Sunday, May 19, 2013

Ring The Bell It's Time To Sell!

It seems, which is no surprise, you humans will sell anything whether it is nailed down or flies. But some really take the cake as in the dough they try to rake. Some are also really sick in the head and should never even get out of bed.

Look what I have for sale!
It will make you wail.
So hit the trail.
I need help to pay my bail.

Elderly parents going for cheap.
Can even be bought by a creep.
Willing to consider trades in lieu of cash.
Get here fast and make a quick dash.

I have two kids ready to go.
Yeah, who cares if i'm a sicko.
They are $4000 each.
Damn! I went to jail for being such a peach.

I'll sell you a part of me,
How about a kidney?
$100,00 bucks gets you one slightly used.
It's barely been abused.

Britney Spears used gum.
It's been chewed and then some.
Be the first to hold it in your hand,
It will only cost 14 grand.

Get your UFO detector today.
Right from Amazon's bay.
It will keep the probe away,
Allowing you to have a nice day.

Shatner passed a kidney stone,
Through his old bone.
And it went for 20 grand.
My, humans are idiots across the land.

Oswald's first casket is up for sale,
Someone clearly hit the third rail.
Paying 87 grand for an old smelly box,
Probably with rotten locks.

A grilled cheese,
If you please?
Wait! It has the face of the virgin Mary.
28 grand it will be, don't be contrary.

And for a mere $3.26,
Even if you live in the sticks,
You can buy the meaning of life.
I'm sure that would impress your wife.

All are actual things people bought or tried to sell, further proving many humans are going to hell. I'll sell some fur for a wig? A big hole I will dig? Heck, I'll just sell some petrified crap that looks like some famous chap. I'll get bills in mass just for something that came out my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

88 comments:

  1. The meaning of life for $3.26? That's a deal that cannot be missed. Gotta link? ;)

    My family bugs me every year to do a yard sale (because the lady across the street get so much traffic for hers) but I never do. Hosting a yard sale holds zero appeal to me. Shopping at one is an entirely different story. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope there was no link
      I guess you have to drive to the nearest rink
      Hosting yard sales are no fun
      Can't blame you under your sun

      Delete
  2. Humans are just weird
    The word is variety
    But it gets so absurd
    What we Oswald's and Britney's
    Might just check the backyard
    Lots of hand-me downs and discards
    Rubbish to attract the diehards
    For them who are just hard-ups
    Get to make lots of dough
    On things one wants to throw

    Hank


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah never know
      What may show
      In your backyard
      Could find a rare card
      Sell it for a million bucks
      To some crazy ducks

      Delete
  3. Correction:
    What with Oswald's....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't neglect
      As you went back to correct

      Delete
  4. And I have a Bridge I would sell you!! I will sell it cheap too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What does a good bridge go for these days?

      Delete
    2. But where does the bridge go?
      That I first have to know

      Delete
  5. There seems to be much consternation
    Matters not the occupation
    Gather items with much glee
    Sell on ebay for a fee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even the weird and tacky
      Like a jesus hacky shacky
      Can be sold
      Turning crap to gold

      Delete
  6. Since the Great Scot moved to my bay
    He asks me (nearly every single day)
    If Yanks never just give stuff away...
    my reply? Not if we can get you to pay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha and that is very true
      First they'll charge you up the gazoo

      Delete
  7. You know what, Mr Cat?/Beneath your humor there's a sad truth in all that/thanks for your powerful with and rhyme/you've me made laugh and think at the same time! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See you can do two things at once
      You are no dunce
      The cat helps proves much
      With his rhymes and such

      Delete
  8. I meant "wit" and rhyme. Sorry for the error, I'm not one to suffer from terror! :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Got the point indeed
      Seems all are having an off day at my feed

      Delete
  9. Spring? We're heading into Winter, much to my displeasure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sucks indeed
      You can keep it at your feed

