Thursday, March 21, 2013

Not Just The Man Who Is Not A Grammar Fan!

So over at Robyn's place she always puts a smile on ones face with her dating headline woes. For many there sink to new lows. But then it is always about the men. So the cat thought he would get Pat to search around and do the women at his den.

"Loking to met new people"

Better keep loking too.
For met people are blue.
They already had to listen to you,
And the grammar that comes due.

"pretty(sexy)lexi4u"

You can rhyme,
Beats a mime.
But with no space,
Your brains are lost without a trace.;

"send me nudes"

You want them to draw, right?
I hear you may bite.
Not sure I can round any up,
But I know of a pup.

"boo"

Quite the headline.
You really scared the feline.
Actually you did,
With hair like a squid.

"Save a horse! Take a taxi?"

Animal rights is good,
Unless I misunderstood,
And you want the save.
Then things could be grave.

"why can't we not be sober"

We don't know,
We see liquor show,
We get drunk,
We smell like a skunk.

'hey I just met you...so call me maybe"

Easy pickings it seems.
Or just pipe dreams.
Bad choice of words,
I'll go eat some birds.
Damn it!
Rinse and spit.

"Remember that time I drew on yor cat?"

Pffft you did that,
I'd squash you flat.
A pringle can would come due,
Then I'd sorta draw on you.

"Bingo"

Was his name-o,
B I N G O
Wanting to be compared to a dog,
Why not put Wilber and go with a hog?

"erMahgerd"

Sounds like you are in pain?
Do you have some kind of sprain?
Maybe you are gonna be hit by a train?
Or all that pushing is making you strain?

"juss seeing whatsup"

Clearly not your lingo.
May as well shout Bingo.
Heard better speech from a mutt,
While he licked his butt.

"here for shits and gigs and to have fun"

I think they make imodium for that.
Take one at your mat.
And gigs you say?
My a hooker on display.

"STOP!!...Hammertime."

Hmm decades in the past,
My you catch on fast.
Or maybe not.
Could suffer from brain rot.

The cat had to stop looking at such things. My, you humans are scary in your online dating wings. But the cat proved his point. It's not just men at the online dating joint. The same crap can come from a lass. It is oh so scary to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

101 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. They are still coming after you
      And your spot at my zoo

      Delete
  2. The online dating world scares me too,

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Meet girls the old fashioned way
      Go for a walk in the park today
      Or you'll meet them at the market
      Be sure to always wear a jacket
      Or maybe in a local store
      She'll be waiting at the door
      Or at the glove counter she will
      Be trying to settle a bill
      Like in the movie Serendipity
      Will lose her glove, what a pity
      You'll look for her everywhere
      And finally find her at your lair
      Happily ever after you will be
      You, the girl, cats and family :)

      Delete
    2. Technically three
      But who's counting, not me

      Would be nice if it were that way
      Heck, be nice if I could walk at my bay
      Don't think my hobbling would work
      Or come off as a perk
      Serendipity was a great one
      Have given that many a run

      Delete
    3. It was a dead heat at 7:04
      Next time I'll improve my score

      Try the Speed Dating race
      Meet lots of girls in one place
      Spend 8 minutes on each date
      Or you will just meet her by Fate

      Delete
    4. Fate doesn't seem to like me right now
      But maybe it will take a bow
      And be nice one day soon
      Or I could beat fate with a spoon haha

      Delete
  4. awh online dating, memories!!! Now I just cry myself to sleep at night.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha sure easier to do
      Then dating from the crazy online zoo

      Delete
  5. Had a peek at Life by Chocs
    That's title of Robyn's blog
    'Just the Right Time' has been out
    That is sure a really big shout
    The Man who is not a grammar fan
    Can cause confusion at his end
    Would rather maintain simple English
    And accomplish it with such relish!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah fun at her shore
      Is had when one goes to explore
      Sadly simple English escapes some
      And makes them sound rather dumb

      Delete
  6. oh my, hammertime
    do i have to wear the pants when i dance
    only if we be drunk, way skunked
    its scary, i am glad i have been had
    as i would not want to date
    in this day, afraid of who might come my way...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha dance away
      With the hammertime pants at your bay
      Yes be very glad
      A scary time is surely had

      Delete
  7. on line dating sort of scary
    might be like ice skating..
    could be smooth could be rough
    could be one giant bust..

    it may be best not to take this test
    too much to digest...in this modern world...
    you might get swirled and hurled..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it is mostly bust
      Avoiding it is a must
      Such a test
      Results in a pest

      Delete
  8. So glad I don't have to go through that dating ship anymore!! Heading over to Robyn's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be very glad
      It is scary more than a tad

