Monday, July 15, 2013

A Real Preach At The Beach!

So last year the cat went on at his mat about nuts at the beach who like to preach. Of course that time he was just having a little fun but sadly this time when he was out under the sun, in the giant litter box, away they strolled with their knee-high socks.

Do you have a minute sir?
They already ruffled my fur,
Talking to me like that.
So I trotted off and let them pick on Pat.

Don't you think it is hideous the way these women are dressed?
Yup, I knew they were going to be a pest.
Pat grunted and looked away.
That did not go over well with their fray.

Can't you answer a simple question?
Is that a question or suggestion?
I said question, can't you answer it?
Can you pop that zit?

Oh wait that is a mole.
No wonder you have a face like a lump of coal.
Don't get lippy with me.
All of this is blasphemy.

Then there was that word.
Oh how I knew they were absurd.
Who in the heck goes to a beach,
dressed with knee-high socks to preach?

They really must have been sweating up their ass crack,
The whole freaking annoying pack.
And then they went even further into despair,
Asking that if I really care,

I would give them a donation.
It sounded more like a proclamation.
As out came the hand,
so I filled it full of sand.

Told them not to spend it all in one place,
Should have seen the look on their face.
They crossed themselves as Pat walked off.
I bet they wanted to dunk him in a holy horse trough.

That is the first time I ever had to deal with that crap,
Anywhere near the spot on my map.
I guess as the waves swell,
They think everyone that is half naked is going to hell.

You know what they say about hell in a handbasket,
I bet though still ask for 10 grand when I'm in a casket.
Oh how they swarm like flies,
Asking for dough and pretending they are wise.

Yes, Pat really had to deal with that crap. But he wasn't about to fall into their trap. Next time he told me to dig a big hole then we could at least bury the one with the ugly mole. Gloria will have some company then as she is still buried at my den. Maybe they'll stay home and preach to Sunday school class, and never again bother my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.


  1. It's not a pleasant experience to be mocked for having a mole or a zit but I guess that's deserved when you act like a bit of a... tit. Great and funny post though buddy, by the time I was here John and Hank had beat me so I didn't even throw my first comment post in the ring, I've already been beat so ring the bell ding ding ding.

    1. haha they bug me
      And I'll mock with glee
      Guess I brought it on though
      Making fun last year at my show

  2. Oh you find them everywhere, sad really

    1. But they never find me
      They usually leave me be

  3. What a bother and such a nuisance
    Pretty irritating when this happened
    Stopped in your tracks
    Questions that attacked
    With lots of made believe flamboyance


    1. You went to spam
      With a wham
      Like they should
      Wish they could
      In spam they all should cram

  4. Replies
    1. That said... You should've seen the beach I had the pleasure of terrorising with my stinky feet! Beautiful women left and right
      You would've wanted to take a bite.

    2. You can pretend to be almost first
      With your burst
      So you scared hot women away
      With stinky feet each day?

  5. they bother you no matter where yu are. At least it wasn't Scientology

    1. They seem to be around
      But usually they aren't found

  6. ah we got street corner messiahs...conservative, similar get up and a mission to accomplish in ways that would make SEALS blush, what an experience eh? full of love say? as they bully their way.

    1. Yeah a bully indeed
      Trying to plant the seed
      for you to go with their crap
      As away they flap

  7. Socks at the beach is never a good look

    1. Nope not one bit
      Kinda makes one look like a twit

  8. People on the beach preaching?
    That would surely cause some screeching
    You should have cast them into the sea
    And taken from it much glee

    1. haha probably sue me
      If I threw them in the sea

  9. Be careful when you're by the water
    Don't do things you shouldn't aughter
    You'll get baptized by the snout
    By John Baptist, he's got clout

    1. Need Jaws around
      That will keep them on the ground
      And far away from me
      As I near the sea

  10. Begging at the beach? Who's got anywhere to put any money when they're at the beach, lol. They'd be better off moving to the front of the ice cream store...where people have to have money to go in. ;)

    I don't like when people ask for money (unless it's the kids who are still living at home, that's a different story). ;)

    1. Yeah oh so very true
      I think they just wanted to preach more on cue
      Bunch of idiots anyway
      And yeah kids bumming is to be expected at ones bay

  11. If these people brought 'loaves and fishes' it might have been okay
    it doesn't matter what you wear if you can back up what you say!

    1. If you can back it up
      But they had less brains that a pup

  12. I never have a problem in a public space.
    I must give off, "Approach and you die" kind of face.
    But when they knock on my door, I wish I had MACE.

    Lucy from Lucy's Reality

    1. I'll have to work on my face
      And yeah i slam the door when they come around for such an embrace

  13. Like the movie Uncle Buck - "Here's a quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face."

    1. haha that was a good one
      But they might need 2 quarters this day in age under the sun

  14. At a beach?????????????????????????????????

    1. Yep went there
      Still white as can be at my lair

  15. Hahahaha... you filled his hand with sand. That is funny. My sister tells them to go get a job.

    1. Yep nothing but sand
      Didn't think it was grand

  16. I'm guessing the knee socks were not paired with hot pants??? 'Cause that look is ALL the rage right now and those hot babes certainly don't need to beg for money!!!!!

    1. Nothing hot about it
      They did think those knee high socks were the shit haha

  17. Next time,
    When "they" strike-
    show them mike,
    and take an interview
    say for the world view
    -what then they do?

