that.
Just think of five true loves sending all of that crap to your mat.
Calling birds would never shut up.
French hens and their language barrier would be a hiccup.
Well Strat! I think I answered my own questions today.
On why only two days of the twelve ever display.

It is because the rest are total crap. The turtles doves are a nice sight to see as away they fly with a wing flap. The partridge makes a yummy dinner I hear and the pear tree will give you fruit throughout most of the year. So two days are all we get each Christmas time because they rest would make people go crazy and commit an inhumane crime.

I think you'd still get thrown in jail for killing drummers and pipers as they wail. Think if we change the stuff these whacko lovers send we can start a twelve day trend? Just make it more dVerse and then twelve days off will be our blessing or our curse. Yeah, wishful thinking I know, which only means back to the grind we all go. Why did this song even have to come to pass? Oh well, at least it let some sass come from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Making My OCD Sick And Giving Me A Boxing Bone To Pick!

2011-12-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

Boxes are big, Boxes are small.
Boxes are wide, Boxes are tall.
They help you move,
None of that I need to prove.

In fact I approve,
Doesn't throw off my OCD groove.
Even if the flimsy ones can improve
Okay, this current mind track I need to remove.

For it has nothing to do with boxes like that,
Those don't annoy the cat or Pat.
Maybe boxing day?
Nope, that just gives me an excuse my way.

As I go on a rant,
Here at my plant.
On those who make TV on DVD set ones.
You'd think they lost brains by the tons.

Can't be all the same,
Oh no! They have to play a game.
One box is big,
Next one is as thin as a twig.

Then it goes back to big once more?
I guess they can't make up their damn mind at their shore.
Big, big, big, small
I can understand at my stall.

But going back and forth is just dumb.
Whoever came up with that idea needs a kick in the bum.
Then you got the ones that are short,
Next season is tall when it comes to port.

Some are wider than the one before,
Sticking out on the shelf more.
Then they go from plastic,
Thankfully with no stinking elastic,

To cardboard and back again.
Must be ran my many men.
Or a crackpot that can't make up is mind.
Could just be trying to annoy my little behind.

Yep, see it's all a conspiracy against me.
Hey, blame my OCD.
Don't they know it looks stupid on a shelf?
When they could be a nice little movie elf.

They could make them all the same size and shape,
Not making them look like they were produced by an ape.
I only mean for each series too,
Because all copying the same format would never come due.

Heck, some can't even make two seasons in a row match.
If they had to all their brains may fully detach.
So for boxing day my OCD took over the show.
The cat has to let it flow.

Or it just won't shut up in my head,
Continually causing me dread.
That's the Face it Facts of my TV on DVD Box sets class,
Now back to putting the new ones in alphabetical order goes my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Ho Ho Ho! It's A Rhyme Time Christmas Show!

2011-12-25T05:09:00.000-04:00

It's Christmas Day and I'm guessing a whole five people might come by my way. So I won't have much to say. Other then Merry Christmas to all and I will leave something to display. They say pictures say a thousand words. So here you are as I go chase some birds.

Miss Priss and I, each stood like some human girl and guy. Then we pranced around just for you. Wasn't that fun to view? Time to go and pick on Cass and that is all on this Christmas day from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Let's Turn Back The Clock! Don't Get A Shock!

2011-12-24T08:02:00.001-04:00

Today we are going to hop in that DeLorean and go 88 or the cat Time Machine to open time's gate. We are going to go back and try to change whoever started this trend in some home on the range. Wouldn't you think they'd pick something less stinky? Or less dinky? I mean they could have used a bucket or pot and got a whole lot. But oh no! They had to go and use a sock at their show. What better day to fix this then Christmas Eve? So now more goodies can be had thanks to this little pet peeve. See what I did there? On with the rest if you dare.

Socks are full of holes,
Socks will never hold my goals.
So let's go back and suggest,
They start a different quest.

Bring out the bucket,
Or steal it from that guy in Nantucket.
Even if you use it for slop,
Wash it and let the goodies drop.

It can hang over the fire.
Unlike a sock it won't be as dire.
All the bucket will do is singe or melt.
A sock will burn like Santa's money belt.

Then there is a pot,
Which always gets hot.
As you use it for stew,
So why not hang and chew?

Or would that be slurp?
You sure wouldn't chirp.
Heck! Why not use the whole house?
No one is stirring, not even a mouse.

So just say the house needs its fill.
And then poof tons of goodies at your hill.
Yeah, that would be a tad greedy,
And Santa might not be so speedy.

We wouldn't want him to take ten days,
To go all around emptying those cookie trays.
So just dedicate one room.
Think big, don't just remove the broom.

A closet will not do,
Aren't you glad I told you?
Maybe a car?
If you leave the door ajar.
Of course a thief might steal,
Are you telling me to get real?
For rooms and cars don't hang?
Oh Lurch, I never gave a rang.

Don't ruin my jive,
I'm trying to make the socks take a dive.
All other clothes have too many holes,
And shoes have worn soles.