      Delete

  9. Dating today is not for the foolhardy
    gone are the days you met at a party
    It is a whole new world out there
    with Match.com to find someone to care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah and a load of crap
      Is found on such a site map

      Delete
  10. The "send me nudes" chick may be a good match for Anne's creepy stalker guy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that could be
      Of course anyone would prob give the stalker guy glee

      Delete
  11. Why do people date online
    Lives are busy it's a sign
    But think of all the time they waste
    When marriage comes in all due haste
    They rake in presents by the ton
    They're both so pleased with prizes won
    My nephew and his wife of charm
    One week of marriage heard the alarm
    Off to the divorce court they did go
    Snarling bad words, quite the show
    If people think that this is fun
    I've thankful that I've had my run.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah jump on in
      At each and every bin
      For you MUST have a date
      Or you are strange at your gate
      At least the sentiments of a few
      That come into view
      No big rush here
      As crazies are all that is near
      Causing me fear
      Oh dear

      Delete
    2. One week is all, you say?
      Sounds like they wanted the Kim Kardashian way.

      Delete
    3. And more hassle than can be
      Also very costly

      Delete
    4. Twas a big and fancy wedding
      And a fat expensive setting
      Relatives all bought new dud (s)
      So they won't look like Elmer Fudd
      Some came long distance, bought a ticket
      Add a hotel...... sticky wicket
      Lots of gossip .....marriage sacked
      Return the presents?????? Not a fact!!!!!!
      LOL

      Delete
    5. And no one saw it coming?
      Their divorce drumming
      I guess it was a good excuse to get together
      Even if one knew it would not weather

      Delete
  12. Online dating
    I would fear
    for freaks and crazies
    haunt such a place.

    Pretending to be
    what they are not
    and from a distance
    it's hard to know
    what you're getting
    yourself in for.

    So glad I'm married
    and happily so
    to those places
    I don't have to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah lucky as can be
      To avoid such a sea
      Of faker crap
      That is right across the map

      Delete
    2. I'm so glad The Spawn doesn't do such crap. She's learned by watching her silly friends make a mess of their lives. One of her friends met a boy from Ireland and he flew to the States. They're getting married in April. Reality check. Our economy is shite, there are no jobs and this boy needs a green card. Stupid, stupid girl.

      Delete
    3. hahaha all in the name of love
      Or rather giving that green card a shove

      Delete
  13. Yo Pat whatsup? I'm just here for shits and gigs you know. So call me maybe?

    I can't believe I was once immersed in the world of online dating. It just never changes. Also, anyone named SexiLexi is either a stripper or a spam bot (or both?).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha cringe at looking at such things
      It never does change at the online wings
      Maybe she is one of those phone sex girls too
      A trifecta at her zoo

      Delete
  14. I have several friends who met their husbands online. So far, all are major success stories! Honest Abe. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not just success but major success
      The crazies are all I attract I guess

      Delete
  15. Without looking at it, that blog about dating woes, sounds like an on-line-version of Taylor Swift.<--Oh, low blow, I know. For shame. For shame on me. ,-)

    "Auntie"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL quite the blow
      Swift should eat crow

      Delete
  16. The daring game sure sounds scary!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah lucky we can avoid
      For it makes me paranoid

      Delete
  17. so call me maybe...I think they were looking for the lyrics to a song
    And got the words all wrong.
    (So Here's My Number)

    The online dating wing!
    Just remember there are far worse things
    than being single and dateless!
    Let fate just happen and don't get caught up in that mess!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah there are far worse things indeed
      Like having to sit on an arse pillow and type with one hand at your feed LOL
      Fate is a real umm you know
      I hope someone steps on his/hers toe

      Delete
    2. lol

      Single young male wants to meet beautiful girl.
      Talents include
      rhyming and chiming
      sitting on donut pillow
      driving with left foot
      typing with left hand
      washes hands repeatedly.
      Still hasn't lost his sense of humor.
      A bit sarcastic
      but cute
      and really funny.
      Lovely lady must like cats..
      and have a brain
      and likes to eat chicken,
      must have aversion to public restrooms.
      :)

      Delete
    3. LOL see not too much to ask
      Of course could drive some to the flask

      Delete
  18. Whenever I read stuff like that I wonder if it's just a typo. I know, for me, my dang fingers have a mind of their own. Your lines were hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah some of it is prob a typo
      I do it easily at my show
      But you would think when finding a date
      They would not want grammar hate

      Delete
  19. I know better than to drink my coffee while reading your posts...what was I thinking?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha sorry for the mess
      It is fun to hear though I confess

      Delete
  20. I've been looking forward to what would come after smashing a printer... a frisky kitty fling in spring!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha frisky as can be
      While snip snip at my sea