      Delete
  10. 28 grand for the virgin mary...what will you do for elvis?
    i have a corn flake that looks like him...and if you listen close you can hear....it crunch when you eat it...hahaha it sounds like blue suede shoes....lol...oy...and there are people that fall for these things as well...sell your kids you might go to hell, just saying...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you ate the poor guy
      Now you may cry
      And the tears if you catch them in a glass
      You could sell them in mass
      And yeah gullible people with lots of dough
      Buy such crap on the go

      Delete
  11. Sad commentary on people and life,
    Surprised some guy didn't try to sell his wife.
    But the question that I'd like answered for real
    Who in their right mind this stuff would they steal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who indeed
      Would steal after a read
      But at least stealing is cheap
      Compared to paying 28,000 to some creep

      Delete
  12. Sometimes I wonder about some of the things that people sell. A grilled cheese with the face of the Virgin Mary....how gullible / stupid can someone be?? But, heh, buying the meaning of life for only $3.26 sounds like a bargain to me. Smiles!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey why not sell
      If someone is gullible as hell
      And willing to buy
      Of course selling something like kids, should make you fry

      Delete
  13. There's something about a UFO detector that I just don't trust Pat, it truly is crazy the things that people try to palm off to us sometimes haha. I'm enjoying a fling this Spring, maybe I'll even have a sing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But it is a real good deal
      You can find it on amazon for a steal haha

      Delete
  14. There are so many weird things on Ebay these days and people are buying them, that's the real shocker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah a big time shocker
      People are off their rocker

      Delete
  15. Good Morning at your flat,

    Today, the message is buy and sell
    so many true things you did tell
    the cat is wise and that is no surprise
    one man's junk is another man's gold
    these absurd pitches will bring riches
    I wonder what is the price for a soul
    seems rather scary all this buy and sell
    perhaps, money could go to better use
    house the homeless, feed the hungry
    I don't know maybe, even save a monkey
    $3.26 to buy the meaning of life
    that my friend sounds too good to be true
    a bargain for sure for $3.26, I wonder
    does it come in a bag you mix, or perhaps
    it is some sort of magic trick..I don't know


    I think the cat is a bit of a new age philosopher
    bringing his thoughts in view by rhyming just for you
    take what you like, leave the rest, agree to disagree
    but, he always leaves food for thought..hmmm..something
    to ponder in a green field over yonder...

    Have a good day by your sea..perhaps, you can dream under a tree..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS - Why do I have this compulsion to rhyme with you..smiling..see cat what you have done..I've come undone..

      Delete
    2. You rhyme a ton
      Today under my sun
      Trying to show the cat up are we?
      Can't have that at my sea
      So with some food for thought
      I'll rhyme all hot to trot
      Not sure on philosophy
      But it would be a nice trophy
      Heck I'd like to have an absurd pitch
      Make me rich
      I'll sell my chair with butt indent
      Not only does it vent
      But it has the face of King Tut
      Aren't you glad I have such an artistic butt?
      Now bid away
      To have such a chair at your bay
      You don't want to pass on this
      King Tut's face will bring bliss
      See the cat can do it too
      Just point me to a rich person that has a loose screw
      And away the cat will go
      I'll give you a kickback at your show
      And now I must go
      Before I sink to a new low

      Delete
    3. I like this Cat. She's good and having dueling bards, well that's a good show.

      Delete
    4. Yeah that is always good
      Here in my hood

      Delete
  16. but where can you get a new kidney. The kidney bean farm? Those people need to stop fusing them with beans. That'd be rich by now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could just print one up too
      With one of those printers that comes due

      Delete
  17. Unbelievable! I should try selling Schultz's poo. I bet I could get at least a grand for it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Make a face in it
      And then freeze his shit
      Bingo
      Is his name-o

      Delete
  18. It is crazy what people will sell on eBay and even worse what they'll buy. I remember a buzz a couple of years ago about a woman selling her soul on eBay. You're right Cat, we humans are nuts.