    1. haha start interviewing would be fun
      That could make them run

  18. I've never seen them at the beach (oh wait, we don't have beaches here... dammit), but they always knock on my door. My favorite line is usually, "God is love, but God is not gainful employment. So go get a real job, you bums."

    1. haha but you have lots of big hills
      That must give you thrills
      haha that is so true
      They need to stop trying to screw money out of all at each zoo

  19. Wack-a-Mole at the beach could be fun!

    1. Yeah be a grand time
      Whacking humans would be sublime

  20. Even though I'm the religious kind
    I've not paid street preachers much mind
    (We have no beaches here
    And I've not seen them in the mountains clear)
    Never could understand the desire
    To yell and scream brimstone fire
    Not a single Christian I've met
    Found God via street preachers yet
    Better to put your faith to work
    By doing good instead of driving people berserk!

    1. Yeah that should be the way
      Not preaching crap each day
      About people at the beach
      As they try to leech

  21. Preach at the beach?
    Oh my, how crass!
    They make me screech!
    Then I throw sand at their ass.

    1. haha I kicked a little their way
      But they got a hand full as pay

  22. orlin N cassie....

    ther bee preecherz...sellerz ..N mor at R door
    we see em thru de glass while we lay on de floor
    sew N we yellz at R mom, stay way this time
    then her final got smart N dizconnected de chime


    1. haha a smart thing to do
      There at your zoo
      Then you don't hear
      When they are near

  23. They were seriously at the beach? I guess you can't even vacation in peace!

    1. Yeah they were actually there
      If I had my phone I would have snapped a pic to use at my lair

  24. Preach with knee high sock and no luck
    Caused much havoc
    Yet I'm glad
    Though what happened was bad
    This time Pat came into sight
    Guess he prefers staying away from spotlight

    1. Yeah prefers it indeed
      Hide behind my feed
      and rant away
      Night and day

  25. They will leave no corner unlooked, no shell unturned...

    This is epic:
    "Everyone that is half naked is going to hell." That line should be used in a book!

    P.S. Do you think I could find a bikini with a top big enough to conceal my blow-up bra? I'd love to see what those people would think of that!

    1. LOL not sure I could use it in a kiddie book
      But could at another at my nook
      Hmmm I'm sure you could
      And so you should hahaha

    2. That's gonna be one LARGE top! lol

    3. Just have a look
      At the people of walmart nook
      You will see
      There is a large enough top to fit thee

  26. You never know how many weirdos are at the beach

    the promise of bikini girls brings more than could preach

    1. Yeah sadly that is true
      More than bikinis in view

  27. A trap. That's a brilliant idea. I'll have to remember that when I go to BC next month!

  28. Wow, you just never know who you will run into while out and about.

  29. Dang. That's just wrong. Sorry you had to deal with that.

    1. Bah made for a blog post
      At least at my coast

  30. You could have literally told him to go pound sand
    like you always do at your land. ha.

    1. haha that I could have indeed
      But i figured the more I mouthed off the more they'd blither on about how God wants me to take heed

  31. Ha, you think they would be rather enjoying the beach than polluting peoples minds, how much would it take to sculpt a giant middle finger?
    They might smash it though- false idol worship, golden calf type stuff Though i'd worship a golden calf thanks if anyone has one they want shifting.

    1. Yeah you'd think that
      Prob take a while to do a middle finger to at ones mat

  32. When we go to Atlantic City, people hang out on the boardwalk with their hands out all the time. Makes me mad... some of them are well dressed for bums.
    One time, I left a bag on a bench, it was filled with garbage. I left and watched the bench. A guy sat down and tried to act like it was his bag... he looked disappointed to see garbage.

    1. LMAO the poor thief had nothing to steal
      Guess he'll have to go spin the roulette wheel

  33. Next time, don't make eye contact! If you do, they'll want to talk to you.

    1. Yeah that was my mistake
      Next time I'll go jump in the lake

  34. Well, that was some day on the beach
    men wearing socks, what is it they hide
    as they stand in sand to preach
    asking for donations, from peeps
    I think they could find a better place
    to present their case..

    Once I was in Virginia Beach on the boardwalk
    and these people were preaching, well really
    yelling at some kids on a balcony who were
    drinking..told them they were going to hell
    and this kid yells down I'm on vacation
    will worry about hell later...

    I'm for freedom of speech but, not preaching
    on the beach..and I wonder why they weren't
    doing something to help the homeless people
    down the street...makes ya wonder...

    Sorry, about your day on the beach!

    Have a good night sleep tight...

    1. i was sleeping at this time
      So late with your chime
      Had a rough day
      There at your bay?
      Super headache for me
      So off to sleep I went at my sea

      They should find a better place
      But is any better with such an embrace?
      haha yelling at drunk people never works
      They either throw stuff or give a bunch of smirks
      Actually doesn't make me wonder too much
      As they just want to increase their wallet size instead of reaching out to touch

  35. I usually get the beggars downtown. Haven't had one at the beach yet, thankfully! Wish you would have gotten a pic of the socks. I bet that was HOT! lol

    1. LOL oh yes it was so hot
      It gave be eye rot

  36. Another reason to avoid the beach. As if the sun and heat wasn't enough reason already.

    1. Don't want a tan
      So the beach you ban

  37. i guess walking around half naked is a bad thing now...dang it!

    1. haha guess fully naked we will have to be
      When going by the sea