      Delete
  21. Wow. Well, it's pretty obvious why they haven't found anyone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Obvious to all but them I suppose
      As they still strike a happy pose

      Delete
  22. I am so happy that I met my husband before I ever used the internet! I don't think I have the skin to handle some of the weirdo's that pop up online.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh and weirdos there are
      Near and far

      Delete
  23. Haha oh my word this is perfect Pat! I love when Robyn does her posts on this and your rhyming take on it has made it even more interesting, absolutely loved this, the thought of Pat going around dating websites for material is a humorous one too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha had to do it at my sea
      Just to show women too are crazy
      Of course that we knew
      At every zoo

      Delete
  24. Why would you want to take a taxi instead of a horse? At the end of the trip, you could eat the horse if you were hungry.

    I don't see people eating taxis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You could eat the taxi too
      Or go all cannabil and just eat the driver at your zoo

      Delete
  25. Online dating has become quite the norm
    Although it can sometimes cause a storm
    People can be anything they want behind a computer screen
    They can pretend that they're a king or a queen!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, hiding behind a screen
      When really they are obscene
      Scary what can be
      Lurking there waiting for thee

      Delete
  26. With a face like mine,
    I'd have to whine
    and wear a hood!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha maybe the hood
      Will just mean you're misunderstood

      Delete
  27. ha...a friend of mine did some online dating for a while...and oh she could tell stories..finally she gave it up and tries to find a guy in real life...smiles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I could tell some too
      But they aren't appropriate for my zoo

      Delete
  28. The internet lingo scares me. Online connections even scarier. Face to face over coffee makes more sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep more sense indeed
      But none around my feed

      Delete
  29. Funny about the dating thing - My friend said one guy insisted on her paying for her own coffee and she wrapped it up toot sweet.
    Start at you mean to go on, rebound him
    Leave the cheapie with his latte at the counter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheapie's never get far
      But can beat the loons at the bar

      Delete
  30. Online dating YIKES.
    I think I would rather fight with pikes.

    Robyn sure is brave.
    This kind of carp, would put me in my grave.

    So, who's more crazy?
    Women, I think, cause most men are lazy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep women are far more crazy on there
      Men are just lazy and want an affair

      Delete
  31. I am so happy I am married and don't have to worry about online dating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes lucky you
      For online nuts are crazy through and through

      Delete
  32. call them Maybe?

    well Maybe will be lonely

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha that maybe will
      Won't get a thrill

      Delete
  33. My cousin met her hubby through online dating but
    its luck more than the normal thing ~

    More snow and ice...yikes Pat ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah luck indeed
      And yeah that crap is coming again to our feed

      Delete
  34. That's it, cat! I came by to say hello and now I'm left with this blasted song stuck in my head:

    "so call me maybe"

    No, I won't call you - ever!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha hey it wasn't me
      Just another online dating crazy
      But I'll take the blame
      All the shame

      Delete
  35. On line dating seems so taboo,
    I bet they check their profiles
    while hiding in the loo
    Then again, I think I would too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha that might smell
      Sure could cause hell

      Delete
  36. Online dating
    can snare a bloke.
    Who may end up mating
    with a pig in a poke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just another reason to avoid
      Be all together paranoid

      Delete
  37. Good luck rhyming to this because I just wanted to let you know a bit about grammar anarchy

    One thing I try to avoid in writing is something that I have mentioned before and that is the 'run-on' sentence because there are times that what you have to say can be much better described without using 'and' to make the sentence even longer than what it needs to be and there are times I know that I have probably typed sentences that are just too short but I don't care about that and I have decided that grammar anarchy is real good fun but will be frowned upon by those who insist that oh you must put a comma here and a semicolon there along with a period or as it is called in Britain a full stop to note the end of a sentence which is not happening with this sentence until I ramble on with yet more gibberish such as the 'Comedy Knitting' workshop was a laugh and it had me in stitches being involved with such a close-knit community and this bank machine had a sign noting 'free cash machine' yet I noted that the cash actually came out of my account which I thought was unfair and misleading so I went into the store to complain and the lady asked me if she could check my card by 'swiping' it which I though was not good because if she swiped it I would not be able to use it and then I went to my car and realised it had been swiped but the scratch was not too bad so I went back into the shop and purchased a CD which was an empty case that had to be taken over to a special section where this lady then put a CD into the empty case and I then realised when I put the CD into my car stereo that my day was getting even worse because I was ready to listen to 'Devo' singing 'god made monkey but he used the human to do it' or something like that and ended up getting the 'Best of the Osmonds' so I think it is always best to make sure that the CD you get is the one that you want and I now believe I could sneak in words such as fuck and pink stilettos and you would not even realise this because you are now fascinated by my story about these little people who followed around a very well-endowed golden amphibian whilst singing 'follow the yellow prick toad' and now I think it is time to not continue going on and on and on and on because I am going red in the face about being blue in the face over writing such a ridiculously long run-on sentence and thus you can now take a breath and smile.