    I just crawled out of bed and I can't rhyme.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't rhyme?
      That is crime
      But yeah you are right
      Idiots who buy such stuff sure must have money to take flight

      Delete
  19. I won't even attempt to keep up with your awesome rhymes. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha you can try if you like
      You may hit a strike

      Delete
  20. I should have tried to sell my strawberry of Mt. Rushmore!
    I would now be swimming in millions galore!
    hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha yeah you never know
      Some nutcase could have bought it from your show

      Delete
  21. What's crazier than the people who will sell anything on e-bay are the people willing to buy that stuff. I hate it when old people get ripped off though.

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah the people willing to buy the crap
      Need to go take a nap

      Delete
  22. Love this post...funny! I did not know about all those things sold, ridiculous. I've been meaning to sell some jeans on ebay, and I can't even bring myself to do that.

    Madison:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha make a face out of the butt
      Then be a millionaire at your hut

      Delete
  23. poor Virgin Marie:(
    hey Betsy alwsys see faces in strawberries:))))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah Betsy always finds a face
      Could be rich if ebay she were to embrace

      Delete
    2. Still need to find Mary, though.
      She seems to bring in lots of dough!
      And I would share with you cat
      because I'm nice like that! :)

      Delete
    3. Yippeee to that
      Find Mary stat!

      Delete
  24. Yikes! Used gum really sounds dumb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In every way
      Silly humans on display

      Delete
  25. I think my favorite was the grilled cheese:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it sold
      Who knew cheese was gold

      Delete
  26. Replies
    1. You never know
      Could get a ton if it can glow

      Delete
  27. It's possible chewed gum might provide DNA.
    You could clone your own Britney
    to decorate your bay.

    VR Barkowski

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm never thought of that
      Maybe that is who bought it at their mat

      Delete
  28. Ring The Bell It's Time To Sell!
    Sorry...Sunday...rainy dog and cat...
    smelled the sale?
    instead
    let's don't complicate
    and from time to time
    donate...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Donating chewed gum
      Is still rather glum
      But I suppose
      Can stick together holy clothes

      Delete
  29. I remember hearing about Spears' chewed gum
    And it selling for that great sum
    You're right, we'll be in hell in no time
    If someone paid that fee or a mere dime.

    PS Thanks for your words of support.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah any paying for that
      Have no brain cells at their mat

      Delete
  30. If Britney Spears gum is selling for that much, call me her newest stalker!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stalk away
      Just remember to send a kickback to my bay

      Delete
  31. I gots a furball
    I'll sell to y'all
    Though it ain't zackly cheap
    The price isn't too steep
    I figure it oughter
    Bring me a quarter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey that is fine
      For each one you'd be a rich feline

      Delete
  32. I don't need a kidney but if you're selling some lungs for cheap I'll definitely consider...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Need both of those
      But I'll sell some toes

      Delete
  33. People selling mom and dad?
    What weirdos partake in this fad?
    No thank you on Brittney Spears' gum
    I would rather drink stale rum

    ReplyDelete
  34. It is ridiculous what some will sell and what fools buy it.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Britney Spears used gum.
    It's been chewed and then some.

    Let me guess... something dirty too?
    You're one naughty Mr Poo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You went dirty there
      At my lair
      That is on you
      Mr. grumpy goo haha

      Delete
    2. Yes, my bad
      I know it's kinda sad
      And naughty just a tad
      Hope you're having a good day
      At your bay :)

      Delete
    3. Was sleeping at this time
      You gave a chime

      Delete
  36. I am so behind... Playing catch up today!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I would pay 14 grand for Brit's gum... :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. I don't know why, but you got me trying a rhyme out
    Maybe I need a time out
    Wrote one on my blog last night
    Hope it's not a fright

    Would love to have you check it out!

    http://www.lessonsfromthemonkimarried.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha will come for a look
      At your nook

      Delete
  39. Sometimes it's easier to get folks to pay for something because 'free' sounds suspicious.

    An then some folks just have to much to waste - so they do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha both very true
      Some just have no clue

      Delete