A box can sorta hang,
A pringle can might go bang.
And if it is one of mine,
Things just wouldn't turn out fine.

A laundry basket would do,
Comes in all sizes too.
But none of those look nice?
Maybe if you attach some fuzzy dice?

Like worn socks look nice,
Probably infested with lice.
Ohhhh I got it now.
This will really wow.

Time for the old switcharoo,
As socks are no longer in view.
Now we have a king sized pillow case,
They can be fancy too and look nice at your place.

See! Now more goodies will fit.
Aren't you glad for my wit?
No? I'm a twit?
Bah, you're just jealous of my hit.

For the pillow case idea will change all.
As it's adapted at a past hall.
Now back to the future we go.
Yeah, really the present that I know.

Hmph it did not change?
After my time rearrange,
It is still socks everywhere.
This I cannot bear.

Maybe the cat will just cut a hole,
That's an easier goal.
Then place a box below,
And Santa will never know.

So even if my idea was a flop,
At least I gave a Christmas sock hop.
Has to be Santa and that magic,
Smelly socks are still so tragic.

I think I socked you all out for today. So that is all from my bay. No Face it Facts to say. Simply have a nice Christmas Eve day. The cat has to now stop his sass and go chew a hole in the sock of this little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Let The Dogs Out! Or Put Them Down, Just End Their Howling Shout!

2011-12-23T08:26:00.000-04:00

There are many annoyances to living in an apartment building each day. But about most of them I have already had my say. Yet the other night there truly was a fright. The cat has heard hounds and thunder even people as they move and plunder. Some fireworks and fire alarms as well but nothing like this hell.

The cat had just finished bumming from Pat's plate and went off to his usual fate. I will spare you the details of licking certain parts and doing what can come after farts. As I was through burying the crap, ready to take my evening nap, there arose such a clatter, I knew something was the matter.

Some cheerful music was coming from the lobby. It magically appeared like Dobby. The cat looked all about and decided it was fine and went back to me and mine. I climbed the cat tree and swung around like a monkey. Miss Priss and I began to fight, like we do every night.

But we stopped all of a sudden and perked our ears. For what we heard was worse then any of our usual fears. There we stood on our hindlegs with our heads to the sky. Looking like a meerkat, you know, that Timon guy.

When came such a pitch we headed for the nearest ditch. Miss Priss exactly climbed to the very top cupboard and hid, really flipping her lid. While I ran for my hidy hole. For each of us blocking that sound was the goal.

We could not tell if it was woman or man. All we knew was we heard better noises when Pat flushed the can. "Oh Holy Night" it surely was not. Instead of rotten fruit someone should have thrown a pot. It at least would have put that howler out of their misery. For The Howler did not spread any Christmas glee.

I'll take the scary Easter bunny any day. My ears were in such dismay. Then there was some paper roses or something. Thankfully someone must have gave the super a ring or they had to scram, stopping their little jam. The music they could play but oh the Howler caused complete and utter dismay.

Think the voice of Iago the bird with a howling dog mixed in that can't pass a turd. The cat would never stiffle someones want or for such a thing, more than likely, out right taunt. But for the love of God do it in the shower, one with lots of power. At least maybe that way no one will suffer but you. Sad but true.

So when cats ears perk up beyond belief and they run away to get some relief, as soon as your voice hits. Know it could mean you sound like the pits. Pat is prob just as bad, so don't be sad. But do it out of the cat's hearing range because listening just made my face look strange. That is all the musical Face it Facts from me today class. Too bad the ears are still ringing of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Here Is A Cheer! It's The Most Shortest Day Of The Year!

2011-12-22T07:09:00.000-04:00

I guess it's the most shortest day of the year. But that seems like a redundant thing to my little rear. Still work the same amount of time, still do a little chime with my rhyme and look a full 24hrs happen with each clock chime. Hmmm maybe there is a new definition for short that I have not heard of at my court. Let's look at this shall we? I wouldn't want to be shortsighted at my sea.

So today is supposed to be short,
But I'm here to report.
That is just not the case.
Here is proof, so try to keep pace.

No shortage of hours,
Or short circuiting powers.
Shortstops still play,
With no shortcuts to convey.

Won't foreshorten lines,
No shortness of landmines.
Shortening still sprouts,
With no shortcake droughts.

Shortlists still compile,
My shorthand is vile.
Shortwave radio works,
Sensing shortfalling jerks.

I wasn't shortchanged,
Or shorthanded at my range.
Shortia's still bloom,
And shortbread brings doom.

Still can wear shorts,
Shortie shorts from some reports.
I'm never shortish,
Maybe shorter some wish.

So this is the short and the long of it.
Get Shorty was arguably a hit.
The shortbus is full,
Martin Short no longer has pull.

Short term memory still goes tick.
Avoid getting the short end of the stick.
Many still short on cash.
A short temper makes one rash.

Wasn't that short and sweet?
Sorry, if you're so short your license shows your feet.
But as you can see,
Nothing of any short at bush number three.