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn longest comment ever
      I think you win such an endeavor
      Your paws must be sore after that
      But no dog will show up the cat
      So away we go
      With one big rhyming flow

      A run on sentence can really bore as it is quite the chore to explore when you go to ones shore and it is without a comma or period at their door making it something of lore and puts you on the floor because such a thing at any wing is just so long that it comes on strong and without any time to even rhyme your eyes will go blind whether human or some other kind and that just is not divine because it hurts the arms of the feline and one should never toe that line because then you would swing from a vine like that Tarzan loon and by the end of the day you would thin you were in a cartoon and really follow that yellow brick road or so called toad but that would be a load because by the end of that you would be squashed flat and dead without your hat squashed lie a gnat for trying to fly like a bat and eat a rat that is bad for you digestion which is really I suppose is more of a question because for some it is fine and they can tow the line or is that toe the line that should be said by the feline at some point in time during this long winded rhyme that would even scare a mime with its chime and it just proves I'm in my prime and all can suck a lime or in your case sniff a butt there at your hut and avoid an online crazy stalker nut that will never ever meet the cut as they thin they are king Tut when really the are in a rut with loads of crap in their gut that would make you turn to mu in a heart beat and not want to beat the heat with such a treat to the eyes that is so unwise and full of lies for it is a disguise that really makes one want to hurl and they may need to after giving this run on sentence thing a whirl at their sea and they may become crazy but they will never be lazy for this does tae quite a while to do at ones zoo that is surely true and all could turn blue or sniff glue at some factory of poo and flushed it all down the loo creating goo that would make any person go achoo and end this long winded spiel before I go play lets make a deal and end up spinning some wheel that breaks my heel and I am unable to heal thanks to a banana peel that feel out of a tree thanks to some greedy monkey that tried to lift too many at once and just proved he was a dunce that really needed to take a nap and not let his mouth flap as he went about his donkey kong rap who is really an ass kong if you thin about it which has to be rough being named after the thing that helps us umm shit and now I think I am done with my fun for I am under the gun and truly have to run before I see the sun and feel tired by a ton so with that the cat will just say good night everyone and now I am done which will be a sight to each lad and lass glad I stopped being a run on little rhyming ass.

      Delete
  38. Bad grammar puts our mom in a bad mood, not that she is perfect. She does try. She likes long sentences and people who write like Faulkner and Hubert Selby Jr, so go figure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah no one is perfect with grammar stuff
      But some more than others need to repeat 1st grade and learn the stuff haha

      Delete
  39. Online dating scares me. I keep thinking if I ever tried it I'd end up falling in love with some man who claimed to be a historian who spends his evenings cleaning pottery and he'd turn out to be a sumo wrestler who lives in the back of an ice cream shop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well at least you could get tons of ice cream
      Even if he's bigger than half a football team

      Delete
  40. I am SO SORRY to be #90 here, especially when you linked to me and I was really loking (j/k) forward to this post, Pat. I'm ashamed. I just got in from work and errands and ran to my desktop to read your post. Wanted to say that first, and now I'm going to actually read it. Oh, also, before I delve in, thank you for turning the tables. I've been wanting the male point of view. Thanks for linking to me too...!

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem at all
      Have things to do at your hall
      And plenty come before hand
      So being 90 is fine in my land

      Delete
  41. LOVED IT!!

    Laughter I could not restrain
    It's not just men missing a brain
    Especially when trying to woo
    Your replies are truly priceless too
    For this post alone,
    I worship you
    You've raised the bar for all to see
    Save a horse, take a taxi?!

    Encore! More of this madness at your shore.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL glad it was grand
      So fun to do in my land
      And an encore I just did the other day
      Of course being so far ahead it won't run until May

      Delete
  42. The butt-licking mutt put a laugh in my gut(t) :)

    Quite an array of lays.. I mean, ladies :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha ladies may not be the right word
      As they are very absurd

      Delete
  43. Years ago, we knew a lady who met a man through on line dating. He ended up trying to take her home. She found out he was still married and the wife was in on the plan. There was a lot more to it than the little piece I wrote.. Very scary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez deranged indeed
      One really must take heed

      Delete
  44. I date my ex-husband. We can't live together, but at least we know what to expect at the end of the night :)

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha well there you go
      Easy enough at your show

      Delete