I also heard a sad story the other day. It is sure to cause dismay. A short person committed suicide after a blow to their pride. It seems they balled out their eye lids watching Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

What? I can't hear you. You seem to be out of my view. I wish you would stand up when talking to me. Oh, you are standing up, hmmm sorry.

See no shortage of short replies here. But what if you are in a place with light six months a year? You can't argue shortness of day or night. So the shortness once again takes flight. The shortest day of the year is all perception. But it allows me to use a short joke or two so I'll make an exception. I also have no shortage of gas and that is the short report from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Only One Year Away! Won't It Be a Delightful Day!

2011-12-21T07:22:00.000-04:00

When fire and brimstone rain down over our head and bring with it so much dread. When poof goes this and that maybe even the blog of the cat. Oh no! We can't have no rhyming show. Pffft, yeah right! And this cat turns into a ten legged, three toed, six eyed, vampire, werewolf cross at night.

Just read a thing saying on that faithful day, "The World Will Drastically Change," and poor us will no longer be able to play. You know what? That actually is a statement that doesn't sound like it came out of some nut. For yes it will change. This Mayan crap will have run out of range. No more will we hear of this stupid prophecy garbage and other crap. For it will officially take the big dirt nap.

The day I believe a bunch of dead guys and girls wrote some fancy smancy twirls, giving us the end of the line. Is the day I believe the face I saw in my chicken nugget was a sign. Of course barring time travel and some alien stuff, they can write and huff and puff, but all of it is just people being scaredy dogs, covered in multiple fogs. You want to believe something bad enough, you will find it no matter how tough.

So I can sit here and make my own calender for the years to come and people will bow down to my little rhyming bum. As I will be correct in each and every case. All it takes is being totally and utterly vague and referencing some crap in space. Then the stupid humans will go and add significance to it because on some historical point it seemed to hit. POOF! I must now be part Mayan or something. For those magic future seeing powers I bring.

Of course the rich like your fear. They probably even stand up and cheer. You make their trash overbloated movies sell great and buy in bulk to try and increase your fate. Big scary Y2K came and went no matter how much people or some nut got bent. Ohhhh wait! They had an excuse for that. It was some John Titor guy who saved our Earthly mat. Pffft! Once more humans trying to reason out the stupid crap they shout, because they can't admit they are wrong. So they look for an excuse and sing some stupid song.

Plus I said it before but it deserves an encore. The Earth will not end! It will still be here my short sighted friend. May be barren and void of any living creature. But the Earth will still be a feature. So saying the planet will end is also dumb and then some. Of course we're all supposed to become enlightened too. Hmmmm for some that may take a lot to come due. I think the enlightenment train might have quite the pain, as it tries to fill the human mind, for some it simply won't be able to find.

There is my rant for the day with my usual rhyme play. If you still buy into the crap. Feel free to let your lips flap. I will get a good laugh out of it and won't have a fit. But if per chance the cat is wrong and some big power bats us around like ping pong. I can admit it easily even if we're all dead and I can't type at my sea. Seek me out in the great beyond and I will respond. Saying my Face it Facts were wrong in mass and then you can curse my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Some dVerse Actions Over Certain Transactions!

2011-12-20T07:12:00.001-04:00

I think you will get the Face it Facts of today. As I go a tad literal maybe at my bay. Or just stating the use of language you humans choose as I go on another dVerse cruise. I hope I don't leave a brain bruise as I try and just maybe confuse.

A stamp stamps,
From forms to lamps.
A stapler staples,
Whether in Japan or Naples.

A pencil umm writes?
I guess pencils gave too many frights.
Pencil penciling might work,
Penciling pencil does sound like a weird quirk.

A printer prints,
Even cheats and hints.
A calculater calculates,
Or at least approximates.

A phone umm rings?
With do dads for plenty of other things.
A phoning phone,
Yeah, phoning using a phoning phone might make some moan.

A shredder shreds,
If caught, even your threads.
A lock locks,
Letting you avoid pesky knocks.

A mouse ummm clicks?
Mouses would sound like hicks.
Or would that be mice?
Mouse mousing mice, say that twice.

A controller controls,
Meaning the one with joystick poles.
Oh that sounds so bad,
We'll blame it on that Pat lad.

A fan fans,
Your hot head or hands.
A clipper clips,
Should do it to Flappy's lips.

A cat umm meows?
Cat cats or catting language disallows.
Dogs just bark,
But we both like to leave our mark.

Rhyme time rhymes,
With plenty of chimes.
dVerse is diverse,
Some even curse.

A winner wins,
No matter their sins.
A loser loses,
Whether or not one chooses.

Well you umm are you?
A youer wouldn't do.
Youy you youer work?
Sounds like youy you and your you went berserk.

As you doesn't have one,
For it can't be done.
All are too dVerse for a summation,
Even if the victim of sterilization.

There we go another dVerse show. I guess sort of a sequel to last week maybe here at my sea. Never intended to go there but the cat can do a dVerse pair. After all if Caddy Shack 2 can get the greenlight, I can let one take flight. Now off to eat some cat grass. So that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.